EPTGirlfriend doesn't feel the spark - Page 2
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Sumahi
Guam5609 Posts
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r.Evo
Germany14079 Posts
On January 02 2013 08:19 docvoc wrote: If she hasn't figured out she is in love now, it isn't going to happen dude. This is the time when the honeymoon phase ends, if the puppy love never happened, it never will. I hate to say that to you, but it is true. We need to know if this is a career or just a random job. Being honest here, she is being very nice to you about this. She is explaining herself, and not leaving anything off about it that might make you wonder. You can try to save it, but the only way to do it to do 3 things
Like r.Evo said, it is quality, not quantity. I didn't say that. It's about quality and quantity of the sex they're having. Seeing each other that much is fine if a similar amount of sexual tension goes along with it. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On January 02 2013 08:34 r.Evo wrote: I didn't say that. It's about quality and quantity of the sex they're having. Seeing each other that much is fine if a similar amount of sexual tension goes along with it. I didn't mean you were talking about the stuff I said prior to my statement, that is my bad. I just wanted to echo what you said about the quality. I didn't mean to say that you were behind the other things that I said. My b. | ||
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Nabes
Canada1800 Posts
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CecilSunkure
United States2829 Posts
It's common sense. We spend most of our time not being a couple, so why are we having a hard time being a couple? You said yourself, your relationship hasn't gone anywhere in three months. Well it's not going to go anywhere unless you guys take it somewhere, and how are either of you going to up to the task of "taking your relationship somewhere" if you're spending so much energy around each other at work. Things currently haven't been working for three months, so you gotta change something. She sounds like she's about to change, as in end the relationship. So either you change something or she does, better do something fast. | ||
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Thrill
2599 Posts
Look, it's not that you're spending too much time together. It's comfort. Even your post reeks of it, you seem content. It's her wanting change not you. So you just have to ask yourself - are you happy the way things are? Are you truly content? If you want more from life, you have to show that to her. If you're happy then i'm sorry, but you've got to let her try her wings. To some, an ascent with the possibility of an Icarusian fall is more appealing than a wing-clipped life. Revolutionary Road might be a good watch for you. | ||
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Gprime
Canada198 Posts
maybe if you werent around her 24 7 she wouldnt be so bored of you. she might realize that she needs you. dont know what you got til its gone. give her space, imo. edit: the amount of time you are around her seems too high for the amount of time you have been with her. its possible its getting too serious too fast for her. thats bad. give her space, she wants to have a life thats not entirely 100% YOU. edited for clarity. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32027 Posts
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Thenerf
United States258 Posts
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Ushio
Canada868 Posts
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musafischer
19 Posts
But to be serious, if neither of you really love each other, I say do not be afraid to move on. 6 months is plenty of time for a "fling" kind of relationship, but those will never be a real substitute for the emotion of mutual love. Don't pass it up for what you have now. Move on. | ||
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Split Behemoth
France104 Posts
Just kidding. Sometimes you have a crush and she/he doesn't like you. move on, it's life ! The world is full of beautiful gamer chicks to annoy ! | ||
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musafischer
19 Posts
On January 03 2013 08:47 Ushio wrote: See if she feels the same after you smash it like its your last day on earth. It isn't enough to just smash it, you have to bang it too. In other words, you need to smang it gurl. | ||
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GhostOwl
766 Posts
On January 03 2013 00:39 QuanticHawk wrote: why on earth would you want to even stay with someone who doesnt wanna be with you You haven't been in a long relationship have you? Or any relationship for that matter. lol | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32027 Posts
On January 04 2013 00:28 GhostOwl wrote: You haven't been in a long relationship have you? Or any relationship for that matter. lol nope please do explain | ||
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BreAKerTV
Taiwan1658 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + Presently, I'm dating a traditional Chinese girl from Nanjing. I'm assuming you know what that means because your name fits in perfectly with Romanized Chinese (better known as pinyin). Presently she is in Nanjing for the winter vacation, and she has only told her mother about me because her father is a strict, pro-Confucian rightist... While I enjoy my time being with her, and we're both always smiling, I'm constantly thinking to myself, "Do I really have a future with this girl?" and I've already been with this type of girl before in the past. The only difference is, this other ex of mine's parents were extremely superstitious and backwards and were never exposed to non-Chinese people before. Adding to that is my own family background and the kind of reception people who are pro-Confucian would take to it. I am now stigmatized to the point that most Chinese parents would not accept me being with their daughter. Long story short, it's because I have three divorces in my immediate family (not surprising, granted that I come from the American mid-west). So, that being said, I've been dating someone for about three months that I'm too afraid to break up with because I'm afraid of her reaction. She is far too attached to me. | ||
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tehemperorer
United States2183 Posts
On January 02 2013 02:47 xiaofan wrote: Thank you. I appreciate your analysis. Have you or anyone you know spent 9+ hours a day with your significant other and maintained a steady relationship? I have, and we are still together, married, with 2 kids and very happy. We were dating in high school in 1998, and I actually did the dick thing where you basically forget about all the friends you had and just spend every free minute of every day with your gf. We worked together very briefly, but were mostly on different shifts, and haven't worked together since. Few things: -I think it's clear to see this isn't typical -I spent all my free time with her, evenings, nights, mornings off, etc., but we didn't really work together for long like you did -Takes a shitload of work on both sides to have it be successful -I don't think we would have been successful had we worked together, that's too much exposure like others have said. Opinion: Change jobs if you want it to work, that might be all you need if the relationship is good normally. | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
