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Flying is a strange gamble.
The cost of the gamble is X dollars for the ticket and Y hours of time. You get A and B for this - A being your destination, and B being the 'experience of traveling'.
X+Y = A+B
Now, that Y hours of time also gets multiplied by Z, the overall experience that awaits you between you slipping into and out of whatever seat you've been assigned by the magic ticket fairy. Z is closely correlated, but not altogether directly related, to B.
So, X+Y = A+B becomes X+Y*Z = A+B.
Z is determined by a lot of different factors - is there food? alcohol? a power plug under your seat? (look for that little lightning bolt on your overhead bin cover, people). But the single most important factor of Z is who you sit next to.
If you're not tired, you should be able to make friends with your seatmate 100% of the time. There's so much room for small pleasantries, small favors - helping with luggage, not being an asshole when they need to pee, taking their leftover food and trash out for them, etc. - and let's not forget making major sacrifices for friendship like offering the window or the aisle seat.
But do you want to befriend them? Flying is a gamble because it's the only roulette you can take in this day and age that plunks you straight into the personal space of a complete stranger for hours on end. You become privy to their most intimate secrets - their home address (check their carry-on luggage for a tag if you're interested), their angry emails to ex-spouses (should've brought a privacy screen for your laptop kiddo), the capacity of their bladder.
You also will wind up sharing the olfactory results of their last meal and personal hygiene habits. Basically, you'll end up sharing, for a few hours, everything you would share with a spouse or a roommate - sometimes, even more.
And take this Z - all the way from Zsub1 to ZsubK - and multiply it by the Y hours you'll be spending aloft. Beijing to Chicago is a long-ass flight. What did the magic ticket fairy have in store?
Cue the Capital International Airport - one of those airports with a monorail that takes you from one terminal to the next, because it's that freaking huge.
It's 6AM. I haven't slept all night since I got back from Wudaokou kind of late. My throat hurts from all the karaoke and cigarette smoke and my brain is still hungover.
After hugging my relatives, customs, and security, I find myself at the departure gate, waiting in the group 3/group 4 line, basically the group that means 'since you're a new customer to our airline, it makes a ton of sense for us to treat you like Rosa Parks - BACK OF THE LINE, KIDDO'.
Some lady behind me nudges my shoulder, leans forward, and asks what 'group 1' meant on her airplane ticket. Inwardly, i was like 'why is it that Chinese people always think I can speak English?'. Answer her question - then I see a much younger woman standing behind her, eyeing both of us. Probably her daughter. The lady begins zipping up her shit, preparing to cut ahead of all of us in line.
I turn my head, try to sleep standing up. Doesn't work; my eyes keep taking deep drags of the reddish-orange, pollution-filtered sunlight. Turn back around: the young woman is still standing there. I ask her if she was going to meet her mother. She looks at me like 'wtf' and I realize my sleep-deprived brain fucked up with the whole mother-daughter dealio. I smile, change the subject in English, abusing my English proficiency to paper over the awkwardness as best I can, then ask her why she's heading to Chicago, yadda yadda.
The answers barely register but I get the feeling she's in the same boat as me - young working stiff, seeing family in Beijing, heading back to the US before the May 1 airport crush. I ask her which school she went to, she tells me Tsinghua. I blink twice, grin in admiration, she blushes, and now the ice is officially broken. The line starts moving.
I would have kept talking with her, but then I get pulled aside by security.
"Is this your laptop?"
I nod. Behind me, Tsinghua Girl expresses a look of concern. I give her the 'I can handle this' look, then tell her I'll see her on the plane. She shrugs, walks onward.
The security lady's voice is harsh. "Turn it on."
I try to. The battery is dead. Then I plug in the adapter. Nothing happens. No charge, nothing. I begin to sweat. "Um, sir, it looks like my laptop adapter is broken. What should I do?"
The security lady working my bag looks at me with these wide fearful eyes, like I'm about to blow us up, and calls for her boss. After a bunch of fiddling, they let me go, but TG is nowhere in sight.
I wind up on the plane next to this guy who just got back from Indonesia, and who proudly admits to me that it's been 24 hours since he's slept in a decent bed. Where has he been, I ask. He turns and sprays me with full-force haven't-brushed-my-teeth-in-a-day breath, recites a litany of airports across most of Southeast Asia.
