It sucks. Literally all I do now is lay in bed, for hours and hours. Like 12-16 hours a day just being in bed, and the times I'm not in bed I'm either eating, using the bathroom, or surfing the internet on my desktop. Nothing is enjoyable anymore, I've basically quit playing video games, the one last thing i did as a hobby. I managed to get up to diamond 2 in LoL a couple weeks ago, but I've had no motivation to keep playing past that, even though I really wanted to get to D1 and maybe challenger. maybe i burnt myself out by trying that hard, but now I dont want to play cause I havent played in a while and i know i'll do shitty.
i'm going to college and still have 0 idea what i actually want to do, almost 3 years in now. My grades havent been very good either. and then the thought of going to a job i hate for the rest of my life just to earn enough money to live off of feels really shitty. i haven't felt like socializing with friends at all (+have social anxiety, so i don't have many friends to begin with), so I deleted my facebook and dodge people's phone calls and texts, so they probably think i hate them atm lol. even small things like watching anime seems too hard. i can't focus enough to sit down and watch an episode of anything.
i dont know what to do atm, life just sucks. i honestly dont care if i die or not, that's the point i'm at here. Making an appointment to go see someone seems ridiculously hard and i dont have the motivation to do it. it doesn't look like this'll ever end either, even if I get "better" it'll just be temporary, and I'll be back to this afterwards.
Give up the internet, get outside, spend time with friends, and you will feel better. I've been in an internet depression before, and I felt like my friends wouldn't want to see me etc etc. Go do something with friends in sunlight and you will start feeling better!
You have to take control of your life at some point, college is the time. Give up habits that are destroying you (like your 2400 TL posts), start some that are life-giving (exercise, volunteer work, church), or else you will be stuck in this a long time.
On June 07 2014 23:16 manniefresh wrote: Give up the internet, get outside, spend time with friends, and you will feel better. I've been in an internet depression before, and I felt like my friends wouldn't want to see me etc etc. Go do something with friends in sunlight and you will start feeling better!
You have to take control of your life at some point, college is the time. Give up habits that are destroying you (like your 2400 TL posts), start some that are life-giving (exercise, volunteer work, church), or else you will be stuck in this a long time.
i cant do that lol. besides, what is there outside that'll suddenly make me feel better?
I have been struggling with my leg for the last 7 years and the last 3 I have been forced to return to England and live with my parents and basically unable to walk at all for a lot of that time (though I've been doing a bit better recently). I always find these blogs really irritating as I feel they are a little attention seeking and how bad can your life really be if you have you're health (I assume you can walk). I don't want to moan about my life or your moaning right now. But really your life could be so much worse.
You need to find some motivation. I would suggest trying to get in to good shape and working out a bit might give you some more pride about you're body which might go along way towards your confidence. Off course I have no idea whether that really would help you at all and working out isn't for everyone. Maybe if you've been playing a lot of computer games just getting out more generally would help. I have no idea where you live or what would be appropriate but how about getting yourself a bike and going for cycle rides or just going for a walk or a run a few times a week might help.
Also I don't understand how anyone can ever be bored when there's so much out there to read. What was the last good book you read? People like different books so I can't tell you what to read I like historical novels like Simon Scarrow but if you're into science fiction and video games try reading some of the Star Wars novels there's hundreds of them and most of them are great (go for the original 3 film era). I like reading non ficition a lot to as I'm stuck in my house an can't get out and feels like I'm actually learning something and doing something more worth while but if you're in studies at the moment you probably have enough of that to be getting on with anyway. Make sure you have a book you want to read by your bed. Then anytime you lieing in bed with nothing to do just pick up the book and enjoy yourself instead. I recommend the Harry Potter books if you haven't read them too. The movies are pretty shit and it seems like a really immature kids thing to read about but I promise they are so good its the writing that's enjoyable rather than anything else. Good writing is one of the best joys in life.
Education is important. I assume college is the same as U.K uni and if you've made the choice to go into further education in the states (which is usually very expensive) you need to make the best of it you can. Try and force some more motivation into your studies. Force you're self to learn and study. I don't really know how to go about doing that but it will be a big regret for the rest of your life if you don't try properly now whilst you have the chance.
edit: bad advice ignore me
I hope you can get passed you're problems and other people are more useful to you than I have been.
Exercise and sunlight. It's like one of the best remedies to depression. You could get both at once. For example cycling, jogging or walking. If you wanna get into jogging, do a little research to avoid injuries! Ask a friend to join you, it helps for motivation.
