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The last time I was at the dentist was when I was 17. Back then there was a Blockbuster store and behind it was this shady dentist place. Not to be stereotypical, but the dentist was this short Jewish man whose daughter I went to high school with.
I remember he told me to brush and floss twice a day, avoid between meal snacks, and he suggested me to get braces. You see, my mom always had a crooked bottom set of teeth, and I got my bottom set of teeth from her, which was why I could never adequately brush my lower teeth. So he gave me a new toothbrush and some floss and mouthwash and that was that.
4 years later, my parents decide I should visit the dentist again for what reason I don't know. I hadn't been flossing in like forever but I never had bad breath or toothaches so IDGAF. This time around was a lot more awful than I ever remembered it being before. The dentist guy was the exact same dude, this time he had more white hair, and he had his daughter's high school senior picture up on the wall next to certificates of dentistry and all that crap. First thing he does is asks me to lay down and how I had been.
I'm a pretty awkward person so I don't say much, and he asks me if it's raining outside to get me to talk (I think it was 80 degrees and we had a drought for a few weeks). So then I do the stupidest thing ever, I ask him what his daughter is up to. He seems a bit perplexed by my inquiry and says she is going to graduate college and has a job on Wall Street. I don't know if that's the truth but it sure shuts me up. I neglect to mention that I recently got fired from Target. (This was a couple months ago but I didn't make a blog about it then).
So he gets out his tools and stuff and puts them on the table next to where I'm laying down. As he's poking around inside my mouth with the razor sharp weapons, this good looking blonde young dental assistant comes up behind me and sits to to the left of my head (the dentist is on the right). He keeps stabbing me with the sharp knives and scissors and shit, and I'm bleeding profusely from my gums. Then he takes one of those robot toothbrush things that spin around on their own and tells me to close my eyes and puts that right in my mouth. Meanwhile the hot young dental assistant is putting this long white tube filled with water into my mouth. The dentist guy calls it suction.
At some point she's putting the suction in my mouth and the sucking power of the contraption pulls at my top lip and the insides of my cheeks like a vacuum cleaner. The fact that she's hot and sucking on my lips and cheeks with said device gives me a rise in my pants, and I'm wearing shorts. The dentist tells me to wait and he goes to anther room, leaving me alone with her and continuous soft jazz on the radio.
He returns with a device that looks like a telescope and he tells me bite down on the plastic thing on the end, and he says it will take an X-ray of my teeth. So I do that and he finally is done. The dental assistant tells me to rinse my mouth with water and I do that and she takes off the stupid apron thing I was wearing the whole time. The dentist comes back with a cutout of someone's teeth and he shows me how to brush my teeth, going up and down and to the side. He tells me to brush my tongue and my gums. Then he tells me that I don't have cavities but my gingivitis got way worse, and that I might lose all my teeth by the time I'm 30, and before then I would have tooth pain and brain tumors and cancer or something. Again he gives me a toothbrush and mouthwash and floss. He says I have food from 4 years ago stuck in my teeth but I don't really feel it.
IDGAF, so I'm not really going to change my dental hygiene habits despite this fateful day.
  
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Wait you had 4 year old food? Do you even brush your teeth longer than 10 seconds?
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On October 20 2012 04:27 grush57 wrote:
Wait you had 4 year old food? Do you even brush your teeth longer than 10 seconds?
Pretty sure the dentist was telling a joke lol.
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On October 20 2012 04:19 EffervescentAureola wrote:
IDGAF, so I'm not really going to change my dental hygiene habits despite this fateful day.
I remember not regretting changing things until the consequences hit me too. Everyone goes through that phase. I think most people are better for it if they learn things by themselves from time to time. Builds character.
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The fact that she's hot and sucking on my lips and cheeks with said device gives me a rise in my pants, and I'm wearing shorts
I really loved that part XD. Anyway...I'm surprised you care so little. Are you really okay with living with dentures or implants? Dentures you have to use this disgusting mold or paste to keep them attached to your gums...so you'd be like an old man by 30. And implants...well they're probably expensive and I know they can lead to bone loss sometimes, making things worse.