I want to cry... but then I look past him, and at the end of the row is none other than Tsinghua Girl.
TG is sitting there trying to sleep and looking just as miserable and tired as I am, while the guy next to her is rocking out on a headset. I decide to take a risk.
After the plane takes off, I stroll up in my best nonchalant-sheepish manner possible, tap rockerboy on the shoulder, and ask, in halting English, if I could sit next to my friend. I explain with mock sheepishness that she and I know each other. I tell him the flight attendants are all fine with it.
He gets up and leaves. Step 1 complete - competition removed. Now I have a monopoly on her attention for the next ten hours. She looks at me with these huge, unsure eyes that mean some part of her is happy with the whole situation but she's not sure which. I sit down smile, and after rockerboy is out of earshot, tell her (in Chinese) thanks for staying quiet and saving me, since the white dude from Indonesia sitting next to me smelled like ass. She says that I'm so evil for sending that other guy over there. I grin and say that's why I owe her one. We lock eyes and exchange smiles - she asks if I can put one of her bags up in the overhead bin.
Step 2 complete. She's now asking me to do things.
We chat a little, do the standard 'what do you do and where do you live' round. Turns out we work two blocks from each other. I say UChicago, she says Tsinghua and a masters at Notre Dame. I joke that she's younger than me but already smarter, she misses the joke but laughs anyhow to be polite. Then all of a sudden these old ladies next to me start asking me whether I can help them fill out the US Customs entry cards. I decide to be a nice guy and fill them out - TG asks if she can help. We do it together, the old ladies call us a cute couple. I don't register, but from behind me, TG nudges me. I turn around, she's beaming - she doesn't look uncomfortable at all.
Step 3 complete. Target is single.
We chat some more, then decide to watch Silver Linings Playbook together. Sure. I sleep through the movie; so does she, since she's already watched it three times before. Before I fully pass out, I take her headphones out of her ear; she smiles in her sleep. Cute. Food comes by, I translate for the old ladies again because the flight attendant doesn't speak Chinese and they don't speak English.
We still can't fall asleep for very long so I suggest alcohol.
This is the other reason I like long-haul flights. They give you plenty of free booze. I mean, 10 hours to monopolize a lady's time and an open bar? Too easy. Plus, everyone wants to drink anyhow since 'that helps you sleep'.
Two little bottles of wine later, she suggests another movie which she heard won a bunch of awards. Turns out the movie is called Amour and it's about an old couple's struggle with stroke-induced partial disability and amnesia, and their struggle to maintain their love for one another. Pretty heavy shit, she's crying, hell, I'm crying. She asks for two more bottles of wine. I oblige, and I return with a bunch of tissues to boot. She's gone.
I sit down, watch as she appears from the bathroom with a bunch of tissues. She sees the ones in my hand, laughs, says she got some for me too.
TG leaves the armrest up as she sits down. We then talk some more - swap war stories about exes, college life, work, drink another two bottles of wine, then fall asleep. I would want to say we were snuggling against each other, but snuggling is rarely a comfortable way to sleep. So we just turned away from each other and snored until breakfast and landing.
All the way up to Customs, I exit holding one of her bags like a war trophy. It feels good in my hands. We part, my jet-lagged brain forgets to ask for her number. But then the afternoon rolls around and she adds me on LinkedIn, the only place she could find my name. I add her back with all my contact info.
She texts me pictures of her paintings. I tell her I'd buy one of them for the rights to one of my script treatments. She calls me an egotistical bastard. I tell her that makes two of us, unless she doesn't think her paintings are even worth a pile of uncertain publication rights. She texts back her painting with a few more details. I downgrade it to the rights to a short story. She calls me, tells me to go fuck myself, then asks me if I have time Wednesday.
After a Wednesday mix-up, we do the classic first date Saturday. All goes well until she stops me at the door to her place - it's only a quick kiss goodnight. I'm intrigued, she's showing some self-control.
She tells me she wants to cook for me next weekend, and we can go watch The Great Gatsby. I say yes if she'll let me do some cooking myself and bring it over. She extends it into a mutual grocery trip too. Odd date idea, but what the hell, it's cheaper than any other option I can think of.
Then Sunday morning happens, she says I gave her a nightmare. She suggests Monday coffee to make it up to her. I up the ante - Tuesday at the bar with the 2$ drafts. She says yes to both.
