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http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=243828 - I wrote this blog the night before my wedding. I married a beautiful woman and the world was our playground. We had everything at our finger tips, good career, a strong love, wonderful kid(s).
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=158620 - I wrote this blog about three years ago about the upset and inner turmoil I had when the potential for my wife to have cancer was presented to us by her doctor.
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=161083 - I wrote this when we received news that it most likely was not cancer. I can still remember the elation I experienced, I was so relieved. That girl would be the one I grow old with after all.
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=390050 - I wrote this two days after my son Jameson Joshua was born. He's sitting in his high chair beside me right now eating some cheerios. He's an amazing little boy and that was one of the highlights of my life.
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=320698 - I wrote this blog about a year and a half ago when we got our house and started to family life. I was please, she was pleased. Everything was progressing like it should.
I am writing this blog today because my wife, the mother of my child has decided that she is no longer happy with me. She reaffirms that I am an amazing man, father and spouse. The division of assets and talks have commenced. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tried marriage counseling but she did not want to participate. I felt the distance growing for some time and have tried to talk to her. She said nothing was wrong, she loved me the same and that if anything was wrong we would work through it. We were married after all, you don't just give up. The two weeks leading up were miserable. I lost 20 lbs because of stress, I would come home from work and she would leave and come back at 5am to be here with the kids while I went to work again. I finally found out what was going on with her, she now has a girlfriend.
We are on good terms. I hadn't seen her that happy in awhile, I can live with it. Custody between our kid will be 50/50 and mixed in between. We both work shift work and agreed we should help each other out with child care for the first little while until we get sitters and everything straightened out. I am going to a lawyer to see what my options would be, not that I forsee needing one. Honestly I looked at this two ways, I could be a huge asshole and make it miserable for everyone or I could accept the situation and be amicable for the children, which is what I chose.
She is going to be keeping the house and I am fine with that. I am moving out on the first. Everything else is pretty much split down the middle. This is the shit around Christmas time.
 
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did she at least say why?
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she now has a girlfriend
oh.
Uh... well that's certainly awful news  Sorry to hear that x.x
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Ouch. That's painful. Sorry man!
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Dam...
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The last sentence really stabs me in the heart
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This sucks holy shit
Really sorry for you man
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I am so sorry. I can't imagine what this must be like for you.
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Well, at least you shouldn't get nailed in the lawyer battle. Pay for a really good one so you get to keep the kids, live in your house and not have to pay alimony. Get a recorded statement from her that proves it's her lack of enthusiasm and that she's the one who left the marriage for someone else and committed adultery. Tough breaks chap. Condolences, but remember TL's here for you.
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Can't help but find the similarity to the situation Ross was in in the show Friends kinda funny. This sucks though, good luck to ya.
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i don't know what to say
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On the other hand, this would be a legitimate reason to write a country song.
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Hey. This isn't to say that you two don't get along. But seriously, get a fucking lawyer to at least help you make sure all the paperwork you'll need to file is in order. It will keep you both from getting screwed. There's a lot of legal entanglement in marriage, and that house? Yeah... that can screw you big time. Because you need to get your name off the mortgage. The bank doesn't give a shit if you're divorced, or if your divorce specifies she gets the house, if your name is still on that note.
(If you don't have a mortgage, how the hell did you do that?)
My commiserations. As you might tell from the above, I have some small experience. It is absolutely one of the shittiest things in the world, even if all parties are amicably separating.
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At least she's not with another man
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On December 25 2013 07:57 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
At least she's not with another man
This is true. I feel somewhat better about this. I made sure that it wasn't me. Maybe it's the alcohol, my only friend this xmas eve, or maybe its the truth. I feel better about this.
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That's nuts, dude. Godspeed.
get a lawyer, felisconcolori was spot on. You don't have to get one to be a prick and make this miserable, more to make sure that all the i's are dotted and t's are cross, you know?
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Wow man wish I had anything to say to you but I honestly don't know what. Take care.
The saddest thing is the first blog
There has been a lot of depressing girl blogs, so I figured I would make a happy one. See you all in a week.
I wish you way more than just luck.
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You guys are awesome. I am sitting home alone right now drinking lots of beer and I find it amazing to me that people out there care because we are part of the same community, God Bless TL.
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Northern Ireland22212 Posts
So sorry to hear this at this time. Hope you have other family or friends to fall back on.
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Stay strong! I'll be rooting for you! I genuinely wish that things work out for you!
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Just keep the kid happy and you'll end up alright! Good luck!
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I'm really sorry to hear that, that's awful. I want to affirm something though, while this sucks, you are a good person it seems like. That's rare. I don't know you, and I can't understand your pain, but, from what you've written here, you seem like the kinda guy with at least a shot at happiness. First shot didn't work, shot number two will.
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I'm sorry to hear that, it sucks, though you may have chosen what it's best for your kid in this situation. Just let the time do its work, stay strong and go on!
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That sucks dude, sorry.
But you 100% should get a lawyer. Getting a lawyer doesn't have to make it nasty. It just means they will see to it that you don't get bent over. Leaving the house when your partner cheated and won't even go to counseling is that. Depending where you live, leaving the house willingly can also dramatically change things. Her cheating can also drastically change who is at fault, depending on laws in your area..
