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I work as a waitress at a family own restaurant. I have been working in the past six days straight and last night while working, I lost it and talk back to a customer.
It was not my table. Basically what happen was when the lady(it was a table of ten) came to the counter to pay their bill, she demanded my co-worker to give her $50 gift cards because they had to wait around an hour(it was 45 minute) for their food to be serve and her service was not good. The co-worker defended herself reasoning with her that it’s a busy night. The lady glared at her and asked for the manager. Manager showed up, apologized to what happen and gave her the gift card then forced my co-worker to apologize as well. She gave him this are you kidding me and helpless look. She apologized as well. I just watched.
If it was any other day, I’ll probably just go meh. I used to work only three or two days a week due to school. When I work, I imagine a world where everyone is kind, loveable and such. I play with this world. I create storylines for people that enter the restaurant. Imagine random plots to make myself laugh. When I package customers’ leftovers, I would imagine this great struggle between me and the food. The Food is desperately trying to stay on the plate while I use my magical powers and put them into the containers. I ignore all irregularities. I live in my own little world fill with Happiness as long as my imagination can keep up.
But today was a bit different. After 5 days of working and it is the 6th day, my brain’s imaginations are falling apart. Regardless, I was able to work. However, I am a lot more self-conscious of my fakeness toward the customers. While overhearing the conversation and watched the situation unfolds, it just made me so mad. I talked with my co-workers then went to that lady’s table. I didn’t yell or anything. I stay in composure. Basically told her in front of her parent/siblings that before my co-worker gave them the table for 10, she warned them that tonight is especially busy and for their food to be serve, they would have to wait for around an hour. It was you guys choice to stay and now you guys decided to complain. We could have use the 2 table they used for other customers that are waiting to be seated. There are other customers here and still have no food yet. The waitress that serve them have other obligations other than just their table. It’s not her right to ruin someone’s night. And other random stuff I said. In the end, I asked her to be more considerate and apologized to my co-worker for what happen. My manager rushed to me and apologizes to them while demanding me to also apologize. I didn’t and went back to the kitchen. After that I went back to take care of my tables. I was proud of myself also knowing I’ll be able to sleep a lot easier that night which I DID.
I was adopted into a very nice family of 5 before age of 1. My parents worked night and day, tried their best to give the best possible childhood for my siblings and I. My siblings became successful. One of my sister and brother own their own business. The other is working for them. I am the youngest. Despite the fact I am not related to them biologically, they love me like no other. My family loves me a lot. I can have anything I wanted. Even if I wanted a star, I’m pretty sure they would somehow get it for me. I could have grown to be a very spoil child but I did not. Even though I was with the best family on Earth, something was missing. I do not love them back. As I grew older, I resent myself more and more. Someone like me doesn’t deserve to be love like this. I’m not sure if any of you felt it before, the sinking feeling of lying to the people that love you very much every day as you live with them. The feeling of being in debt to someone and knowing you will never be able to pay them back no matter what you do. They buy you gifts, celebrate your birthday, care about you yet you continuously lie to them. Deep down you dislike them and want to leave. Then you hate yourself for feeling that way. A family that had done nothing but love you yet you felt nothing but disliking them. I just don’t understand why I can’t love them back. I really tried. I just don’t feel the same way and hate myself for not feeling that way.
To stop myself from this endless resentment, I created an imagination world and a separately me. I believed most people do this. Most people create a separately personality self, depending on their environments and who they are socializing with. People act differently at home, with friends, at work, with co-workers, with companions and with lovers. I thought of it as something like that. At home, I am this child that loves her family very much. The sinking feeling become heavier and heavier as days go by. I feel so fake. I want to be honest and sincere with my family yet I keep lying to them. I just don’t know what to do. The only thing I know was get into a good university away from home.
Then the day came when I can move away from home. I was happy; no longer will I see them or have to hear their voice. Whenever my parents call me, the sinking feeling would appear. I would end the call with I love you. It makes me die a little every time I told my parent I love them when I don’t. I wanted to break away from them financially as well. Despite my personality, I was able to find a job as a waitress.
