EPTHey guys. I haven't blogged about my in life circumstances before but I kinda feel compelled to. Various things have been piling up in my life and making me ridiculously stressed. I'm a sophomore in high school and have never really been stressed until this past semester. The three main things have to do with my schoolwork, athletics, and unfortunately girl problems.
First of all is school. I like to think of myself as an above average student, by no means a genius, who works really hard to be successful with my academics. Now that I say that I would also like to say that I suck at writing haha so please don't be too critical of my writing skills in this. My freshman year I took some really easy classes at school and it was a breeze. I spent most of my nights playing video games. The only reason I took such an easy course load was because the school pretty much forced me to since I was a freshman and they didn't think I had the work ethic to have really hard classes on a "high school level" lol. The education system in America is a joke but that is a different discussion for a different time. So this year I am taking a pretty rigorous schedule. It makes me have a ridiculous amount of homework after school and on the weekends. Now usually, I would be able to deal with that much work, but compounded with football practice every single day after school (yes, even in December through July when the season isn't even going on) it becomes a huge hassle to have to deal with even when you know the material pretty well from paying attention in class. I made all As this semester as long as I don't fail my US History Test when I get back from winter break so I guess I'm doing alright, but the amount of schoolwork I am doing just makes me stressed out and feeling upset all the time.
Secondly of the things that has been bothering me is athletics. I play (american) football for my school and this season was pretty rough for me. Back in January of 2013 I tore a muscle in my back and long story short it still hasn't healed. It especially flipped out when football season came around. I was only able to play I think like 5 games this year and could barely practice at all which made me play pretty poorly. I was really looking forward to this year too because I had started on varsity as a freshman last year so I had high hopes coming in. Also, we had a new coaching staff that was miles better than our previous coaches. Since my back was bad all the way from January I had about zero preseason lifting. So I was barely stronger or faster than I was last year. And whenever I actually was able to play with my back injury, it always became worse with playing. And also my coach got fired in the middle of the season for like sexual harassment charges of one of his female students. It really screwed over the team and from the emotional stress and loss of leadership and football knowledge, it made us a whole lot worse than we were before. All of it compounded to a mediocre 8-4 season where we only made it to the state semifinals. What makes it worse for me is that I feel like I contributed so little and we could have been so much better if I was healthy.
Lastly, I also have a ridiculously large amount of girl problems. So I guess I should put this out there that I haven't ever kissed a girl and am a total goof when it comes to girls. I am awkward and don't really know how to carry myself around them. It just doesn't seem to come naturally to me. I can be friends with girls and there are some girls that I am really good friends with. But when it comes to going to a new emotional level with them, it just doesn't work. And I wouldn't say it is because I am just plain ugly. I think I'm an average looking guy so that shouldn't really hurt me much. So there is this girl and she is pretty much the prettiest girl in my grade at my school. She is also very sheltered and seemed like a nice shy girl who would be a sweet person. Well I don't know what is going on with me now. All she ever did was use me for attention while we "a thing". She legitimately had no feelings for me the whole time. And then she goes and ends it because I "let my emotions get the best of me" and I can't keep my emotions straight when I she that she is just using for me and doesn't care. I still am not over her now and it really upsets me. I feel like I should be because of how crappily she treated me, but I just can't make myself do it.
All of this stuff is happening and I don't see much hope. I'm so unhappy with my life at this point and don't know what to do. I would like to make it clear that I'm not contemplating suicide in any way. But I simply don't enjoy living. Life just seems like such a hassle to do every day to live up to the expectations of keeping it together and being successful at what I'm doing. Even this holiday season hasn't been fun as I have been putting on a facade of being joyful although I have been hurting emotionally inside from all this stuff.
Although I still feel like crap, I feel like I might have some hope on the horizon. Wow that sounded like a quote off of a hallmark channel movie or something. But I am starting to workout to rehab my back and so far it is going well although it is slowly progressing. It will probably be a month before I see any true results. Also, as for the girl problems, I feel like I will be able to get over her fairly soon although I'm not exactly sure when. I have been going out more with friends (both male and female) lately. I almost never go out with people but I really am starting to a lot more and I feel like I'm getting a closer friendship with them in the process. Hopefully that will be able to get my mind off of things.
TLDR; I vented about how life this past year has sucked in the aspects of school, football, and girls.
