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Recently, I've been having issues with my girlfriend. Our relationship has been pretty rocky with lots of fighting. We're trying to work through it but I'm not sure if it's going to work out.
I have a female friend, we'll call her Bitchface. Her and I had romantic feelings for eachother at one point; December of 2011 or so. We had a pretty nasty "breakup" (in quotes because we never actually officially dated) and recently started talking to each other again, purely as friends. She confessed to me that she still has feelings for me. I was like, okay, I'm with my girlfriend now, but MAYBE well down the road if my current relationship doesn't work out. Lately, when we hang out, she asks me every time, "how's things with you and your girlfriend?" and she wants me to go into detail about it. I'm always open and honest with her because hey, she's asking and she's never seemed even the slightest bit uncomfortable with talking about it.
However, today she texted me and told me she needed to talk to me about something. I didn't have much time but I sat down with her for a few minutes and here's what she told me: She doesn't think we should talk about it anymore and she feels like I've disrespected her by talking about it due to our past history. I didn't have enough time to fight with her about so I just left... but in my mind, I was thinking, what the fuck? Let me get this straight. You're the one who asks about it every time we hang out. I never bring it up because I realize it's a sensitive issue. I'm tightlipped about it with all my friends because I realize some people just don't want to talk about it. I only open up when asked. And yet... you get mad at me and act like I've done something wrong?
The audacity of this girl... it's hard for me to believe. She asks me about it specifically and prods me until I tell her what's going on, and then I'm somehow the bad guy for being honest? No, fuck that noise. I haven't disrespected her at all. Quite the opposite, infact. I've let her dictate how much we talk about it because I haven't brought it up even a single time. If anything, she's disrespecting me by bringing this selfish, juvenile drama into my life.
It's funny to me now, because she went from friend/potential later girlfriend to superbitch in about five seconds flat. Not only did she make me feel guilty and like an asshole when she was the one who always pried about it, but now I feel like I can't talk to her about personal issues. All of the depth our relationship might've had feels gone now. I don't even want to talk to her anymore. I get enough drama from my girlfriend, so the last thing I need is friend drama. My girlfriend gets the special privilege of being able to give me inordinate amounts of shit because she's my girlfriend. Bitchface? Not so damn lucky. I'll drop her like a bad habit, no problem.
Also my girlfriend is going out with her girlfriends on Saturday. People I haven't met, she doesn't seem to want me along, and she openly admits she'll probably get plastered. Then there's that part where she's told me she gets super horny when she drinks. Not too happy. Maybe I'll drop her too because I'm sick of her shit.
All in all, tonight is not a good night for me and women. I just want to be alone.
  
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I'd certainly have a lot more money.
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Damn dude 
Take it easy if you can, watch MLG this weekend and try to unwind if you can. That sucks, yeah. Fuck 'em.
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Sounds like you have two shitty relationships. You should fix that.
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You knew she was trouble when she walked in, now you're lying on the cold hard ground. Oh oh oh, trouble trouble trouble.
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I'd tell you to stop allowing her to give you inordinate amounts of shit because, well, that sounds disrespectful, but I don't think you'll be hearing a lot from her in the days to come. Better off.
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Trouble...
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Trouble been doggin' my soul since the day I was born
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Disrespect - how I effing hate that word.
I can respect you, or I can not respect you, as a person. If I say bad things about you, I'm not being respectful, but in no way am I injuring you - you shouldn't care because your self-image is not built from my opinion of you. If you want me to be respectful, do things that earn my respect. Asking questions and getting pissed off by my answering those questions is not going to do that. Asking me questions because you really want me to say "yeah, things are shitty, I need to get back together with you and ditch this other girl" SURE as hell isn't going to do it.
Ditch her like a bad habit. She's trying to play mind games with you, and she's blaming you for them not working. Talking about your girlfriend with your ex-not-quite-girlfriend is probably a mistake to start with - just say "Fine." Then move on. If she asks more questions, reply "Things are good." If she asks again, say "Bitch, I'm not going to answer you, get the goddamn hint and move on. How about that GSL final?" I mean, really... if there are relationship problems, the person to talk to about it is the other person(s) in the relationship - not other people.