X+Y*Z = ....?
Even if the magic ticket fairy wanted me to spend 10 hours in agony, at least she gave a chance to make it work out.
  
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You should seriously consider doing a collection of these short stories and putting them in a Sedaris-esque novel. And also quite the great story and good luck to both of you 
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cute story so far. good luck tomorrow
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Egoistical bastard, you didn't tell anything about the cooking!
So smooth, enjoy your time~
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Sounds like someone has a crush.
What do you think's the best that could come of this?
X+Y*Z = ....?
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These stories are always interesting, but they make me feel bad about my own inadequacies =/
I should take pick up lessons from this guy.
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![[image loading]](http://wiki.teamliquid.net/starcraft/images/thumb/a/af/Polaris_Rhapsody.jpg/400px-Polaris_Rhapsody.jpg)
this is what i thought the blog was going to be about
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I enjoy Rhapsody in Blue. Prefer it with the orchestra but that solo version is nice parlour music.
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Well that took a turn for the unexpected. When you're single, everything is an opportunity to mingle. But yes, being on a plane is great. I've never not had a nice conversation with my fellow passenger and congrats to you for finding the courage to get that guy's seat! You really pulled off a good one there.
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She sounds sweet
You must make a series out of this
Best of luck mate!
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On May 07 2013 00:26 Whatson wrote:
You go to UChicago?
I went there a few years ago.
Now she's texting me about 'domesticating' me. XD this girl is hilarious
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Awesome story. I read it all. And that says something from someone with an attention span of +- 1 minute.
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"Masters at Notre Dame"
Did she live in Australia, or is there more than one university called Notre dame?
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I almost thought you were talking about HoN - lol.
Good luck man!
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On May 07 2013 02:47 jeerlessdogmas wrote:Show nested quote +On May 07 2013 01:18 Recognizable wrote:
Awesome story. I read it all. And that says something from someone with an attention span of +- 1 minute. It certainly does say something. I've started 4 different Shady blogs and never finished one of them. I sort of wish he would start them off with a "So I met this girl on a plane" so I know where the hell it's all going.
Yes did not quite look like what I thought 
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On May 07 2013 02:47 jeerlessdogmas wrote:Show nested quote +On May 07 2013 01:18 Recognizable wrote:
Awesome story. I read it all. And that says something from someone with an attention span of +- 1 minute. It certainly does say something. I've started 4 different Shady blogs and never finished one of them. I sort of wish he would start them off with a "So I met this girl on a plane" so I know where the hell it's all going.
Fixed OP for you.
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Hahaha, now I know what that spoiler tag was all about.
Great story shady, you've got some serious game dude.
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So... um... holy shit. I think she might be the one.
Am I really this lucky?
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gogogogo. ShadySands the master of euphemisms.
Pics or it didn't happen brah!
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On May 08 2013 14:36 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
gogogogo. ShadySands the master of euphemisms.
Pics or it didn't happen brah!
So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'.
Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards.
And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other.
Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever.
And she liked it.
Haven't been this pumped over a date in years.
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On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 08 2013 14:36 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
gogogogo. ShadySands the master of euphemisms.
Pics or it didn't happen brah! So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'. Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards. And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other. Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever. And she liked it. Haven't been this pumped over a date in years.
See, this is what happens when you aren't posturing all the time. When all you do is start off with all the "suave shit to impress each other," then when you drop the "suave shit" people aren't going to be impressed. Cliche, it might seem, but "be yourself" is the better way to go if you're trying to form a relationship (as opposed to posturing which is perhaps only better if all you're trying to do is put your dick into a vagina, which I guess if that is how you're going to measure your worth in life, go for it?). If you want to form a connection, you need to give a reason for the other person to open up to you. This means that you yourself need to be extremely forthcoming and honest, and show, even for a second, some vulnerability so that they know they can do the same with you, and that helps build meaningful relationships, whether romantic or otherwise.
Anyways, good luck, and try not to fuck it up.
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On May 08 2013 15:18 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:On May 08 2013 14:36 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
gogogogo. ShadySands the master of euphemisms.
