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My brother has a problem, I think.
This isn't really a "please-give-me-some-advice" blog post, it's more of a "I-feel-like-venting-a-little" blog post.
My brother is a hard working, patient, funny and helpful guy but during the last year or so something has been up. First of all, his money has seemingly disappeared. With all that he works, he should have plenty of money but then he asked me for a loan with a very unbelieveable explanation. Next, he's been going on vacation a lot but he's been lying about where he's been going. He claimed that he went to all sorts of different places but he has really been going to the same place every time. I know this because my mother is a hopeless snooper and at some point she found his passport lying around and she invariably looked at where he'd been.
Now my brother is a grown man and he's always been kind of secretive. I don't mind that, some people really need their privacy. I once smoked regularly for a while and I never told my family, they didn't need to know and I quit after a couple of months so it wasn't a problem. Anyway, what is the underlying cause of this situation? I don't know and I honestly don't care and finding out isn't feasible. I care that this is becoming a problem for my entire family and for my brother. Just today he had a great argument with my parents. They own the place that he lives (this arrangement is practical both for him and them and he pays rent) but now they have evicted him. My mother was almost crying when she told me. I guess they know more about all this than I do. This is a really shitty situation.
I'm concerned for my family but most of all I'm concerned for my brother. I fear he's getting into a bad place with no desirable outcome for him or anyone else. The worst thing is that he somehow feels like it is the right thing to do instead of coming clean or trying to break out of it. It seems like whenever he's prodded or nudged he violently counter reacts with even more conviction.
Yea this kind of sucks. Maybe tomorrow it'll be gone.
 
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evicted because a grown man didnt tell mommy and daddy where he was going???
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What are you suspecting? Drugs? Tourism sex?
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Not to give you advice when you don't want it buttttt... Sounds like you should talk to your brother. I wish I had a more open relationship with my brother. Something I need to work on because I regret not being able to talk more openly with him more often. Parents are crazy when it comes to their kids.
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He's actually your step brother and has been secretly visiting his true ailing parents (cancer sucks). Your step brother has also been wiring them every penny of his hard-earned money for the expensive treatment for the past year. Your parents don't believe this is the best course of action for your step brother and are so hurt by the situation that they are evicting him.
Hopefully your brother, I mean step brother, can figure out what is best for himself.
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On June 26 2013 05:48 QuanticHawk wrote:
evicted because a grown man didnt tell mommy and daddy where he was going???
Like he said, there's obviously more to this than what he or we know so far.
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What if he secretly works for Danish Intelligence and has saved millions of lives during his secret spy missions?
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On June 26 2013 08:58 ninazerg wrote:
What if he secretly works for Danish Intelligence and has saved millions of lives during his secret spy missions?
This sounds extremely plausible.
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On June 26 2013 06:34 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:Show nested quote +On June 26 2013 05:48 QuanticHawk wrote:
evicted because a grown man didnt tell mommy and daddy where he was going??? Like he said, there's obviously more to this than what he or we know so far.
whether you live in your parents home, or rent a different property from them, if you are paying rent and they boot you randomly without notice, it is fucked. you cant boot your tenant out without notice unless he's broken a lease, and even then there is a process. it's the same thing even if you're paying rent to your parents (at least legally in the us)
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So is he photoshopping his head onto postcards from Hawaii? Ages would help clarify the degree of bumness!
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On June 26 2013 10:55 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On June 26 2013 06:34 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:On June 26 2013 05:48 QuanticHawk wrote:
evicted because a grown man didnt tell mommy and daddy where he was going??? Like he said, there's obviously more to this than what he or we know so far. whether you live in your parents home, or rent a different property from them, if you are paying rent and they boot you randomly without notice, it is fucked. you cant boot your tenant out without notice unless he's broken a lease, and even then there is a process. it's the same thing even if you're paying rent to your parents (at least legally in the us)
I agree it's kind of fucked, but without knowing the situation, hard to tell if this might be the right move. Sounds like the parents are going for the 'make him hit rock bottom' approach in hope he will turn his life around. As far as being kicked out, I don't know the law so I'm not going to say you're wrong, but I've always been under the impression even in the house you grew up in, once you turn 18 your parents have the right to boot you out of the house no questions asked as you are an adult. I would assume if your parents had a second home, told you that you could live there but needed to pay rent, if there's no agreement in writing, I would assume the above still applies.
