|
Funny thing regret is. You don't know you have it until the timing has passed and your brain naturally reflects on the event. I was with some friends and we went to a taco bell to get some food. Since it was 11pm we had to go through the drive thru area. While we were waiting, we saw some people we went to high school with. Since I knew the guy, I decided to go out and talk to him while we were waiting for food.
To my surprise, in the passengers seat, there was a pretty brunette. We introduced ourselves and there was some small talk/flirting going on. Then I was needed to sign for our food coz I paid with my credit card and needed a signature. After I signed I went back into the car with my friends coz I thought the food was gonna be out soon and I was very hungry too.
As soon as I got back into the car, I felt that awful feeling of regret. I hit it off with that girl, why didn't I ask for her number so I could see her again? Now just feeling absolutely horrivle that I didn't do that and I probably wouldn't see her again, all I could do was sit there in shock and wait for the food...
There was still time to get out of the car and ask her, but my mind just kinda shut down and my thoughts just froze. Ug.
And that is why I am writing about regret and noting what I felt from it. Because I don't like to feel regret. I don't want to regret not doing things in my life. There's nothing I can do about what happened tonight except learn from my mistakes and move on, keeping my eyes open for future opportunities that I wouldn't want to regret missing
 
|
Does this mean you regret playing Terran?
Nothing to regret here, you don't need to know/hit on everyone/girl you talk to.
Also, is it normal for people to get out of their cars in a drive-thru, then go to another car in the drive-thru and talk to them? Or were your high school friends just sitting in a car doing nothing.
|
On July 12 2013 14:15 Blisse wrote:
Does this mean you regret playing Terran?
Nothing to regret here, you don't need to know/hit on everyone/girl you talk to.
Also, is it normal for people to get out of their cars in a drive-thru, then go to another car in the drive-thru and talk to them? Or were your high school friends just sitting in a car doing nothing.
No. I love playing terran. Even when things get tough and I get really pissy. I think I would regret not playing terran to be honest.
I don't NEED to know/hit every girl I talk to, but I guess I kind of felt some natural chemistry with her but I still didn't do anything, that's really where the regret comes in. I wouldn't feel so bad if we didn't have any chemistry though
I don't think its normal to get out and talk to the car behind you like that . They were waiting in line right behind us to get some food too
Also the girl didn't go to my high school, only the guy did. The girl dropped a line about having a lake house. My main point of regret is saying something like oh I'd love to visit the lakehouse or something like that. Instead I was just like :o oh wow and prerty much speechless. And plus, I also feel like it could have been an opportunity to expand my social network too
|
If she's a mutual friend couldn't you just ask about her?
|
On July 12 2013 14:28 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
If she's a mutual friend couldn't you just ask about her?
Well I've only ever ran into my friend from high school by pure chance, saw him at the mall earlier in the summer and then just now at the taco bell drive by.
|
There is this thing called Facebook. There is a 95% chance you will find her by going through the guys friendlist.
|
Dude just let your friend know that lady was pretty cool, and you wouldn't mind meeting her again. Keep your tone casual, and you won't come off as creepy.
|
Katowice25012 Posts
Truly your...Taco Belle
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/g1Giu.jpg)
On July 12 2013 14:11 Race is Terran wrote:
There was still time to get out of the car and ask her, but my mind just kinda shut down and my thoughts just froze. Ug.
Just do this next time. It's really easy.
|
Life is full of these little moments. Don't dwell too much upon it.
Unless this girl was truly, like, truly special. Then you go hunt her down to the ends of the earth.
|
On July 12 2013 16:56 Heyoka wrote:Truly your...Taco Belle Show nested quote +On July 12 2013 14:11 Race is Terran wrote:
There was still time to get out of the car and ask her, but my mind just kinda shut down and my thoughts just froze. Ug. Just do this next time. It's really easy.
If its easy, why disnt I do it in the first place?
|
Did you consider that she might be with the guy she's chillin with? Either way, i'd be outta the game by lake house. too classy for me. same with a girl who doesn't like crumbs in a bed.
|
On July 12 2013 16:56 Heyoka wrote:
Just do this next time. It's really easy.