Pics or it didn't happen brah! So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'. Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards. And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other. Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever. And she liked it. Haven't been this pumped over a date in years. See, this is what happens when you aren't posturing all the time. When all you do is start off with all the "suave shit to impress each other," then when you drop the "suave shit" people aren't going to be impressed. Cliche, it might seem, but "be yourself" is the better way to go if you're trying to form a relationship (as opposed to posturing which is perhaps only better if all you're trying to do is put your dick into a vagina, which I guess if that is how you're going to measure your worth in life, go for it?). If you want to form a connection, you need to give a reason for the other person to open up to you. This means that you yourself need to be extremely forthcoming and honest, and show, even for a second, some vulnerability so that they know they can do the same with you, and that helps build meaningful relationships, whether romantic or otherwise. Anyways, good luck, and try not to fuck it up.
Yep. This is kind of funny because for the past few months I tried the slick approach and got more play than I've received in ages, but I felt like shit doing it.
TG and I were literally just joking around the entire night - nothing was off limits... my professional and romantic insecurities, my inner psyche... etc. Only downside was that I feel she's still being pretty reserved about herself but we've only known each other like 2 weeks so it's no big deal.
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On May 09 2013 02:11 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 08 2013 15:18 babylon wrote:On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:On May 08 2013 14:36 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
gogogogo. ShadySands the master of euphemisms.
Pics or it didn't happen brah! So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'. Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards. And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other. Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever. And she liked it. Haven't been this pumped over a date in years. See, this is what happens when you aren't posturing all the time. When all you do is start off with all the "suave shit to impress each other," then when you drop the "suave shit" people aren't going to be impressed. Cliche, it might seem, but "be yourself" is the better way to go if you're trying to form a relationship (as opposed to posturing which is perhaps only better if all you're trying to do is put your dick into a vagina, which I guess if that is how you're going to measure your worth in life, go for it?). If you want to form a connection, you need to give a reason for the other person to open up to you. This means that you yourself need to be extremely forthcoming and honest, and show, even for a second, some vulnerability so that they know they can do the same with you, and that helps build meaningful relationships, whether romantic or otherwise. Anyways, good luck, and try not to fuck it up. Yep. This is kind of funny because for the past few months I tried the slick approach and got more play than I've received in ages, but I felt like shit doing it. TG and I were literally just joking around the entire night - nothing was off limits... my professional and romantic insecurities, my inner psyche... etc. Only downside was that I feel she's still being pretty reserved about herself but we've only known each other like 2 weeks so it's no big deal.
If you're a talkative kind of guy who actually listens to people and responds accordingly, then her reservedness shouldn't be a problem, imo, and as you've said, it's only been two weeks.
There's a very delicate "power balance" at work in most good relationships. I think in general people try to "play" relationships by the rule that "the one who shows the least interest holds the most power" (see: everyone who says, "Show less interest, and she'll come running after you!") I find this incredibly destructive for most relationships (again, romantic or otherwise), but it's conditioned how people interact with each other, and it's not uncommon for people to be afraid of opening up lest they show too much of themselves and get burned for it when the other person doesn't respect that offering of vulnerability or, possibly even worse, doesn't acknowledge it.
In the end, it's really about giving and hoping that the other person treats that gift with care. I often find that, in good relationships, the one who starts off with seemingly more power (define that as you will) is the one who often has to give more of themselves to compensate. It readjusts the power balance to something more or less equal, which is of course healthier for both people.
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On May 09 2013 02:50 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 02:11 Shady Sands wrote:On May 08 2013 15:18 babylon wrote:On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:On May 08 2013 14:36 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
gogogogo. ShadySands the master of euphemisms.
