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Hey TL. This is a bit more serious, and though I usually don't write blogs on thursdays, I've got a bit of time on my hands so I thought I'd give you guys a late night snack  .This has been something that has troubled me since my youth, which kind of sucks, but I think it will make a great blog
What to Expect, with great Expectations
Before any of you go LOL dis noob here is such a tool with his bad titles, just hear me out. One of the biggest issues in my life has always been living up to expectations. Now that is not without saying that some parents have large expectations for their children, and some have no expectations for their children. For me they are in the middle, but the people I have to live up to are enormous. To give a short breakdown of who I have to live up to, what my expectations are, and why I believe that I can/cannot live up to them. Therefore, here is a list
- My previous generations were all wildly successful in life
- My previous generations all have very specific life goals for me (along with other people)
- My previous generations are difficult to live up to
and with that list, let us begin.
Success out of fucking nowhere
It's a thing about generations. To lay it out, I'm a 3rd generation American. Normally this is in the context of asian immigrants or indian immigrants where people talk about this topic, but I am jewish. This may seem stupid at first, but let me explain why this matters. Unlike the other two minorities (depending on how you look at that, I'm talking strictly America here) Jews have had some serious successes in the past. When Jewish immigrants came to the U.S. a lot of them weren't just looking for religious freedom, they were looking to make big bucks which is why there are a lot of cultural stereotypes about american jews being rich. To be frank, when Jews came to the U.S. a lot of them had skillsets that allowed them to have second generation children, like my parents, thrive. My grandparents were no different in this manner... Oh wait, they were fucking successful at a time when that wasn't an option for people from war torn Europe.
My grandparents were fucking successful. JESUS how do people like them exist TT. To give a short synopsis of what I am working against here is another list
- Grandad on my dad's side was a war hero. Not just a war hero, he was a German Jew who fled to America as an 18 year old with his family, was then recruited by the CIA as an international counter-intelligence agent (He was a jewish, American spy in Nazi Germany hunting down documents), who then rounded off his career as an eminent lawyer in my town.
- Grandad on my mom's side was another war hero. Not just a war hero, but he was a Polish Jew who ended up on the wrong side of the Nazi-Soviet Non-Aggression treaty. He fled concentration camp after concentration camp after his entire family (other than one brother) was brutally murdered in front of him. He was then picked up by the Soviets after years of running, hiding, theiving, stealing, and I cannot stress enough HIDING from Nazis. The Soviets did with him as they did with all Jews, they put him in the front lines; he then survived, and was so successful as a soldier that the Soviets gave him many medals and promoted him to what seems like the same rank as my other Grandad was promoted. He then burned the medals and fled from stalin to Israel.
- Grandma on my dad's side is a nice lady but didn't do much that is really insane other than survive the depression, but thats about it.
- Grandma on my mom's side is ridiculous. She was born mid Holocaust, was shipped to Russia post war, put in a TB gulag. She was on a starvation diet in the sanitorium, a small child then told her that her mother would come if my grandmother was to give this angel/prophet girl some bread (aka her meal for the day). Then her parents came that day after giving the girl food. Grandma then fled to Israel and settled Israel.
- My dad is an eminent anesthesiologist in my city and was pretty much a really great student. He went to a strong university, got into medical school and is very important in the area.
- My mom was an dentist for a long time till I was born. She wasn't a crazy important dentist, but still successful and well educated especially coming from a wartorn family.
TL;DR
Expectations on me
Both of my grandfathers are dead; however, my father's father had stated that he did not want any of his children going into law since the profession was no longer about being in favor of justice, but rather being in favor of money. My mother wants me to go to Dartmouth SO FRIEKING BAD. I don't have the grades to be a sure fire Dartmouth Student but I might be able to be accepted. Furthermore, I don't want to go there. My dad wants me to go to a great, big name school, like Stanford (my top choice) to kind of live out his dream of being admitted to a top tier school, since, though he was admitted to Tufts University which ranks very high among schools, he did not get into the Ivies as he had planned. My grandmas differ heavily. My father's mother wants me to stay in the South, mostly because when her brother went to Harvard (yeah we have a high powered family lol) he came back a bigger dick than when he left. She assumes that all schools outside of the south will basically kill my sense of honor and morality as a man. My grandmother on my mom's side is a communist/socialist, and though she has had a profound affect on my political views, she couldn't give 2 shits about where I am going to college. The only other factor is my GF who really wants me to stay in town.