Due to my shelter childhood, I had a lot of trouble understanding the real world. The job was good, the pay was good. Most customers are nice. I have nothing to complain except for the occasionally terrible customers. Overall it was nice. During my last year and half of moving away from home, I began to dislike people in general also. Not dislike.. I’m not sure how to explain it but I just don’t like people but I do like people
My co-workers always complain about their tips when it is not 20%. When it’s holidays, they would complain it’s not more than 20%. When I received Christmas cards from customers, some would complain they did not get one. On the one that does, they complain the customer did not give them money along with the card when few of us got money with the card. Most of my co-workers sucks. I just don’t understand why. Why are they never satisfy? It’s like every day they complain the same thing over and over again.
One time I broke down and started crying while working. I couldn’t get over this guilt of lying to all these customers. Not really lying but this trying to start a conversation even though deep down you don’t. In general just talking to them when you really don’t want to. I felt extremely guilty one time and broke down. I’m not sure why I felt like that when my co-workers are fine with the way it is. I don’t really know where I am going with this blog anymore. ANYWAYYYY basically in my imagination world everyone is kind and if I lose the imagination, I don’t know.
I want to tell the skype group chat people they are awesome, L_Master, Ninazerg, DraW and NoisE. Around a year ago, I break off all contact with my old me and told the two people that I consider as friends to not be friends anymore. They are the best person in the world but I just don’t understand how the world, people, relationship functions and felt I had to tell them to not be my friend anymore. So I have been pretty much contactless except family. When I joined the group chat, it was fun and happy to hear people talk in a regular fashion. It’s been so long since I hear people talk like that. People take it for granted. It’s very fun but I felt very guilty for leeching off their happiness. I spoke probably less than 10 words. Sorry!
It is rated R so don't read spoiler unless you are 16 or older.
+ Show Spoiler +So the other day I decided to watch porn. I have seen clips of it because it’s the internet and all but I never like sit down and watch one. So I decided to watch one. The furthest I have gone in a relationship was hold hands and put my head on my love since elementary school’s shoulder then told him I love you but don’t like me( I WAS SO AWESOME I COULDN”T BELIEVE IT FOR THAT 2 MINUTE). I had this perfection image of him ever since elementary school but during high school as we get closer and closer, I noticed his flaws and I don’t want to lose this perfection so yeah. Anyway to the porn watching, I cringe when they were kissing then I cover my eyes but still watching it through the gap between fingers as the girl did uhh her sucking thing…..then it was leading to the action and I close the browser.
So move on I decide to watch Hentai(Anime Porn) since I like Anime. I made the mistake of watching one with most comment. I was able to watch the whole thing. Not sure if it’s due to its plots or Japanese censorship. However, the ending left me angry, confuse and sad. The minute before the ending, it was happy then as I watched what happen after that happy end. I just sat there. Everything stop. My heart stop. Nothing was moving. I sat there with mouth open, I want to say something but nothing came out. Then after a minute or two, I regain myself and just think to myself What the heck? WHYYYYY THE ENDING JUST MAKES ME SO CONFUSE, SAD AND ANGRY. WHY DO JAPANESE PEOPLE MAKE THESE OMG.
 
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Which hentai was it, I've probably seen it.
If not I know 6 people that have.
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I rather not give the title. If you did then good, if you didn't then I do not wish to introduced you to a hentai that would conjure up such bad emotions. I am a extremely passive person and that made felt so much conflicted emotions.
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This feels like a really bad troll.
But I love the r-rated spoiler for people over 16 with nothing r-rated in it. Old enough to wait tables in the US but too scared to watch a porno? Just overall weird blog...
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LOL Kaal. 1 million esports bucks says she watched NTR.
And d'awww it's okay yo >< hope you can get over it all without ending up too jaded. Doesn't sound like English is your first language though? :o
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This was somewhat disturbing.
I wish you well.
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On December 28 2012 14:51 jdseemoreglass wrote:
This feels like a really bad troll.