Basically, this is all shit that you can't just google and do it on your own. A lawyer is only a pitbull if you let him off the leash. Until then, it's someone to make sure your interests are protected. I've watched a couple of people go down the exact same 'I don't wanna make it hard or nasty' route. They all got fucked hard in the end. Don't be silly. Drink up, and call a lawyer in the morning. Don't move out until you speak with one
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fuck man keep strong. just try to do the best for your kid. and do as hawk says, get a lawyer
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On December 25 2013 08:05 LonelyIslands wrote:Show nested quote +On December 25 2013 07:57 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
At least she's not with another man This is true. I feel somewhat better about this. I made sure that it wasn't me. Maybe it's the alcohol, my only friend this xmas eve, or maybe its the truth. I feel better about this.
I Was looking through the comments to find this one. I wonder what makes it more ok for us. Is it just that leftover primal brain that wants us to make sure we have ownership of our seed providers to make sure it is our seed and no one elses? Or is because we don't feel our manhood is threatened because it is totally out of our control that she just doesn't like men (no blame on you).
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I wanted to share something from a professional psychologist, named John Gray. You may have heard of the book he wrote called "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus." Well, he wrote several other books, one about how to deal with loss of a loved one, either through death or divorce or something like that. The part I want to share is where he talks about how to deal with the grief and eventually move on. He says there are four emotions we need to feel, and that we need to feel them many times over an extended period of time. These four emotions are:
1. Anger. John Gray says this could be anger at God if you believe in God for letting this happen, or at specific people, for example the person you are divorcing.
2. Sorrow. This is sorrow over not having the future happiness you expected to have with this relationship.
3. Sadness. Very similar to sorrow, but this is being sad when you think about the happy times you had in the past.
4. Fear. This is fear of never finding love again, of never being happy again, that your life is ruined and you will never get over this.
I wanted to share this because I think people tend to suppress these emotions. In this case, you said you want to handle it amicably, and that is good, but I would encourage you not to suppress anger when you feel it, and I'm sure you will. This doesn't mean that you have to do bad things to your former wife, but I would suggest finding ways to feel and experience that anger in order to purge it. If you suppress it, I think it will just make things worse.
I would suggest reading the book that these ideas are from. It is called: "Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One" by John Gray. You might be able to get it from the library.
I hope this helps a little bit.
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On December 25 2013 15:17 QuanticHawk wrote:
That sucks dude, sorry.
But you 100% should get a lawyer. Getting a lawyer doesn't have to make it nasty. It just means they will see to it that you don't get bent over. Leaving the house when your partner cheated and won't even go to counseling is that. Depending where you live, leaving the house willingly can also dramatically change things. Her cheating can also drastically change who is at fault, depending on laws in your area..
Basically, this is all shit that you can't just google and do it on your own. A lawyer is only a pitbull if you let him off the leash. Until then, it's someone to make sure your interests are protected. I've watched a couple of people go down the exact same 'I don't wanna make it hard or nasty' route. They all got fucked hard in the end. Don't be silly. Drink up, and call a lawyer in the morning. Don't move out until you speak with one
This
And don't fucking move out jesus man.
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How much did this venture cost you overall financially?
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That's terrible and though it matters little, I would like to say how sorry I am to hear that you are going through such a shitty time in your life. I've had my own experience with a divorce (my parents got divorced when I was still a kid and I ended up having to help my mom take care of my younger sister... oh, and the fights they would have, it was pretty bad) and of course it's no good for anyone, but with your attitude and how well I would say you're handling it I'm sure your kid will be fine, even if he won't understand what's going on at first.
I would like to agree with all those who advised you to find a lawyer, if for nothing more than to protect yourself against any possible future litigation, and wish you all the best. You seem like a stand-up guy and I'm sure you'll be back on your feet in no time.
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This is a fucking girl blog
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What happened? I took my kid and step-son for the week to my parents. We were both working and it was the best solution as they love having them visit anyway. I left Christmas day and I head back with them in the morning. I've commuted 2 hours to and from work from my parents during this time and tonight is my last night shift for this rotation. Almost all of my belongings are packed and I will be getting the key to my new place tomorrow on my way back into town. I will be moving all the little things with my car and the big things with a truck tomorrow.
A lot of people have said that I shouldn't move out, but financially I wouldn't have been able to keep the house myself. Her girlfriend and her will be able to, so I see not why it should leave the Childrens lives. I will be seeking out a lawyer for consultation and we will be going to mediation to get the custody agreement legalized. The holidays were exceptionally hard to deal with. I believe I have experienced those emotions like a roller coaster the last few weeks.
I did go on a date, and although it was soon, it felt good. At first it was weird because I couldn't stop thinking about my ex wife. She's a very nice girl though, very understanding and a lot different than my wife was. While my wife was very career orientated, this girl is very family orientated and I find it a breath of fresh air. I am taking things extremely slow and seeing how it pans out.
Things are very amicable between my wife and I, we are good friends and talk regularly. I think that everything is going well on this front. Sure we argue about things, but it works out in the end. I was pretty upset about having to get rid of my truck but the car has proven to be pretty fun to drive and a lot easier on gas, obviously.
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THe not leaving thing was not so much for losing your property as much as it was for potentially impacitng your custody. Moving out could, depending where you live, legally give the impression that you dont give a fuck.
Again, a reason for a lawyer. I dont know how this shit works where you are. I just know that it varies greatly depending on where you live and it's worth having an expert vs googling for yourself
Hope it goes well.
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EPT