More than just college, however, is life. In life, how the fuck do I measure up to these predecessors? When it comes to a lot of minorities who immigrate, their grandparents/parents were low wage unassimilated workers who couldn't have had a highpowered job due to cultural differences (Not being mean, just talking strictly from a sociology standpoint), but in my case, they are all ridiculously important and successful. I'm not related to someone like J. Robert Oppenheimer, but I am related to a founding member of NASA. A BBC interviewed War Hero and Spy, an unsung Soviet War hero at an important battle who fell to Alzheimers, a Honey Badger, and two successful parents. How do I measure up to these people? It seems like from a young age I was promised that I would do great things, but now I feel more that I am condemned to do great things or upset those before me.
What I am expected to do
To be terse, I am expected to go to a top tier university, get a top tier education along with thrive there while getting close to a 4.0, get into a top tier grad school with the same stuff happening there like college, and finally become a community leader who is important and does not drop the ball that started rolling with my predecessors. I feel like sometimes people who aren't part of highpowered families are the lucky ones  . I feel like the same cheerfuls that I would get from relatives about being great or doing great things have the flip side of failure is not an option. I feel like measuring up to my predecessors pretty much means I have to be anything from a U.S. Senator (though speaking is the field I am good at) to a community leader that is well respected and known. I feel like the same things guaranteed to other kids, the right to fuck up, to know you can be greater than those who came before you, and the right to have a place next to your family tombstones that isn't laughed at for being suckass compared to the others are not givens in my case. A lot of times it seems that my family has set the bar too high for anyone to really achieve anything close to the bar without being extraordinarily lucky and smart all at the same time. I was once told luck favors the bold, but I think the bold favor luck; consequently I was also told that being lucky meant you were in the right place, at the right time, with the right skills to the capitalize on the situation and this I feel is what makes my family so damn hard to conquer.
Basically TL, any stories similar to mine, anything to give to me? I'd love so advice before I write a funnier, light hearted column tomorrow.
 
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Holy shit lol, your family is insanely beast...
I don't have much to say, I guess, but clearly you come from good stock ;P Hope you go far with their encouragement/your hard work/your genes perhaps. Just apply to all the places you want to go, see how you do, and make your decision among what's available to you when it happens. You can talk it out with them and make your own decision when the time comes to do so, but for now, just work hard etc I suppose
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actually a lot of second-generation indians share your story along with the huge successes of their parents (even if its not in war) -- im sorry if you only think jews made bank in the us, but indians have been and continue to kill it -- they just dont show their wealth.
what i did was literally alienate myself from my entire family, followed my own path, got all the heat on me for doing so, then ended up on a track to success and won their hearts back (dropped out of school to start a successful business, which makes me more jewish than indian actually...)
you have to find your own path. nothing more, nothing less. your angst and stress would make me cringe if i hadn't felt the exact same way when i was 18.
To be terse, I am expected to go to a top tier university, get a top tier education along with thrive there while getting close to a 4.0, get into a top tier grad school with the same stuff happening there like college, and finally become a community leader who is important and does not drop the ball that started rolling with my predecessors.
absolutely verbatim of what my parents expected of me.
oh and thank your people for helping my business become successful btw
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If you ask me, we should all strive to become as great as we can, and live as though we are expected to do that. I've been meaning for a while now to write a blog on goals, motivation, distractions, time management, and the like which might aid you and others. (though I fear it may merely be my mind spraying its disjointed thoughts everywhere like a fountain X-D)
As far as your parents' and grandparents' expectations, I suggest you have them serve as a positive influence (like, "YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU SHOULD DO THIS!!") rather than a negative one (such as, "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!!") in your life. Always try your best, give your all, and all that mushy mumbo-jumbo, and the worst you'll have to say to them is precisely that: "I tried my best and gave my all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
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On November 02 2012 12:50 nath wrote:actually a lot of second-generation indians share your story along with the huge successes of their parents (even if its not in war) -- im sorry if you only think jews made bank in the us, but indians have been and continue to kill it -- they just dont show their wealth. what i did was literally alienate myself from my entire family, followed my own path, got all the heat on me for doing so, then ended up on a track to success and won their hearts back (dropped out of school to start a successful business, which makes me more jewish than indian actually...) you have to find your own path. nothing more, nothing less. your angst and stress would make me cringe if i hadn't felt the exact same way when i was 18. Show nested quote +To be terse, I am expected to go to a top tier university, get a top tier education along with thrive there while getting close to a 4.0, get into a top tier grad school with the same stuff happening there like college, and finally become a community leader who is important and does not drop the ball that started rolling with my predecessors. absolutely verbatim of what my parents expected of me. oh and thank your people for helping my business become successful btw
Sorry, didn't mean just jews on the money side, I meant it more on the war side. if my wording was ambiguous thats my bad. What I meant is that Jewish success is so weird in how it came about and how ridiculous my family standards are . Also I'm not gonna thank them, just tell them to buy more  .