But I love the r-rated spoiler for people over 16 with nothing r-rated in it. Old enough to wait tables in the US but too scared to watch a porno? Just overall weird blog...
Not afraid, just uncomfortable.
And I am Chinese.
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Yeah, I actually would have guessed, surprisingly enough...for some reason you sound like a few other Chinese posters on TL
Well I don't know what to say, but for starters, I guess you should go ahead and just thank your skype group if you haven't already, since you mention wanting to thank them but not really doing anything about it.  But now I'm really curious as to what that series was rofl.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
some would say that a function of art is to provoke. you are not alone, to be shaken by your first confrontation with a terrible beauty
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On December 28 2012 14:55 vOdToasT wrote:
This was somewhat disturbing.
I wish you well.
Yep got that vibe. I'm willing to indulge it though, good luck with the guy stuff. Also as much as I hate to admit it, that was my first porn experience basically with me as a 13-ish year old going to some website, and looking up I think it was like Kaylani Lei or something, and when the blowjob started I was like FUCKITY FUCKS CAN'T HANDLE CAN'T UNSEE. Eventually that faded and I became like a normal boy (pinochio, yo). I hope you come out of your supposed human hate, and gl gl with life  .
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if you were adopted at such a young age how come you write so bad English?
I think someone could make one of those 'Benny & joon' type of movies out of your story because you sound pretty eccentric individual.
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On December 28 2012 15:35 intrigue wrote:
some would say that a function of art is to provoke. you are not alone, to be shaken by your first confrontation with a terrible beauty
Oh my god this is hilarious hahaha. Took me just a moment, but hit me like a ton of giggle bricks XD
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Canada4481 Posts
On December 28 2012 14:22 Reclusive wrote:
since I like Anime.
Have you seen Chuunibyou? That show was pretty good.
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I think I speak for everyone (except Nagi), when we want to know what Hentai you watched.
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Probably because Nagi has already deduced the precise timestamp of the episode of the series of hentai that caused the most lasting emotional impact, let alone the name of the series. ;o
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On December 28 2012 16:40 Aerisky wrote:
Probably because Nagi has already deduced the precise timestamp of the episode of the series of hentai that caused the most lasting emotional impact, let alone the name of the series. ;o
Don't be like that. Nagi is as pure and innocent as Tsukihi's underwear.
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Haha, it seems like the main discussion provoker here is what is in the spoilers.
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I just log in to say I enjoyed reading this blog, glad that you told that rude customer how you felt. /thumbs up
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On December 28 2012 14:22 Reclusive wrote:If it was any other day, I’ll probably just go meh. I used to work only three or two days a week due to school. When I work, I imagine a world where everyone is kind, loveable and such. I play with this world. I create storylines for people that enter the restaurant. Imagine random plots to make myself laugh. When I package customers’ leftovers, I would imagine this great struggle between me and the food. The Food is desperately trying to stay on the plate while I use my magical powers and put them into the containers. I ignore all irregularities. I live in my own little world fill with Happiness as long as my imagination can keep up. My co-workers always complain about their tips when it is not 20%. When it’s holidays, they would complain it’s not more than 20%. When I received Christmas cards from customers, some would complain they did not get one. On the one that does, they complain the customer did not give them money along with the card when few of us got money with the card. Most of my co-workers sucks. I just don’t understand why. Why are they never satisfy? It’s like every day they complain the same thing over and over again. + Show Spoiler +So the other day I decided to watch porn. I have seen clips of it because it’s the internet and all but I never like sit down and watch one. So I decided to watch one. The furthest I have gone in a relationship was hold hands and put my head on my love since elementary school’s shoulder then told him I love you but don’t like me( I WAS SO AWESOME I COULDN”T BELIEVE IT FOR THAT 2 MINUTE). I had this perfection image of him ever since elementary school but during high school as we get closer and closer, I noticed his flaws and I don’t want to lose this perfection so yeah. Anyway to the porn watching, I cringe when they were kissing then I cover my eyes but still watching it through the gap between fingers as the girl did uhh her sucking thing…..then it was leading to the action and I close the browser.
