EPTIt was not my table. Basically what happen was when the lady(it was a table of ten) came to the counter to pay their bill, she demanded my co-worker to give her $50 gift cards because they had to wait around an hour(it was 45 minute) for their food to be serve and her service was not good. The co-worker defended herself reasoning with her that it’s a busy night. The lady glared at her and asked for the manager. Manager showed up, apologized to what happen and gave her the gift card then forced my co-worker to apologize as well. She gave him this are you kidding me and helpless look. She apologized as well. I just watched.
If it was any other day, I’ll probably just go meh. I used to work only three or two days a week due to school. When I work, I imagine a world where everyone is kind, loveable and such. I play with this world. I create storylines for people that enter the restaurant. Imagine random plots to make myself laugh. When I package customers’ leftovers, I would imagine this great struggle between me and the food. The Food is desperately trying to stay on the plate while I use my magical powers and put them into the containers. I ignore all irregularities. I live in my own little world fill with Happiness as long as my imagination can keep up.
But today was a bit different. After 5 days of working and it is the 6th day, my brain’s imaginations are falling apart. Regardless, I was able to work. However, I am a lot more self-conscious of my fakeness toward the customers. While overhearing the conversation and watched the situation unfolds, it just made me so mad. I talked with my co-workers then went to that lady’s table. I didn’t yell or anything. I stay in composure. Basically told her in front of her parent/siblings that before my co-worker gave them the table for 10, she warned them that tonight is especially busy and for their food to be serve, they would have to wait for around an hour. It was you guys choice to stay and now you guys decided to complain. We could have use the 2 table they used for other customers that are waiting to be seated. There are other customers here and still have no food yet. The waitress that serve them have other obligations other than just their table. It’s not her right to ruin someone’s night. And other random stuff I said. In the end, I asked her to be more considerate and apologized to my co-worker for what happen. My manager rushed to me and apologizes to them while demanding me to also apologize. I didn’t and went back to the kitchen. After that I went back to take care of my tables. I was proud of myself also knowing I’ll be able to sleep a lot easier that night which I DID.
I was adopted into a very nice family of 5 before age of 1. My parents worked night and day, tried their best to give the best possible childhood for my siblings and I. My siblings became successful. One of my sister and brother own their own business. The other is working for them. I am the youngest. Despite the fact I am not related to them biologically, they love me like no other. My family loves me a lot. I can have anything I wanted. Even if I wanted a star, I’m pretty sure they would somehow get it for me. I could have grown to be a very spoil child but I did not. Even though I was with the best family on Earth, something was missing. I do not love them back. As I grew older, I resent myself more and more. Someone like me doesn’t deserve to be love like this. I’m not sure if any of you felt it before, the sinking feeling of lying to the people that love you very much every day as you live with them. The feeling of being in debt to someone and knowing you will never be able to pay them back no matter what you do. They buy you gifts, celebrate your birthday, care about you yet you continuously lie to them. Deep down you dislike them and want to leave. Then you hate yourself for feeling that way. A family that had done nothing but love you yet you felt nothing but disliking them. I just don’t understand why I can’t love them back. I really tried. I just don’t feel the same way and hate myself for not feeling that way.
To stop myself from this endless resentment, I created an imagination world and a separately me. I believed most people do this. Most people create a separately personality self, depending on their environments and who they are socializing with. People act differently at home, with friends, at work, with co-workers, with companions and with lovers. I thought of it as something like that. At home, I am this child that loves her family very much. The sinking feeling become heavier and heavier as days go by. I feel so fake. I want to be honest and sincere with my family yet I keep lying to them. I just don’t know what to do. The only thing I know was get into a good university away from home.
Then the day came when I can move away from home. I was happy; no longer will I see them or have to hear their voice. Whenever my parents call me, the sinking feeling would appear. I would end the call with I love you. It makes me die a little every time I told my parent I love them when I don’t. I wanted to break away from them financially as well. Despite my personality, I was able to find a job as a waitress.
