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Hello Teamliquid! I recently discovered the blog section of TL and it seems very interesting to me, so I’d like to contribute. In general my posts will probably be more personal, rather than being focused on some field of academics. I was inspired by StateofReverie’s bare-honesty approach and I’ll try to keep the same level of honesty in my posts. This post will be about my development in social skills from my early years up till now. Hopefully it’ll be interesting.
There were a few things in my early childhood that definitely set me back on the track of normal social development. The first, and most readily apparent of these, is that my mom held me back from going to Junior Kindergarten when I was 4 because I was her favourite child(no crying, obedient, bright, etc. as a kid), she thought I was going to be her last kid and she wanted to spend the year with me. This meant that when I went to Senior Kindergarten the following year everyone else had already spent the entire last year making friends and learning how to interact with each other, whereas I had literally no experience talking to anyone that wasn't family.
As you might imagine, I was not exactly the most popular kid in my grade. When I realized that I was going to have little success making friends I dove even more into my school work, and this pulled me farther apart from the rest of the kids. This only got worse and worse throughout my time in elementary school. For a long portion of it I could barely even talk to people. I had almost no social skills. However, this was not the end of my problems. I also enjoyed eating fruit a lot, and would often eat 10+ apples, bananas or oranges in a day. As might be expected, this gave me extreeeemely bad gas. Combined with my lack of social skills, I think I had one friend up until Grade 5. Discovering Runescape in 4th Grade pretty much sealed the deal, especially because it made me "content" with having no friends. This is a theme that would show up for long stretches in my life – I would get sucked into a video game/use it to escape not having a social life, and consequentially push myself even farther away from getting a social life. It’s a vicious circle, and one that happens a LOT nowadays.
I started to play football when I was in Grade 5, which led to me becoming very muscular and fit. This would eventually end up being my main saving grace. I met a lot of my friends through football. Initially, these were the nerdy kids that happened to play football, similar to me. However, when they matured/became more balanced they naturally dragged me part of the way along the same path with them. As a result, I became slightly less nerdy heading into High School. Unfortunately, despite becoming more balanced, I STILL had no social skills (because I had missed out on practice through all of elementary school) and was therefore unable to converse with the people that I was now starting to meet. What could have been an opportunity for me to break out of my shell and finally start developing a social life was aborted before it had a chance to sprout wings and fly.
Things got even worse when I discovered BroodWar, and even worserest when I discovered its prodigy, Starcraft II. BroodWar wasn’t so bad at taking over my life (I only played 300 games in a period of 3 months, or so, around 3 a day). SC2 was. I played 2100 games between getting it in October and the next summer, a period of 8 months. Additionally, like any true nerd, I used the opportunity to flame people about balance… converse with people about the game on Reddit. I probably spent twice as much time on Reddit as I did playing. Yikes. Combined with this, I developed an eye infection which was like a massive pimple on my eyelid, which made me really embarrassed to even be seen in public.
I distinctly remember one of the only(maybe literally the only one) parties I showed up to in Grade 12 I talked to some of my friends about SC2 for 30 minutes(it was the only thing they knew about me at all, so they dragged me into the conversation)... and then went and recovered in a corner for hours. The combination of being a hardcore introvert, and the effort required due to a lack of social skills took almost all of the steam out of me. I was bushed after 30 minutes of talking, and that effectively ended my night. I ended up skipping my semi-formal for graduation to work, and my prom to play in an unimportant baseball game... and left my graduation literally ASAP without going to an afterparty. And then spent the summer playing Starcraft.
Here comes the good part of this blog: I finally managed to turn around all of this backwards progress in a pretty short amount of time through one main thing: University. I knew I needed to really change myself, because I wasn't happy being a loner and only playing video games, so I lived in residence for my first year and promised to myself that I would socialize in any way possible, at any time. I needed to in order to catch up. And I did catch up a fair bit, although still not to a normal level. Unfortunately, over the winter I became out of shape, depressed and the damned eye infection came back and I was scared shitless that I would revert back to my high school self. I completely worked my ass off over that spring to recover in all of those areas and to continue improving socially(luckily for me I discovered /r/seduction and succeedsocially.com, and got some outgoing friends who helped me at this time, all of which were extremely helpful) and it actually started working - I finally had an attractive girl start hitting on me a few days before the break and I could hold a real conversation(with a girl, even)!
