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On April 01 2013 02:35 FromShouri wrote:
I would be very surprised if you are able to find anything positive happening as a result of this type of relationship, it is just destined to fail.
A relationship is not necessarily a fail when people don't remain together until death does 'em part.
Any relationship works for as long as it does. Even if people move on, one day they could look back and say: "Yeah, it was worth it. We've both grown / had fun / raised great kids / whatever."
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On April 01 2013 15:35 fight_or_flight wrote:Show nested quote +On April 01 2013 09:43 sc4k wrote:
Uh it really sounds like Carl is a bit of a greaseball. Goes to uni at 31, starts fucking a 21 year old and then basically charms his way into her life whilst charming her boyfriend into liking him even though he balls her and eventually steals her away.
I'm really not one for this polyamorous malarky. Having a gf is all about being her numero uno, as far as I'm concerned! But if it works for you, good luck in finding another polyamorous relationship... Agreed. The age difference kind of irks me too.
The age difference creeps you out, but honestly, when most guys are 31, and they have the chance to hook up with a 21 year old, most of them will do it without asking questions.
Also, it's a generation, age, and culture thing. Nowadays it's not acceptable, and age gaps become more acceptable the older you get. How 'bout a 45 year old and a 55 year old? 35 and 45? Man, my grandparents had a 15+ year age-gap. I don't think that's creepy.
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On April 02 2013 10:29 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On April 01 2013 15:35 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 01 2013 09:43 sc4k wrote:
Uh it really sounds like Carl is a bit of a greaseball. Goes to uni at 31, starts fucking a 21 year old and then basically charms his way into her life whilst charming her boyfriend into liking him even though he balls her and eventually steals her away.
I'm really not one for this polyamorous malarky. Having a gf is all about being her numero uno, as far as I'm concerned! But if it works for you, good luck in finding another polyamorous relationship... Agreed. The age difference kind of irks me too. The age difference creeps you out, but honestly, when most guys are 31, and they have the chance to hook up with a 21 year old, most of them will do it without asking questions. Also, it's a generation, age, and culture thing. Nowadays it's not acceptable, and age gaps become more acceptable the older you get. How 'bout a 45 year old and a 55 year old? 35 and 45? Man, my grandparents had a 15+ year age-gap. I don't think that's creepy.
I don't really have a problem with it either, but that's a different context. In the more traditional roles it's fine for the man to be older, but when we're talking about this idealistic free-love thing where everybody is sharing, it's totally different imo.
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On April 02 2013 12:17 fight_or_flight wrote:Show nested quote +On April 02 2013 10:29 babylon wrote:On April 01 2013 15:35 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 01 2013 09:43 sc4k wrote:
Uh it really sounds like Carl is a bit of a greaseball. Goes to uni at 31, starts fucking a 21 year old and then basically charms his way into her life whilst charming her boyfriend into liking him even though he balls her and eventually steals her away.
I'm really not one for this polyamorous malarky. Having a gf is all about being her numero uno, as far as I'm concerned! But if it works for you, good luck in finding another polyamorous relationship... Agreed. The age difference kind of irks me too. The age difference creeps you out, but honestly, when most guys are 31, and they have the chance to hook up with a 21 year old, most of them will do it without asking questions. Also, it's a generation, age, and culture thing. Nowadays it's not acceptable, and age gaps become more acceptable the older you get. How 'bout a 45 year old and a 55 year old? 35 and 45? Man, my grandparents had a 15+ year age-gap. I don't think that's creepy. I don't really have a problem with it either, but that's a different context. In the more traditional roles it's fine for the man to be older, but when we're talking about this idealistic free-love thing where everybody is sharing, it's totally different imo.
Why is it different?
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On April 02 2013 12:36 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On April 02 2013 12:17 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 02 2013 10:29 babylon wrote:On April 01 2013 15:35 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 01 2013 09:43 sc4k wrote:
Uh it really sounds like Carl is a bit of a greaseball. Goes to uni at 31, starts fucking a 21 year old and then basically charms his way into her life whilst charming her boyfriend into liking him even though he balls her and eventually steals her away.
I'm really not one for this polyamorous malarky. Having a gf is all about being her numero uno, as far as I'm concerned! But if it works for you, good luck in finding another polyamorous relationship... Agreed. The age difference kind of irks me too. The age difference creeps you out, but honestly, when most guys are 31, and they have the chance to hook up with a 21 year old, most of them will do it without asking questions. Also, it's a generation, age, and culture thing. Nowadays it's not acceptable, and age gaps become more acceptable the older you get. How 'bout a 45 year old and a 55 year old? 35 and 45? Man, my grandparents had a 15+ year age-gap. I don't think that's creepy. I don't really have a problem with it either, but that's a different context. In the more traditional roles it's fine for the man to be older, but when we're talking about this idealistic free-love thing where everybody is sharing, it's totally different imo. Why is it different?
