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(Note: Not sure where this is going to end up going, but right now need a bit of a #fuckdepression blog and this seems as good of a topic for that as any. The writing may go off and become completely illogical. You have been warned.)
I lose a lot. Above all other things that have ever managed to define me for a period of time, the ability to lose in competition has always stuck around. I have lost in Soccer, Hockey, Baseball, Fighting Games, Starcraft, and of course Dota. Losing is so ingrained in my nature that my reactions have almost become standardized.
This is a problem. I am 100% sick of this shit.
It would be one thing if I lost all the time. It would be different if I would get a win every now and again that actually mattered. As it stands though the only time I ever seem to win is when the win means nothing.
I win at pubs. I win casual games with friends. I win games that have no meaning to anyone at all.
I don't win games that actually mean something to me.
The worst part is that it isn't even stress, or feelings, or me getting into my own head. I'm fairly composed all things considered during pressure situations. Not "ice for blood" levels of cool, but for a 26 year old guy who plays most things casually I do pretty well for myself.
That doesn't exactly make it any better though. I'm competitive. I want to play at my best, and I want my opponents to play at their best. I want to have those great games that bring about relief and excitement and everything that is good about competition. It just doesn't seem like I can ever get that though.
It's this thought that initially spawned 'Jinxed.' I didn't want to be burdened by this idea anymore. I thought that it could be a badge of pride, take away some of the power of my own head. To a degree it has worked. I don't worry about things like that as often.
However it has also made me a bit stagnant in actually being competitive. I have gone a while where the most competitive thing I did was Dota 2 pubs (and those are a joke to anyone that actually enjoys organized Dota). I don't know what was worse to be honest. The feeling of losing, or the feeling of not even trying.
I guess time will be the ultimate judge of that. I joined a Co-ed soccer league again and have been playing that. It's not the usual level of play that I like, but coming back into it after about 8 months off it's probably for the best. Can't just jump feet first into the shark tank after all.
So for now I'll play there and see how it goes. I expect to continue to lose a lot with these guys, but I think this time I can live with it. Maybe we'll grab a win here and there and make the season really worth it. Maybe we'll outdo my expectations and turn into something really fun.
I just know one thing. The Jinx may be real, but unless I give it power it can't do anything to me. Just have to go out there and take my win for myself.
(/rant)
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The real question is, why did you lose the doto games that matter?
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The first is to just to realize that dota, sports, and games are generally not things that are worth worrying and stressing about. Much like DK at TI4, oftentimes it is that overbearing desire to "not lose" that prevent individuals from winning
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I'm kinda curious what actually competitive (by your own declaration) things you've tried and lost at. And if you apparently want to play more meaningful and competitive games (or generally just feel more like you're actually good at something) then I kinda wonder why you chose co-ed soccer.
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There's pride in losing, too.
Now get on Inferior Moba and we can play some games.
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On September 19 2014 10:24 Fleetfeet wrote:
I'm kinda curious what actually competitive (by your own declaration) things you've tried and lost at. And if you apparently want to play more meaningful and competitive games (or generally just feel more like you're actually good at something) then I kinda wonder why you chose co-ed soccer.
Outside of Dota I play(ed) a lot of soccer (indoor and outdoor) and hockey. For soccer I've played everything from junior college to amateur to co ed recreational. For hockey I've only played 'casual' roller (don't let anyone fool you, there is never such a thing as fully casual hockey).
Of all my time spent playing said sports the only one I've had repeated success in is indoor soccer. That is mainly due to two facts. 1 my friends are really fucking good soccer players. And 2 indoor soccer at this particular center comes really naturally to me.
Outside of that there is always something that goes awry whenever I really start to involve myself. Things like injuries, plack of motivation to play, inteam fighting, there is always something. When I played amateur outdoor soccer in my second season our coach was fired and then never replaced. Just things like that happen a lot to me.
And that's just how it has been. I don't ever manage to find people willing to play together long enough to actually get good together and eveything falls apart. If not for one reason, then another.
Its okay though. Go my small win for today. Indoor soccer is usually a remedy I can count on.
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All i read between the lines is, that you are not a Teamsports kind of guys. Go try some individual sports so you can focus on your own performance alone.
Maybe something like tennis or tabletennis?
I know from my own experience that i can be happy with a loss in a tabletennis competition, but i have a hard time coping with a loss in dota for example.
Same goes for my other games i played ( starcraft mainly ) , while i still am mad when i lost in SC2, i can easily trace it back to my own faults, making the loss less of a frustration and more of a learning tool
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Depressing I tell you. I came over that obstacle long ago. Just be more in tune with what YOU are doing wrong and less intent on flaming others.
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On September 19 2014 11:54 LeLoup wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2014 10:24 Fleetfeet wrote:
I'm kinda curious what actually competitive (by your own declaration) things you've tried and lost at. And if you apparently want to play more meaningful and competitive games (or generally just feel more like you're actually good at something) then I kinda wonder why you chose co-ed soccer. Outside of Dota I play(ed) a lot of soccer (indoor and outdoor) and hockey. For soccer I've played everything from junior college to amateur to co ed recreational. For hockey I've only played 'casual' roller (don't let anyone fool you, there is never such a thing as fully casual hockey). Of all my time spent playing said sports the only one I've had repeated success in is indoor soccer. That is mainly due to two facts. 1 my friends are really fucking good soccer players. And 2 indoor soccer at this particular center comes really naturally to me. Outside of that there is always something that goes awry whenever I really start to involve myself. Things like injuries, plack of motivation to play, inteam fighting, there is always something. When I played amateur outdoor soccer in my second season our coach was fired and then never replaced. Just things like that happen a lot to me. And that's just how it has been. I don't ever manage to find people willing to play together long enough to actually get good together and eveything falls apart. If not for one reason, then another. Its okay though. Go my small win for today. Indoor soccer is usually a remedy I can count on.
I would say that you also need to look how much time and effort you and invest into playing, getting better and what reasonable goals are. As someone who has hit the point in their life when they no longer have limitless time to invest into things, you have to learn to taper your expectations. Nothing is forever.
In regards to Dota, finding 4 other people with similar schedules is the hardest part of getting together a team. The second part is making sure they all mesh and can play together. At the end of the day, if you can’t all play and laugh at a loss, the group will always have issues. The skill of the players doesn’t matter nearly as much as how well they get along.
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EPT
