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So last night, I did one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.
I broke up with Starcraft 2. I uninstalled it.
So before I get on with the blog, I want to say that Starcraft is not dead and there is no racial imbalance that made me quit the game. So don't say "SC is dead" 
The reason I broke up with Starcraft is that we were having a terrible relationship lately. I am a very competitive person by nature and I really do not like losing. I can stand going on a slump for a day or two, but slumping for a month or so at a time was just too much for me.
I always dreamed of being a progamer, living in a team house, and being able to play and talk about Starcraft 24/7. I thought that it would be so cool to go to Korea and live in a teamhouse with other Korean players to get the best practice I could. Basically, I want to do what State is doing right now. He has been in Korea for almost 3 months now, and he has the chance to appear in Proleague. How many people get that opportunity?
However, I was always very moderate in my goal. I knew that if my goal was to get to GM in 3 months and take over the e-sports scene by storm, I would be utterly disappointed and frustrated with my inability to do so. I just wanted to improve and get to Masters league and then, perhaps, I could see what I could do to improve and take that step to Progamer. That would have been an awesome reality had I been able to fulfill it.
But at the end of the day, I was not good enough. I could think that my mindset was wrong or I was too inconsistent, but I was simply not good enough to make Masters. I did do it one season, but immediately got burnout (I was getting 20 games a day at this point) and ladder anxiety. I stopped playing SC for 3 months after that, only returning during the days of MMR decay and all that fun stuff. I managed to get rank 1 platinum on NA and top 8 platinum on KR, but I should've known that the writing was on the wall with my inability to get promoted. I just got too frustrated. I started slamming my hand on the keyboard after losses, QXC style (sorry keyboard, please forgive me).
Last night, I played a game and almost slammed my keyboard after losing. Sure Swarm Hosts are annoying, but I probably could've played better. I went and looked in the mirror and I realized in that moment that I needed to stop. Why should I let a game make me feel so sad and so angry? Isn't the point of games to have fun and enjoy them? Were my messed up hair, red eyes, and hurting hand signs that I was enjoying the game? I don't think so.
I thought about it a little more, and I realized that my competitive mindset kept me from enjoying the game. The only things I like about Starcraft now are watching micro moves I could never possibly do and playing in a competitive setting. I envy Grubby. I envy State. I envy Sheth. These three players have lived out their dreams of playing competitive Starcraft and they still absolutely enjoy the game. It's so nice to watch Grubby enjoy himself so much with the game. I asked myself "How can I enjoy the game and still be competing at the highest level"? I thought about it, and I realized that my personality and my competitive edge barred me from both having fun and caring about the games. I wasn't having any fun, so it's simply not worth it anymore.
So I uninstalled Starcraft 2. 
I'm not entirely sure what I am going to do with my free time. I'm still going to watch streams and tournaments. I still like doing that. I'm probably play a lot of Football Manager and NBA 2K, while studying German even more in preparation for my trip to Germany this summer. It's going to be a lot of time to fill now that I'm not committing 4-6 hours of Starcraft anymore, but it is a change that I so desperately need, simply for enjoying gaming again.
I hope you guys enjoyed this blog. Thanks for reading (If you got this far).
TL;DR
I uninstalled SC
My competitive nature prevented me from having fun
Shouldn't play games if they make you angry/sad
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Please say Starcraft 2 sooner man, i was thinking you have broken with the best wife ever !!
( I'm still marrying with her btw, for all my life, she never let you divorce)
was thinking you were talking about starcraft ( broodwar ) the best rts ever and it was hard for me understand you at first then i read GM ( GRANDMASTER ) and i say ''ha sc2''.
that a good move man, now you can marry a better one
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wtf starcraft has been cheating on me? All these years...
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United States4883 Posts
WRITE FOR TL STRAT!!!!
Invitation.
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On February 22 2014 03:35 SC2John wrote:
WRITE FOR TL STRAT!!!!
Invitation.
You cereal seriel serial?
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On February 22 2014 02:46 quebecman77 wrote:
Please say Starcraft 2 sooner man
This, a thousand times...
Nothing against OP, it is a nice blog anyway but unfortunately I'm one of those people who get easily annoyed by things like this.
Learning German as a substitute for playing SC2, not bad! For me personally, I pretty much discovered my competitive nature with SC a long time ago and have since been able to apply it to a lot of things. If you find useful/productive substitutes for competitive gaming, like learning a new language as you mentioned, it's a great thing in my opinion.