This is true, up to a point. I remember this random 20-something came by to take pictures of my (parents') house for a possible Dove soap commercial. It's a big house, middle of Brooklyn, blah blah. So I'm doing the usual routine of turning on the lights, jibber jabbering about its history and the work my father in particular has done to restore it. She's looking for bedrooms, so I take her to each of them, including my own. As we head back downstairs, she mentions that she likes my dinosaur book collection and thought my room was the best one (sloped ceiling cuz the roof is right above). I already knew she on her way to a Staples out in Flatbush, not the shortest of walks but not too onerous by any means, and after I say, "it's a nice day for a walk," she utters this odd "IT IS" while looking at her phone and thinking of either how to end the photo shoot or how to extend it. I had already given her my name and the house phone #, so I just say, good luck or have a nice day, open the door for her and watch her leave.
Was there something else going on there? Should I "regret" anything?
To the OP, regret is much more a matter of perspective rather than an objective incident that, whenever you think about it, necessitates feelings of remorse, irritation at oneself, regret, or wonderment at what might have been. If you take such a non-event like the one you described and ACTUALLY feel bad for what you did, said, and did not do, I would just recommend to not think like that. For all you know, because she was associated with that less-than-savory ex-HS chap of yours, maybe she has her own issues or either she's settling for him or vice versa. Feeling pity for yourself over simply acting like yourself is NOT a healthy response. Yes, you can learn a 'lesson' or whatever trite expression or process gives you a modicum of comfort. But for me, I'd reserve an emotion as strong as regret for those times that truly and completely deserve them. Not spending enough time with my grandmother. Failing to graduate this year as a result of a long-con-betrayal and having to wait until 2014. Breaking up with a girlfriend who could have really used me as a friend, at the least, and yet I denied her even that. Not all of these are true, but hopefully you get my general drift..
|
On July 12 2013 22:19 Xivsa wrote:Show nested quote +On July 12 2013 16:56 Heyoka wrote:
Just do this next time. It's really easy. This is true, up to a point. I remember this random 20-something came by to take pictures of my (parents') house for a possible Dove soap commercial. It's a big house, middle of Brooklyn, blah blah. So I'm doing the usual routine of turning on the lights, jibber jabbering about its history and the work my father in particular has done to restore it. She's looking for bedrooms, so I take her to each of them, including my own. As we head back downstairs, she mentions that she likes my dinosaur book collection and thought my room was the best one (sloped ceiling cuz the roof is right above). I already knew she on her way to a Staples out in Flatbush, not the shortest of walks but not too onerous by any means, and after I say, "it's a nice day for a walk," she utters this odd "IT IS" while looking at her phone and thinking of either how to end the photo shoot or how to extend it. I had already given her my name and the house phone #, so I just say, good luck or have a nice day, open the door for her and watch her leave. Was there something else going on there? Should I "regret" anything? To the OP, regret is much more a matter of perspective rather than an objective incident that, whenever you think about it, necessitates feelings of remorse, irritation at oneself, regret, or wonderment at what might have been. If you take such a non-event like the one you described and ACTUALLY feel bad for what you did, said, and did not do, I would just recommend to not think like that. For all you know, because she was associated with that less-than-savory ex-HS chap of yours, maybe she has her own issues or either she's settling for him or vice versa. Feeling pity for yourself over simply acting like yourself is NOT a healthy response. Yes, you can learn a 'lesson' or whatever trite expression or process gives you a modicum of comfort. But for me, I'd reserve an emotion as strong as regret for those times that truly and completely deserve them. Not spending enough time with my grandmother. Failing to graduate this year as a result of a long-con-betrayal and having to wait until 2014. Breaking up with a girlfriend who could have really used me as a friend, at the least, and yet I denied her even that. Not all of these are true, but hopefully you get my general drift..
