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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
This has always bothered me. What do you do when you're invited to a party that you don't want to join, for whatever reason? Are you obliged to give them a reason, or do you just coldly click the 'Decline' button? I mean, it's possible that this is an exclusive invite and they're waiting on you. Or you were part of a mass invite that was sent out.
There are many reasons why I may not want to join the party. I may simply not want to play Dota at that time. This one's easy to deal with - I just alt tab out and pretend to be afk, helped by the game appending (Idle) onto my name. Other times I'm already in a party. Definitely don't feel bad turning down an invite in this case, but should I tell my inviter?
Sometimes I just want to farm items by watching prestigious tournaments such as the Macedonia Dota 2 Cup 4. Then I get assaulted by the eagle eyed inviters who fire one my way the moment I'm done spectating one game. I can't feign afk, because I want to watch the next game. And how do I explain to them that I'd rather watch dota than play it (and I'm a dirty hat hoarder)
So tl;dr: do you give a reason when you decline party invites?
>Game is hard.
PS. Please don't stop inviting me friends 
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Well if you don't want people to stop inviting you it's important to give a response, at least occasionally. A simple "can't play atm" is the best way out of your spectator problem.
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Just tell them the truth and let them deal with it (no pun intended). You don't have to protect other people from their feelings or reactions.
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Steam > View Friends List > (Set status to) Offline
if you're so uppity over party invites
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
On May 21 2014 23:12 ReignSupreme. wrote:
Steam > View Friends List > (Set status to) Offline
if you're so uppity over party invites
I've tried this before but one friend of mine has gotten very good at finding me out. He won't reveal how though.
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if you aren't gonna be playing dota, just say you cant play at the moment
if you are gonna be playing dota, just say you're already in a party OR you're trying to raise your solo mmr
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
So it's rude not to say anything?
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Depends on how "close" you are to the guy that's asking.
If you're just one of his many spam invites when they want to fill up a party, then it's okay to say nothing tbh.
PS. I can't be the only one that thought this was about being invited to an actual party until the second paragraph, right?
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Braavos36374 Posts
just be honest
if i get invited to a party and i don't want to play i just say "sorry i don't want to play atm"
if you get invited to a party and i want to play with someone else you just say "sorry i promised someone else i'd play with them"
its really no hard feelings, if someone declines my party invite like that and i'm the one inviting, i don't feel offended. nobody is obligated always to play with you whenever you ask.
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On May 21 2014 23:16 ahswtini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 21 2014 23:12 ReignSupreme. wrote:
Steam > View Friends List > (Set status to) Offline
if you're so uppity over party invites I've tried this before but one friend of mine has gotten very good at finding me out. He won't reveal how though.
There used to be a way to find out if you already had Dota open and then selected the offline status, (compared to going offline then starting dota) but i think i remember reading about it being fixed.
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
On May 21 2014 23:47 Talin wrote:
PS. I can't be the only one that thought this was about being invited to an actual party until the second paragraph, right?
I made the title as vague as I could 
So a lot of people are telling me how I should respond, but I'm more interested in knowing I SHOULD respond. Like if people would consider it rude if they didn't get a reply. Sometimes I'm just too lazy to bring up the steam overlay or w/e
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Braavos36374 Posts
On May 21 2014 23:16 ahswtini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 21 2014 23:12 ReignSupreme. wrote:
Steam > View Friends List > (Set status to) Offline
if you're so uppity over party invites I've tried this before but one friend of mine has gotten very good at finding me out. He won't reveal how though.
i really don't understand why "i do not want to play right now" or "playing with another party right now" are somehow not acceptable reasons
if someones offended by that then its really their problem, you don't need to do some weirdly deceptive online / offline status toggling or hiding
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Only respond if they're asking for reasons. And if they ask, just say you don't want/can't play for now. As Hot_Bid Says, it's their problem if they're offended, you don't have to accomodate them if you don't want to.
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
Nah there aren't problems with people getting offended. Was just wondering if it's seen as rude to just decline an invite without saying anything.
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I give the reason, usually.
There was one guy that used to invite me all the time and I just hit decline. I always assumed he was mass inviting, so I never responded. Also, he was always really negative in game, and I didn't want to play with him. Then one time he sent me this really angry message about how we used to be on a team together and he was unfriending me for being a dick. It made me feel a little bad, but, really I was relieved when he unfriended me. I should have just unfriended him a long time ago.
