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Just to start out: She´s not terrible by any means, better then the average player at just about every game and she is a "true gamer" and she's been playing games for over ten years, pretty hardcore at that.
However a normal night of dota(game of choice atm) with my girlfriend goes like this: Playing with my girlfriend and some other friends, i normally lane with her. We get ganked, she's bane and instead of sleeping she nukes and goes oom so we both die while she or both could have lived. I tell her to sleep instead, we get ganked again, as she runs away from a slark(not gonna get away) i keep telling her to just sleep him, over and over again. She finally does it and lives. Now she gets pissed because i "keep telling her what to do" and i get pissed because without my help a lot of times she would die. We then passive aggressively argue on voice making it awkward as fuck for our friends whom we are playing with. This happens like atleast once a night.
Dunno how we are supposed to play together. She cannot take criticism at all in any kind of way and blames me for deaths even when im not in the lane with her "you should have ganked" "you should have been here why did u tp mid" and so on. Then i´m equally bad as i cannot let anything she does/says that´s wrong go. Like i correct her all the time when she says stuff and i don't even know why. Like shit that doesn´t even matter, which heroes we are getting ganked by, the chain of events leading to ours/someones death and other useless crap.
This happens in like every kind of game we play, i shit you not some of our biggest arguments came after WoW arena games we played together. The thing is i am generally (somtimes a lot) better then her at just about every game we play. Hence i never give in when there´s an argument since i feel that i am the better player hence normally i am right. On top of this she never admits it when she does a good job with something and i cannot help thinking that´s my fault since i keep correcting her constantly, i have to give her credit for about 45min if she does something good and maybe then she will accept it as a good play and not "something everyone does/can do"
So anyone with the same situation that makes it work? We do have fun playing together, but an equal amount of time is spent arguing over stupid useless crap.
 
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Don't play with her. Simple as that, or play a lane that doesn't have to deal with her as much. Both of you are being ridiculous about this lol. I don't the game you are playing is the right one for you since you guys can't seem to cooperate well. Maybe a game change? I don't really know, but I think a MOBA might be the wrong choice.
EDIT: You being the better player does not make you not compromising a good thing btw.
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On April 02 2013 06:26 docvoc wrote:
Don't play with her. Simple as that, or play a lane that doesn't have to deal with her as much. Both of you are being ridiculous about this lol. I don't the game you are playing is the right one for you since you guys can't seem to cooperate well. Maybe a game change? I don't really know, but I think a MOBA might be the wrong choice.
EDIT: You being the better player does not make you not compromising a good thing btw.
Yeah this is the obvious solution i´m ofcourse trying to avoid. And yes we suck at cooperating and i suck at "teaching" whenever i am better. Even if i´m right about something in the game my apporach to argumenting etc is pretty bad i know that. I need to let shit go.
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Yeah don't play those incredibly frustrating PVP-centric games, like MOBAs or arenas.
Instead get something good cooperatively on the go? Maybe just some generic PVE MMORPG, or a hack and slash like Titan Quest, Action RPGs basically.
I'd suggest World of Tanks, because instead of being pissed off at each other you'll instead be pissed off at the other 13 people on your team, who will be utterly useless. So you'll have a shared target for your frustration
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Instead of being critical when she makes a mistake, why don't you playfully tease her instead? When she does a good job on something, instead of directly giving her credit on it, show pride to other people that your gf is doing amazing. Even if you are playing a competitive game, try to have as much fun as possible.
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Step one is to not show her this thread.
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Blazinghand
United States25563 Posts
Have her play Skeleton King and you play someone with a heal. When you play with her don't play to win, play to have fun and share an experience-- like if you were teaching your kid brother how to play hockey, if he fucks up and slips don't be like "WOW JOHN YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHAT YOU NEEDED TO SHOOT THAT PUCK" instead you'd be like "hey man you doing okay?" so yeah be like that
also be skeleton king
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Stop telling her what to do. Wait to see what she does then say stuff like "next time they come for us like that if you use nightmare on one we might be able to get away." then follow up with something you should do if it happens. 9/10 times when someone takes poorly you telling them what to do, its your fault for telling them in a shitty way. 1/10 times they are just a horrible person. but this is your gf, so i assume she's a good person.
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I think you need to learn to deal with the fact that your girlfriend is worse than you & stop trying to correct/teach her. It is not up to you, it is up to her to improve. Either she is willing to do so & asks for your advice, or she is not and you should shut up or stop playing.
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Maybe talk with her about it.
Like look its fun playing games together and all, but its a game so we should take it as a time to relax and enjoy and not to argue.
Altough if she is a real gamer she loves arguing about games.