Pics or it didn't happen brah! So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'. Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards. And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other. Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever. And she liked it. Haven't been this pumped over a date in years. See, this is what happens when you aren't posturing all the time. When all you do is start off with all the "suave shit to impress each other," then when you drop the "suave shit" people aren't going to be impressed. Cliche, it might seem, but "be yourself" is the better way to go if you're trying to form a relationship (as opposed to posturing which is perhaps only better if all you're trying to do is put your dick into a vagina, which I guess if that is how you're going to measure your worth in life, go for it?). If you want to form a connection, you need to give a reason for the other person to open up to you. This means that you yourself need to be extremely forthcoming and honest, and show, even for a second, some vulnerability so that they know they can do the same with you, and that helps build meaningful relationships, whether romantic or otherwise. Anyways, good luck, and try not to fuck it up. Yep. This is kind of funny because for the past few months I tried the slick approach and got more play than I've received in ages, but I felt like shit doing it. TG and I were literally just joking around the entire night - nothing was off limits... my professional and romantic insecurities, my inner psyche... etc. Only downside was that I feel she's still being pretty reserved about herself but we've only known each other like 2 weeks so it's no big deal. If you're a talkative kind of guy who actually listens to people and responds accordingly, then her reservedness shouldn't be a problem, imo, and as you've said, it's only been two weeks. There's a very delicate "power balance" at work in most good relationships. I think in general people try to "play" relationships by the rule that "the one who shows the least interest holds the most power" (see: everyone who says, "Show less interest, and she'll come running after you!") I find this incredibly destructive for most relationships (again, romantic or otherwise), but it's conditioned how people interact with each other, and it's not uncommon for people to be afraid of opening up lest they show too much of themselves and get burned for it when the other person doesn't respect that offering of vulnerability or, possibly even worse, doesn't acknowledge it. In the end, it's really about giving and hoping that the other person treats that gift with care. I often find that, in good relationships, the one who starts off with seemingly more power (define that as you will) is the one who often has to give more of themselves to compensate. It readjusts the power balance to something more or less equal, which is of course healthier for both people.
TBH, I don't even care about this 'power balance'. Have found that worrying too much about it only tends to fuck shit up. I just want to settle down and make a life together. Hopefully she has the same zero-BS mentality...
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This is getting me in the mood to write my update for my GB.
I need some pics shady. Pm gogogogo
Also I'm glad you found someone that you can talk to about serious stuff and not have to pretend to be someone else. Its quite liberating.
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On May 09 2013 02:57 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 02:50 babylon wrote:On May 09 2013 02:11 Shady Sands wrote:On May 08 2013 15:18 babylon wrote:On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:On May 08 2013 14:36 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
gogogogo. ShadySands the master of euphemisms.
Pics or it didn't happen brah! So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'. Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards. And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other. Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever. And she liked it. Haven't been this pumped over a date in years. See, this is what happens when you aren't posturing all the time. When all you do is start off with all the "suave shit to impress each other," then when you drop the "suave shit" people aren't going to be impressed. Cliche, it might seem, but "be yourself" is the better way to go if you're trying to form a relationship (as opposed to posturing which is perhaps only better if all you're trying to do is put your dick into a vagina, which I guess if that is how you're going to measure your worth in life, go for it?). If you want to form a connection, you need to give a reason for the other person to open up to you. This means that you yourself need to be extremely forthcoming and honest, and show, even for a second, some vulnerability so that they know they can do the same with you, and that helps build meaningful relationships, whether romantic or otherwise. Anyways, good luck, and try not to fuck it up. Yep. This is kind of funny because for the past few months I tried the slick approach and got more play than I've received in ages, but I felt like shit doing it. TG and I were literally just joking around the entire night - nothing was off limits... my professional and romantic insecurities, my inner psyche... etc. Only downside was that I feel she's still being pretty reserved about herself but we've only known each other like 2 weeks so it's no big deal. If you're a talkative kind of guy who actually listens to people and responds accordingly, then her reservedness shouldn't be a problem, imo, and as you've said, it's only been two weeks. There's a very delicate "power balance" at work in most good relationships. I think in general people try to "play" relationships by the rule that "the one who shows the least interest holds the most power" (see: everyone who says, "Show less interest, and she'll come running after you!") I find this incredibly destructive for most relationships (again, romantic or otherwise), but it's conditioned how people interact with each other, and it's not uncommon for people to be afraid of opening up lest they show too much of themselves and get burned for it when the other person doesn't respect that offering of vulnerability or, possibly even worse, doesn't acknowledge it. In the end, it's really about giving and hoping that the other person treats that gift with care. I often find that, in good relationships, the one who starts off with seemingly more power (define that as you will) is the one who often has to give more of themselves to compensate. It readjusts the power balance to something more or less equal, which is of course healthier for both people. TBH, I don't even care about this 'power balance'. Have found that worrying too much about it only tends to fuck shit up. I just want to settle down and make a life together. Hopefully she has the same zero-BS mentality...
You should consider power balance from the other person's POV even if you don't care for it yourself.