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If you don't want to play just say that.
If you want to soloqueue and not in the mood to talk to anyone you just say "sry I am emo today, gonna soloq"
At least that's what I do. I play with pretty much all on my friendlist, I just am not in the mood to play with them all the time. Especially since most of them is somewhat low rated and what not so easier to get frustrated if you aren't in the mood to play with them. Rather just pass for the moment and not get angry at people I like. And then play with them when I am ready to lose ))
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Netherlands6181 Posts
I pm everyone I want to invite to find out if they can play before I invite. And then as an afterthought I go onto irc and announce my intention to play and sudden assembly of dravharem and suddenly we can inhouse. Life is good.
Also I'm just kidding. I coldly decline without a reason and never get invited again. Also because no one wants to play with me anyway.
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
On May 22 2014 01:44 dravernor wrote:
I pm everyone I want to invite to find out if they can play before I invite. And then as an afterthought I go onto irc and announce my intention to play and sudden assembly of dravharem and suddenly we can inhouse. Life is good.
Also I'm just kidding. I coldly decline without a reason and never get invited again. Also because no one wants to play with me anyway.
That's because you just play co-op bots and are dc'd for half the game
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The worst is when someone messages you if you want to play, but you never ever want to play with them ever again.
And then they try to become friends with you ask how you are doing how your day was where do you live whats your asl and you just dont respond so then they stop inivting you and then they are offline and you wonder if they are still alive and if your horrible meanness caused them to change their life or hurt themself or maybe they were relaly sick and just trying to make a last friend to guide them through their last days im sorry john i hope you are okay
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Netherlands6181 Posts
On May 22 2014 01:55 ahswtini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 22 2014 01:44 dravernor wrote:
I pm everyone I want to invite to find out if they can play before I invite. And then as an afterthought I go onto irc and announce my intention to play and sudden assembly of dravharem and suddenly we can inhouse. Life is good.
Also I'm just kidding. I coldly decline without a reason and never get invited again. Also because no one wants to play with me anyway. That's because you just play co-op bots and are dc'd for half the game
It is usually one or the other. AT LEAST I GIVE YOU SHARED CONTROL YOU ASSHOLES WHO FEED ME TO THE OTHER TEAM.
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tell them once that you don't want random invites, if they keep inviting just unfriend them.
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
wow never inviting moreno again
srsly though dude, just say no
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wow man i'm scarred for life now, never gonna invite u again mane
but seriously just decline who cares, be like "gtfo i'm praying to lord gaben for hats"
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Netherlands6181 Posts
Also i now know why you suddenly afk when I invite you to play in my high mmr EU W 5 stack ranked games + Show Spoiler +
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I'm afk a lot and have a lot of tabs open, see the invite later in steam chat and feel really bad  I normally just say srry can't play right now when I am there though. People don't really take these things too hard 
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Canada2522 Posts
On May 22 2014 02:12 Comeh wrote:
The worst is when someone messages you if you want to play, but you never ever want to play with them ever again.
And then they try to become friends with you ask how you are doing how your day was where do you live whats your asl and you just dont respond so then they stop inivting you and then they are offline and you wonder if they are still alive and if your horrible meanness caused them to change their life or hurt themself or maybe they were relaly sick and just trying to make a last friend to guide them through their last days im sorry john i hope you are okay
You obviously don't give a shit about john or you woulda played that game of dota with him. All he needed was a friend for a few days but noooo your own feelings are so fucking important that you cant even make someone happy in their final hours.
God fucking dammit you're mean.
Seriously though I had a queue buddy that was always sad about stuff and angry in game. He got hoofed unceremoniously off the friends list for raging at "mexicans" (Dont say anything = mexican, right?) one final game. I still got invites from some people we queued with, but I smashed the decline button just in case he was in their stack. It's hard to be honest and go "Yo, your friend is a douchebag and I don't want to play dota with him again" and it's much easier to smash the decline button, go solo, and find new / fun people to play with.
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Comeh. Please. I invite you again. <3. As for Moreno, no one wants to play with you on EU anyway.
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man these euros and their first world problems
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I'll always click decline at minimum. Feigning afk is annoying from the party's perspective because people will often sit there for a while expecting you to come.