Older people are more experienced and have stronger personalities. As such, it's possible to manipulate the younger and more impressionable without even trying or noticing it's happening.
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On April 02 2013 12:39 fight_or_flight wrote:Show nested quote +On April 02 2013 12:36 babylon wrote:On April 02 2013 12:17 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 02 2013 10:29 babylon wrote:On April 01 2013 15:35 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 01 2013 09:43 sc4k wrote:
Uh it really sounds like Carl is a bit of a greaseball. Goes to uni at 31, starts fucking a 21 year old and then basically charms his way into her life whilst charming her boyfriend into liking him even though he balls her and eventually steals her away.
I'm really not one for this polyamorous malarky. Having a gf is all about being her numero uno, as far as I'm concerned! But if it works for you, good luck in finding another polyamorous relationship... Agreed. The age difference kind of irks me too. The age difference creeps you out, but honestly, when most guys are 31, and they have the chance to hook up with a 21 year old, most of them will do it without asking questions. Also, it's a generation, age, and culture thing. Nowadays it's not acceptable, and age gaps become more acceptable the older you get. How 'bout a 45 year old and a 55 year old? 35 and 45? Man, my grandparents had a 15+ year age-gap. I don't think that's creepy. I don't really have a problem with it either, but that's a different context. In the more traditional roles it's fine for the man to be older, but when we're talking about this idealistic free-love thing where everybody is sharing, it's totally different imo. Why is it different? Older people are more experienced and have stronger personalities. As such, it's possible to manipulate the younger and more impressionable without even trying or noticing it's happening.
But this is true in traditional relationships as well.
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On April 02 2013 13:02 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On April 02 2013 12:39 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 02 2013 12:36 babylon wrote:On April 02 2013 12:17 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 02 2013 10:29 babylon wrote:On April 01 2013 15:35 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 01 2013 09:43 sc4k wrote:
Uh it really sounds like Carl is a bit of a greaseball. Goes to uni at 31, starts fucking a 21 year old and then basically charms his way into her life whilst charming her boyfriend into liking him even though he balls her and eventually steals her away.
I'm really not one for this polyamorous malarky. Having a gf is all about being her numero uno, as far as I'm concerned! But if it works for you, good luck in finding another polyamorous relationship... Agreed. The age difference kind of irks me too. The age difference creeps you out, but honestly, when most guys are 31, and they have the chance to hook up with a 21 year old, most of them will do it without asking questions. Also, it's a generation, age, and culture thing. Nowadays it's not acceptable, and age gaps become more acceptable the older you get. How 'bout a 45 year old and a 55 year old? 35 and 45? Man, my grandparents had a 15+ year age-gap. I don't think that's creepy. I don't really have a problem with it either, but that's a different context. In the more traditional roles it's fine for the man to be older, but when we're talking about this idealistic free-love thing where everybody is sharing, it's totally different imo. Why is it different? Older people are more experienced and have stronger personalities. As such, it's possible to manipulate the younger and more impressionable without even trying or noticing it's happening. But this is true in traditional relationships as well.
Right, but those aren't as vulnerable, idealistic, or involve as much trust, traditionally. It's usually about economics, children, and mutual benefits. It is true however that many can be primarily based in romance, but traditionally most are of the former type than the latter, and even when they aren't there's a lot more to fall back on. So it's more ok if one is older than the other because the basis of it rooted in duties, social stability and responsibility, clearly defined roles, economics, and procreation. So the confusing, manipulative, and vulnerable part is only a small fraction of the total package. On the other hand, the situation described in the OP is totally reversed. So there's a much bigger infrastructure and institution associated with the traditional relationships, with more clearly defined goals and expectations. When there are no expectations, duties, responsibilities, etc, these other factors change things.
Obviously I can't prove any of this, but I'm just trying to explain to you why I see it the way I see it.
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On April 02 2013 14:10 fight_or_flight wrote:Show nested quote +On April 02 2013 13:02 babylon wrote:On April 02 2013 12:39 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 02 2013 12:36 babylon wrote:On April 02 2013 12:17 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 02 2013 10:29 babylon wrote:On April 01 2013 15:35 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 01 2013 09:43 sc4k wrote:
Uh it really sounds like Carl is a bit of a greaseball. Goes to uni at 31, starts fucking a 21 year old and then basically charms his way into her life whilst charming her boyfriend into liking him even though he balls her and eventually steals her away.
