Pretty unexperienced at this kinda stuff. Need your opinion.
College student here. So there's this girl named "Ashley". I need to know if I'm just overreacting to her personality or if she's genuinely interested in me.
I was assigned a group of five random partners for a project. We all met today at the library. Enters Ashley.
-She has a tendency to laboriously aggrandize herself (got jealous when I mentioned a prestigious program and also randomly mentioned she got accepted by all her colleges). I think she might be insecure about herself..
-She's really pretty. She has the smoothest cute face I've seen (juxtaposed to me. You ever see a person with so much acne scars that you HAVE to double take? that's me). She never once looked at my acne scars like many girls do. The entire time for the 4 hours we spent, she looked straight at my eyes without hesitation.
-As everyone started to leave, she stayed and offered to help me recite my presentation. We stayed for another hour and conversed a quarter of the time. She let it slip that she was going to graduate as a super-super-senior and that she was planning on switching majors (I was also a gonna be a super-late senior but I was too embarrassed to tell her).
-As we left, she told me to call her if I needed help on a presentation slide. I didn't really consider it, but she insisted to give my phone to her. Then she put her number in.
-As we walked outside, I told her I ride the bus and she offered me a ride. I rejected first but upon seeing no bus at my stop, i accepted her second offer.
-She revealed to me that she lives in a house (parents gave her the house) alone with her 2-year-old lab. I asked if she got bored or lonely. She said she has friends over sometimes but she paints and does stuff to kill the time. I was intrigued as we were both biology majors. I am interested in painting as well and we had a good chat about mediums and Bob Ross on the ride to my place.
- I thank her for the ride, for helping me recite the presentation. She reminds me to call her if I need help. <- is this some way to boost her ego to show that she's reliably smart or is she interested? (because tbh it seems like she didn't even read the material).
I like her because she has a broken personality like me. We're both insecure/ashamed so we project a facade. She seemed lonely, just looking at how she would rather just sit and talk with some loser like me than go home. I want to help her. Also, like I said, she's super pretty (to the point where it's objectively correct).
At the very least, I think she just wanted to talk to someone. She doesn't have the humblest personality but neither did I until a few years ago.
I want to get to know her. Probably gonna ask her out at the end of the quarter. I still don't know though; she's too pretty to even consider a guy like me which leads me to think she's playing with me.
Poll: Do you think she's interested?
Stop being a bitch (71)
67%
Gather more intel (21)
20%
No (10)
9%
Yes (4)
4%
106 total votes
Your vote: Do you think she's interested?
(Vote): Yes (Vote): No (Vote): Gather more intel (Vote): Stop being a bitch
- As we left, she told me to call her if I needed help on a presentation slide. I didn't really consider it, but she insisted to give my phone to her. Then she put her number in.
Here's your safe technique:
Call her to recite some of your presentation again, you got some new jitters and just want to iron that shit out. Pass 1/2 hour or so at your place doing that shit, then thank her by taking her out to dinner (you can either say "I'd like to take you out to dinner" or "Now that that's done, let's get something to eat"). Whatever the mood calls for and how confident you're feeling + just say it how you'd say it.
Or ask for help and suggest to do it at her place, whatever.
Two suggestions:
Even if you're an ugly piece of shit, she cares about you and the presentation, enough to continuously offer the idea of following-up on your oral piece. If she's being friendly then that's closer than classmates cooperatively working on your presentation.
You don't need to immediately ask her flat out, you can transition your time with her to something casual and eventually romantic. You say you'd like to get to know her? Then create scenarios that do just that and don't put so much pressure on what this or that means (does she like me or not?).
Pursue. You have common ground and you obviously have things to talk about that are genuinely interesting. Follow those up and see where it goes. If the boat tips and you didn't her heart and love, at least you had a good time and some great talks with someone you can connect with.
Steps man, they don't have to lead to anywhere, they can just be steps towards something better.
Honestly the only way to tell is cues in body language and tone of voice. The situation you describe doesn't sound like an explicit show of interest. Agonizing over every detail in your mind is a sure way to let an opportunity go. I'm not good with women either but just like when you want to learn anything else: take someone as your model, copy them, practice til you're more comfortable.
In my experience, "safe techniques" don't really help. The longer you delay asking her out or at least hint that you like her, the faster you'd be added to the dreaded friendzone. Ask around if shes seeing someone atm. If not, go for it... NOW. Don't wait til end of the sem.
The "safe technique" is just transitioning out of the student/classmate relationship and into something more casual to both get a better feel for what he's interesting in and because he said he's "inexperienced" with the ladies.