Normally I just say "Sorry dude, not playing atm" or "Sorry stacking with some other guys." If someone is obnoxious enough to have a problem with that, they're probably not going to be on my friends list much longer.
The only one that could be awkward is if you just wanted to soloQ because you don't want to deal with skype or whatever.
I guess you could just pretend you were in a stack. It's almost impossible for them to prove you weren't friends with at least some of the people you played with. If the guy then stalked you hard enough to prove that you'd never played with anyone in that game ever before or since, well, I'd be unfriending that guy asap because he's probably also trying to find out where you live.
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On May 21 2014 23:16 ahswtini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 21 2014 23:12 ReignSupreme. wrote:
Steam > View Friends List > (Set status to) Offline
if you're so uppity over party invites I've tried this before but one friend of mine has gotten very good at finding me out. He won't reveal how though.
Wouldn't he just check your match history on Dotabuff or your dota profile?
Making your profile private might solve it
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just say you're feeling too feedy and don't want to ruin their games, or go offline on steam.
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So I haven't read this thread fully only the OPs first post, but I doubt that there is any relevant "party invitation micro" posted here.
Anyways... It's super simple stuff, you are a person who has a character, by character I mean a spine. Someone invited you to a party out of the blue, you are not obliged to give a reason why you declined and personally I don't know why you feel (or so it sounds) guilt over the whole matter. If you'd rather watch a replay instead of playing with 4 random strangers that's cool, you just need to be able to express what you want and if they don't like it, what can they exactly do to you? Tell you that you smell like poop and that they won't play with you anymore? Cool, you don't need people who can't take "no" for an answer every once in a while.
That's my 2 cents
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
Not so much feeling guilty, more that I don't want to come across as rude. I feel honoured that your first post is in my blog though :D
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On May 22 2014 17:55 ahswtini wrote:
Not so much feeling guilty, more that I don't want to come across as rude. I feel honoured that your first post is in my blog though :D
Well, I have a simmilar problem because I like to state what I want or don't want to do very clearly and often that comes across as rude. Personally, I feel like that's the price of being direct, you get 100% of the message across, but people who don't have a minimal sense of awareness (and that's a lot of people) misinterpret that as rudeness.
I like blogs more than articles, I joined the site because I'm looking for an amateur team or players. I should make a post about that soon. Hope to read more from you
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Netherlands6181 Posts
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I needed way too much time to notice you were talking about Dota.
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
I always give a reason when I decline Facebook event invites, unless it's one of those 1000 people events...
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On May 21 2014 23:16 ahswtini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 21 2014 23:12 ReignSupreme. wrote:
Steam > View Friends List > (Set status to) Offline
if you're so uppity over party invites I've tried this before but one friend of mine has gotten very good at finding me out. He won't reveal how though.
Are you in a guild with him? You can apparently see your guild members as long as their Dota 2 client is on, even if set to offline. My friend did that to me
I feel you OP, I'm also a dirty hat hoarder and often very lazy to play (dota stressful gaem) yet my friends always beg me to fill in their 4-stacked parties
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
Yes, the restriction on 4-man ranked party matchmaking hasn't helped either. Yeah it's probably the guild method lol, thanks!
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I basically idle on dota all day and I almost never plan to play most of the time I'm on. I also have 300 steam friends 90% of which are from dota. I don't mind when people continually invite me as long as they know I will decline 90% of the invites and it's not personal. There aren't that many people I accept invites from unless I really feel like playing and I'm bored.
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Netherlands6181 Posts
On May 23 2014 00:20 ahswtini wrote:
I always give a reason when I decline Facebook event invites, unless it's one of those 1000 people events...
I do too normally, but 95% of my invites are from people in other countries, which is a pretty self explanatory reason for me declining.
*looks at KAG*
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I usually just tell them the truth (in a full party already, not playing at the moment).
The only time I don't respond is if I was afk when I was invited.
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Was it just me, but I thought this was about being invited to a real life party, then turns out it was dota party...
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Yo moreno, for me, whenever i invite i never expect an answer from anybody. I kinda get mad a bit if someone says anything LOL. Like if you don't want to play there's no obligation for you to say i cant because of X. No need to explain anything, no need to say anything, just decline and ignore :D. I invite and whoever comes comes. Even if i invite you 10 times (sorry for that i do that often D).
