I'm currently turning my life around 180° from total social-failure nerd to... well, a normal person. However, my hobbies so far don't really mesh with my new personality, aren't as fun as they used to be and - most importantly - are REALLY bad to bring up in conversation. You know, Magic the Gathering, League of Legends, Starcraft (Streams obviously as well) and the like.
Other things I do are by a large part of the population seen as "bad" or "evil" as well. See, I take a great interest in the marketing industry (and through that social psychology as well) which leads to a pretty good knowledge of decision processes, how to influence/convince people. Comes off extremely creepy and manipulative. So I prefer not to talk about that.
Which leaves me with... nothing to talk about and a bunch of hobbies I don't enjoy any more. Well except the marketing stuff, that's the most exciting thing in the world to me. Apart from pussy, obviously.
But see, I'm in a pinch. I live in a pretty rural area - only two somewhat acceptable bars within half an hour or so. I don't own a car, which is the biggest handicap considering where I live. Oh and I got next to no money, I'm still in a "training program" (no idea how to properly describe it in English, sorry) which basically earns me enough to cover rent and basic cost of living.
Now, obviously I want to do something new, experiencing something new, becoming good at something that I have never done before. Good stuff. But it is also somewhat important to me that I can talk about it, share it with people in a social setting. Oh and if it get's me girls, all the better. But that's not the point.
The obvious choice that springs to mind would be to learn an instrument. Specifically acoustic guitar, considering it's status as chick crack. But I don't know, I played an instrument for most of my childhood and teenage years and am not really keen going through the year-long process of getting "good". Decades even to get near mastery.
I already do sports, hitting the gym with a vengeance four times during the week. In my current bodily state, that is all I can handle.
What are your ideas? Any cool suggestions? Keep in mind I'm not from 'Murica, so some national favorites are most likely not doable here.
I'm not sure someone who turns his personality upside down to become a "normal person" can be considered a "normal person". The line of having confidence and standing by what you like seems much better to me.
What kinds of conversations are you talking about anyways? Talking about the sports you do should already be a fine topic for a bunch of people (especially those who prioritize sports, health and looks).
I picked up yo-yoing a couple years back and it is a bit of an obscure hobby, but one I've found has never been socially awkward and is actually a decent conversation starter. It isn't hard to get good enough to show off impressive tricks, and there are many different styles depending on what you think looks fun.
The past few years I was pretty much a shut-in. A few years back I suffered from depression. I just stayed in, isolated myself. After I got better, I was too scared of the world out there for ages. All these "What If's" in my head. My friends had moved on and/or away. I got new motivation now and am trying to get back to normal, if you will.
Conversations like when you are out, talking to some people wherever (bar, random other event, doesn't matter). You keep talking and then the topic "what do you do outside of XYZ" comes up. And I draw a blank. Not heavy discussion stuff, just light conversation. I have no problem that friends know that I am pretty nerdy. I still watch streams and play LoL/SC with friends on occasion. But I don't want it to be the center of my life, the "thing I do" anymore.
Similar to how I used to be the 160kg (~350 lb) fat guy. Not gonna be that anymore, already down 24kg (~53 lb) in 2 months.
I think it's great that you change your life to the better, that you're getting fit and don't want to be the lazy person anymore. However, if you enjoy something, there's nothing wrong with it. Don't do things for other people (or girls). Don't forget that you live this one life, and do the best you can to enjoy yourself and do what you want to do. Only pick things up that you're sure you will enjoy, and not on the factor of other people.
Learn a language, read literature, follow current affairs, study philosophy, practice a martial art, listen to music.
These are all popular, rewarding hobbies that you can talk to people about if you do it in the right way. But really, hobbies aren't very important. Being fun to hang around with is the main thing, regardless of interests.
About acoustic guitar - the best thing about it is it lets you play music with other people, which is incredibly cool.
You don't have to completely quit doing what your doing. When I decided to start being more social, I just cut back on League of Legends. I started working out, I also started some nerdy hobbies that were more outdoors (Melee, foam sword fighting). Honestly stop looking at yourself as a creeper because your not.