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I've re-read this several times, because I'm trying to understand the minds of girlbloggers.
You have a girlfriend. There's also this other woman you happen to be casual and open with.
One day she's upset at you because you were open with her about what's going on with your girlfriend, which she previously had no issue with in the past. You are so incredibly distressed by this sudden and bizzare event, that you become really, really angry at her, and don't want to see her anymore.
If I was in your position, I would have been dazed and confused, not enraged and hurt. She became a superbitch? Bitchface? Holy hell what on earth is going on here?
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On March 15 2013 14:54 iamahydralisk wrote:
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She confessed to me that she still has feelings for me. I was like, okay, I'm with my girlfriend now, but MAYBE well down the road if my current relationship doesn't work out.
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what?
Honestly, what did you expect? Guess you didn't talk about your gf about this?
imho you deserve the shit you got from all this
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
On March 15 2013 17:44 Ooshmagoosh wrote:
I've re-read this several times, because I'm trying to understand the minds of girlbloggers.
You have a girlfriend. There's also this other woman you happen to be casual and open with.
One day she's upset at you because you were open with her about what's going on with your girlfriend, which she previously had no issue with in the past. You are so incredibly distressed by this sudden and bizzare event, that you become really, really angry at her, and don't want to see her anymore.
If I was in your position, I would have been dazed and confused, not enraged and hurt. She became a superbitch? Bitchface? Holy hell what on earth is going on here?
He's offended because she is making him out to be a bad guy when all he did was what she asked him to do, I agree with his opinion on the matter, if you don't want to know something, don't fucking ask about it.
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On March 15 2013 14:54 iamahydralisk wrote:
I have a female friend, we'll call her Bitchface. It's funny to me now, because she went from friend/potential later girlfriend to superbitch in about five seconds flat.
Congratulations! Your Bitchface Has Evolved into superbitch
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Also my girlfriend is going out with her girlfriends on Saturday. People I haven't met, she doesn't seem to want me along, and she openly admits she'll probably get plastered. Then there's that part where she's told me she gets super horny when she drinks. Not too happy. Maybe I'll drop her too because I'm sick of her shit.
Yeah... I had that too. If she tells you that it's because she wants you to react. Act like a jealous man that's saying : "well i'm going with you. Wanting it or not".
Of course that's my experience and we didn't date the same girl.
About you ladyfriend that's not confusing... AT ALL.
The girls come talk to you and say she have fealings for you... you say : "I have a girlfriend". Ok... Then she stays with you (why would she ? Fealings don't disapear in a week or two). So she's still have fealings for you.
So ok she want to know about your girlfriend (because she wants to know when you will be available). Then you talk about it. It hurts her but she continues because she wants to show you that she care as a friend (wich she surely don't.... Well maybe she is nice and want to help you but if she have fealings for you she wants something else).
Then one day she can't stand no more the hurt the she put herself on. And you say she is a bitch. You talk about selfishness... Yeah ok. Reflect that and think about it a little 
If you let things slip you are going to end from actual girlfriend/potential girlfrien to : "none of it".
My two cents on the situation ^^
Also =>
He's offended because she is making him out to be a bad guy when all he did was what she asked him to do, I agree with his opinion on the matter, if you don't want to know something, don't fucking ask about it.
You don't know a lot about women do you ? (i'm not trying to bash you. That was sarcastic i think).
When a girl ask you : "Do i look fater than yesterday" by your logic you would say : "Yes indeed". Then she would get mad and you would be like : "Hey you asked".
Of course i'm exagerating a little. But still. Think you got the point.
And also again =>
On March 15 2013 17:39 felisconcolori wrote:
Disrespect - how I effing hate that word.
I can respect you, or I can not respect you, as a person. If I say bad things about you, I'm not being respectful, but in no way am I injuring you - you shouldn't care because your self-image is not built from my opinion of you. If you want me to be respectful, do things that earn my respect. Asking questions and getting pissed off by my answering those questions is not going to do that. Asking me questions because you really want me to say "yeah, things are shitty, I need to get back together with you and ditch this other girl" SURE as hell isn't going to do it.