Due to my shelter childhood, I had a lot of trouble understanding the real world. The job was good, the pay was good. Most customers are nice. I have nothing to complain except for the occasionally terrible customers. Overall it was nice. During my last year and half of moving away from home, I began to dislike people in general also. Not dislike.. I’m not sure how to explain it but I just don’t like people but I do like people
My co-workers always complain about their tips when it is not 20%. When it’s holidays, they would complain it’s not more than 20%. When I received Christmas cards from customers, some would complain they did not get one. On the one that does, they complain the customer did not give them money along with the card when few of us got money with the card. Most of my co-workers sucks. I just don’t understand why. Why are they never satisfy? It’s like every day they complain the same thing over and over again.
One time I broke down and started crying while working. I couldn’t get over this guilt of lying to all these customers. Not really lying but this trying to start a conversation even though deep down you don’t. In general just talking to them when you really don’t want to. I felt extremely guilty one time and broke down. I’m not sure why I felt like that when my co-workers are fine with the way it is. I don’t really know where I am going with this blog anymore. ANYWAYYYY basically in my imagination world everyone is kind and if I lose the imagination, I don’t know.
I want to tell the skype group chat people they are awesome, L_Master, Ninazerg, DraW and NoisE. Around a year ago, I break off all contact with my old me and told the two people that I consider as friends to not be friends anymore. They are the best person in the world but I just don’t understand how the world, people, relationship functions and felt I had to tell them to not be my friend anymore. So I have been pretty much contactless except family. When I joined the group chat, it was fun and happy to hear people talk in a regular fashion. It’s been so long since I hear people talk like that. People take it for granted. It’s very fun but I felt very guilty for leeching off their happiness. I spoke probably less than 10 words. Sorry!
It is rated R so don't read spoiler unless you are 16 or older.
+ Show Spoiler +
So the other day I decided to watch porn. I have seen clips of it because it’s the internet and all but I never like sit down and watch one. So I decided to watch one. The furthest I have gone in a relationship was hold hands and put my head on my love since elementary school’s shoulder then told him I love you but don’t like me( I WAS SO AWESOME I COULDN”T BELIEVE IT FOR THAT 2 MINUTE). I had this perfection image of him ever since elementary school but during high school as we get closer and closer, I noticed his flaws and I don’t want to lose this perfection so yeah. Anyway to the porn watching, I cringe when they were kissing then I cover my eyes but still watching it through the gap between fingers as the girl did uhh her sucking thing…..then it was leading to the action and I close the browser.
So move on I decide to watch Hentai(Anime Porn) since I like Anime. I made the mistake of watching one with most comment. I was able to watch the whole thing. Not sure if it’s due to its plots or Japanese censorship. However, the ending left me angry, confuse and sad. The minute before the ending, it was happy then as I watched what happen after that happy end. I just sat there. Everything stop. My heart stop. Nothing was moving. I sat there with mouth open, I want to say something but nothing came out. Then after a minute or two, I regain myself and just think to myself What the heck? WHYYYYY THE ENDING JUST MAKES ME SO CONFUSE, SAD AND ANGRY. WHY DO JAPANESE PEOPLE MAKE THESE OMG.
So move on I decide to watch Hentai(Anime Porn) since I like Anime. I made the mistake of watching one with most comment. I was able to watch the whole thing. Not sure if it’s due to its plots or Japanese censorship. However, the ending left me angry, confuse and sad. The minute before the ending, it was happy then as I watched what happen after that happy end. I just sat there. Everything stop. My heart stop. Nothing was moving. I sat there with mouth open, I want to say something but nothing came out. Then after a minute or two, I regain myself and just think to myself What the heck? WHYYYYY THE ENDING JUST MAKES ME SO CONFUSE, SAD AND ANGRY. WHY DO JAPANESE PEOPLE MAKE THESE OMG.
But now I'm really curious as to what that series was rofl.
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