Edit: You could try learning music? Maybe started a local band with friends and play at local venues? I don't really enjoy it anymore but its something to think about thats has a social atmosphere you might like.
I don't think a forcefully changed or fake personality has ever done any good. You are who you are, better embrace your personality and have some confidence. If you genuinely take passion in new hobbies, then so be it, but don't force yourself to change to impress girls.
When video games become the focal point of your life, which is common as hell for shut-ins, then there will literally be nothing to talk about with most people. It is hard to relate with others when all of your experiences center around trivial things. Yes they might make you happy, and you should proudly wear it like shining armor. However at the same time, you will be isolated for being extreme/weird --> sadness. It's not inherently wrong to play video games and try to be the best, but in our society it's basically a trap.
To the average person, someone trying to be the best musician or artist or even student will be inspiring/interesting but as soon as its some shut-in trying to be a progamer --> loser/dweeb status. You would need to be able to communicate enthusiasm and love for the game like day9 to reach out to an average joe, and that is something most people cannot do, simply because they are not nearly as expressive. Keep in mind I am talking about people who afraid of society like op, and so use video games as an outlet for happiness, which actually makes them sad(lol).
I think your approach to getting new hobbies is commendable and is the right way to go to become a better you. Good luck finding something you enjoy other than video games (nothing wrong with video games just don't make it 100% of your life like anything else).
Can't just do sports, need to FOLLOW sports. Once you get into the workforce, unless you are surrounded by complete nerds or something, you will end up with a whole bunch of managers and bosses who are massive fans of the local college football team or whatnot. Being able to discuss players and events helps get that promotion and bonus points! Make sure you take a deep breath before diving into his butthole though.
@biologymajor - I think its true that a life dedicated to something like video gaming can cause one's experiences to "centre around trivial things" which is bad for socializing. I don't agree that striving for improvement in videogames is less socially cool than music or painting. Gaming involves lots of time sitting in front of the screen (ie hurting eyes and posture, keeping one indoors) and one can sit in lazy positions and still do well (arguably). What i really mean is don't blame video games if you can't make it sound appealing to the person you're conversing with. you can adapt anything to fit their interests if you have a brain.
@Celial, sounds like you're fine with your hobbies and unsatisfied with your social life.. go with who you are, what you know and what you love. One thing i thnk people forget to remember is to get good platonic friendships and nurture those. True, they don't involve sex but two people are generally better for meeting new groups than one person is. You can cover eachother's weaknesses. SO yeah just take what friends you can get and go with that!
As someone who enjoys playing the accoustic guitar around other people just for music's sake.. please don't play guitar because its a "chick magnet" or whatever.. that just gives us all a bad name. hahaha im joking... but thats pretty bad man, but i know if you played it wouldn't be the real reason. I always like to suggest reading because that always seems to get me somewhere... well not always.. living life is better than reading but readings good too.
I can relate to your thought process here, but I think you're trying to find substitute problems rather than acknowledging you're currently not a very social person. There's no such things as "wrong" hobbies. Someone like Day[9] has very similar interest to yours yet he isn't a closed off "social failure nerd".
Trying to improve yourself by going to the gym and putting yourself out there is fine, but don't try to change who you are thinking it will get you real friends, because it will not. There's going to be people who dislike you because of your hobbies, but that's fine because if they're not able to see past that, you don't want these people as friends anyways. The biggest problem is probably accepting that it's fine to have nerdy hobbies and that trying to hide them probably makes you way more awkward than the hobbies themselves ever will.
If your personality has truly changed, your new self would know which hobbies appealed to him by now. Hobbies are a personal thing - essentially casual activities that you enjoy. While there is a possibility you could enjoy some of the new things suggested to you by random people, you may as well go and try doing random things on your own, and still be much more likely to find something you enjoy than any of us will.
If personal enjoyment isn't really the goal, then wouldn't the most logical course of action be to pick up on some of the hobbies and activities people you socialize with (or those you want to socialize with) do? Then you can not only talk to people about it, but do stuff with them.