Yeah, being honest here, she likes you dude. She doesn't like you for the right reasons though, she finds in you a bit of her, and you find in her a bit of you. It'll end up being best friends if you don't make a move, so you have to pick which one you want more, tapping her in bed, or tapping her knowledge as a friend (not to say you can't have her intellectually as a gf, but you know what I mean). She likes you, but she seems to need to do some soul-searching, or at least a bit of growing. A lot of people have the same insecurities, hell, I'm one of them, but the mature ones are the ones that don't self-aggrandize like that; the ones that understand their self worth.
If you haven't known her for long, and you have bad skin, I don't think she likes you. Obviously I do not have enough information to really support that, but think about it this way: If you meet a girl with bad skin, even if you like her personality, you're not going to like her in "that way" until you spend a lot more time with her so that you can overlook her physical flaws. Sure, girls tend to place more emphasis on personality than on appearance, but come on, it takes time for attraction to someone's personality to grow, and it takes even more time for that attraction to overcome a below-average appearance. (You make it sound like you're below-average anyways, but I obviously cannot tell, and I don't know the timeline you are working on. It seems like you just met her today ...)
So, first things first: take care of your skin, lol.
I'm starting to think she's one of those girls that tease. I called her and asked if she was busy. She responds by saying she just got out of the shower (is that shit something chicks normally say to a guy they just met that same day??)
Starting to think she's a tease...
Plus she's white female and I'm male asian, perhaps the astronomically smallest proportion in the spectrum of interracial relationships.
babylon, that's the thing. She didn't obsess over my bad skin like most girls do. Also I am happy with my physique. I'm in shape and stand proud in front of a mirror. Lots of girls check me out (albeit from a distance). Seal with the fucked up face hooked up with a supermodel. I see your point though and you're right. Physical attraction is what bonds people initially. Sigh... I'm planning on doing a TCA cross at home this summer.
On May 02 2013 13:52 kamicom wrote: I'm starting to think she's one of those girls that tease. I called her and asked if she was busy. She responds by saying she just got out of the shower (is that shit something chicks normally say to a guy they just met that same day??)
Starting to think she's a tease...
Plus she's white female and I'm male asian, perhaps the astronomically smallest proportion in the spectrum of interracial relationships.
babylon, that's the thing. She didn't obsess over my bad skin like most girls do. Also I am happy with my physique. I'm in shape and stand proud in front of a mirror. Lots of girls check me out (albeit from a distance). Seal with the fucked up face hooked up with a supermodel. I see your point though and you're right. Physical attraction is what bonds people initially. Sigh... I'm planning on doing a TCA cross at home this summer.
the shower thing is dependent on too many things to really make a call.
The ethnic/race (asian/white female) thing is retarded, drop that mindset.
On May 02 2013 13:52 kamicom wrote: I'm starting to think she's one of those girls that tease. I called her and asked if she was busy. She responds by saying she just got out of the shower (is that shit something chicks normally say to a guy they just met that same day??)
Starting to think she's a tease...
Plus she's white female and I'm male asian, perhaps the astronomically smallest proportion in the spectrum of interracial relationships.
babylon, that's the thing. She didn't obsess over my bad skin like most girls do. Also I am happy with my physique. I'm in shape and stand proud in front of a mirror. Lots of girls check me out (albeit from a distance). Seal with the fucked up face hooked up with a supermodel. I see your point though and you're right. Physical attraction is what bonds people initially. Sigh... I'm planning on doing a TCA cross at home this summer.
She didn't obsess about it in public to your face, but you can't know until you really ask her. I know lots of people who have bad skin with whom I can talk without giving them any indication at all that I think their skin is bad. People ignore these things all the time. Hell, some people are so afraid of offending others that they precisely do what you say: they look people right in the eye all the time instead of staring at them, because they are conscious of their own staring.
I mean, yeah, if you can't afford some facial cream, then skip it, but otherwise it's a small fix to what may be a pretty big problem. To make it more explicit: Would you want to kiss a girl with bad facial skin? The problem is not solved just 'cause people check you out from a distance. I mean, in a relationship, you typically want your face really close to the other person's, and when you get really close to another person's face, would you like to see a bunch of acne scars?
^agree w babylon.. maaan. TBH, I'm still gonna ask her out this quarter. I've lived like a nerdy bitch my entire life. My only relationships were in middle school and high school and essentially the girl had to ask me.
Torte, TCA is trichloroacetic acid. It's probably one of the more affordable and effective ways of getting rid of acne scars (though it's dangerous if you don't do it right since it's essentially just burning your skin.) I did tons of research and it seems to be the favored DIY acne scar remover (unless you're dark or super light skinned).
you are making large assumptions based on things that occur normally within a college project setting. also i do not think you should assume that she has a broken personality...lol. you hardly know her bro. in my opinion you cannot make a move based on this.
shit, forgot to post this before I left my comp a while ago...
