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My cousin is coming here for Thanksgiving, he's 27 years old and going to graduate this year with a phd in biochemical engineering. But not only is he smart he's also really really good looking, charming, funny, tall, athletic. Hes social and has a lot of friends and has good fashion sense and can talk so much about interesting stories. Basically exactly the opposite of me. Needless to say I hate him or I'm jealous of him and can't admit it
My grandmother died last year, one of my aunts who never calls us anymore wanted to see her before she died, but she constantly kept coming up with excuses to not see my grandmother. And just like that my grandma died and a few days later my aunt called and was like "oh I'm so sory I couldn't see her, you should have told me she was in the hospital" and my mom was super pissed and cursed her out. My mom called her before my grandma died but she never called back, saying she was unemployed and feeling bad at the time
So I don't know why I'm writing this maybe just a way to get it off my chest
 
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
I think there are two ways to channel jealousy. You can either let it brood inside you and make you feel resentful of others and shameful of yourself, OR you can use it to fuel your drive to become what it is that you want. One side of jealousy is resentment, the other is drive. Jealousy in itself is neither healthy nor unhealthy. It's what you choose to do with this emotion that really matters.
GL.
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Nothing wrong with venting. It sucks to feel inferior to someone, and it sucks to have an aunt that just pisses off your mother. Although who knows exactly what the nature of the relationship was between your aunt and your grandma.
hooraaaaaaay for the Holidaaaaays
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Damn dude. I'm looking forward to turkey.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! IS THAT SO MUCH?
(I never do).
I've got an uncle who's like that and he's fuucccckkkinngg kick-ASS! I don't see any reason not to appreciate someone who works really hard.
It all just goes to show you what YOU can accomplish in YOUR chosen field, later down the road.
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On November 20 2012 11:46 thedeadhaji wrote:
I think there are two ways to channel jealousy. You can either let it brood inside you and make you feel resentful of others and shameful of yourself, OR you can use it to fuel your drive to become what it is that you want. One side of jealousy is resentment, the other is drive. Jealousy in itself is neither healthy nor unhealthy. It's what you choose to do with this emotion that really matters.
GL.
This. So very much. This is one of THE most important lessons I have learned in my short life. It can also apply to anger, things that would usually make you sad, and several other emotional states.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
I think deep down, jealousy is a healthy emotion. It's a reflection of a lack of self-confidence or a feeling of inferiority at times, but it's also a sign that you still care deeply about who you are and who you would badly like to become. This is much much much healthier than "being numb", and not feeling anything at the sight of a great or admirable person. Again, jealousy is proof that deep down, you want to be proud of who you are.
This isn't to say that you have to feel compelled to change in a way that aligns directly with any other person's life choices. It couldn't be farther from the truth. I am doing alright for myself, but I have college classmates who were already tenure track professors at OP's cousin's age (one of them finished his PhD in 1 year), others who are making shit tons of money in finance, and still others who are doing groundbreaking research in their fields. Or how about this: one of my friends was frat mates with Drew Houston (founder of Dropbox) during his MIT days, and another friend was classmates with Arash Ferdowsi, the other Dropbox cofounder. Those guys are worth at least high 9 figures each. Talk about the potential for feeling jealousy/inadequacy!
We all know people who are vastly "better" at us in some way in life. It just so happens that things like education, status, money, and fame are the more easily seen and readily quantifiable ones. You don't have to try to move up these ladders to fend yourself against your feelings of inadequacy, but you DO need to have a sense of purpose, balance, and happiness with your own life in the way you have decided to live it. The very fact that you recognize that your Aunt didn't act morally means that you have a heart with good intentions, and that's not something everyone has. Life is easy when you happen to derive satisfaction from metrics that are popularly accepted by society. If you're different than the norm, you can still find peace and satisfaction with your life, but it's going to be intrinsically driven rather than upheld by extrinsic validation. But I think a mind and soul that can stand on its own intrinsic fortitude is one that will ultimately lead a more fulfilling, socially enriching, happy life.
OP, when you find whatever way of life that makes you click, I hope you'll pursue it even if it's not one of the "standard" paths of life that our society lays out for us.
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On November 20 2012 14:40 thedeadhaji wrote:+ Show Spoiler +
I think deep down, jealousy is a healthy emotion. It's a reflection of a lack of self-confidence or a feeling of inferiority at times, but it's also a sign that you still care deeply about who you are and who you would badly like to become. This is much much much healthier than "being numb", and not feeling anything at the sight of a great or admirable person. Again, jealousy is proof that deep down, you want to be proud of who you are.
This isn't to say that you have to feel compelled to change in a way that aligns directly with any other person's life choices. It couldn't be farther from the truth. I am doing alright for myself, but I have college classmates who were already tenure track professors at OP's cousin's age (one of them finished his PhD in 1 year), others who are making shit tons of money in finance, and still others who are doing groundbreaking research in their fields. Or how about this: one of my friends was frat mates with Drew Houston (founder of Dropbox) during his MIT days, and another friend was classmates with Arash Ferdowsi, the other Dropbox cofounder. Those guys are worth at least high 9 figures each. Talk about the potential for feeling jealousy/inadequacy!