So move on I decide to watch Hentai(Anime Porn) since I like Anime. I made the mistake of watching one with most comment. I was able to watch the whole thing. Not sure if it’s due to its plots or Japanese censorship. However, the ending left me angry, confuse and sad. The minute before the ending, it was happy then as I watched what happen after that happy end. I just sat there. Everything stop. My heart stop. Nothing was moving. I sat there with mouth open, I want to say something but nothing came out. Then after a minute or two, I regain myself and just think to myself What the heck? WHYYYYY THE ENDING JUST MAKES ME SO CONFUSE, SAD AND ANGRY. WHY DO JAPANESE PEOPLE MAKE THESE OMG.
5/5
First quoted paragraph made me laugh.
Second quoted paragraph: I worked in a restaurant for 6 months before... never again, and the shitty/petty attitude of the business described there is one of the many reasons.
Spoiler: lololololol
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Hmm, I recognize some of the emotions from a period I went through 2 years ago in college. If you can it might be nice to talk to a therapist about what you're feeling, it worked well for me.
Warning: unsolicited advice incoming
About the family thing, I can kinda relate. I always thought my family was very good and supportive of me, but when I went away to college I basically never called or went home, even though I went to a school that was very close to home. I realized that while they were very supportive materially, they weren't supportive emotionally.
I think what is happening with you is that you are giving them too much credit. You say that they are the best family on earth, but how can they be that good if you're not getting emotional support from them? Put another way, the more logical reason that you don't love them (more logical than "I must be messed up") is that they don't understand what you're going through and aren't helping you with it. It's possible they have good intentions but are in reality neglectful of your emotions. From here you could try to talk about it with your family and become closer to them, or accept that it's ok to not love your family given these circumstances, and have a more business-like relationship with them.
re: spoiler, really curious as to what it was, only cuz I consider myself pretty desensitized; only hentai that really put me in a melancholy mood was "playing" the visual novel Katawa Shoujo
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I don't know, this blog kind of touched me at a deeper level than other ones have. The turmoil the OP is trying to convey is not as simple as, say, a girl blog. It has complexity and meaning. Maybe even movie material. I hope things work out for you.
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wait are you a girl? That would explain things a lot better imo
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On December 29 2012 03:39 JieXian wrote:
wait are you a girl? That would explain things a lot better imo
Well she wrote I work as a waitress at a family own restaurant so I think she's a girl .
I think this blog was pretty fascinating. I rarely read or hear this type of introspection. Good luck lady!
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On December 29 2012 04:17 radscorpion9 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 29 2012 03:39 JieXian wrote:
wait are you a girl? That would explain things a lot better imo Well she wrote so I think she's a girl . I think this blog was pretty fascinating. I rarely read or hear this type of introspection. Good luck lady!
oh ya..
wait if it was a family own restaurant why I'm surprised that the manager "demanded her to also apologize"... well unless the manager is another family member.
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Canada4481 Posts
On December 29 2012 04:41 JieXian wrote:Show nested quote +On December 29 2012 04:17 radscorpion9 wrote:On December 29 2012 03:39 JieXian wrote:
wait are you a girl? That would explain things a lot better imo Well she wrote I work as a waitress at a family own restaurant so I think she's a girl . I think this blog was pretty fascinating. I rarely read or hear this type of introspection. Good luck lady! oh ya.. wait if it was a family own restaurant why I'm surprised that the manager "demanded her to also apologize"... well unless the manager is another family member.
The restaurant is owned by a family, not necessarily her family.
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This was a surprisingly nice and innocent post. Nice read.
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yo nerd, you can't steal my happiness because it's not even mine. I have been thieving happiness all my life now I have an infinite amount that is constantly expanding at a large exponential level. You have this new head set, so use it. If you are watching porn THEN SHARE WITH US, that's what this vod watching group is for, it's not like we even watch bw these days anyway. Also about the awkwardness with people, I wouldn't worry about it because I am pretty sure it's an elaborate government conspiracy against you just like in stein's gate, people thought he was crazy but was he really?