"Stop being a bitch". If you are wondering if she is interested in you, it means you are interested in her...
If she spent more than an hour of her time and is telling you to call her and tells you she lives alone, then she isn't afraid of you or finds you creepy (I can't say she finds you attractive because not enough clues but that doesn't matter if you are the guy as much as everything else). She isn't stupid, she is giving you enough information that can almost be considered putting herself out there for you. The true test is in how you handle this. No girl is going to put herself out there more than this (maybe if she was more confident, but you said she isn't), and if she did, would you really be attracted to her? (obviously I can't be 100% without seeing her actions in person)
In any case, like I said, if you are wondering, it means you are interested, and I don't see why you should restrict yourself to only acting upon it if the interest is returned. Take the matter into your own hands, and if you don't see the interest, try to spark it yourself. You are already at the door, now work to get invited in.
You talk about facades and how you are more humble now. Maybe she can see that in you and is what she likes? She notices the confidence in you and how you don't treat her different even if you see through her bullshit. From my experience, these type girls who put up a facade or an image-act are some of the most prime to "pick-up" on (get to know better). They usually know when a guy is putting on an act as well, so stay confident and be yourself. Don't be afraid to be the first one to say something "risky", you are the guy, that is your job. All girls like attention, just don't be immature. Also, the prettier the girl, sometimes, the less attention they get, since it takes more confident people to approach them (obviously depends on personality and not so black and white).
TLDR: Stop being a bitch. Whether she likes you or not is irrelevant if you don't do anything about it.
Bro, just ask her out. You get turned down? Best part about college, largest congregation of the opposite sex that will be in your age/intelligence range (depending on the school/major).
Don't forget though, once you get the date, you gotta go sk8
that's way too little info on whether she likes you or not. Most of the stuff you put here is about what you think makes you two matches/why you like her? just give it a little bit more time and make sure you don't miss the timing :D
She already has made her mind up about you. She already knows what her response will be if you ask her out. This is identical to you knowing whether or not you would sleep with her within the first minute of meeting her. You just don't know what her response is.
You could now spend time trying to figure out how she will respond, or trying to build up a relationship or whatever, but the fact still remains. She's already made her mind up. Now seeing as your're probs a typical guy, the longer you don't ask her out, the more likely you will fuck things up (assuming her answer atm is yes).
Right now, your highest chance for success is to ask her out. If she says no, well then you never stood a chance anyway and you would have been wasting your time. If she says yes, then you made the correct choice before you screwed up by waiting or whatever.
End result. Don't be a bitch and ask her out. Don't be subtle or try to determine where you stand, just ask.
You forgot to put "[Girl Blog] in title you newbie!
I personally thing she wants a friend more than anything, but i think she has issues how to get friends. Her way by the sounds of it is to tease guys in, seduce them and then i bet she will friend zone your ass. Who knows, she might be a great friend though, and i believe that is what she is trying to get here.
What i would do is just keep dropping her the odd text or call, get talking about college again, arrange a meet up for presentation work again. Then as Torte said, drop a "do you wanna grab something to eat" after you finished. Thats the best way to start this moving forward. If you don't wanna get hurt you will have to just treat her as a friend for a while and wait for more intel before making a move that could wreck a good friendship (being as your personalities seem similar)
Pandemona, I was actually going to post that in retrospect right now when I read your post. I looked back on yesterday and it seems like she was just being friendly..
"Hey Ashley, I have to tell you something. I think you're really pretty. You seem like a nice and interesting person, and I know you're out of my league but if you have even the slightest bit of interest in me, do you want to go get a coffee or something?"
Saying this shit in front of a mirror, staring at my fucking acne scars... Fucking a man I need to get rid of these acne scars...
Well, it doesn't really matter if she likes you or not. Just be true to yourself and don't panic. If she doesn't well whatever, you might get a nice friend.
Think of this as ladder points :D Just queue up and play for funsies.
My advice: be casual about it, if she has an interest in you things will line up like a nice BO! But don't be too passive.
Sh'es gonna expect you to call her. Wait a few days then call her back. (=earlygame pressure)
Ask her out to see a painter's exhibition or a museum or something both of you will enjoy. If at the end of the day you still have no idea about how she feels towards you, just be honest with her and come clean. There's no better way imo.
"Hey Ashley, I have to tell you something. I think you're really pretty. You seem like a nice and interesting person, and I know you're out of my league but if you have even the slightest bit of interest in me, do you want to go get a coffee or something?"
