EPTBy the time I went to University I was spending all my student loans on handfulls of CDs every week. I played in a band, had long died hair and went to rock and indie night clubs. I went to do research for a year in the USA. All the time taking my music with me. I bought a guitar and playing with some work colleagues. Some insane crazy stuff happened during this time, all due to me going to gigs and meeting a lot of crazy people (like randomly travelling around Canada with some people I met who were going to see the Smashing Pumpkins and ending up seeing A Perfect Circle when they first came out, or going to some rough ass club in Jacksonville FL to see Le Tigre play to a smoking ass room 100% full of lesbians, and me standing at the back loving it.)
After University I went to Japan, and I started recording on my new Apple laptop. Garage band really is a great tool for putting ideas down. I've never thought about making it big or any shit like that, just creating something is awesome, you know? I caught a couple of gigs in Japan, and found an awesome band called The Bloodthirsty Butchers.
After I came back from Japan I lived in London for a year. I kept recording, and I saw a few bands, but I was really super busy. During the end of my time in London I came to something like a dead end in my life. What I wanted to do with my career completely failed, and I became involved playing an MMO which took over way too much of my time. This was when the music left me. I just really didn't want to listen to it any more. I couldn't just get rid of it though, I mean the physical media, years of collecting, I felt it was almost what defined me in the world.
I went back to live with my parents, and eventually set myself up living in a place not too close but not too far away from my family. During the next year I did nothing for a long time, and then in desperation for wanting to do something rather than nothing, I bought a business. It seems to me in hindsight that this was the worst choice to make. Someone who is depressed and lost is the worst kind of person to run a business. Even with my parent's support the thing was doomed to fail. The music was gone during this time. It was meaningless too me, and actually it just weighed me down to look at all the fucking worthless pieces of plastic I had wasted all my money on. I got rid of the business, I was back to square one.
I did a course, which was a very good decision, and this led to me getting a job in China, which is where I am now. Before I came here I had to deal with all my belongings, including my CD collection. It had to go. It's difficult to explain, but sometimes you can find that you don't own your belongings any more, they own you. Getting rid of my music was both a release, and also a very sad day. Anyway, it all had to go.
I've been here for 6 months now. I have a normal healthy relationship with a girlfriend for the first time in my life, I like my job and I think the big black cloud that has been with me for the last few years has gone away. Now when I listen to music it means something to me again. I'm feeling things when I hear melody and lyrics. In fact I really want to record something, but god damn it Apples are so expensive.