I'm really not one for this polyamorous malarky. Having a gf is all about being her numero uno, as far as I'm concerned! But if it works for you, good luck in finding another polyamorous relationship... Agreed. The age difference kind of irks me too. The age difference creeps you out, but honestly, when most guys are 31, and they have the chance to hook up with a 21 year old, most of them will do it without asking questions. Also, it's a generation, age, and culture thing. Nowadays it's not acceptable, and age gaps become more acceptable the older you get. How 'bout a 45 year old and a 55 year old? 35 and 45? Man, my grandparents had a 15+ year age-gap. I don't think that's creepy. I don't really have a problem with it either, but that's a different context. In the more traditional roles it's fine for the man to be older, but when we're talking about this idealistic free-love thing where everybody is sharing, it's totally different imo. Why is it different? Older people are more experienced and have stronger personalities. As such, it's possible to manipulate the younger and more impressionable without even trying or noticing it's happening. But this is true in traditional relationships as well. Right, but those aren't as vulnerable, idealistic, or involve as much trust, traditionally. It's usually about economics, children, and mutual benefits. It is true however that many can be primarily based in romance, but traditionally most are of the former type than the latter, and even when they aren't there's a lot more to fall back on. So it's more ok if one is older than the other because the basis of it rooted in duties, social stability and responsibility, clearly defined roles, economics, and procreation. So the confusing, manipulative, and vulnerable part is only a small fraction of the total package. On the other hand, the situation described in the OP is totally reversed. So there's a much bigger infrastructure and institution associated with the traditional relationships, with more clearly defined goals and expectations. When there are no expectations, duties, responsibilities, etc, these other factors change things. Obviously I can't prove any of this, but I'm just trying to explain to you why I see it the way I see it.
Ahh, you're using traditional = patriarchal monogamous relationship, not just monogamous.
So are you saying that a structure of a traditional relationship makes it less likely that the younger person will be taken advantage of by the older, because there are clear rules/guidelines to follow, while a nontraditional relationship's lack of clear rules makes it more likely for manipulation to occur? If so, I don't agree with you at all. If anything, I think it's the other way around; it's far too easy to bend the rules of a patriarchal monogamous relationship if you're a guy than if you're a girl (which is why it's considered "patriarchal"). You are the one with all the power in the relationship, after all.
EDIT: Let's even remove the sex/gender part of it. It can be matriarchal too, and that doesn't change things. If one partner affords the family more stability, and the family values that stability, then that person will have more power in the relationship, making it easier for that person to bend the rules to get what they want.
I think nontraditional relationships afford a more equal balance of power between the people involved, personally.
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On April 02 2013 14:10 fight_or_flight wrote:Show nested quote +On April 02 2013 13:02 babylon wrote:On April 02 2013 12:39 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 02 2013 12:36 babylon wrote:On April 02 2013 12:17 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 02 2013 10:29 babylon wrote:On April 01 2013 15:35 fight_or_flight wrote:On April 01 2013 09:43 sc4k wrote:
Uh it really sounds like Carl is a bit of a greaseball. Goes to uni at 31, starts fucking a 21 year old and then basically charms his way into her life whilst charming her boyfriend into liking him even though he balls her and eventually steals her away.
I'm really not one for this polyamorous malarky. Having a gf is all about being her numero uno, as far as I'm concerned! But if it works for you, good luck in finding another polyamorous relationship... Agreed. The age difference kind of irks me too. The age difference creeps you out, but honestly, when most guys are 31, and they have the chance to hook up with a 21 year old, most of them will do it without asking questions. Also, it's a generation, age, and culture thing. Nowadays it's not acceptable, and age gaps become more acceptable the older you get. How 'bout a 45 year old and a 55 year old? 35 and 45? Man, my grandparents had a 15+ year age-gap. I don't think that's creepy. I don't really have a problem with it either, but that's a different context. In the more traditional roles it's fine for the man to be older, but when we're talking about this idealistic free-love thing where everybody is sharing, it's totally different imo. Why is it different? Older people are more experienced and have stronger personalities. As such, it's possible to manipulate the younger and more impressionable without even trying or noticing it's happening. But this is true in traditional relationships as well. Right, but those aren't as vulnerable, idealistic, or involve as much trust, traditionally. It's usually about economics, children, and mutual benefits. It is true however that many can be primarily based in romance, but traditionally most are of the former type than the latter, and even when they aren't there's a lot more to fall back on. So it's more ok if one is older than the other because the basis of it rooted in duties, social stability and responsibility, clearly defined roles, economics, and procreation. So the confusing, manipulative, and vulnerable part is only a small fraction of the total package. On the other hand, the situation described in the OP is totally reversed. So there's a much bigger infrastructure and institution associated with the traditional relationships, with more clearly defined goals and expectations. When there are no expectations, duties, responsibilities, etc, these other factors change things. Obviously I can't prove any of this, but I'm just trying to explain to you why I see it the way I see it.
This is really quite a depressing view of relationships. Personally, once you pass around 20, and you have been living on your own as a reasonably independent person, the age gap doesn't really matter to me. The fact is there are assholes in every age group, but there are also good people, and i don't think it really correlates that the older person is likely to be an asshole.
Also, from a purely biological standpoint, wouldn't it make more sense that the woman was older than the man anyway in traditional relationships? As women age better than men on average, and live longer?
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EPT