Ditch her like a bad habit. She's trying to play mind games with you, and she's blaming you for them not working. Talking about your girlfriend with your ex-not-quite-girlfriend is probably a mistake to start with - just say "Fine." Then move on. If she asks more questions, reply "Things are good." If she asks again, say "Bitch, I'm not going to answer you, get the goddamn hint and move on. How about that GSL final?" I mean, really... if there are relationship problems, the person to talk to about it is the other person(s) in the relationship - not other people.
THIS. Just... this. it's harsher than what i said but it's complementing well.
Hope this was understandable
Edit : God that was a lot of text. But first time in a girl blog :p
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Your friend who is the girl is acting dumb. You are in the right. She asked about it, you told her. The reason she is mad is because she is trying to get you to be attracted to her or start liking her again. If you don't, then she needs to distance herself. The excuses she made about you being insensitive or whatever from talking about your girlfriend is just her being dumb. She wants attention. She may even want you, but based on her actions, she wants your attention.
With that being said, when a girl asks questions like that then contradicts herself, don't be afraid to lay down the law. I see a lot of guys suggest that you should either answer the question with a positive attitude (No, you don't look fat!) or not at all. I disagree with this. If you're dating a girl who honestly needs your opinion on how she looks in something, then she has self-image issues. When you date someone, how look is important, but only if you're happy with how you look. People say it's a cliche, but it's true when a real relationship isn't going to give two fucks about what the outside looks like - and that could be reference to a lot of things, not just looks, within a relationship
The second thing is you need to sit down with your girlfriend, and express calmly your feelings. If it turns into a fight, I think that's a sign that maybe you guys need some time away from each other because if you can't calmly discuss problems in your relationship, then you have been around each other for too long. It is my belief that a lot of people spend too much time together start to assume the other person's thoughts, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I think it gets to a point where you can't really communicate with each other because you're making a lot of assumptions.
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@hoby2000
You express it way better than me. Because i see some things i said not really well written and the could be read the wrong way. But i'm not a native english speaker. You are in the right with what you said.
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maybe it is just me and my crazy little thoughts but telling someone 'maybe down the road if my current gf doesn't work out' means you aren't just talking as friends and that kinda makes you a huge douchebag!
gosh i cant imagine why you girlfriend and you fight a lot. you clearly have a ton of respect for her!
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you know what you gotta do? just chill the fuck out and let life take its course. women will be women. try not to stress too much over it 
it's a difficult attitude and mindset to achieve, but once you are able to detach yourself from these strong negative emotions and enjoy yourself and remain calm even in bad situations like this one, youll be a lot happier.
like others have suggested, keep calm - it's not personal. just cuz she's a bitch doesn't mean you should suffer for it. don't you think it's a bit unfair if that kept happening? as for your girlfriend, communication. talk things out. sometimes, problems don't have a resolution (you cant expect everything to be solvable), and if that's the case, then deal with it the best you can. maybe take a break from the relationship, find other interests, meet other girls, whatever.
just remember to chill the fuck out 
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On March 15 2013 17:44 Ooshmagoosh wrote:
I've re-read this several times, because I'm trying to understand the minds of girlbloggers.
You have a girlfriend. There's also this other woman you happen to be casual and open with.
One day she's upset at you because you were open with her about what's going on with your girlfriend, which she previously had no issue with in the past. You are so incredibly distressed by this sudden and bizzare event, that you become really, really angry at her, and don't want to see her anymore.
If I was in your position, I would have been dazed and confused, not enraged and hurt. She became a superbitch? Bitchface? Holy hell what on earth is going on here?
as other people posted, it makes me angry because I've legitimately done nothing wrong by telling her what's going on when she asks, and yet she makes me out to be some giant asshole for it. and also, like I said, she's telling me I'm an asshole for opening up to her about personal issues in my life, which makes me feel like I can't talk to her about anything personal (relationship or not) to her. that's why I don't care to see her anymore. there's no point because our entire relationship will now consist of superficial pleasantries with no actual depth.
