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On January 11 2013 13:57 clementdudu wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2013 22:26 FractalsOnFire wrote:Bull. Fucking. Shit she's 'dumping' you to 'focus' on her studies. My fucking ass. She's either lying and just wanted to let you down easy or she's self handicapping. Plenty of people can manage relationships while concentrating on careers and studies. I honestly doubt she genuinely 'dumped' you to focus on her studies. A girl who truly wants to be with you won't pull an excuse like that, people will try to make it work. As for self handicapping? Maybe its because of I tried my damned best to make her happy Possibly making her realise that if the relationship fails, its because of her and not you. But that also depends on how you actually went about it. Whenever i see someone say that, I usually read it as: "I'm clingy, needy and placate their whims" EDIT: I just saw that 'proud of her' line. No you shouldn't be. Its not courageous. If anything its the complete opposite of courageous. Also you need to find your own motivations, passions and things you can strive for. Finding motivation in a girl will crush you in the long term, especially when it goes south. Look at what you've said and tell me I'm wrong. EEDDIITT: You went out for 2 weeks and you love her? Well... its funny how in the us (and apparently australia) youre not supposed to fall in love fast,or at least say it. in my part of the world,you can be in love with a girl youve never talked to,theres nothing wrong with that,but theres no word for infatuation so it probably makes sense. its not unusual for people to say i love you on the first date,and its not shameful at all;)
I would never think 'falling in love' or saying 'i love you' on a first date is shameful. I just think those who do are misinterpreting their own emotions. I think its more infatuation and/or lust.
Its also a good way to scare away most women.
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My brain tells me that it is completely against all logic, and yet I am sad.
i had the same experience, but somehow got away from this black hole. It did not happen by telling me it makes no sense so drop it - it just dropped.
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She texted me.
We texted back and forth for a while. She feels like shit for having to dump me, and I told her that she has been nothing but fantastic to me, and should not feel bad for anything. I still believe that her decision was correct (if it's true that I really was too much of a distraction from her studies) and so I only want the best for her.
She wants to continue being friends. I tried to communicate how difficult that is for me, but I think I failed to express myself properly.
She's gone for the weekend with family, and when she's back I plan on VERY clearly outlining that I want a relationship, but since she says that it is impossible to have one, the prospect of only being friends would hurt me because of my wants. This was clearly demonstrated because I felt like complete shit after texting with her and knowing nothing will ever come of it.
Still searching for a new passion in life, I don't know why the things I'm not doing aren't inspiring me. Physical activity is really helping, but I find schoolwork not very stimulating.
Here's to the future.
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And so it ended.
I expressed myself, she knows I'm not happy about the fact that our relationship is over, but I didn't say what truly wracks my mind, because she dumped me to not be distracted, and that would distract her.
It's not going to work out. I'm not happy at all, but it's beyond me now.
Edit: I don't think she cares anymore.
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Man, I am sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how hard it would be.
Unfortunately, it seems like she didn't quite have the same feelings for you as you did for her; opting out of a relationship because you have to "study" is really not a good enough excuse..
I recommend that -- as hard as it would be -- you forget completely about this girl and, ideally, find another girl that you can "rebound" with.
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I think she wasn't in love like I was, but she was truly special to me. I don't think she'll know how big of a deal she was to me, I was actually stone-hearted before I met her. I didn't consider a single girl for a relationship before her, and she completely captured my mind.
It's sad, but this grief won't fix my problems. I desperately need to find a passion to live for, or I fear slipping into depression. I don't think that another girl will fill this hole, at least not for a long time, because no other girl has moved me the same way.
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I understand where you are coming from because my personality is similar to yours. In 23 years of life, I have only truly fallen for 1-2 girls and the first one didn't turn out to be the person I thought she was. Certainly, there is no panacea to your grief but I can confidently say time -- and perhaps only time -- will get you out of the hole. For me, it took around 2 weeks and perhaps it will take longer for you... On the meantime, I suggest that you keep your depression under check (some counseling might be helpful) and try your best to keep yourself occupied with something else, be it academics or another girl (best but difficult/unlikely for ppl like us).
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I'm going through something almost similar...
It hurts and it sucks; I really do understand how you feel. The situation may not be the same but the feelings of how much it hurts is the same.
All I can say it, you just have to let go. It's easy sometimes to just say, I'm letting go but doing it is a process that will go up and down sometimes and you just have to be ok with that process.
Two things about letting go;
If you can let go; you'll be less destructive. Move on, improve on other things in life and it'll allow for you to remain and most likely become even more attractive; and when she sees you again, all happy, strong and confident. Something will click for her to want to be with you again.
If that doesn't happen; well you've still spent all that time improving yourself and by the end of it, if she takes too long to realize how great you've become, then you'll be over her by then. It happens, all the time. I've always felt like I lost someone and will never find someone better and be scared that they'll move on. But you know what? Sure enough, as you accept that it's over, someone else just rolls on by (but only if you've been improving yourself and putting your body out there in the world).
It never hurts less... you just get better at it.
Some of the other posts are really realistic and true but very very cynical.
If you follow their advice, maybe you'll get sex and pussy and whatever.
But to have an actual partnership. Really be what you want to be; keep being positive, allow yourself to grieve but continue to improve and good things will come. They will. The next girl is always an upgrade.
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I found this thread to be very carthatic, thank-you guys.
Something that needs to be made clear, is that I wish nothing but the best for her. I want her to be happy, I want her dreams to be fulfilled, and everything good in the world for her.
I'm going to be improving myself as a person, academically, mentally, and physically. The issue is that I don't believe that these things are a full substitute for starcraft or her, because I simply am not any happier by doing these things, but I am confident that eventually I will find something that fulfills me as a person. I'm considering joining some sort of martial art, to be my competitive drive.
And as a bit of a last note, I'm starting to think grief is the ultimate expression of joy. If I did not miss the pure joy that she brought me, I would not grieve. Yeah I'm fucking sad, but it's this beautiful sadness.
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EPT