I say this, because the ones who "don't care about power balance" are often the ones who hold the more powerful role in a relationship by default. You have the luxury*, in other words, of not thinking about it, because it's not as big an issue for you. But for those who habitually hold less power in a relationship, it's going to loom much larger in their minds, because, quite simply, the threat exists that, some day, there's going to be a conflict of interests, and the person with more power in the relationship is going to ultimately be able to do whatever the fuck they want and the "weaker" partner can't do anything to stop it.
*Basically, privilege, but I know that's a buzzword these days.
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On May 09 2013 02:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
This is getting me in the mood to write my update for my GB.
I need some pics shady. Pm gogogogo
Also I'm glad you found someone that you can talk to about serious stuff and not have to pretend to be someone else. Its quite liberating.
I'd have to ask her if she'd be fine with her pics ending up on TL. Maybe in a month, once we know each other better?
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things are looking good! 
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On May 09 2013 03:11 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2013 02:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
This is getting me in the mood to write my update for my GB.
I need some pics shady. Pm gogogogo
Also I'm glad you found someone that you can talk to about serious stuff and not have to pretend to be someone else. Its quite liberating. I'd have to ask her if she'd be fine with her pics ending up on TL. Maybe in a month, once we know each other better?
thats true
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Lol, date her for 2 weeks
"Hey are you okay with me sending pictures of you to people on some starcraft2 forum?"
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On May 09 2013 03:52 solidbebe wrote:Lol, date her for 2 weeks "Hey are you okay with me sending pictures of you to people on some starcraft2 forum?"
we need to make sure she is real
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On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:
Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever.
And she liked it.
Haven't been this pumped over a date in years.
I bring that shit up on the first date. That's my 'opener' lol.
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On May 09 2013 04:30 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:
Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever.
And she liked it.
Haven't been this pumped over a date in years. I bring that shit up on the first date. That's my 'opener' lol.
Maybe I should just do that as well - would make the rest of the relationship a heck of a lot easier.
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United States10328 Posts
Nice story; good luck :D
(I skipped whatever funny algebraic expressions you wrote though...)
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On May 09 2013 11:03 ]343[ wrote:
Nice story; good luck :D
(I skipped whatever funny algebraic expressions you wrote though...)
lawl
probably good you skipped 'em
I was pretty jet-lagged when I wrote 'em, my equations don't make a ton of sense.
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Aww, I thought this actually happened to OP sad at the end when I read the comments,
but these Girl on the plane stories are quite good
Edit: You are a god amongst men Shady!
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On May 08 2013 15:18 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:On May 08 2013 14:36 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
gogogogo. ShadySands the master of euphemisms.
Pics or it didn't happen brah! So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'. Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards. And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other. Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever. And she liked it. Haven't been this pumped over a date in years. See, this is what happens when you aren't posturing all the time. When all you do is start off with all the "suave shit to impress each other," then when you drop the "suave shit" people aren't going to be impressed. Cliche, it might seem, but "be yourself" is the better way to go if you're trying to form a relationship (as opposed to posturing which is perhaps only better if all you're trying to do is put your dick into a vagina, which I guess if that is how you're going to measure your worth in life, go for it?). If you want to form a connection, you need to give a reason for the other person to open up to you. This means that you yourself need to be extremely forthcoming and honest, and show, even for a second, some vulnerability so that they know they can do the same with you, and that helps build meaningful relationships, whether romantic or otherwise. Anyways, good luck, and try not to fuck it up.
I like this post, alot. Truth
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
Shady, these after posts are actually better than the blog itself, which was already good! Awesome for you man and damn you've got some game.
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On May 11 2013 03:24 Targe wrote:
Shady, these after posts are actually better than the blog itself, which was already good! Awesome for you man and damn you've got some game.
On May 10 2013 11:07 isaachukfan wrote:
Aww, I thought this actually happened to OP sad at the end when I read the comments,
but these Girl on the plane stories are quite good
Edit: You are a god amongst men Shady!
Thanks!
Looking forward to this weekend =)
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
On May 11 2013 03:38 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On May 11 2013 03:24 Targe wrote:
Shady, these after posts are actually better than the blog itself, which was already good! Awesome for you man and damn you've got some game. Show nested quote +On May 10 2013 11:07 isaachukfan wrote:
Aww, I thought this actually happened to OP sad at the end when I read the comments,
but these Girl on the plane stories are quite good
Edit: You are a god amongst men Shady! Thanks! Looking forward to this weekend =)
Best of luck!