On March 16 2013 00:51 QuanticHawk wrote:
maybe it is just me and my crazy little thoughts but telling someone 'maybe down the road if my current gf doesn't work out' means you aren't just talking as friends and that kinda makes you a huge douchebag!
gosh i cant imagine why you girlfriend and you fight a lot. you clearly have a ton of respect for her!
you're right, I shouldn't have told her that. however, I did tell her right after, very crystal clear, that I was only interested in her as a friend for now and the foreseeable future. this was weeks before the whole "disrespect" thing, btw, so she had plenty of time to let me know how she really felt. I thought I could tell her about my relationship issues because I saw her purely as a friend, nothing more. when she asked, I told her just like I'd tell anyone else who asked. it's obvious to me now that she still has strong feelings for me, but after she's tried to mindgame me like this, I really don't want to even talk to her anymore.
and by the way, my girlfriend and I fight a lot because we have a lot of miscommunication issues and probably some trust issues in there too. we're working on it but I'm at the point where she makes me a little sick to my stomach every time we see each other. not sure how I'm gonna handle that, but I guess I'll figure it out.
On March 16 2013 01:35 ieatkids5 wrote:you know what you gotta do? just chill the fuck out and let life take its course. women will be women. try not to stress too much over it it's a difficult attitude and mindset to achieve, but once you are able to detach yourself from these strong negative emotions and enjoy yourself and remain calm even in bad situations like this one, youll be a lot happier. like others have suggested, keep calm - it's not personal. just cuz she's a bitch doesn't mean you should suffer for it. don't you think it's a bit unfair if that kept happening? as for your girlfriend, communication. talk things out. sometimes, problems don't have a resolution (you cant expect everything to be solvable), and if that's the case, then deal with it the best you can. maybe take a break from the relationship, find other interests, meet other girls, whatever. just remember to chill the fuck out
for Bitchface, that's exactly what I'm going to do. haven't talked to her since and I don't plan to. no point in fretting over it so I'm just gonna let it go. it's harder to chill out about girlfriend issues, especially when she's doing something I'm expressly against, but I'll sit her down and have a talk with her about it.
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
[QUOTE]On March 15 2013 21:21 FFW_Rude wrote:
[quote]
Also =>
[quote]He's offended because she is making him out to be a bad guy when all he did was what she asked him to do, I agree with his opinion on the matter, if you don't want to know something, don't fucking ask about it.[/QUOTE]
You don't know a lot about women do you ? (i'm not trying to bash you. That was sarcastic i think).
When a girl ask you : "Do i look fater than yesterday" by your logic you would say : "Yes indeed". Then she would get mad and you would be like : "Hey you asked".
Of course i'm exagerating a little. But still. Think you got the point.
[/QUOTE]
If a girl asks me if she's fat I of course say no, my logic does not extend to that idea. Bitchface was not asking a yes or no question, she was asking for more details about hydralisk's life, so as anyone would do he complied. They're totally different situations.
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Why wouldn't you say she's fat if it's the truth? Sounds perfectly fine to me.
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On March 16 2013 01:45 iamahydralisk wrote:
you're right, I shouldn't have told her that. however, I did tell her right after, very crystal clear, that I was only interested in her as a friend for now and the foreseeable future. this was weeks before the whole "disrespect" thing, btw, so she had plenty of time to let me know how she really felt. I thought I could tell her about my relationship issues because I saw her purely as a friend, nothing more. when she asked, I told her just like I'd tell anyone else who asked. it's obvious to me now that she still has strong feelings for me, but after she's tried to mindgame me like this, I really don't want to even talk to her anymore.
and by the way, my girlfriend and I fight a lot because we have a lot of miscommunication issues and probably some trust issues in there too. we're working on it but I'm at the point where she makes me a little sick to my stomach every time we see each other. not sure how I'm gonna handle that, but I guess I'll figure it out.
for now. as in you have sized her up in case your situation doesnt pan out
that is not just friends. that is a back up plan. that is incredibly shitty on multiple levels to both people
and you have trust issues in your relationship in part because of shit like you dipping your toes in the water by keeping this chick around. it isnt even person i used to see but i am not strictly 100% plutonic with.