Like i hate it so much when someone wants you to explain why you cant...
Somteimes i explain myself and i should stop, it's retarded
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On May 21 2014 23:16 ahswtini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 21 2014 23:12 ReignSupreme. wrote:
Steam > View Friends List > (Set status to) Offline
if you're so uppity over party invites I've tried this before but one friend of mine has gotten very good at finding me out. He won't reveal how though.
If you go to your friends list in the steam client (through your profile and not using the friends list bar) you'll show up wrong. Like it'll say "Last online 20hours 17mins ago", considering I saw you online 45 minutes ago that's clearly a lie and you've actually just set yourself to offline without logging out.
I've got a smurf if I want to be left alone entirely and just solo queue in peace. For the most part people have learned to leave me alone until a certain time since I won't play before then because I have real life obligations. With a certain group of friends I'm always the one leading the party so I invite them, they don't invite me when we're grouping, and certain people don't invite me because I don't like playing with them. People don't really get butthurt over things if they're not children. Someone doesn't want to play? That's cool. Their group is full? Not a big deal. Just because you have someone on your friends list doesn't mean you can expect them to want to play with you.
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I think honesty is key. Just don't be a dick about it.
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Just do this if you get an invite "do we scrim against other teams?" and if they say no and just want to get some achievment feelings of "stomping" solo que people you can tell them you really would like to scrim against other teams. And the people that tryhard on ladder and think it means something will stop inviting you.
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Lalalaland34486 Posts
I'm too popular and get too many invites that I just stopped responding at some point.
Seriously though I usually respond and say 'not available for X reason' unless I'm afk, which does actually make for a rather large portion of the invites.
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Just be like choco and say "i have to eat soon" and then go play dota instead of csgo with you.
;_;
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Canada2068 Posts
On May 26 2014 17:55 Firebolt145 wrote:
I'm too popular and get too many invites that I just stopped responding at some point.
Seriously though I usually respond and say 'not available for X reason' unless I'm afk, which does actually make for a rather large portion of the invites.
w0w when I invited you, I never got a message "not available for X reason"
On May 27 2014 08:18 Dubzex wrote:
Just be like choco and say "i have to eat soon" and then go play dota instead of csgo with you.
;_;
When I go eat, I set it on auto-spectate in Dota 2 in hopes of winning tournament drop.
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Netherlands6181 Posts
Hang on, there is someone who always says this besides Choco. Hmmm
EPOXIDE!! It is Epoxide. He is always 'going to eat' 
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Lalalaland34486 Posts
On June 06 2014 12:23 CountChocula wrote:Show nested quote +On May 26 2014 17:55 Firebolt145 wrote:
I'm too popular and get too many invites that I just stopped responding at some point.
Seriously though I usually respond and say 'not available for X reason' unless I'm afk, which does actually make for a rather large portion of the invites. w0w when I invited you, I never got a message "not available for X reason" Show nested quote +On May 27 2014 08:18 Dubzex wrote:
Just be like choco and say "i have to eat soon" and then go play dota instead of csgo with you.
;_; When I go eat, I set it on auto-spectate in Dota 2 in hopes of winning tournament drop.
You always invite me at like 6-9am when I'm either asleep or out.
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Depends on the reason. In nearly all cases, I tell it like it is. Party capacity, ranked v unranked, etc are all pretty straightforward gameplay reasons. I also decline invites if a party goes for ability draft, which I absolutely hate.
If I want to solo queue/daily challenge/watch a pro game, etc, I actually put a message describing this (e.g. Solo MMR atm/watching Na'Vi v EG, etc) as my tagline underneath my name. Have not gotten a single invite (or any hassle) when I've been proactive this way.
Just be straightforward and say something reasonable, there will probably be a day when you'd want to party and don't want to be ignored either.
Only exception to this rule is if you're in a party with a friend who may not like another one of your friends (who may have just invited you). Then I might say from the off that the party is full, etc.
Regarding people you might want to ignore, I've amassed a load of friends over the last year, both sides of the Atlantic, and ocassionally I've had to delete friends that I haven't seen or played with in a very long time (> 6 months). Had a rude awakening once when I invited someone I hadn't played with in awhile and the experience was less than optimal.
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EPT