On January 02 2013 14:19 Thrill wrote: Lots of gloom and doom in this thread. Lots of shitty advice and easily sold truths as well. Look, it's not that you're spending too much time together. It's comfort. Even your post reeks of it, you seem content. It's her wanting change not you. So you just have to ask yourself - are you happy the way things are? Are you truly content? If you want more from life, you have to show that to her. If you're happy then i'm sorry, but you've got to let her try her wings. To some, an ascent with the possibility of an Icarusian fall is more appealing than a wing-clipped life. Revolutionary Road might be a good watch for you. ^this post completely pigeonholes your choices and thinking. First, understand this: if you want her to stay with you, YOU need to change and improve yourself. Fair or not, she feels the way she feels & she doesn't know if she's getting what she needs. Her telling you and communicating means that deep down she wants it to work. So, make a choice, will you improve yourself into the kind of man that can keep this woman? If no, read Thrill's post again and make an active choice to live with "clipped wings." If yes, realize life doesn't work like flight. That's a terrible metaphor. Even if you do have an "Icarusian fall," you tried & you will learn. And the "fall" really means you'll reach a new level of knowing who you are and what you want. The emotional heart is a muscle as much as the physical, and pain only makes you stronger. In fact, the ONLY truly lose-lose approach in this situation is just up & quitting like a little bitch, as Thrill recommends. But, if you choose yes you do want to become that man, here are your instructions based on my experiences: A. Your relationship On January 02 2013 08:19 docvoc wrote: If she hasn't figured out she is in love now, it isn't going to happen dude. This is the time when the honeymoon phase ends, if the puppy love never happened, it never will. I hate to say that to you, but it is true. We need to know if this is a career or just a random job. Being honest here, she is being very nice to you about this. She is explaining herself, and not leaving anything off about it that might make you wonder. You can try to save it, but the only way to do it to do 3 things
Like r.Evo said, it is quality, not quantity. ^this. You're going to need to change yourself & the entire dynamic of this relationship. 1. Most important is that third one: you need to show her, authoritatively, you will be ok without her. If you break up, it will suck, but you'll be ok & go on with your life. 2. Demonstrate you're trying to become the ideal man you want to be. This just means doing shit you want to and being really happy when you're being the man you want to be, and trying to get what you want when you're not. Be entirely practical and results-based about this. 3. Take away the element of certainty in your relationship & replace it with drama. Have some pseudo-boundaries about meaningless irrational things where if she crosses them, you'll throw a hissy fit. (Like being invited to do stuff - even if you both know you weren't going, get kind of mad when she doesn't invite you. Never thank her for when she does, say no to almost everything, but when she stops throw another hissy fit -- "Why wasn't *I* invited? You're an asshole, you know that?" -- specifically about events you both know you weren't going to do) 4. Continue this serious conversation with her about what you both want after you've done the above for a little bit, or be ready for when it will be forced upon you. The "I don't think I should marry you" trap could just mean she's afraid of long-term commitment and withdrawing from the relationship because she wants the version in her head, it could mean she's seriously looking for a life partner, it could mean any number of things. Figure out what her needs are and then improve yourself to address them. the only time you should be spending together is having sex or doing something where shes laughing the entire time. if its just getting kind of droll either make it that way or leave. And your only line to her should resemble, "I don't know about the future, I don't care about it and I won't promise you anything because I only make promises I know I can keep. But right now, I want you & I want this to work. I think we have a chance, but I need to know that you think so too. Or else you should stop stringing me along and go." B. Sex This is absolutely huge. You two need to do it, thats the difference between friends & lovers. but when you do have sex she wants to be a woman, and that requires you to be a man. You need to dominate her physically & forcefully, but vastly more importantly, emotionally. really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler + What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul" and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers. | ||
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Gprime
Canada198 Posts
On January 05 2013 08:48 KurtistheTurtle wrote: really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler + What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul" and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers. also kinda nsfw. + Show Spoiler + he makes some really good points, but i think what you really want to emphasize is powerful eye contact during intense fucking. you can make her feel like she is your plaything with only your eyes really. you just need to be expressive. eyes are really how you communicate your sexual appetite. basically look at her like you are a lion and she is a gazelle. the other bits are also important , but i think you should emphasize what i mentioned. | ||
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Shady Sands
United States4021 Posts
On January 05 2013 15:24 Gprime wrote: also kinda nsfw. + Show Spoiler + he makes some really good points, but i think what you really want to emphasize is powerful eye contact during intense fucking. you can make her feel like she is your plaything with only your eyes really. you just need to be expressive. eyes are really how you communicate your sexual appetite. basically look at her like you are a lion and she is a gazelle. the other bits are also important , but i think you should emphasize what i mentioned. This stuff is kinda tactical If you want a more long-term solution, you need to figure out where you're headed and see if she wants to join you for the ride. If not, that might be why she doesn't see things working out. Have you watched American Beauty? If not, you should. It perfectly encapsulates the 'lovers anomie' you're describing, and also tells you how to eventually deal with it | ||
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