you are actually saying to he—and telling us—that she could be a gf again in the future. that fact + the way you talk about your current gf + your other blog makes it perfectly clear that you have zero respect for your current gf, which is why you'd have a shitload of issues as far as trust and communication. the lack of respect you show her here is absolutely evident in the way you treat her
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On March 16 2013 05:13 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On March 16 2013 01:45 iamahydralisk wrote:
you're right, I shouldn't have told her that. however, I did tell her right after, very crystal clear, that I was only interested in her as a friend for now and the foreseeable future. this was weeks before the whole "disrespect" thing, btw, so she had plenty of time to let me know how she really felt. I thought I could tell her about my relationship issues because I saw her purely as a friend, nothing more. when she asked, I told her just like I'd tell anyone else who asked. it's obvious to me now that she still has strong feelings for me, but after she's tried to mindgame me like this, I really don't want to even talk to her anymore.
and by the way, my girlfriend and I fight a lot because we have a lot of miscommunication issues and probably some trust issues in there too. we're working on it but I'm at the point where she makes me a little sick to my stomach every time we see each other. not sure how I'm gonna handle that, but I guess I'll figure it out. for now. as in you have sized her up in case your situation doesnt pan out that is not just friends. that is a back up plan. that is incredibly shitty on multiple levels to both people and you have trust issues in your relationship in part because of shit like you dipping your toes in the water by keeping this chick around. it isnt even person i used to see but i am not strictly 100% plutonic with. you are actually saying to he—and telling us—that she could be a gf again in the future. that fact + the way you talk about your current gf + your other blog makes it perfectly clear that you have zero respect for your current gf, which is why you'd have a shitload of issues as far as trust and communication. the lack of respect you show her here is absolutely evident in the way you treat her
You're acting as if I'm some sort of demon for being attracted to other people while I'm with my current girlfriend, and quite frankly, it makes you come across as incredibly naive about relationships. It's entirely normal to be attracted to other people while you're in a committed relationship with someone. It's completely natural and biological. What ISN'T normal (or shouldn't be) is cheating on someone, and that's something I'd never do in a million years. Some people will cheat and some won't; I'm one of the people who won't under any circumstances.
Really dude, I know you like coming in here and white knighting for us, but it makes you look like you haven't had much relationship experience. There's absolutely nothing "shitty" or immoral about being attracted to other people when you're committed to one person. It all depends on what you do with that attraction. If you're a good person, you won't act on it. I won't.
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And also, I respect my girlfriend. It's not a lack of respect that causes me to vent about her. It's the fact that she's easily the most difficult to deal with person I've ever met and its always drama drama drama. I haven't had that problem with any other girl, friend or otherwise. I love my girl to death but I'm also aware of the fact that she's one of those girls who causes drama, whether she means to or not.
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noticing someone is hot is normal. anyone who says otherwise is lying.
dating them beforehand, still liking them enough to consider soemthign in the future and mentioning it to that person = emotional cheating, which is what youve been doing
major difference
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I agree with you that telling someone else you're attracted to them while you're in a committed relationship is emotional cheating if you leave things up in the air. however, I rectified my mistake immediately by setting boundaries and telling bitchface exactly what we are now (friends and absolutely nothing more) and telling her that I'm focused entirely on my girlfriend and making it work. it's not like I left the idea open or on the table. I shut it down as soon as I realized I shouldn't have said it, which was pretty much immediately. I do feel bad about saying it but then I made it crystal clear that girlfriend is the one I'm focused on; not bitchface.
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While it is normal to be attracted to other people I don't think setting contingency plans is really all that fair to either of the girls involved. Being involved in a situation similar to this one it's impossible to settle the trust issues from the first relationship if you have a "backup" plan.
Also discussion your romantic life with another woman who is interested in you is just flat out wrong... not really any wiggle room there.
Good luck though, I didn't fare much better than you to be honest.
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On March 18 2013 02:33 KillerSOS wrote:
While it is normal to be attracted to other people I don't think setting contingency plans is really all that fair to either of the girls involved. Being involved in a situation similar to this one it's impossible to settle the trust issues from the first relationship if you have a "backup" plan.
Also discussion your romantic life with another woman who is interested in you is just flat out wrong... not really any wiggle room there.
Good luck though, I didn't fare much better than you to be honest.
The only reason I was comfortable telling bitchface about my other relationship was because I completely and honestly only wanted her as a friend, so I told her just as I'd tell any other friend. I agree completely that having a backup plan is wrong, which is why I shut the idea down right after I mistakenly said it.
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EPT
