Wow. That article blew my mind on the wall! I've never viewed it in such a light and I now know the errors in my ways. I am but a peasant to your infinite empire on the knowledge of women. Thank you!
+ Show Spoiler +

That was one of the most hilarious things I've read in a long time! :D

RuskiPanda

United States2906 Posts

January 26 2013 12:05 GMT

#89

Eh, most of it was pretty low-hanging fruit thats recycled in similar joke threads. Nice compilation tho ^_^.

KissBlade

United States5718 Posts

January 26 2013 12:20 GMT

#90

Instant 5.

vGl-CoW

Belgium8305 Posts

January 26 2013 13:45 GMT

#91

Holy shit, thanks for all the great comments, everyone! Really appreciate it. This is now by far the most successful blog I've ever written. It's making me feel all light-headed. I think I'm gonna have to sit down for a bit. (I usually type standing up because I like to pretend I'm a bridge officer on the Starship Enterprise.)

On January 26 2013 01:26 Huragius wrote:

Show nested quote +

Sure, keep telling that to yourself meanwhile I continue my endless raping of innocent girls.

Well, we can't all be so lucky as to live in an ex-Soviet nation.

On January 26 2013 01:51 Blade Fox wrote:
shitting my pants and crying as we speak, wish me luck

You won't need luck.

On January 26 2013 03:10 Kiett wrote:
cow im madly in love with you

Niiiice... although I have to admit, I'm getting some mixed signals here?

On January 26 2013 03:56 Crissaegrim wrote:
Cow, why has no self-help publisher ever contacted you for a 10 book contract when you have such profound words both said and yet to be said?

As is the case with most things I don't understand, I suspect it's because of a vast and nefarious conspiracy aimed at personally ruining me, orchestrated by a nebulous brotherhood known as 'the Haters'.

On January 26 2013 10:27 Burrfoot wrote:
As a nerdy asian guy that got a hot white wife, I must say, the secret is foreskin. Not money, not cars (civic), or Blizzard collector's editions stacked in a pile.

At least that is the only good reason I can figure out.

Interesting... I'm gonna have to find a mohel's trashcan and a stapler to verify this hypothesis.

nanoscorp

United States1237 Posts

January 26 2013 18:35 GMT

#92

This works because girls are logical beings and they act out of rational self-interest.

5'd. So much good advice!

MountainDewJunkie

United States10344 Posts

January 26 2013 19:21 GMT

#93

5 stars for the fat chick

Abenson

Canada4122 Posts

January 27 2013 00:53 GMT

#94

NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING WAIFUS

HollowAB

Romania10 Posts

January 27 2013 07:59 GMT

#95

Pure gold, thx for a good laughter, keep'em comming!

NrG.Bamboo

United States2756 Posts

January 27 2013 08:09 GMT

#96

Fuck man you made me laugh hard enough to cough up the sickness I've been holding in all week. Bloody mucus: that's how good this blog is.

ninazerg

United States7291 Posts

January 27 2013 09:59 GMT

#97

Wow, if only there were a guy who would really do all this, he would be the perfect husband. I don't think anyone can live up to this standard though.

MasterOfPuppets

Romania6942 Posts

January 27 2013 10:00 GMT

#98

On January 27 2013 09:53 Abenson wrote:
NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING WAIFUS

Agreed.

On January 27 2013 18:59 ninazerg wrote:
Wow, if only there were a guy who would really do all this, he would be the perfect husband. I don't think anyone can live up to this standard though.

Lol.

Harris1st

Germany7010 Posts

January 27 2013 15:09 GMT

#99

this is awesome

You really got it fiigured out! I'm so jelly

5/5

teamamerica

United States958 Posts

January 27 2013 15:42 GMT

#100

Hello CoW! Sorry to be a few days late to respond, but building a makeshift survival bunker correctly was no small feat!

Firstly, I am wondering where I should deliver my soul too? I've removed it and am keeping it on ice in my freezer but I'm not sure how long it will last there, and I don't want to send you a rotten soul!

Secondly - I followed your guide to the letter. After I finished my bunker, I identified m̶y̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶y̶ potential girlfriend at the local college (silly consent laws), looked her in the eye while taking a shit in public (alpha male shit), and then proceeded to stab her with my katana. Thankfully, blood did come out of her so I can confirm she is either an advanced cyborg or, more hopefully real. She professed her love for me and we were about to ride off into the sunset.

HOWEVER!!! Apparently taking a shit in public and verifying if a girl is real by stabbing her (I mean, I avoided anything major and she only needed some stitches) is illegal in California. Silly liberals. So some idiot called campus police and we never quite made it into the sunset. She's not pressing charges, but apparently she doesn't have to for a criminal case.

So, what I'm hoping from you is a followup guide, something along the lines of [G] How To Escape Prison, a guide that will hopefully be as informative and as easy to follow as this one! Also, please this time take into account California laws so I don't run into any more trouble, as I did this time

P.S. Until I post bail I won't be able to mail my soul so apologies in advance for any delays!
P.P.S I had to whore myself out with multiple men to obtain a phone with internet access in a prison holding cell, so it'll be a few days before m̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ I've recovered enough to get a phone again to read your replies. Apologies again for the delays