EPTThe Worth Of Another
When I was 8 years old, my sister was born. Unlike my two brothers, who were born with few defects – my second brother was born near choking because the umbilical chord was wrapped around his neck but that is pretty minor with modern medicine – but my sister broke this trend. When she was born I saw the worst of the medical field, even though my father is a prominent doctor, I saw what malpractice looks like. My sister was born with issues, what they were I’ll never know, I was 8 then and my parents aren’t willing to tell; what I do know is that when my sister was in the red, the doctor pulled the plug on her breathing machine, this was a critical mistake. Another doctor or a nurse saw this and was like, “WTF ARE YOU DOING THAT KID IS ALIVE AND WILL MAKE IT WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT???.” Since then she has had to go through way too much for a small girl to go through, I wouldn’t wish on my enemies that kind of sadness.
![[image loading]](http://www.danielstarklaw.com/images/pa/medical-malpractice-2.png)
Kind of what everyone did after realizing what had happened
My sister has mostly issues with her legs, one of which is perfectly fine, but the other has muscle tension issues due to the problems with her birth. Several other things happened during her birth was I was too young to understand. She was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. She is a beautiful little 10 year old, and yet so much has been done to get her there. I remember one night when my mom was desperate, she told me to put a Tallis on my sisters legs and pray for her when I was 13, for the first time in my life I saw the breaking point of parents; from that point they were not gods among mere men, they were humans with issues, a shakable mettle just like any other person. My sister underwent surgery after surgery, trips to St. Louis to Washington University, you name it my mom and dad did it. It was a fight and I saw what it looked like when there is no right answer, just a lot of terrible answers where the way to win is to pick the least wrong answer. I remember a specific surgery where my sister had to have it at the time or never and the surgery did not have an enormous success rate; in fact it was a new “breakthrough” in the field. That sounds great, until you realize that my parents were throwing the dice on whether to go all in and hope this would repair the legs or whether it ruin everything they had worked for. It is not fun, doesn’t matter what age.
![[image loading]](http://www.theshofarman.com/images/Tallit_TAC_Blue_Gold_wTekhelet-4.JPG)
this is a tallis
The previously mentioned incident changed the way I see the world, from the age of 8. I’ve been born with a sliver spoon in my mouth, and everyone has his or her own problems, but this has jaded me immensely. Since her birth I judge the worth of another person, and I think to myself, I scream in my head, “Why does that terrible person have the ability to full use of their legs, when my sister doesn’t?” I see other people do terrible things and I think why, I don’t understand it. I see the pain my sister goes through, not being able to play sports, kids ostracizing her because of her leg issue, and I wonder what the fuck made them so damn special and my sister so unlucky.
![[image loading]](http://www.brainbasedbusiness.com/uploads/ist2_2946150_judgement.jpg)
Justice is blind, except for mine
I judge the worth of people based on if I would take their legs away replace them with my sisters and give their legs to my sister, a trade if you will. It’s not a nice thing to think about; some might see this as a sick Saw-esque idea, but to me it’s a sort of justice that was never served. I see many people, assholes, unmotivated people, people who complain about nothing and I wonder why my sister is less deserving than them that she should carry such a burden. I judge others not just on what they do, but whether, if I was given the powers of a god, I would swap the legs.
![[image loading]](http://hot-dogma.com/files/2012/10/judgement-day.jpg)
May the lord bless you and keep you...
All the hard choices, nights spent crying, marital strain that choosing surgeries caused. All the heartache, all the sadness, all the pain, all the surgeries, and all of it so that my sister could walk semi-normally, I can’t understand why my sister deserved any of it. All of it because one surgeon screwed up, all of it because people are assholes and won’t accept a little girl who was just a little less lucky. I see parents sneer, it evokes a violent reaction in me. People are cruel and so undeserving of the gifts given to them. TL, none of you should become those people. I see these people, I see the hate in their eyes and it makes me wonder why people act with such hate past their teens. I don’t understand it… I can’t understand it. Live, Love, and Let Die
TL, I judge people like that, its bad of me, its not healthy, but I do it. That is a piece of me. I hope this more of what you all will find easier to read even if it is more serious, thank you for reading.