In regards to the OP, if you're genuinely curious, I'd ask in the hopes of getting a straight answer. If you don't think you'll get a straight answer and think your parents know more, ask them. Depending how old you are, if you approach the situation in an adult manner and with genuine concern for your brother's well being, I don't see why they wouldn't let you in on what's going on, especially if you can make them realize it's affecting you and knowing more information would make the situation more bearable.
The situation as a whole sounds really crazy if your brother is going international and seemingly blowing all his money. There could be so many things that come to mind, and very few of them are in good circumstances unfortunately.
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this is getting deraily, and it varies very much state by state, but generally if youre living at a residence for a certain amount of time (varies state to state) and especially if you are paying or contributing to rent, youre considered a legal tenant even if youre not on the lease or whatever. maybe if i look it up ill post it but the gist of it is that it exists to buy you a few weeks when you have a relationship that goes south so youre not on the street
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Not to jump to conclusions, but maybe he's a drug dealer. Or a gambling addict?
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I was expecting your first line to say "He loves bad bitches thats his fucking problem"
If your parents own the place then they can control him to an extent. If he doesn't give them what they want then they can evict him. Its harsh, but thats what happens when its not your own. Hope it all works out for you guys though, its never good when theres super secret stuff going on.
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On June 26 2013 16:26 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:
I was expecting your first line to say "He loves bad bitches thats his fucking problem"
If your parents own the place then they can control him to an extent. If he doesn't give them what they want then they can evict him. Its harsh, but thats what happens when its not your own. Hope it all works out for you guys though, its never good when theres super secret stuff going on.
not actually legal for them to evict him like that, he ought to call the cops but seeing as his landlords are his parents he probably won't
nvm op is from denmark
there's still probably something about renter's laws that'll protect him though
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On June 26 2013 09:42 Rollin wrote:Show nested quote +On June 26 2013 08:58 ninazerg wrote:
What if he secretly works for Danish Intelligence and has saved millions of lives during his secret spy missions? This sounds extremely plausible.
Hahaha this is possible. He can also be batman or something.
Seriously, just talk to him and find out from him, make sure it makes sense if not then most like drugs, sex and gambling. Choose one.
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Allow me to be the first to guess correctly.
He's addicted to cocaine
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Your parents are monsters, have some goddamn respect for his privacy. It's his money isn't it? His spare time? And already mentioned: It's illegal to evict someone like that.
On June 26 2013 23:19 Vivax wrote:
Allow me to be the first to guess correctly.
He's addicted to cocaine
That's stupid, nothing mentioned about weight loss or irregular moods, not to mention bloody noses etc. And it certainly doesn't explain the trips. Maybe he's just gay or something and regularly tries to visit his lover.
In any case, OP, you're his brother. I'm assuming you have a good relationship with him otherwise you wouldn't be posting this. Just sit down with him in a relaxed environment, ask him what's going on, and don't lend him money unless he gives you a good reason for it.
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On June 26 2013 23:51 Frits wrote:Show nested quote +On June 26 2013 23:19 Vivax wrote:
Allow me to be the first to guess correctly.
He's addicted to cocaine That's stupid, nothing mentioned about weight loss or irregular moods, not to mention bloody noses etc. And it certainly doesn't explain the trips. Maybe he's just gay or something and regularly tries to visit his lover.
Good point. OP, it's probably heroin.
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Lol people in this thread... are clearly showing their lack of experience in the real world...
Lol are all of you expecting the guy to take his parents to court?
Is sueing his family and severing that familial tie FOREVER, worth staying wherever he lives?
LOL. Sure he can take them to court... but THEY ARE HIS PARENTS FFS.
Seriously, people, arguing over the legalities of kicking their son out of a property they own...? lol...
Do none of you have parents? Would you really sue your parents/take legal action against them over a living arrangement?