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I really wanted to play BW. I have it but it doesn't work on my Mac anymore and iCCup (or however it is captialized) never worked on Macs.
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United States4883 Posts
On February 22 2014 03:44 Corazon wrote:You cereal seriel serial?
Yeah sure, we're always looking for intelligent, high level players to help write, give feedback, etc. If you're really interested, just pm me. Most of our writing and research comes from watching lots of VoDs...none of us play much anyway lol.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
I haven't played SC2 seriously since 2010 and look where it got me!
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I am a casually player but also had the dream of playing competitively but you know what they say, not everyone can make it in the big leagues. So cheers to the people who have made up there! For me what makes me enjoy the game is realizing how far video games have come since SC, WC 1,2 & 3! Watching the video effects when casting abilities and spells, and enjoying fanastic plays. So never lose sight of how far video games have come sice the early 90s. Sit back and watch your replays and be in Awe! Anybody agree?
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Canada13431 Posts
On February 22 2014 04:41 SC2John wrote:Show nested quote +On February 22 2014 03:44 Corazon wrote:On February 22 2014 03:35 SC2John wrote:
WRITE FOR TL STRAT!!!!
Invitation. You cereal seriel serial? Yeah sure, we're always looking for intelligent, high level players to help write, give feedback, etc. If you're really interested, just pm me. Most of our writing and research comes from watching lots of VoDs...none of us play much anyway lol.
Dat esports life. too much time managing threads and articles can't put time into games I think i have under 100 this season :D Still love it though <3
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On February 22 2014 02:46 quebecman77 wrote:
Please say Starcraft 2 sooner man, i was thinking you have broken with the best wife ever !!
( I'm still marrying with her btw, for all my life, she never let you divorce)
was thinking you were talking about starcraft ( broodwar ) the best rts ever and it was hard for me understand you at first then i read GM ( GRANDMASTER ) and i say ''ha sc2''.
that a good move man, now you can marry a better one
Well that's condescending...
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Yeah I quit too. Once you don't care who wins you can start to look at it more objectively. I really don't regret quitting. You see that being good is just about getting down to the nuts and bolts of what other players do better.
I learned being good at SC2 is not as exciting as I had dreamed. I got good when I watched "bronze to masters" and I saw that doing a simple repetitive exercise for perfect macro is like IMBA. Also just narrowing down the options of each race on each map. Realizing that it was just about stamina and experience.
Sorry if I crushed someone's dream
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Professional players need to possess a competitive nature in order for them to have the constant urge to become better and beat more experienced players, so how can you state that your competitiveness made that you did not enjoy the game?
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On February 22 2014 06:40 NeThZOR wrote:
Professional players need to possess a competitive nature in order for them to have the constant urge to become better and beat more experienced players, so how can you state that your competitiveness made that you did not enjoy the game?
Most Pros are able to both enjoy playing the game and be competitive at the same time. My mindset was off because I only got enjoyment out of winning and not because the game was simply fun. I hope that makes sense.
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This is why I am bronze Cora. I cannae make it unpleasant, and I like to mess around.
Interesting read.
I think I know some folks that can get Broodwar running on your Mac.
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I can't play that game because of ladder anxiety. At times it would sort of go away, but it was always there in the background. Maybe I didn't play enough. But then again, the game isn't really about things I enjoy. Strategy, complex gameplay. Its really the same units over and over again, while you practise endlessly to improve your ability to multitask from 100 APM to 200 APM. I don't know if that's really fun; pressing a lot of keys a second just seems like something really monotonous to master. I don't want to end up with carpal tunnel or whatever other disease because I spent time spamming buttons on my keyboard all the time. Although I'm sure there's strategy at the highest level...memorizing precise build orders and doing timing attacks (in many cases just some two base all-in) just isn't my thing though.
I didn't really get the frustration, but I hear about what it has done to other people. You're absolutely right, you should only play that game if you enjoy it, in theory that's how it should be for everything. What's the point of playing if you smash your keyboard and have a breakdown after bad games...at that point it sounds more like you're an addictive nervous wreck than a future progamer. Other progamers who looked like they were going down that road (Jinro, Idra) also quit, and I think they're way happier now.
I'm sure there are plenty of other *fun* games you can play to occupy your time. I always get great ideas from Day9's friday streams. If only I had more money and time to play them! Ah well, good luck to you
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EPT
