EPT
If you’re not already aware of this, I’m not sure how I could be more obvious. I play video games all the time, immerse myself in homebrew Pokemon tabletop RPGs, draft Magic cards, read comic books, watch Star Trek, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Gurren Lagann, and go to conventions for all of the above.
That’s not what makes me a nerd.
Most would assert that the above description is exactly what makes me a nerd. I’m a nerd because I’m wearing this hat while I write this. I’m a nerd because I’m going to watch Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, and Buffy The Vampire Slayer in the next twenty-four hours. Certainly that’s what Big Bang Theory would have you believe about what a nerd is or does. Yet I’ve though about my identity as a nerd for a long time, and I’m not convinced that any of those traits or other similar ones are what makes me a nerd. After putting far too much thought into it, I’ve devised a hypothesis.
Being a nerd is a lot like being in love.
Okay… well, not exactly. That’s probably too sappy, for one thing. Let’s try this: being a nerd is a lot like being in a relationship.
With a thing.
Even I can admit that sounds a bit weird. Yet I don’t think any other definition or analysis out there so perfectly sums up the heart of nerdiness.
Think about this.
One day, you meet a TV show. Or a board game. Or a book series. You approach it all eager and excited… or maybe only slightly intrigued… or you could be dismissive. Depends. Perhaps you heard of this thing from a friend of yours and aren’t particularly interested in its reputation. Perhaps you saw it from afar and wondered “What’s that all about? Maybe I should go find out.” Introduction aside, somehow you end up playing the game, watching the movie, or reading the comic; your first date. Not all first dates go well. Maybe you decide “This isn’t the thing for me.” It’s not as fun as you thought or it doesn’t hold your interest or… something. But some first dates are incredible. Your date makes you laugh, you spend unplanned hours together, your interactions are continually fresh and interesting and fun. When the day or night or whatever is over, the two of you split, but you absolutely want to see your date again. You schedule another date. It begins.
Next thing you know, you’re spending an inordinate amount of time with your video game or your CCG or your model train set. You immerse yourself within a world where only the two of you exist (usually). You transition from just an hour-long demo, a sample chapter, a free mini-comic, or an intro campaign, to hours of playtime, a shelf dedicated to your favorite series, comprehensive knowledge of fictional universe, or DM’ing your own elite-level campaign with other seasoned RPG vets. The relationship gets very serious. You think about your new friend all the time. You can’t help but want to be around it. Sure, there are times when you’re enjoying something else, but you really want to be on another date, growing your relationship, and discovering more and more about this thing that you’re so into all of a sudden. Then you realize: holy shit… I’m in love.
It’s a strange feeling at first, but it explains why you’re so obsessed. Why it seems like this new hobby is consuming all your thoughts, dreams, and spare time (hopefully not literally). It could be shocking, and you might be unwilling to believe something so fun and cool and good has entered your life, but… there it is. And it is so unbelievably amazing.
The weird thing about this relationship is that you share it with others (not typical with a significant other*). Your connection isn’t one-on-one but a community of like-minded individuals. They all love your thing with you, and that shared relationship creates an implicit connection between everyone that partakes in the love. You can strike up a conversation with any of them for an easy smile and several hours of discussion (or debate). You can gab with them in forums or meet at conventions. They will dress up like your thing’s favorite characters (or concepts) and traipse around a gymnasium or conference hall or public park. There’s a whole world out there with people who feel the same devotion that you do and make countless memes about it that will consistently make you laugh. What could be better than a relationship that improves your connections with others, that makes you feel that you belong?
* I shall not speak for the polyamorous
Of course, people also do some strange and sad things in the name of love or a relationship. They assume others’ loves are false idols, denouncing them for their inferiority when compared to their own. They might cloister themselves and obsess singularly over their precious thing, pushing themselves further and further away from health, happiness, and reality. Sometimes they’ll presume their love demands sacrifice and give up other pursuits to dedicate all their time to worship. There are some who may not understand or respect another’s relationship because they either lack such a connection themselves or they regard your relationship as false or pathetic. They tease and taunt, bully and abuse. They turn up their noses and smirk condescendingly. They make you feel like an outcast because of what you hold dear. It’s sad… but it happens.
Relationships also end. You grow detached from the happiness your connection once brought you. You no longer believe your connection is interesting or stimulating. It’s just… not doing it for you anymore. Maybe it’ll stay in your life as a casual acquaintance while you move on to the next thing. Maybe you’ll be resentful, cast it aside, and claim “It’s not what it used to be. It’s not what it was when we first met.” Perhaps you pine for the good old days and wax nostalgic for the good times you once had. Sometimes you’ll get back together and other times you’ll truly move on to find a new joy, a new love, a new relationship.
They might think a nerd carries a pocket protector and sports thick-rimmed glasses. They might posit that a nerd is someone who doesn’t go outside or speaks with a nasal tone or is pimply. Perhaps they just think a nerd wears a Green Lantern T-shirt or has seen Serenity twenty times or dresses like a Moogle twice a year or hordes stacks of Magic cards in the attic. And while those people may be nerds, that’s not what makes them nerds. A nerd imagines what they’d do with a Lantern ring because the very idea makes them happy. A nerd watches every football game because his fantasy team needs to win to make the playoffs. A nerd eagerly watches all of Charlie Chaplin’s filmography to understand its influences on modern cinema. A nerd queues up for another ranked game because even after ten losses and more BM than they can remember, it’s still their favorite game of all time. A nerd messages a friend or a forum when they’ve seen the latest episode or the newest movie to hear their peers’ opinions and toss out some of their own. Someone is a nerd when they love something and love it so much that whatever it is is a part of their lives.
I am a nerd.
You can read this post and many more at the N3rd Dimension.