Just brush your teeth lol. Its not that bad, you get used to flossing too. Its just like exercising, you don't have to do a lot, but you're so much happier in the long run once you start.
Edit: Oh yeah, I recommend you buy an electric toothbrush. That way you can be as lazy as possible
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My dental hygienist while growing up was this incredibly attractive Hispanic woman who happened to be the aunt of one of my best friends. Long story short, my dental boners were a frequent topic of conversation amongst my friends and I.
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Blazinghand
United States25551 Posts
I find many things more arousing than visits to the dentist. I understand where you're coming from though. Well, sort of.
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the things i read on TL...
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On October 20 2012 05:17 rabidch wrote:
the things i read on TL...
Actually what the fuck lol
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Just start having better hygiene and eventually it won't become a hassle and you won't regret it later  Not too sure a wife would appreciate bad dental hygiene.
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You're going to end up creepier looking than the dentist, minus the teeth and money.
Brush your fucking teeth.
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Just spent a bit of 10 grand this year on my dental problems. Feels bad man. Toothaches are the worst thing in the world, and can really fuck you up.
In good news, Im getting a crown put in next week to fill the hole created by extracting my root-canalled tooth that eventually got reinfected and caused double the original pain. Implants are awesome by the way, and gave me hope for my future teeth, regardless of whatever ive done to them in the past.
Also, yeah, what the fuck TL...
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IDGAF, so I'm not really going to change my dental hygiene habits despite this fateful day
the foresight astounds me
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United States24676 Posts
Not taking good care of your teeth is one of the stupidest things you can do! STUPID!
Yeah, that approach doesn't actually work. Unfortunately for you, my objective is for you to have to suffer through lots of dental surgery and discomfort in the future.
For thousands of years people suffered through rotting teeth. Within our lifetimes, we finally have gained the medical knowledge to prevent most, if not all dental ailments for people who take care of their teeth. But not you. You aren't going to take advantage of this. You are a BAMF who DGAF! You definitely won't regret this later.
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So your a 21 year old guy or gal that still needs to be told by mommy and daddy to go to the dentist? I'm sorry, but it sounds like someone needs some growing up.
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On October 20 2012 04:19 EffervescentAureola wrote:
IDGAF, so I'm not really going to change my dental hygiene habits despite this fateful day.
Well, no offense, but that's really stupid. You don't take care of your teeth your mouth will either be empty in 10 years or you'll have to pay thousands of dollars to fix what a couple minutes a day could have prevented. The enjoyed most of your blog, but the last sentence ruined my entire image of you.
People are supposed to learn from their mistakes. This moment should have enlightened you and revealed the flaws in your ways up until this point in your life. When most people have one of these moments they also have a following terrible dilemma where they have to find out what course of action they can do to reverse the path their on. You've been told EXACTLY what to do to fix it.
Don't be stupid, brush your teeth and floss.
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On October 20 2012 08:40 B.I.G. wrote:
So your a 21 year old guy or gal that still needs to be told by mommy and daddy to go to the dentist? I'm sorry, but it sounds like someone needs some growing up.
I find it kind of amusing that you thought I was a girl...:p
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Should have ran with the boner story.
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Well this didn't turn out to be too bad a blog.
I hate going to the dentist too. I got this indian lady who I get "stuck" with and she always tells me how I'm not doing a good enough job brushing my teeth and flossing and tongue scraping and curing cancer and all that crap. Here's the thing, I take good care of my teeth (good enough imo) - I brush twice a day, and floss and tongue scrape at night. I usually skimp on weekends though because I end up going to bed so late I don't want to wake my parents up from my excessive hiJean. Argh, I take care of my teeth more out of fear of being belittled by her than for my own personal well-being lol.
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This blog was hilarious. Keep up the good work!
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EPT