Saying this shit in front of a mirror, staring at my fucking acne scars... Fucking a man I need to get rid of these acne scars...
Oh and don't you worry about your acne scars. I had the worst acne spots when I was a teenager, and the one thing I learned from them is that those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
On May 02 2013 18:14 kamicom wrote: Pandemona, I was actually going to post that in retrospect right now when I read your post. I looked back on yesterday and it seems like she was just being friendly..
"Hey Ashley, I have to tell you something. I think you're really pretty. You seem like a nice and interesting person, and I know you're out of my league but if you have even the slightest bit of interest in me, do you want to go get a coffee or something?"
Saying this shit in front of a mirror, staring at my fucking acne scars... Fucking a man I need to get rid of these acne scars...
Try and fix your appearance if it matters to you that badly, im sure your local GP can help you out (DR). If not carry on the way you are, a hot girl wants to be your friend by what im reading, that proves that this world isn't all about looks bro If you wanna be friends with her continue your interactions with her socially! If you can't handle that dont go any further
It's possible that she likes you, it's also possible that she's just being friendly and you're misconstruing that as her flirting. I remember a psych. study I had to read in University where men and women both looked at a social situation between a man and a woman and were asked to rate how flirty each one was. Men rated the woman as being far, far more of a flirt than did the women, who just thought she was being nice. If you could tell for sure if a woman liked you there would be no risk involved in asking her out. I would say she has given you enough signals for it to be reasonably plausible she likes you, she offered you a ride, gave you her number, clearly doesn't mind spending extra time with you.
As for what you do next, not sure. You could just ask her out, but that might be too forward, maybe consider getting together to work on your project/homework and then ask her if she wants to get dinner or lunch, if that goes well, then ask her out on a date, if it doesn't - there you go.
I am really gald you included stop being bitch as an option that is the solution to 99% of girl blogs on this site. Honestly whats the worse that happens you get rejected ohhhhhhhhhh no... worse thing ever. NOT!
exactly jamesr12. and props to you OP, probably why I responded in all honesty =p
Pandemona and others are right actually. I guess she could just want a friend.. If you are interested in having a friendship with her if she is in fact not interested, then angle that way. But I also have to give some due to Fen2. For most guys and situations, his advice is right on. Your highest chance of success is at the beginning, when the sparks are new.
If that isn't your style though, keep it casual. Bring it up when the time is right.
On May 02 2013 12:50 Mothra wrote: Honestly the only way to tell is cues in body language and tone of voice.
Right there is your answer.
Good signals: -She laughs at even your most retarded jokes -(When possible) she turns her body towards you (for example knees pointing towards you when you sit somewhere). -She keeps eye contact when you speak -Taking every excuse to touch you
Bad signals: -Easily distracted (by her phone or something) -Keeps a certain distance -Pretty much does the opposite of the "good" signals
Hell I'm no expert either but these are just some things I noticed pretty much every girl does. Just go with your gut man, especially as I grew a bit older and more experienced, it became pretty clear when a girl is attracted to you or just likes you as a friend or w/e.
Edit: also, don't look for signals in the things she says. It's a fool's errand.
She doesn't have to like you to be attracted to you btw.
Both of you having insecurities is not going to make this work for you two. Women want dominating men. You already said you are not so...
She could be brainwashed by feminism and thinks career or academic achievement makes a woman more attractive, or she could be "ashamed" of being rich and beautiful, and wants to feel that she has won her achievements through hard work, not by doors getting opened for her. And that's why she denies her beauty. Maybe her grooming and fashion style can tell you how she really feels about her beauty, but I gather you are not the type that can profile people based on that. Either way you should not really care about her school, your project together or whatever. Make it so that it is clear for everybody that it is a man(you) talking to a woman(her). If she keeps putting on her hardworking student act don't give her too much attention. In the note of man-woman interaction, challenge her beliefs a bit, and get her to shit test you. Google shit test if you have to, read heartiste on the matter. Actually, I think she did test you, you didn't know it and you failed.
There is a chance she is looking for validation, she wants to see if she can make you follow her like a puppy. Always have it on your terms, not hers. Use her a bit, show yourself in public with her, let other girls see this. You will have successfully built preselection, which you will use to flirt around with the other girls and therefore build more preselection such that you can use it to attract "Ashley" too. Use her jealousy!
All that being said, the sexual marketplace is what it is, and you shouldn't expect a whole lot from your this relationship. It's just gonna be a fling. She will have 1-2 hypergamy bouts and while she is at her peak SMV today, you are not. You will get girls like her when you are 30. Maybe a lot of them.