I got a fortune last night (ate chinese) which said something like: don't try to become someone else; become better at being yourself. There's nothing wrong with picking up a new hobby if it interests you, but I wouldn't do it solely for the purpose of changing myself significantly.
On March 16 2013 19:08 alQahira wrote: How about photography? Easy to do anywhere. Alternatively some craft like wood carving or carpentry.
Be careful... this one can actually get very expensive in a hurry.
I'm currently turning my life around 180° from total social-failure nerd to... well, a normal person. However, my hobbies so far don't really mesh with my new personality, aren't as fun as they used to be and - most importantly - are REALLY bad to bring up in conversation. You know, Magic the Gathering, League of Legends, Starcraft (Streams obviously as well) and the like.
Other things I do are by a large part of the population seen as "bad" or "evil" as well. See, I take a great interest in the marketing industry (and through that social psychology as well) which leads to a pretty good knowledge of decision processes, how to influence/convince people. Comes off extremely creepy and manipulative. So I prefer not to talk about that.
Which leaves me with... nothing to talk about and a bunch of hobbies I don't enjoy any more. Well except the marketing stuff, that's the most exciting thing in the world to me. Apart from pussy, obviously.
But see, I'm in a pinch. I live in a pretty rural area - only two somewhat acceptable bars within half an hour or so. I don't own a car, which is the biggest handicap considering where I live. Oh and I got next to no money, I'm still in a "training program" (no idea how to properly describe it in English, sorry) which basically earns me enough to cover rent and basic cost of living.
Now, obviously I want to do something new, experiencing something new, becoming good at something that I have never done before. Good stuff. But it is also somewhat important to me that I can talk about it, share it with people in a social setting. Oh and if it get's me girls, all the better. But that's not the point.
The obvious choice that springs to mind would be to learn an instrument. Specifically acoustic guitar, considering it's status as chick crack. But I don't know, I played an instrument for most of my childhood and teenage years and am not really keen going through the year-long process of getting "good". Decades even to get near mastery.
I already do sports, hitting the gym with a vengeance four times during the week. In my current bodily state, that is all I can handle.
What are your ideas? Any cool suggestions? Keep in mind I'm not from 'Murica, so some national favorites are most likely not doable here.
Thanks guys <3
Your guitar idea was spot on.
There's no more rewarding hobby than playing music. It's "better" than other arts, because it allows you to be more spontaneuos and it's easier to communicate via music than via, for instance, painting. It's exhausting at times, but that's the same kind of satisfying exhaustion you get when studying all day.
Just remember to pick up an instrument that is not the bass. It's an awesome instrument, you will be highly sought after when looking for a band and if you find one, you'll be an inextricable part of the music you guys make, but it's not pleasant as a solo-instrument to the uninitiated.
Maybe playing an instrument is more nerdy than more outdoorsy hobbies and might not help you with the ladies, but the confidence it lends you when you get decent makes you more appealing. If you connect with someone via music, it's as close to magic as it gets and playing on stage in front of people or simply jamming with a couple of dudes in a pot-soaked cellar is insanely fun.
If you really want something to do just to get the ladies:
Hit the gym daily, spend the rest of your free-time working on a car or a motor-cycle and follow a local sports team. Nothing says "man" like a ripped football-fan who loves beer and his motor-cycle. Most women look for a confident, good looking guy who exudes testostorone, if you're way into literature or arts you better be extraordinarily handsome or rich to get away with it.
If often find myself in your position, because I have lost a lot of friends due to moving a lot and not being that social myself. I know how much it sucks being alone and finding people who share your interests, and I applaud your effort to become more social. My only hobbies are books, music and a little SC2. I tried to get away from that by going to clubs more often, but I always find myself drawn back to Middle Earth, Westeros, old poems and histories. I love sports, but I find watching them almost as tedious as celebrity gossip or pop-culture, which throws a wrench into the gears of casual conversation, so I'm always curios to read how other nerds out there social issues.
EPT