Btw your advice is good, and I'm gonna follow it, but I don't think I'll alienate them, maybe just go my own path which is what I've done with and without sucess for the last 4 years.
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On November 02 2012 13:00 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2012 12:50 nath wrote:actually a lot of second-generation indians share your story along with the huge successes of their parents (even if its not in war) -- im sorry if you only think jews made bank in the us, but indians have been and continue to kill it -- they just dont show their wealth. what i did was literally alienate myself from my entire family, followed my own path, got all the heat on me for doing so, then ended up on a track to success and won their hearts back (dropped out of school to start a successful business, which makes me more jewish than indian actually...) you have to find your own path. nothing more, nothing less. your angst and stress would make me cringe if i hadn't felt the exact same way when i was 18. To be terse, I am expected to go to a top tier university, get a top tier education along with thrive there while getting close to a 4.0, get into a top tier grad school with the same stuff happening there like college, and finally become a community leader who is important and does not drop the ball that started rolling with my predecessors. absolutely verbatim of what my parents expected of me. oh and thank your people for helping my business become successful btw Sorry, didn't mean just jews on the money side, I meant it more on the war side. if my wording was ambiguous thats my bad. What I meant is that Jewish success is so weird in how it came about and how ridiculous my family standards are . Also I'm not gonna thank them, just tell them to buy more . Btw your advice is good, and I'm gonna follow it, but I don't think I'll alienate them, maybe just go my own path which is what I've done with and without sucess for the last 4 years.
of course you dont have to alienate them, and you may not struggle as much in that specific facet. its just what ended up happening and something that had to happen in my situation when i chose to forge my own destiny.
really i would say just try to relax and find something you really love, and excel at it. if you are an all-around good person, the passion for your love will make you successful, and your personality will make you a good community figure/leader. then family is happy. win-win
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On November 02 2012 13:06 nath wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2012 13:00 docvoc wrote:On November 02 2012 12:50 nath wrote:actually a lot of second-generation indians share your story along with the huge successes of their parents (even if its not in war) -- im sorry if you only think jews made bank in the us, but indians have been and continue to kill it -- they just dont show their wealth. what i did was literally alienate myself from my entire family, followed my own path, got all the heat on me for doing so, then ended up on a track to success and won their hearts back (dropped out of school to start a successful business, which makes me more jewish than indian actually...) you have to find your own path. nothing more, nothing less. your angst and stress would make me cringe if i hadn't felt the exact same way when i was 18. To be terse, I am expected to go to a top tier university, get a top tier education along with thrive there while getting close to a 4.0, get into a top tier grad school with the same stuff happening there like college, and finally become a community leader who is important and does not drop the ball that started rolling with my predecessors. absolutely verbatim of what my parents expected of me. oh and thank your people for helping my business become successful btw Sorry, didn't mean just jews on the money side, I meant it more on the war side. if my wording was ambiguous thats my bad. What I meant is that Jewish success is so weird in how it came about and how ridiculous my family standards are . Also I'm not gonna thank them, just tell them to buy more . Btw your advice is good, and I'm gonna follow it, but I don't think I'll alienate them, maybe just go my own path which is what I've done with and without sucess for the last 4 years. of course you dont have to alienate them, and you may not struggle as much in that specific facet. its just what ended up happening and something that had to happen in my situation when i chose to forge my own destiny. really i would say just try to relax and find something you really love, and excel at it. if you are an all-around good person, the passion for your love will make you successful, and your personality will make you a good community figure/leader. then family is happy. win-win
I definitely agree with this strategy and I think that its just me feeling overwhelmed by my heritage as a person. I define myself, and that is how it is. Thanks nath .
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