If so, you are a disgusting human being, and your parents are better off without you in their lives.
Seriously, so many people with 0 experience living in the real world trying to condemn the parents. Maybe the brother is a drug addict, and the parents are trying to shake him up to get him to wake up. Maybe the parents are trying to take care of their kid and fix him however possible... if he is begging for a loan from his brother, he is clearly not exactly in control or in charge of his life currently... and obviously needs the supervision.
I would give either of my brothers a couch/bed to crash in... but idk about loaning money... DEFINITELY wouldnt loan money without all of the details, especially when they are hurting the relationship between themselves and the parents, and I wouldnt let my brothers hurt my relationship with my parents without knowing the whole story
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United Kingdom20301 Posts
Nobody mentioned the possibility of a hidden girl?
Next, he's been going on vacation a lot but he's been lying about where he's been going. He claimed that he went to all sorts of different places but he has really been going to the same place every time
He's doing something (or someone) there, pretty obvious. Really hard to say what, though
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he's probably addicted to hookers
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On June 27 2013 00:25 MaestroSC wrote:
Lol people in this thread... are clearly showing their lack of experience in the real world...
Lol are all of you expecting the guy to take his parents to court?
Is sueing his family and severing that familial tie FOREVER, worth staying wherever he lives?
LOL. Sure he can take them to court... but THEY ARE HIS PARENTS FFS.
Seriously, people, arguing over the legalities of kicking their son out of a property they own...? lol...
Do none of you have parents? Would you really sue your parents/take legal action against them over a living arrangement?
If so, you are a disgusting human being, and your parents are better off without you in their lives.
Seriously, so many people with 0 experience living in the real world trying to condemn the parents. Maybe the brother is a drug addict, and the parents are trying to shake him up to get him to wake up. Maybe the parents are trying to take care of their kid and fix him however possible... if he is begging for a loan from his brother, he is clearly not exactly in control or in charge of his life currently... and obviously needs the supervision.
I would give either of my brothers a couch/bed to crash in... but idk about loaning money... DEFINITELY wouldnt loan money without all of the details, especially when they are hurting the relationship between themselves and the parents, and I wouldnt let my brothers hurt my relationship with my parents without knowing the whole story
If my parents ever dared to kick me out of my house which I graciously allow them to pay for, I would slap them both in the face so hard that there would be structural damage to their neck and spine probably. I do what I want and get what I want when I say it. Hell yeah I'd call a lawyer and sue them for like 1 million dollars if they even thought about it, and I would win the case too because my parents are a bunch of pussies and I ain't afraid of them, or a judge, or a jury, or their lame-ass lawyer. I'd jump him in the streets because that's how we do it down here, and he'd punk out cuz he don't want it with me or my crew. What.
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On June 27 2013 05:41 ninazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2013 00:25 MaestroSC wrote:
Lol people in this thread... are clearly showing their lack of experience in the real world...
Lol are all of you expecting the guy to take his parents to court?
Is sueing his family and severing that familial tie FOREVER, worth staying wherever he lives?
LOL. Sure he can take them to court... but THEY ARE HIS PARENTS FFS.
Seriously, people, arguing over the legalities of kicking their son out of a property they own...? lol...
Do none of you have parents? Would you really sue your parents/take legal action against them over a living arrangement?
If so, you are a disgusting human being, and your parents are better off without you in their lives.
Seriously, so many people with 0 experience living in the real world trying to condemn the parents. Maybe the brother is a drug addict, and the parents are trying to shake him up to get him to wake up. Maybe the parents are trying to take care of their kid and fix him however possible... if he is begging for a loan from his brother, he is clearly not exactly in control or in charge of his life currently... and obviously needs the supervision.
I would give either of my brothers a couch/bed to crash in... but idk about loaning money... DEFINITELY wouldnt loan money without all of the details, especially when they are hurting the relationship between themselves and the parents, and I wouldnt let my brothers hurt my relationship with my parents without knowing the whole story If my parents ever dared to kick me out of my house which I graciously allow them to pay for, I would slap them both in the face so hard that there would be structural damage to their neck and spine probably. I do what I want and get what I want when I say it. Hell yeah I'd call a lawyer and sue them for like 1 million dollars if they even thought about it, and I would win the case too because my parents are a bunch of pussies and I ain't afraid of them, or a judge, or a jury, or their lame-ass lawyer. I'd jump him in the streets because that's how we do it down here, and he'd punk out cuz he don't want it with me or my crew. What.