We all know people who are vastly "better" at us in some way in life. It just so happens that things like education, status, money, and fame are the more easily seen and readily quantifiable ones. You don't have to try to move up these ladders to fend yourself against your feelings of inadequacy, but you DO need to have a sense of purpose, balance, and happiness with your own life in the way you have decided to live it. The very fact that you recognize that your Aunt didn't act morally means that you have a heart with good intentions, and that's not something everyone has. Life is easy when you happen to derive satisfaction from metrics that are popularly accepted by society. If you're different than the norm, you can still find peace and satisfaction with your life, but it's going to be intrinsically driven rather than upheld by extrinsic validation. But I think a mind and soul that can stand on its own intrinsic fortitude is one that will ultimately lead a more fulfilling, socially enriching, happy life.
OP, when you find whatever way of life that makes you click, I hope you'll pursue it even if it's not one of the "standard" paths of life that our society lays out for us.
I miss reading your blogs :[
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On November 20 2012 14:56 Obelisco wrote:Show nested quote +On November 20 2012 14:40 thedeadhaji wrote:+ Show Spoiler +
I think deep down, jealousy is a healthy emotion. It's a reflection of a lack of self-confidence or a feeling of inferiority at times, but it's also a sign that you still care deeply about who you are and who you would badly like to become. This is much much much healthier than "being numb", and not feeling anything at the sight of a great or admirable person. Again, jealousy is proof that deep down, you want to be proud of who you are.
This isn't to say that you have to feel compelled to change in a way that aligns directly with any other person's life choices. It couldn't be farther from the truth. I am doing alright for myself, but I have college classmates who were already tenure track professors at OP's cousin's age (one of them finished his PhD in 1 year), others who are making shit tons of money in finance, and still others who are doing groundbreaking research in their fields. Or how about this: one of my friends was frat mates with Drew Houston (founder of Dropbox) during his MIT days, and another friend was classmates with Arash Ferdowsi, the other Dropbox cofounder. Those guys are worth at least high 9 figures each. Talk about the potential for feeling jealousy/inadequacy!
We all know people who are vastly "better" at us in some way in life. It just so happens that things like education, status, money, and fame are the more easily seen and readily quantifiable ones. You don't have to try to move up these ladders to fend yourself against your feelings of inadequacy, but you DO need to have a sense of purpose, balance, and happiness with your own life in the way you have decided to live it. The very fact that you recognize that your Aunt didn't act morally means that you have a heart with good intentions, and that's not something everyone has. Life is easy when you happen to derive satisfaction from metrics that are popularly accepted by society. If you're different than the norm, you can still find peace and satisfaction with your life, but it's going to be intrinsically driven rather than upheld by extrinsic validation. But I think a mind and soul that can stand on its own intrinsic fortitude is one that will ultimately lead a more fulfilling, socially enriching, happy life.
OP, when you find whatever way of life that makes you click, I hope you'll pursue it even if it's not one of the "standard" paths of life that our society lays out for us.
I miss reading your blogs :[
Thanks 
Maybe this will give me the motivation to start writing again. Had a few things that took 100% of my attention for the last several months and I've been unable to come up with articles that I'm happy with. (I think I want to try for longer pieces rather than the 600 word daily firehose I was doing before)
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What Haji said.
But seriously, everyone gets jealous. Everyone. And while I can agree that it does indeed suck to feel inferior, there is always a downside to every person. The most perfect people have the ugliest skeletons in their closet, I have found.
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On November 20 2012 14:40 thedeadhaji wrote:
This isn't to say that you have to feel compelled to change in a way that aligns directly with any other person's life choices. It couldn't be farther from the truth. I am doing alright for myself, but I have college classmates who were already tenure track professors at OP's cousin's age (one of them finished his PhD in 1 year), others who are making shit tons of money in finance, and still others who are doing groundbreaking research in their fields.
Okay, sorry to drag this thread off-topic, but what the flying fuck? How is that even possible? Most PhDs require years of coursework and comps before you even hit the dissertation stage. Unless you mean he completed his dissertation in one year, which is entirely possible, but otherwise I'm coming up blank. Even if you don't have to complete coursework, one year is cutting it really damn close; even two years would be super-short.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On November 20 2012 15:24 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On November 20 2012 14:40 thedeadhaji wrote:
This isn't to say that you have to feel compelled to change in a way that aligns directly with any other person's life choices. It couldn't be farther from the truth. I am doing alright for myself, but I have college classmates who were already tenure track professors at OP's cousin's age (one of them finished his PhD in 1 year), others who are making shit tons of money in finance, and still others who are doing groundbreaking research in their fields. Okay, sorry to drag this thread off-topic, but what the flying fuck? How is that even possible? Most PhDs require years of coursework and comps before you even hit the dissertation stage. Unless you mean he completed his dissertation in one year, which is entirely possible, but otherwise I'm coming up blank. Even if you don't have to complete coursework, one year is cutting it really damn close; even two years would be super-short.
Let's just say that he was TA'ing grad courses while he was in undergrad.
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EPT
