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Blogs > autoexec
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autoexec
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States530 Posts
December 24 2013 02:39 GMT
#1
WARNING: VENT BLOG

Hey guys. I haven't blogged about my in life circumstances before but I kinda feel compelled to. Various things have been piling up in my life and making me ridiculously stressed. I'm a sophomore in high school and have never really been stressed until this past semester. The three main things have to do with my schoolwork, athletics, and unfortunately girl problems.

First of all is school. I like to think of myself as an above average student, by no means a genius, who works really hard to be successful with my academics. Now that I say that I would also like to say that I suck at writing haha so please don't be too critical of my writing skills in this. My freshman year I took some really easy classes at school and it was a breeze. I spent most of my nights playing video games. The only reason I took such an easy course load was because the school pretty much forced me to since I was a freshman and they didn't think I had the work ethic to have really hard classes on a "high school level" lol. The education system in America is a joke but that is a different discussion for a different time. So this year I am taking a pretty rigorous schedule. It makes me have a ridiculous amount of homework after school and on the weekends. Now usually, I would be able to deal with that much work, but compounded with football practice every single day after school (yes, even in December through July when the season isn't even going on) it becomes a huge hassle to have to deal with even when you know the material pretty well from paying attention in class. I made all As this semester as long as I don't fail my US History Test when I get back from winter break so I guess I'm doing alright, but the amount of schoolwork I am doing just makes me stressed out and feeling upset all the time.

Secondly of the things that has been bothering me is athletics. I play (american) football for my school and this season was pretty rough for me. Back in January of 2013 I tore a muscle in my back and long story short it still hasn't healed. It especially flipped out when football season came around. I was only able to play I think like 5 games this year and could barely practice at all which made me play pretty poorly. I was really looking forward to this year too because I had started on varsity as a freshman last year so I had high hopes coming in. Also, we had a new coaching staff that was miles better than our previous coaches. Since my back was bad all the way from January I had about zero preseason lifting. So I was barely stronger or faster than I was last year. And whenever I actually was able to play with my back injury, it always became worse with playing. And also my coach got fired in the middle of the season for like sexual harassment charges of one of his female students. It really screwed over the team and from the emotional stress and loss of leadership and football knowledge, it made us a whole lot worse than we were before. All of it compounded to a mediocre 8-4 season where we only made it to the state semifinals. What makes it worse for me is that I feel like I contributed so little and we could have been so much better if I was healthy.

Lastly, I also have a ridiculously large amount of girl problems. So I guess I should put this out there that I haven't ever kissed a girl and am a total goof when it comes to girls. I am awkward and don't really know how to carry myself around them. It just doesn't seem to come naturally to me. I can be friends with girls and there are some girls that I am really good friends with. But when it comes to going to a new emotional level with them, it just doesn't work. And I wouldn't say it is because I am just plain ugly. I think I'm an average looking guy so that shouldn't really hurt me much. So there is this girl and she is pretty much the prettiest girl in my grade at my school. She is also very sheltered and seemed like a nice shy girl who would be a sweet person. Well I don't know what is going on with me now. All she ever did was use me for attention while we "a thing". She legitimately had no feelings for me the whole time. And then she goes and ends it because I "let my emotions get the best of me" and I can't keep my emotions straight when I she that she is just using for me and doesn't care. I still am not over her now and it really upsets me. I feel like I should be because of how crappily she treated me, but I just can't make myself do it.

All of this stuff is happening and I don't see much hope. I'm so unhappy with my life at this point and don't know what to do. I would like to make it clear that I'm not contemplating suicide in any way. But I simply don't enjoy living. Life just seems like such a hassle to do every day to live up to the expectations of keeping it together and being successful at what I'm doing. Even this holiday season hasn't been fun as I have been putting on a facade of being joyful although I have been hurting emotionally inside from all this stuff.

Although I still feel like crap, I feel like I might have some hope on the horizon. Wow that sounded like a quote off of a hallmark channel movie or something. But I am starting to workout to rehab my back and so far it is going well although it is slowly progressing. It will probably be a month before I see any true results. Also, as for the girl problems, I feel like I will be able to get over her fairly soon although I'm not exactly sure when. I have been going out more with friends (both male and female) lately. I almost never go out with people but I really am starting to a lot more and I feel like I'm getting a closer friendship with them in the process. Hopefully that will be able to get my mind off of things.

TLDR; I vented about how life this past year has sucked in the aspects of school, football, and girls.


**
NeuroticPsychosis
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States322 Posts
December 24 2013 02:43 GMT
#2
Focus on getting good grades in high school. Don't worry about girls right now, there will be plenty of time for that later on, and chances are girls in high school are just as immature as the guys
intricate, elaborate, articulate, crystallize, conceptualize, synthesize
Catherine
Profile Blog Joined June 2013
33 Posts
December 24 2013 02:56 GMT
#3
I think it's always good to vent in a healthy way.
LosingID8
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
CA10828 Posts
December 24 2013 03:23 GMT
#4
trust me, you don't have that much homework
ModeratorResident K-POP Elitist
Ilovesunzandsonz
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
62 Posts
December 24 2013 04:03 GMT
#5
You probably have been told this a million times, but life does get better after highschool. Right now (like a poster said above) you should just focus on school and try to get into a good college. Most relationships in highschool don't go anywhere and imo should be thought of as practice for girls later down the road
Piledriver
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States1697 Posts
December 24 2013 04:39 GMT
#6
On December 24 2013 11:43 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
Focus on getting good grades in high school. Don't worry about girls right now, there will be plenty of time for that later on, and chances are girls in high school are just as immature as the guys


^Agree so much with this. Also from reading your account, I think your stress is not because of your studies or even your back injury, but the girl thing. I'd say that you're doing pretty well with your football thing considering your back, and your grades seem to be going great as well. Sure, working hard sucks, but that's college for you (unless you're going to a party school). But when girl trouble happens, it makes everything other aspect of your life seem worse than it actually is.

My suggestion would be to keep your head down focus on the non-women aspects of your life. I don't believe in God, but I think relationships manifest themselves and have a way of working out especially when you're not going out of your way to form one.
Envy fan since NTH.
darthfoley
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States8003 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-12-24 07:20:47
December 24 2013 07:16 GMT
#7
May I ask where you play? Private/Public? Size and whatnot? Just curious because I played in HS and now play D3.

Also, don't worry about girls man! Wait until college. I'm telling you, you'll meet much better people in the first semester of college than you did in all of HS.

I was also in your position about feeling awkward when it came to romance with girls. I'm a freshman in college currently, and I hadn't had my first kiss until the last month of summer before school started. Like you, it wasn't my looks or personality preventing me-- just my awkwardness. I've met a girl at college that I feel so comfortable with that I no longer care about being awkward-- in fact, she thinks it's cute. She's really helped me become less romantically awkward.

I think you'll eventually find a similar situation, and you'll feel like a fool for feeling awkward in the first place.

Hope everything turns out well for you!
watch the wall collide with my fist, mostly over problems that i know i should fix
SomethingWitty
Profile Joined May 2013
Canada94 Posts
December 24 2013 08:00 GMT
#8
Grade 10 homework is overwhelming you? You're going have a very fun time in college/university. Oh and you should probably heavily avoid the sciences and math.

"A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery." - James Joyce, Ulysses
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