It didn't feel like a healthy response at all, it just happened so naturally though that it really confused me. Ill try to think about it from a different perspective so I try to initiate a healthier response
|
On July 12 2013 23:19 Race is Terran wrote:Show nested quote +On July 12 2013 22:19 Xivsa wrote:On July 12 2013 16:56 Heyoka wrote:
Just do this next time. It's really easy. This is true, up to a point. I remember this random 20-something came by to take pictures of my (parents') house for a possible Dove soap commercial. It's a big house, middle of Brooklyn, blah blah. So I'm doing the usual routine of turning on the lights, jibber jabbering about its history and the work my father in particular has done to restore it. She's looking for bedrooms, so I take her to each of them, including my own. As we head back downstairs, she mentions that she likes my dinosaur book collection and thought my room was the best one (sloped ceiling cuz the roof is right above). I already knew she on her way to a Staples out in Flatbush, not the shortest of walks but not too onerous by any means, and after I say, "it's a nice day for a walk," she utters this odd "IT IS" while looking at her phone and thinking of either how to end the photo shoot or how to extend it. I had already given her my name and the house phone #, so I just say, good luck or have a nice day, open the door for her and watch her leave. Was there something else going on there? Should I "regret" anything? To the OP, regret is much more a matter of perspective rather than an objective incident that, whenever you think about it, necessitates feelings of remorse, irritation at oneself, regret, or wonderment at what might have been. If you take such a non-event like the one you described and ACTUALLY feel bad for what you did, said, and did not do, I would just recommend to not think like that. For all you know, because she was associated with that less-than-savory ex-HS chap of yours, maybe she has her own issues or either she's settling for him or vice versa. Feeling pity for yourself over simply acting like yourself is NOT a healthy response. Yes, you can learn a 'lesson' or whatever trite expression or process gives you a modicum of comfort. But for me, I'd reserve an emotion as strong as regret for those times that truly and completely deserve them. Not spending enough time with my grandmother. Failing to graduate this year as a result of a long-con-betrayal and having to wait until 2014. Breaking up with a girlfriend who could have really used me as a friend, at the least, and yet I denied her even that. Not all of these are true, but hopefully you get my general drift.. It didn't feel like a healthy response at all, it just happened so naturally though that it really confused me. Ill try to think about it from a different perspective so I try to initiate a healthier response
I'm not saying you should only focus on what makes you healthy or something. Random experiences with strangers, girls, relatives, etc are an important aspect of one's social life. The normal coterie of friends and relatives that most people rely on is certainly useful, but boy does it grow stale quickly. So just you saying to yourself that yes, your response was odd, and that hmm, maybe there is something to reevaluate here, going forward or looking backward, is a nice response. It certainly beats the feelings of shame or regret that can instantly hit you, or anyone, and instead of looking at the incident itself, "you or anyone" have a tendency to simply focus on that initial reaction. Look no further than making this blog post and how despondent your OP is. Reassessment, in moderation and within bounds, is underrated imo
|
Excellent posts, Xivsa. I appreciate the honesty and thoughtfulness of your opinions.
|
On July 13 2013 00:05 Japhybaby wrote:
Excellent posts, Xivsa. I appreciate the honesty and thoughtfulness of your opinions.
I agree!
|
On July 12 2013 22:07 Race is Terran wrote:Show nested quote +On July 12 2013 16:56 Heyoka wrote:Truly your...Taco Belle On July 12 2013 14:11 Race is Terran wrote:
There was still time to get out of the car and ask her, but my mind just kinda shut down and my thoughts just froze. Ug. Just do this next time. It's really easy. If its easy, why disnt I do it in the first place?
Because you're human, and have what's called a "frontal lobe." This allows you to make up results of circumstances that haven't happened yet. Other animals don't have this shit which is why it's easy for them to mate. They just go for the kill - There's no hesitation due to the fact it's all instinct and none of it is really planned out... in a way.
What happened here is your fear of failing took over, and started created all sorts of weird circumstances where she would say no, or say it disgusted like (thought I SERIOUSLY doubt that would happen based on the evidence given).
So when people say "just do it next time, it's really easy" - what they're saying is ignore your frontal lobe, and get animal on her ass. Pretend that consequences don't exist for that few minutes and just fucking ask her. You never know when it may change your life for the better - even if she says no. Or doesn't commit to a date later.
EDIT: Ok, apparently i'm wrong about this frontal lobe shit. That is what it does, but other animals have it. The point is though is to no give a fuck about consequences in social situations. She may hate your guts but you barely know here so that shouldn't matter much.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
