Hello there. Lately something strange has been happening to me. I'm listening to a new band I discovered, which is composed of two sisters and I like them so much it makes me anxious.
I don't know how to explain or how to make sense of it. I've had many 'fan-girl' moments in my life. When I was a teenager I loved Iron Maiden so much I went at 5-6 of their concerts, I bought shirts, covered their songs etc. However, I don't know what's happening right now. I like this band (and the two girls) so much that everytime I play a song, I feel bad. Anxiety starts to devour me and I would just quit doing music immediately and just wish to be them, or to be engulfed by them and merge in one personality. This sounds crazy I know o.o
I feel like I will never ever be able to produce something 1/1000 worthy of their production, even if it's a foreign genre to what I'm used to play. Man, I really feel ridicolous writing this, but I doubt my real life friends would understand o.o
I would like them to play in my country so I e-mailed their manager (there's a avenue near my town that you can ask for concerts, they tell you how much they would pay for the artist and you can keep the rest for yourself if it's lower).
I doubt anyone else has experienced this, but aside from psychological help, what would you suggest? o.o
Edit - Since many people are asking, this is the band o.o
I haven't had that with a band but with other things. It's okay, you'll be crazy for some time and then it'll subside (unless you start getting them murderous vibes, those are bad, don't murder anyone).
As a teenager, I was completely obsessed with Radiohead. I still like them, but there's too much great music out there I just can't ignore anymore. The last artist I really really fell in love with was Liz Harris (Grouper). Her music is soothing, haunting, life-changing.
Through the years I have probably heard around 10 songs that could provoke me into feeling depressed. Atleast half of those songs, I really "liked". It's hard to explain it, but I think what I liked about those songs was their artistic merit. The way I dealt with those songs is I just ignored them. Sometimes atleast for some of the songs I felt like I wanted to listen to them, especially when feeling slightly down, but it's just not worth it. Typically when I'm down and I listen to music it lifts me up, so why should I listen to something that drags me further down? The purpose of art is to make you feel better.
How does it feel listening to other music? Does it feel about the same as it did before? I hope it does and in that case, just ignore this band. Don't listen to their music or try to play it. It's not worth it, and you should focus on something else. You can always give them another try in a few months or so, and see how it feels.
If you feel like it has significantly negatively affected how you feel when listening to other music, then I think it might be something else going on, probably a major down-period where you feel depressed, or atleast is more susceptible and less able to deal with certain the emotions that certain art provokes in you in a productive way. Maybe you suffered from some trauma fairly recently, and you haven't really dealt with it yet. In that case, it should most likely pass, just give yourself proper rest at night and when awake, try to find something like a game, or TV show or movie that relaxes you.
Edit: It's funny that when I read the OP, First Aid Kit was the first band that popped into my head. Maybe because I'm swedish myself.
Is it simultaneously inspiration because they kick so much ass, and depression because you'll never be that good? Because I get that all the time. Just focus on the inspiring parts!
I discovered something I didnt know, because of this blog. The sidebar shows "Have you ever liked a ban...". When I wanted to comment on that in the blog, ctrl+c/ctrl+v-ing that text gave me "Have you ever liked a band to…" How peculiar.
Many times in my life... Can't quite say I have ever been through exactly what you are going through, but there were many times where I heard new things that rocked my world and changed my perspective on what I wanted to do with music and left me wondering if I could ever create something that lived up to that new inspiration. At one point I actually quit playing music for about three years and even stopped LISTENING to music for one of those years because the music I knew how to write wasn't the kind of music I cared about any more. Then I had a near death experience and decided to get off my ass and get back to doing what I loved in life... I started over from square one and now several years later I've actually had the opportunity to play shows with some of those bands that I couldn't imagine comparing myself too when I first discovered them.
I don't know if that sounds to you like what you are feeling, but if it does my advice to you is this:
Take a break from playing music if you need to, but spend that time listening more! Find more artists like this one, find out who their inspiration is and then check out those artists, find groups they have toured with, etc etc etc. When you are ready to play again, be open to trying new things and remember its ok to start small and build your way up. Getting good at creating art is a lot like getting good at starcraft if you think about it. If you played one race for a long time and all of the sudden you are inspired to play a different race you are going to have to start in a lower league and work your way up. But you can do it with time! Working on simple stuff will build your comfort and confidence with that style and as your mastery grows you will eventually find your voice again
EPT
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