Love you nina  . Always put a smile on my face haha
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On June 27 2013 05:41 ninazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2013 00:25 MaestroSC wrote:
Lol people in this thread... are clearly showing their lack of experience in the real world...
Lol are all of you expecting the guy to take his parents to court?
Is sueing his family and severing that familial tie FOREVER, worth staying wherever he lives?
LOL. Sure he can take them to court... but THEY ARE HIS PARENTS FFS.
Seriously, people, arguing over the legalities of kicking their son out of a property they own...? lol...
Do none of you have parents? Would you really sue your parents/take legal action against them over a living arrangement?
If so, you are a disgusting human being, and your parents are better off without you in their lives.
Seriously, so many people with 0 experience living in the real world trying to condemn the parents. Maybe the brother is a drug addict, and the parents are trying to shake him up to get him to wake up. Maybe the parents are trying to take care of their kid and fix him however possible... if he is begging for a loan from his brother, he is clearly not exactly in control or in charge of his life currently... and obviously needs the supervision.
I would give either of my brothers a couch/bed to crash in... but idk about loaning money... DEFINITELY wouldnt loan money without all of the details, especially when they are hurting the relationship between themselves and the parents, and I wouldnt let my brothers hurt my relationship with my parents without knowing the whole story If my parents ever dared to kick me out of my house which I graciously allow them to pay for, I would slap them both in the face so hard that there would be structural damage to their neck and spine probably. I do what I want and get what I want when I say it. Hell yeah I'd call a lawyer and sue them for like 1 million dollars if they even thought about it, and I would win the case too because my parents are a bunch of pussies and I ain't afraid of them, or a judge, or a jury, or their lame-ass lawyer. I'd jump him in the streets because that's how we do it down here, and he'd punk out cuz he don't want it with me or my crew. What.
THANK YOU. ffs sometimes its hard being in a community full of entitled high school and college kids -.-"
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On June 27 2013 00:25 MaestroSC wrote:
Lol people in this thread... are clearly showing their lack of experience in the real world...
Lol are all of you expecting the guy to take his parents to court?
Is sueing his family and severing that familial tie FOREVER, worth staying wherever he lives?
LOL. Sure he can take them to court... but THEY ARE HIS PARENTS FFS.
Seriously, people, arguing over the legalities of kicking their son out of a property they own...? lol...
Do none of you have parents? Would you really sue your parents/take legal action against them over a living arrangement?
If so, you are a disgusting human being, and your parents are better off without you in their lives.
Seriously, so many people with 0 experience living in the real world trying to condemn the parents. Maybe the brother is a drug addict, and the parents are trying to shake him up to get him to wake up. Maybe the parents are trying to take care of their kid and fix him however possible... if he is begging for a loan from his brother, he is clearly not exactly in control or in charge of his life currently... and obviously needs the supervision.
I would give either of my brothers a couch/bed to crash in... but idk about loaning money... DEFINITELY wouldnt loan money without all of the details, especially when they are hurting the relationship between themselves and the parents, and I wouldnt let my brothers hurt my relationship with my parents without knowing the whole story
The OP clearly states his brother was kicked out for not wanting to share his complete private life with his parents, learn to read. Also, obviously noone would start a legal procedure against their parents, but simply stating how it's illegal should give an idea of how unreasonable the situation is. Besides, who said anything about taking legal action? He can simply refuse to leave and the parents are the one who have to go to court. Also asking for a loan is not the same as 'clearly not having your life under control'.
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Yes, your parents are judgemental controlling morons.
Best for your brother is to stay away from them, beacuse they give 0 respect to him.
As for you, lending money should be accompanied with trust.
So if you do not trust your brother confront him about your fears and decide afterwards.
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EPT