Social anxiety only gets worse if you keep dodging confrontation. Tell your friends and parents what's going on, this is very important, don't be embarrassed about it. It's hard to do, but it will be very relieving. Stop ignoring your friends. If you end up losing them completely things will be even harder.
I've gone through times of depression, too. I'll just leave some of the thoughts that helped my through those hard times: - Don't give a shit about what you're supposed to do. There are basic things you HAVE to do, like eating, sleeping, getting enough money to survive. But other than that, you can whatever you want. Failure does only exist if you succumb to stuff that's out of your hands. And that's nothing to worry about.
- Be self-aware. Depression is a beast you'll have to struggle with for your entire life. There may be terrible times, there may be better times. The most important thing is: There's just this one life. And no matter how shitty it feels sometimes, it's sill your fucking life. And yes, everything a human does, is basically meaningless - unless you decide that it's meaningful. Being self-aware means that you need to understand your patterns of thinking and why they are the way they are.
- Avoid loops of nothingness. This is closely linked to being self-aware. I've also spent days with brainless browsing. They're not wasted time, they're just time you could have used for other things. Things that could have made you happier. Things that could have shown your mind new perspectives on life.
- Meeting people is not easy for introverts. I basically forced myself into social relationships. And I don't regret it. Friends are awesome, and they're easier to make than you might think. Most friendships are built around common interests. I'm pretty sure that there are some things that interest you.
- If it's really dark and you can't figure out how to escape your misery, seek professional help. In my opinion, therapy is okay, as long as it's being approached in a careful way.
- Don't do drugs. Especially stay away from stuff that amplifies your current mental state.
On June 08 2014 00:01 Greg_J wrote: I have been struggling with my leg for the last 7 years and the last 3 I have been forced to return to England and live with my parents and basically unable to walk at all for a lot of that time (though I've been doing a bit better recently). I always find these blogs really irritating as I feel they are a little attention seeking and how bad can your life really be if you have you're health (I assume you can walk). I don't want to moan about my life or your moaning right now. But really your life could be so much worse.
Depression is a mental illness usually caused by imbalances of chemicals in the brain. It is not someone feeling sorry for themselves, longer than usual mood swings, that feeling you get when your girlfriend dumps you, etc. Saying "oh your life is not as bad as mine, in fact it's not bad at all" doesn't actually help his depression whatsoever, if he is depressed his mindset is closer to "I see no point going on, yet I still go on", than "oh this happened and it sucks". These "attention seeking" blogs are usually people who don't know who to turn to desperately reaching out for something or somebody to give them meaning in their life. I've had/have depression, it sucks.
@op Try doing things with other people, as mentioned earlier, solitary habits really, really let depression fester. A support group could be considered, although friends are usually adequate. Consider getting a diagnosis from a doctor and going on meds. Sometimes this is just not curable any other way, and when it gets especially bad, take meds. My auntie had bipolar for many years, one time she felt she was going unstable (again) and the hospital laughed it off, a few days later after a heavy dose of sleeping pills she died from sleeping upright in the car for too long (brain was starved of oxygen because the bloodflow was too low ^_^). Depression is serious business, and it ruins lives, and also has the possibility to kill.
Yeah telling the guy to get hopped up on drugs or scaring him that it's the only possible cure or he may die is awesome advice to give to someone already depressed.
I'm of the opposite camp. Rarely is it caused by chemical imbalance by itself. It's what causes this imbalance that needs to be altered. Perspective is the key. If you've got a negative perspective, you'll just keep spiraling down the more you think. Change the way you think to help you change the way you live.
^ While depression can be solved through nonpharms sometimes, I don't think it's a bad idea at all to get a diagnosis from the doctor. Going in to the doctor, telling them what you're experiencing, having them do a HAM-D test (basically questions about your life (scale)) and then eventually telling you that you are depressed or not is a good idea. The doctor would be able to assess him in person and would be able to at least help him in the first step.
Going on meds is always a personal choice. I've known people that refused meds but their depression got worse while others just accept them and they are happy with the outcome. Then there are those who have the mild depression that manage it fine through lifestyle changes but still have their moments. Doctors can't force patients to take meds, always a personal choice in the end. I don't think 'changing your negative perspective' will help someone just get out of depression. It doesn't work like that. If it did, then every depressed person out there will be cured lol. Not saying it's a bad idea to think positively though.