This girl hitting on me provided me with a lot of encouragement over the summer. I finally knew I was doing something right. And it got even better. I got a full time summer job working at the Salvation Army near my home and it literally was the best job I've ever had. At my only previous job(grocery store for 2.5 years) I just put shit on a shelf for 5 hours and went home, without talking to anyone ever. At the Sally Ann I was doing donation reception(take donations, put them in proper bins/help carry in big shit, and make sure the clothing sorters have clothing to sort). A lot of the time at this job I didn't have anything to do. If there was no one donating at the time I was given free reign to do whatever I wanted as long as I was ready for the next donation. This meant I could talk to everyone else in the store. Primarily, this was the ladies working with me on the donation's side, and the "volunteers"(guys who commit minor crime and have to do community service. I call them "Conscripts" because it's the Salvation Army). However, I would also often go over to the clothing side or to the cash registers and talk to the ladies there. My favourite was talking to the girls who were working there that were my age - apparently I flirted a lot, but it was unintentional. When I combined all of the theoretical things I learned about socializing from /r/seduction and succeedsocially.com with all of the practice I got from talking 6 or more hours per day I got freaking good at it.
Which was good timing, because I needed to put it to use relatively soon. One of the girls my age there had been told by a volunteer that I liked her(which I had told the guy) and she took my phone one day and put her number in, and started hitting on me. Now that I had good social skills I could actually recognize someone hitting on me, so it was on like Donkey Kong. I started hanging out with the girl in the parks around where we lived, got my first kiss(at the age of 19, better late than never haha), etc.
Here one of the flaws of /r/seddit's influence came into play. I thought my thing with that girl was non-exclusive, so when I got back to University after that summer I hit up the girl who had flirted with me before(and got my second kiss less than a week after my first one). We agreed to a FWB type thing right off the bat. When the first girl found out she was kind of pissed so I cut it off with the second girl. And that's where I sit now.
Even if y'all don't find that read too interesting, it feels good to get the whole thing off of my chest. If you have any questions feel free to post here or PM. Ideally I'd be able to help other people in my situation develop some social skills. Also, any feedback is welcome. I'd like to get better at writing, so any suggestions on that would be nice. If not, then at least maybe I'll give other people a new perspective on nerdy people, or an interesting read. And failing that... well, sorry for wasting your time. 
  
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It's good that you are communicating with people, I think that's the most important thing, to say what you want to say whenever you want to say it and not being afraid of letting your voice be heard.
Also, congratulations on losing your kissing virginity.
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Disregard Life
Acquire More Minerals
JK man glad to hear!but you probably should have found a balance sooner. It really isnt that hard to balance playing sc2 at a decent level and having a social life.
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On September 15 2012 12:03 EffervescentAureola wrote:
It's good that you are communicating with people, I think that's the most important thing, to say what you want to say whenever you want to say it and not being afraid of letting your voice be heard.
Also, congratulations on losing your kissing virginity.
It wasn't exactly that I was afraid to talk before. I was an extreme introvert, which meant that I got very exhausted from talking to people even for short periods of time. I COULD function socially(i.e in a group project I could get my information across) I just had no idea... you know, about anything socially. Like, I couldn't even do the regular "Hey, how are you? Good, how are you? Good." thing properly. It was honestly painful to talk to me. On top of that, I had a very... unusual sense of humor(I grew up close to my older brother, and we always made references only each other could understand, but I would always try to make them with other people). But it is very nice that I can have enjoyable conversations now.
And thank you! I wasn't particularly worried about it, but it's always nice to get over something like that haha.
On September 15 2012 12:19 Kuja wrote:
Disregard Life
Acquire More Minerals
JK man glad to hear!but you probably should have found a balance sooner. It really isnt that hard to balance playing sc2 at a decent level and having a social life.
I know I should have. :/ However, because I had no social skills whenever I tried to get out of video games and back into real life it was very hard, so I always gave up after a bit and went back to gaming. But I'm happy now, so it's all good!
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You think YOU grew up with no social skills? Imagine being homeschooled preschool-kindergarden-first grade. Then going to a school in 2nd-half way through third grade. Then moving to the suburbs where the homeschooling continues until the end of 7th grade. In 8th grade, those social skills are clearly undeveloped. In highschool, clearly the awkward kid. This is what happened to me.
Still haven't entirely fixed my social issues after a year of college. Still never a girlfriend/never kissed a girl. So just letting you know, you're ahead of someone.