On May 02 2013 18:14 kamicom wrote: Pandemona, I was actually going to post that in retrospect right now when I read your post. I looked back on yesterday and it seems like she was just being friendly..
"Hey Ashley, I have to tell you something. I think you're really pretty. You seem like a nice and interesting person, and I know you're out of my league but if you have even the slightest bit of interest in me, do you want to go get a coffee or something?"
Saying this shit in front of a mirror, staring at my fucking acne scars... Fucking a man I need to get rid of these acne scars...
Dude if you start like that your going to fail. Particularly the bit about "I know your out of my league". No girl wants to hear a guy have so little confidence in themselves that they are going to degrade themselves just to ask someone out who has been showing you signs. They might be slight signs at the end of the day but at a minimum she's opening herself up to being friends with you. My recomendation from life experience is that girl-friend are as strong an asset in finding girls than yourself, too many guys I know get all freaked out asking a girl out, and if they get rejected just drop the relationship.
So in light of this my honest advice(talked to my gf/ex/dunno about it just now, and she agrees), drop that speech, it's putting yourself on a huge pedestal and frankly keep it short and sweet, less time to fuck up, you know? Like my version of your speech would be,
"Hey Ashley, if you have even the slightest bit of interest do you want to go get a coffee or something?"
Then you need to just spend time with her, read her signs in a casual situation, and go from there. Dropping the "I think your really pretty" line at some point might help if she's a girl who has a bit of a confidence issue but you have to make it natural you know? Honestly if you go out in a 1v1 "date" situation it should be immediately apparent if anything is going to happen; the key is just being comfortable, relaxed and making your intentions clear but not too direct from the get-go.
And finally please stop beating yourself up about your acne scars. Everyone has a flaw; repeat everyone. In fact what I have learned is that everyone has a flaw, whether it's physical, healthwise or a character deficiency. You say yourself that you are quite well built and you notice female attention so you have the answer that girls can find you attractive, and you say yourself that the girl isn't disgusted by you, you are simply disgusted in yourself. While I advise you to do anything you can to improve yourself you also need to learn to just live with yourself and don't put yourself down so much. For better or worse you will enjoy your relationship whether it's study-buddies, friends or lovers. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, just don't let it pass
So your evidence that she might like you consists of her talking to you, offering to help with school work, offering to give you a ride, and not immediately turning to stone once you cast your nerd gaze up on her... did you forget that she is a randomly assigned partner on your class project?? She's just being nice. Not every person who is being nice wants to jump your bones.
But hey, on the bright side, the fact that she offered a ride at least means you don't look as desperate and rapey as you sound here! Internet hi5! o/
I think you just need to get a good perspective on the situation.
1) You obviously like her. Maybe it's just because you think she likes you that you like her, but hey, shallower reasons have been used for first dates.
2) You just met her. "Just" being a relative term. Your only fear is rejection which will spiral down into never seeing this girl again. But let's face it, this is college, and this assignment and this course is probably going to be the last time you ever interact with this girl regardless of lack of fuck-ups on your part. Whether you want to have an ongoing friendship or a romantic connection, both will need you to be proactive one way or another.
3) Does it really matter if she likes you or not? Your feelings are what determine your first step, her feelings are what determine her answer.
Jesus Christ. TL poll gets it right for once. Stop being a bitch and just ask her out.
You're thinking way too hard about this. Analyzing this will get you nowhere. You'll just paralyze yourself with fear and insecurity. So why don't you grow a pair, stop thinking so much, just be yourself, and ask her out. It's that simple. If she doesn't like who you are, then fuck her (well not literally). If she does, then fuck her (yes literally).
side note: And for heavens sake, please don't practice what you're going to say before you meet her. Just be yourself, and who cares what she thinks about you. You're fine. If she doesn't like you, then good riddance. This is the winning mentality my friend. Lines don't mean a thing.
"not the humblest" people have a very good dynamic with other not the humblest people I think.
about your blog, though: don't think about whether she's interested; if you are, just pretend she is and act accordingly. you will find out pretty quick what her position on you is. I know it's easier said than done, but don't be hung up on your "acne scars" or anything else! you've got this!
ask her to do something with you that's clearly a date and see what happens. a whole house with a lab sounds pretty appealing.
On May 02 2013 13:00 Torte de Lini wrote: The "safe technique" is just transitioning out of the student/classmate relationship and into something more casual to both get a better feel for what he's interesting in and because he said he's "inexperienced" with the ladies.
Torte de Lini knows what he is talking about. This man is a pro. Listen to him
EPT
you newbie!
If you wanna be friends with her continue your interactions with her socially! If you can't handle that dont go any further 