Your situation makes me think of Old Boy, you should definitely watch it... an excellent Korean film. What were we talking about again? + Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/HRWzj.jpg) god damn I am sexy
Coles Notes:
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First off, I'd say good on you for telling the customer what's up. I understand why managers often feel that way, but the "customer is always right" thing goes way, way too far. When a customer orders 4 tacos, an enchirito, and a bean burrio then goes over, chucks the receipt, and rudely tells us how incompetent we are because he wanted a taco salad and a twelve pack of tacos and the manager says sorry for the "mistake" and gives him everything for free...that's a problem.
Someone like me doesn’t deserve to be love like this.
No one "deserves" love, it's just something that happens. I really hate chains of thoughts like this, because it breeds self-loathing and misery.
If you really don't like yourself, then figure out why and FIX IT! Don't go on being someone you don't like.
My co-workers always complain about their tips when it is not 20%. When it’s holidays, they would complain it’s not more than 20%. When I received Christmas cards from customers, some would complain they did not get one. On the one that does, they complain the customer did not give them money along with the card when few of us got money with the card. Most of my co-workers sucks. I just don’t understand why. Why are they never satisfy? It’s like every day they complain the same thing over and over again.
People just like to complain. Sometimes they don't even mean it and just use it as a talking points for some conversation. Some people are just negative in general, such is life. That or they have an idea that "this is how it should be" and cannot accept reality and just complain to keep their self-image in tact (i.e. I got a shitty tip because the customers were assholes, as opposed to I got a shitty tip, I should have been a better waiter/ress)
I couldn’t get over this guilt of lying to all these customers. Not really lying but this trying to start a conversation even though deep down you don’t. In general just talking to them when you really don’t want to. I felt extremely guilty one time and broke down. I’m not sure why I felt like that when my co-workers are fine with the way it is.
There are a few possible solutions here.
One is to alter your mentality, to say "yes, I do want to talk to these people; lets find out what they are like and make their experience a good one". That is always my mindset. I want to talk to them, because it gives me a chance to make their experience enjoyable. Not to mention, I'm already at work and getting paid, I might as well enjoy myself while I do. Basically with this approach I go into the work with the attitude of "I want to meet new people, and make those around me enjoy themselves."
The other is just to accept that their is a way the game is played. Under no circumstances should you feel guilty. It's certainly not wrong to talk to people, and it's not wrong to talk to them in a polite and happy manner. If anything it's being a good human being and make their experience nicer. Your doing them a FAVOR acting that way..why would you feel guilty about that?
Around a year ago, I break off all contact with my old me and told the two people that I consider as friends to not be friends anymore. They are the best person in the world but I just don’t understand how the world, people, relationship functions and felt I had to tell them to not be my friend anymore.
Did you want them as friends?
If the answer is yes, then maybe you can elaborate a bit more on what you mean by all of this. I can't understand why you would just break off contact from people you like.
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L_Master is my new boyfriend.
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On December 29 2012 07:35 Game wrote:
L_Master is my new boyfriend.
Hope you can handle an open relationship because I don't really wanna break up with BW.
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First off, I'd say good on you for telling the customer what's up. I understand why managers often feel that way, but the "customer is always right" thing goes way, way too far. When a customer orders 4 tacos, an enchirito, and a bean burrio then goes over, chucks the receipt, and rudely tells us how incompetent we are because he wanted a taco salad and a twelve pack of tacos and the manager says sorry for the "mistake" and gives him everything for free...that's a problem.
From what I've heard, the situation in America with the customer always being right is a lot worse than here. From a business perspective I can understand why the customer is always right, but from a moral perspective I don't like it often. Happily my current place of employment won't mind too much if I give a customer a piece of my mind (relatively politely of course xD) and the boss himself has had swearing matches with customers before (that was a fun day, had other people telling both of them to STFU and so on).
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If you could somehow 'repay' your parents in some kind of symbolic way that is psychologically satisfying to you, you will realize (if you don't already) that you really do love your foster family.
Tell me, do you cry when you see family scenes in movies? Parental figures lying on their death beds? Siblings sacrificing for each other?
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EPT