You also can't force someone to do stuff if they are depressed. If you do, they'll build up resentment towards you because to them, it's a waste of time and you are being forceful. They would have to accept it. Point is, I think he should get some support. Visiting a doctor's office, having a support group, being able to confide in a close friend (or family member) etc... are all important steps to help him get out of depression. Virpi makes some good points overall as well and I think he should consider those.
Stephen Fry put it in a funny way when he said the response to someone saying "What do you have to be depressed about?" could be "What do you have to be diabetic or asthmatic about?".
I've had some bad bouts of depression in my time, mainly caused by crappy events that happened, but it's underpinnings are far deeper. You can't control depression sometimes. For some people it's just there. It took me a long time to really come to grips with that fact. For my entire life I held shit in and basically hated myself because I always thought "What the fuck am I so sad about. 6 billion people would kill for my life." You have to get over that kind of thinking and accept you need help. In one MAJOR way you DONT have it better than lots of people - your mental health. People who aren't depressed can't really understand that at first, understandably. They don't know how painful and horrible it is to wake up everyday and feel like waking up is the nightmare.
Personally I think people, especially Americans, are prescribed drugs for depression far too much. Some people legitimately need it, and probably need to stay on it for a very long time, but not most. I think stuff like Zoloft is good to take as a stepping point for most people to calm their anxiety and think more rationally. As others have said here, the BEST way to feel better about yourself is to exercise, do something every day, get some sun, try to laugh, but those seems so pointless and futile to many depressed people when they are down. Drugs can help you get passed that point and maybe decide to take that first step. Once you do you WILL feel better, just by living.
This is not something to really think about now, but down the line once you feel better I totally suggest going to talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist, just make sure they are reputable and trusted. TONS of people see a therapist. Mine helped me in ways I never thought imaginable. Just talking to people who understand what you are going through and have seen it before will make you feel better, and be able to step back from yourself and look at the overall problem.
The idea of doing anything at all I know probably seems so hard and pointless, but try to take that first step. I know that's super hard. The first time I got help I was basically just dragged to the Hospital by my worried family. Try not you get to that point.
It took me 25 years to actually do something about it, but after getting help and living better I realized I was basically never nearly as happy or comfortable as I could have and should have been. It was a great feeling to finally get that cloud out from over my head. I know it's still there and can come back, but I know how to fight it now if need be.
Hope you, and any other depressed person reading this, feel better soon
Take all the chances and opportunities you can while in college, you will regret not taking them afterwards (I did). Cut yourself off from the typical internet and gaming. Immerse yourself completely in your studies. Let them take over your life, but also find the time to take a risk on doing whatever social behaviour you've been anxious about. The ONLY way to fight the anxiety of doing something is to keep doing it over and over again. I learned this by giving several presentations in my final semester, when during high school I was the kid who would run away from school the day of presentations and fake being sick. Trust me, even when I did well in college (86%), I'd go home and tear myself up, wishing I could smash my head in.
Your depression and anxiety are only going to get better if you, as a person, work on them. It will not be easy. It may even take years (my personal experience). Eventually it will be worth it. Meds are only effective if you find the right one, and you can go through dozens before that happens. Even when you do, meds alone are not as effective as meds + therapy (source: psychopathology/abnormal psychology texts). People tend to revert to their old habits if not given appropriate cognitive behavioural strategies for dealing with their depression and anxiety.
Lastly, a healthy diet and regular, exercise where you feel like you've really exerted yourself are fundamental in fighting off depression and releasing tension from anxiety. Getting fresh air and sunlight have physically as well as psychologically therapeutic effects. They also help with your sleep cycle (your brain will have trouble starting melatonin production if it's still light out. There's also a certain NT called adenosine which is built up and gets triggered by these factors and begin the sleep cycle). I used to eat a lot of junk food and felt terrible, with no energy - or high energy for small periods of time - I changed to more fruits and vegetables and proteins and feel more energetic throughout the day.
Making a phone call to make an appointment is a lot simpler if you break it down into steps. Try to realize that each step is not so nerve-wracking, and you'll get to the point where you just press the numbers and sort of commit yourself to dialing the number. Once it's dialed, just focus on the ringing, once someone else is on the line, tell them you need help for anxiety and depression. By then, they can do most of the work and they'll understand your situation. Feel free to PM me if you like.
On June 08 2014 00:21 virpi wrote: I've gone through times of depression, too. I'll just leave some of the thoughts that helped my through those hard times: - Don't give a shit about what you're supposed to do. There are basic things you HAVE to do, like eating, sleeping, getting enough money to survive. But other than that, you can whatever you want. Failure does only exist if you succumb to stuff that's out of your hands. And that's nothing to worry about.