Make sure to tell us how it goes.
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Im flying sunday, chi -> socal
Lets take the roulette
Good shit buddy ^__^
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On May 06 2013 13:52 Shock710 wrote:this is what i thought the blog was going to be about
Haha I was thinking the same thing
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So just got back from her place. She's amazing. I don't know what to say except how the hell did this all happen so fast and how am I so lucky?
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On May 12 2013 02:16 Shady Sands wrote:
So just got back from her place. She's amazing. I don't know what to say except how the hell did this all happen so fast and how am I so lucky?
A mix of luck, game and taking your chances when they come.
Good for you Shady.
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Reading this made me super happy somehow. Best of luck to you Mr Shady.
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
On May 12 2013 02:16 Shady Sands wrote:
So just got back from her place. She's amazing. I don't know what to say except how the hell did this all happen so fast and how am I so lucky?
Wooooooo!
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Went over to her place last night.
Her: "You want to learn more Chinese right?"
Me: "Mhm"
Her: "Read these love letters from 朱生豪 to his wife aloud as I fall asleep"
Most fun I've had in a while. Got to watch her fall asleep with a smile on her face and improve my Chinese at the same time.
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awww thats cute. keep the updates coming yo
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Congratulations Shady, happy to hear things are going well and that you're happy.
Amazingly, I've had somewhat of a similar experience. At this point we've known each other a little longer than you and TC girl, about 2 months total, and it's been a fantastic time.
Also, I LOVE your line below, practically had me cracking up in the office.
On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:
So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'.
Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards.
And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other.
Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever.
And she liked it.
Haven't been this pumped over a date in years.
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Are you already sleeping at her place etc. or taking it slow?
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On May 15 2013 16:25 B.I.G. wrote:
Are you already sleeping at her place etc. or taking it slow?
We're moving kind of fast - it's an awesome feeling when both of you want to skip past all the coy BS and move straight to the steady state of waking up next to each other every single morning
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On May 15 2013 12:34 wchigo wrote:Congratulations Shady, happy to hear things are going well and that you're happy. Amazingly, I've had somewhat of a similar experience. At this point we've known each other a little longer than you and TC girl, about 2 months total, and it's been a fantastic time. Also, I LOVE your line below, practically had me cracking up in the office. Show nested quote +On May 08 2013 14:47 Shady Sands wrote:
So I spent the entire night holding the major idiot ball in my hands. Like if normal me is maybe a 5 or 6 on the a 1-10 of idiot vs suave I was playing around 2 the entire evening. Near the end I'm literally just droning on about my private philosophy towards life, the universe, and everything, and some private part of me is screaming 'WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THIS UP LIKE THIS'.
Then we went up to her place and made out and everything was okay. And she offered Friday night too, the midnight screening of the Great Gatsby, and asked me if I could walk her back to her place afterwards.
And the great thing is she was actually talking to me about life philosophies. You know, that deep conversation about value systems that you usually only have with good friends while six beers deep while playing Halo - except this is a dinner date where you're supposed to talk about suave shit to impress each other.
Instead we're talking about things that... you know, cut to the bone and actually matter but you aren't supposed to touch on until three months into the relationship - or maybe not ever.
And she liked it.
Haven't been this pumped over a date in years.
Glad to hear things are working out for you! What part of China are you in?
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On May 16 2013 00:20 Shady Sands wrote:
We're moving kind of fast - it's an awesome feeling when both of you want to skip past all the coy BS and move straight to the steady state of waking up next to each other every single morning
I hear that bro, lol! Luckily my roommate is extremely accommodating and understanding, so she is usually able to stay over anywhere from 2-4 nights a week.
On May 16 2013 00:25 Shady Sands wrote:
Glad to hear things are working out for you! What part of China are you in?
Thanks man. She just went out of the country with her mom on vacation for 5 days. First time since we've gotten close (even before dating) that I've not been able to see her for more than 2 days max, and I'm feeling it already, ha. She won't be back until Sunday night either. :p
Southern part, specifically Guangzhou. Not originally from China, but here for work at the moment. Ever been here, or have you only been in the northern region?
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EPT