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I would recommend just not playing with her. I played WoW with my gf (at the time) years and years ago, and everything was fine until I tried teaching her how to play in arenas. We would lose because she was bad, she hated losing, would get mad, I'd try to help her get better, we'd lose again, and she'd get more enraged.
I just gave up, and stuck to casual gaming with her (not that WoW is "competitive").
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I wish I knew.
I yell at my little brother when he plays LoL.
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I found that playing a game with your gf, that can be frustrating at times (like dota), is a bad idea.
Cause then it could spark out stress issues (unrelated to the game) between you guys. Inb4 argues, and fights, then it turns out that you're stuck on the phone with her till 5am cause shes crying about god-knows-what. When all you wanted to do, in the first place, was teach her how to play Crystal Maiden.
Just speaking from experience ofc... =/
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On April 02 2013 08:00 Emnjay808 wrote:
I found that playing a game with your gf, that can be frustrating at times (like dota), is a bad idea.
Cause then it could spark out stress issues (unrelated to the game) between you guys. Inb4 argues, and fights, then it turns out that you're stuck on the phone with her till 5am cause shes crying about god-knows-what. When all you wanted to do, in the first place, was teach her how to play Crystal Maiden.
Just speaking from experience ofc... =/
Yes! I know that feel bro.
DOTA-type games are really not well-suited for people of different skill levels to play together. It can work if one takes on a mentor-like role while the other is a student, but this can often be complicated in a relationship if it is not very clear that this is what you are doing.
I feel like even SC2 can be a better cooperative experience with people of different skill levels. Especially if you play 4v4 or monobattles where it isn't that serious to begin with.
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I had a similar sort of friend in league. Cool dude, terrible lol player. We should get into arguments about what to do and how to play, arguments, which by virtue of our respective ranks, I felt right basically just saying I was right.
So I decided my friendship was more important than a game. So now, I don't play to win when we play. I just go with the flow, try to make plays and set up plays, but I chill and let it go when he doesn't file up or respond correctly. Our chemistry is getting better, and he is improving, and I never tell him what to do or try to improve him.
my advice is to take a chill pill, remember that she is more important than any game could be. Be happy that she plays with you, and give no mind to try and improve her play. She is always right. I should do that much at least for a gf that would play dota with me.
time, she'll improve, and hopefully seek your advice without you having to pound her over the head with it
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The best solution I've found is to confront a person on these issues outside of the moment. Don't tell her in the same game she made the mistake. Casually provoke the discussion. If she deflects or dismisses it, then try to get her to open up on why she's so hostile towards your criticism. If you can't get any further then that, then I have no idea what you could do other than play around her pride.
On April 02 2013 06:58 Jinsho wrote:
I think you need to learn to deal with the fact that your girlfriend is worse than you & stop trying to correct/teach her. It is not up to you, it is up to her to improve. Either she is willing to do so & asks for your advice, or she is not and you should shut up or stop playing.
Normal, rational people don't lash at out at trusted friends because of criticism. If the frustration of the game is gone and they still react with hostility towards criticism then they either thoroughly believe there is no capacity for them to be incorrect, or more likely they're insecure. It's just not worth playing with such close-mindedness if they're going to take the game so seriously that they'd get upset because you're forced to "suggest" better alternatives.
Like, the fact she is arguing and not just casually dismissing it means she has some level of pride. I know because I do it sometimes too. But I don't (or I'm actively aware and try not to) force my friends into a position where they have to be nice to me for me to be playable. That's a terrible friendship. Instead, I acknowledge this and maintain an active awareness of my faults, and that I don't know everything like I sometimes think I do. Most often I know what my mistake was, they usually point it out in a position where they see it more clearly, and if I'm tilted at the time I dismiss it but I usually just tell them outright I'm on tilt and I'll get over it. I'm not so self-absorbed to actually believe I'm always right or that my friends don't mean well.
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Just both work at not being argumentative / always end up blaming each other. Works wonders for happier gaming, although it's gonna be a work in progress. At any given game, someone's gonna be better than the other, and the other person isn't gonna magically instantly fix all their deficiencies in that area. So just work around it and don't be too pressure-ful? Hard to avoid something by competitive nature but just work through it.
Also some arguments are just not winnable and should be dropped.
Is what I do with my friend (not gf, but she is a girl). Makes for really fun 2v2 in SC2 xD
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Some women like to figure things out for themselves. In that case give her time to process it and if she gets tired of dying/ losing in that matter maybe she'll be more open to asking you questions of handling such situations. Try to be playful in how you encourage her play. Don't pressure her.
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This has nothing to do with gaming, simple dynamics of male-female interaction.
Either you wear the pants or she does. Only you can decide if the sex is worth it.
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Don't play games together. It's obvious you guys have other issues you should be talking about but instead games seem to be a catalyst at best and a scapegoat at worst.
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EPT