- Be self-aware. Depression is a beast you'll have to struggle with for your entire life. There may be terrible times, there may be better times. The most important thing is: There's just this one life. And no matter how shitty it feels sometimes, it's sill your fucking life. And yes, everything a human does, is basically meaningless - unless you decide that it's meaningful. Being self-aware means that you need to understand your patterns of thinking and why they are the way they are.
- Avoid loops of nothingness. This is closely linked to being self-aware. I've also spent days with brainless browsing. They're not wasted time, they're just time you could have used for other things. Things that could have made you happier. Things that could have shown your mind new perspectives on life.
- Meeting people is not easy for introverts. I basically forced myself into social relationships. And I don't regret it. Friends are awesome, and they're easier to make than you might think. Most friendships are built around common interests. I'm pretty sure that there are some things that interest you.
- If it's really dark and you can't figure out how to escape your misery, seek professional help. In my opinion, therapy is okay, as long as it's being approached in a careful way.
- Don't do drugs. Especially stay away from stuff that amplifies your current mental state.
I second every single word of this post.
Also, talk to people close to you about this. Seek help in others. If they don't take you seriously or think this is a minor thing, don't stop there and go talk to another person. Depression is something big that can make you waster precious time of your life even when you are "just a bit depressed", so you don't need to be on the verge of suicide to take it seriously and start doing something about it.
Hope this helps. Sorry for the crappy English -not my first language-, but I think I made my point clear.
Meditate. If your just sat around you might as well find the ultimate expression of just sitting around. Meditation is good for your brain, it has been shown to increase 'openness and creativity', both of which are great for combating depression, and above all, its not just for buddhists. It also slows down the thought process and stops you getting carried away with yourself. Find a book about it, or watch a youtube video about it. It makes sense while your just sat there anyway.
On June 08 2014 00:01 Greg_J wrote: I have been struggling with my leg for the last 7 years and the last 3 I have been forced to return to England and live with my parents and basically unable to walk at all for a lot of that time (though I've been doing a bit better recently). I always find these blogs really irritating as I feel they are a little attention seeking and how bad can your life really be if you have you're health (I assume you can walk). I don't want to moan about my life or your moaning right now. But really your life could be so much worse.
You need to find some motivation. I would suggest trying to get in to good shape and working out a bit might give you some more pride about you're body which might go along way towards your confidence. Off course I have no idea whether that really would help you at all and working out isn't for everyone. Maybe if you've been playing a lot of computer games just getting out more generally would help. I have no idea where you live or what would be appropriate but how about getting yourself a bike and going for cycle rides or just going for a walk or a run a few times a week might help.
Also I don't understand how anyone can ever be bored when there's so much out there to read. What was the last good book you read? People like different books so I can't tell you what to read I like historical novels like Simon Scarrow but if you're into science fiction and video games try reading some of the Star Wars novels there's hundreds of them and most of them are great (go for the original 3 film era). I like reading non ficition a lot to as I'm stuck in my house an can't get out and feels like I'm actually learning something and doing something more worth while but if you're in studies at the moment you probably have enough of that to be getting on with anyway. Make sure you have a book you want to read by your bed. Then anytime you lieing in bed with nothing to do just pick up the book and enjoy yourself instead. I recommend the Harry Potter books if you haven't read them too. The movies are pretty shit and it seems like a really immature kids thing to read about but I promise they are so good its the writing that's enjoyable rather than anything else. Good writing is one of the best joys in life.
Education is important. I assume college is the same as U.K uni and if you've made the choice to go into further education in the states (which is usually very expensive) you need to make the best of it you can. Try and force some more motivation into your studies. Force you're self to learn and study. I don't really know how to go about doing that but it will be a big regret for the rest of your life if you don't try properly now whilst you have the chance.
Horrendous advice. You completely underestimate depression. Proof: suicide
Depression is really really awful. Ive been going through it for going on 5 years now and its still really hard. I've had the benefit of a lot of support and great people helping me through, helping with medication, etc. so I understand your situation somewhat. I know that above all else it seems like nothing matters. You feel awful and have felt awful for long enough to think it won't go away and there is just no point in trying to change that.
You just can't give up on the idea of getting out of it. The most important thing, above all else, is to avoid isolation. Having anyone be around you is huge. It doesn't even have to be someone you really like or anything, just be around someone and focus on them. If you can get up to go see them that's great, if you can't then you need someone to come see you whenever you can.