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If it's really true that that little stunt your mom pulled set you back so much... I think I'd be really pissed. Regardless of the effects it sounds pretty selfish to me.
Anyways, good for you bro. Also, isn't "hit up the girl" a kinda weird formulation?
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Don't blame your mother/childhood. It's 1: lame 2: counterproductive
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Never blame anyone for your problems. Regardless of whether it is true or not (it generally isn't) it keeps you from changing, because it gives you justification for being where you are.
"Well, I wish I was more social, but my mother..."
I don't care if your mother locked you in the basement, blaming other people for your problems is never productive.
Still, good to see you took control of your life and made the change you wanted. Too many people let life go by and pretend that it is beyond their control.
It isn't, one year from now, every single person can completely remake themselves. You can go from obese to fit, social reject to fun-to-be-around. Anyone that has the willpower to go for it can do it.
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On September 15 2012 21:06 zalz wrote:
Never blame anyone for your problems. Regardless of whether it is true or not (it generally isn't) it keeps you from changing, because it gives you justification for being where you are.
"Well, I wish I was more social, but my mother..."
I don't care if your mother locked you in the basement, blaming other people for your problems is never productive.
Still, good to see you took control of your life and made the change you wanted. Too many people let life go by and pretend that it is beyond their control.
It isn't, one year from now, every single person can completely remake themselves. You can go from obese to fit, social reject to fun-to-be-around. Anyone that has the willpower to go for it can do it.
Sounds like you're just standing on your ivory tower and spurting out whatever you think people should do despite their given circumstances.
Take the Fritzl case for example. How do you explain Elisabeth's lack of social skills? If she did blame it on someone else, is she wrong?
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Oh, no, guys, don't get me wrong. Being held back from school did negatively effect me, but I could have overcome it without that much trouble. However, because at the time I didn't know how to overcome that, and because I was happy being alone(I was big into reading) I simply didn't do it. It's MOSTLY my own fault, but I wouldn't have had the trouble if I hadn't been held back in the first place.
On September 15 2012 15:51 jrkirby wrote:
You think YOU grew up with no social skills? Imagine being homeschooled preschool-kindergarden-first grade. Then going to a school in 2nd-half way through third grade. Then moving to the suburbs where the homeschooling continues until the end of 7th grade. In 8th grade, those social skills are clearly undeveloped. In highschool, clearly the awkward kid. This is what happened to me.
Still haven't entirely fixed my social issues after a year of college. Still never a girlfriend/never kissed a girl. So just letting you know, you're ahead of someone.
Funnily enough, the most popular kid I knew was home-schooled. It definitely made things harder for him, but he joined a bunch of organizations(such as Boy Scouts, etc.) and made friends from all of the schools around his house. Of course, I think moving, especially at such an age, would have thrown a big wrench in his spokes, but who knows.
I was in the same boat, and I'm still barely ahead of that haha. Don't worry man, it'll all come together. If you want some advice, let me know.
On September 15 2012 18:50 B.I.G. wrote:
If it's really true that that little stunt your mom pulled set you back so much... I think I'd be really pissed. Regardless of the effects it sounds pretty selfish to me.
Anyways, good for you bro. Also, isn't "hit up the girl" a kinda weird formulation?
Hmm, well it did benefit me in other, strange ways. When I finally got to school I was way behind in a lot of areas(mainly science and math, I was ahead in reading, writing, etc. because that is what I spent the year with my mom doing), and the embarrassment from this(combined with the free time from having no social life) meant that I worked very hard on it, and ended up becoming pretty damn good at math.
Thanks! It is a semi-normal phrase where I am from and I see it every once in a while online. It means contacting her in order to start hanging out again.
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Very great comeback given your circumstances. It really shows how you can do anything with enough practice and effort.
Maybe you'll be a playboy by the time you get your bachelor degree?
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On September 16 2012 00:52 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
Very great comeback given your circumstances. It really shows how you can do anything with enough practice and effort.
Maybe you'll be a playboy by the time you get your bachelor degree?
Thank you. While I wasn't in the worst situation, it was quite a bit below average. Hopefully it makes other people realize that they can salvage their social lives, too?
My friends are kind of making jokes about that. A week after my first kiss I was going out with that girl and had another FWB set up, so they were joking that if I kept up at this rate I was going to be taking all of the available girls on campus haha.
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EPT