Second to that is, as mentioned above, sunlight and exercise are the best tools to fighting depression. Moving around and getting worn out can really help. From sunlight you are getting vitamin D which helps your mood stabilize, if you can't get out much taking pills of it can also help.
You really need someone who knows your situation. Family/friend/whoever. Someone who understands how hard every action you make is and who can help you. Getting things you need or making appointments for you or getting you there, things like that. It'll also feel better to be able to talk to someone. Just telling them how you feel helps, even if they can't help you personally with anything.
Also, interacting with people via the internet, even voice chat, is not even close to as helpful as having someone in person there.
I really really hope you end up alright, I sincerely care about you being okay and getting through this. Good luck.
On June 08 2014 00:01 Greg_J wrote: I have been struggling with my leg for the last 7 years and the last 3 I have been forced to return to England and live with my parents and basically unable to walk at all for a lot of that time (though I've been doing a bit better recently). I always find these blogs really irritating as I feel they are a little attention seeking and how bad can your life really be if you have you're health (I assume you can walk). I don't want to moan about my life or your moaning right now. But really your life could be so much worse.
You need to find some motivation. I would suggest trying to get in to good shape and working out a bit might give you some more pride about you're body which might go along way towards your confidence. Off course I have no idea whether that really would help you at all and working out isn't for everyone. Maybe if you've been playing a lot of computer games just getting out more generally would help. I have no idea where you live or what would be appropriate but how about getting yourself a bike and going for cycle rides or just going for a walk or a run a few times a week might help.
Also I don't understand how anyone can ever be bored when there's so much out there to read. What was the last good book you read? People like different books so I can't tell you what to read I like historical novels like Simon Scarrow but if you're into science fiction and video games try reading some of the Star Wars novels there's hundreds of them and most of them are great (go for the original 3 film era). I like reading non ficition a lot to as I'm stuck in my house an can't get out and feels like I'm actually learning something and doing something more worth while but if you're in studies at the moment you probably have enough of that to be getting on with anyway. Make sure you have a book you want to read by your bed. Then anytime you lieing in bed with nothing to do just pick up the book and enjoy yourself instead. I recommend the Harry Potter books if you haven't read them too. The movies are pretty shit and it seems like a really immature kids thing to read about but I promise they are so good its the writing that's enjoyable rather than anything else. Good writing is one of the best joys in life.
Education is important. I assume college is the same as U.K uni and if you've made the choice to go into further education in the states (which is usually very expensive) you need to make the best of it you can. Try and force some more motivation into your studies. Force you're self to learn and study. I don't really know how to go about doing that but it will be a big regret for the rest of your life if you don't try properly now whilst you have the chance.
Please refrain from advising depressed people. You've listed a whole bunch of generic, bad advice that's ignorant of the underlying problem. Harry Potter is not an answer to depression and being irritated by people who have a mental illness just makes you seem like an ignorant prick. You have a physical ailment, the guy above probably has a mental one. Telling him to just get over it because he can walk isn't helpful. You might as well tell a one-legged man to stop hopping.
Nice to see everyone here with so much helpful advice. I understand its probably TOO much to actually try all of this.
To throw in my 2 cents, try fixing some nutritional deficiency. Hard to say what it could be, but there are numerous studies that link depression to nutrition/vitamin/mineral deficiencies.
My reasoning for suggesting this is that it could be the easiest way to gain some ground- because I know that motivation and a long list of difficult things is not exactly realistic. Maybe Vitamin D3 supplement, maybe some multivitamin, try to eat fresh fruits and vegetables, nuts are great for minerals like magnesium and copper which can really affect you, try less carbs/sugar etc. Just that basic stuff we always hear. If you give this a go it might help you start to work your way back to doing things you really enjoy again.
Also, lastly, don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break when you need it- don't ever expect that you'll be feeling better than ever before after a couple days... takes time to get there takes time to get out. GL
I forgot to mention this in my post so just to add on: I'm not sure what country you live in but here in Canada, depending on your location, there's something called the distress center. It's basically a call center which is open 24/7 where you can call and talk to someone on the line. There's no limit to how much you can call and spend with them on the line so you can always just call and talk to someone anonymous about it. It will help you greatly to tell someone in real life (not over a forum ) about it. Would be another good first step if you are still having a hard time making an appointment and working on dietary and lifestyle changes. Best of luck!
EPT
