|
I am tired of being insecure and shy. Today I almost lost my girlfriend who I love very much because of this. It's time for a change and I begin today.
Whenever I come into situations where I am scared of what people will think of me, I'm just going to do whatever it is I am scared for.
Whenever I had moments of courage in the past it has always brought me good stuff. Sometimes good stuff in the form of happiness and sometimes in the form of a learning experience.
I realise that no one has a clue what life is about and there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way of being social. There is just the normal way and the different way.
I will step out of my comfort zone and it will pay off in the end.
|
Dear POINTx,
that sounds like a brave descision. It seems like you are really set on making this happen, and I applaude you for that. However, don't overdo it. Ofcourse, you are completely right, it will pay of in the end. But there is also the possibility that changing this will feel unnatural and instead of making you happy it will bring you down. because you want to change yourself so quickly and you wont get the results you want. It is a process you have to go through after all, remember that. I guess what I am saying is, try to take it slow and talk to your girlfriend about what it is that makes u insecure! When you pinpointed your problems, solving them might not be as difficult as it seems right now.
Goodluck!
|
Well..what can I say. True observations and about my place in life aswell.
It's hard to get out of your comfort zone first, especialy if you developed certain behaviours over years.
But if you pull it through, there are rewards to be reaped!
I wish you strenght & endurance.
|
intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
|
sometimes you could think TL is a self-help-group 
but do it. Stopping to worry too much about other people is always good, but try to not come across creepy it doesn*t help either. Just stand straight and do everything you do with a straightforward attitude.
|
Thanks all for the kind responses. It's something that needs to happen. I absolutely hate it about myself. I have grown to hate the feeling of constantly over thinking everything and not making a choice in the end. To just do nothing.
On September 12 2012 02:54 Thomassio wrote:
However, don't overdo it. Ofcourse, you are completely right, it will pay of in the end. But there is also the possibility that changing this will feel unnatural and instead of making you happy it will bring you down. because you want to change yourself so quickly and you wont get the results you want. It is a process you have to go through after all, remember that. I guess what I am saying is, try to take it slow and talk to your girlfriend about what it is that makes u insecure! When you pinpointed your problems, solving them might not be as difficult as it seems right now.
Thanks for your response. I too realize I can't overdo it. I want to be the same person I am now, only more confident in whatever I do. I already talked to my girlfriend about it and she agrees with me. It's funny because she used to have the same problem. She was very very shy until about 2-3 years ago. She now is the total opposite and she's very happy with that.
I think the only reason we are currently still together is because she completely gets me.
At the moment, I am not happy with the person I am. I just don't want to feel regret anymore because I was too scared to do something.
Don't get me wrong, my girlfriend is not the reason I am taking action. Even if she wasn't here I would still make this decision. But she made me realize I need this.
|
Would be interested to know how old you are? It makes a difference. I was devastatingly shy up until the age of 14, and slowly (very slowly) found my feet as the years went by.
My pathway was to get involved in theatre and singing. At first I just did choir, which is pretty easy to be involved in because you're just one voice among many. Then I started getting involved in acting as well; I did the junior production, then the senior production three years in a row at school + various other shows.
I continued this at university, and it all culminated in auditioning and getting into the New Zealand Drama School, had the best three years of my life, and I don't really think I'll ever be "shy" again.
It's weird though, after it all I find it much easier to stand up and speak to 1000 people than I do to meet one new person for the first time.
EDIT: Another thing you could do is rather than focus on being or not being "shy" just think about what life would be like if it were the way you want it to be, and then go about making that happen. Might be easier if you have a tendency to over-think things to distract yourself with constructive activity toward your goals.
|
On September 12 2012 08:52 DRTnOOber wrote:
Would be interested to know how old you are? It makes a difference. I was devastatingly shy up until the age of 14, and slowly (very slowly) found my feet as the years went by.
My pathway was to get involved in theatre and singing. At first I just did choir, which is pretty easy to be involved in because you're just one voice among many. Then I started getting involved in acting as well; I did the junior production, then the senior production three years in a row at school + various other shows.
I continued this at university, and it all culminated in auditioning and getting into the New Zealand Drama School, had the best three years of my life, and I don't really think I'll ever be "shy" again.
It's weird though, after it all I find it much easier to stand up and speak to 1000 people than I do to meet one new person for the first time.
EDIT: Another thing you could do is rather than focus on being or not being "shy" just think about what life would be like if it were the way you want it to be, and then go about making that happen. Might be easier if you have a tendency to over-think things to distract yourself with constructive activity toward your goals.
I am 19 years old.
I am going on vacation in the coming weeks with a group of people I have never met. After that, school starts again so there will be new people there too. It's going to be a challenge but I'm looking forward too it.
|
I used to be very shy and a thing that helped me a lot to overcome it was:
'what can go wrong if I act sociable/not shy?'
Once you realize the answer is nothing/you can just earn from it, you will slowly start to appreciate the change 
|
I suggest you check out some of the PUA stuff about self-esteem, social shyness and anxiety and inner game as well as body language, eye contact etc to both appear and communicate more confidently in social settings. There should be a lot of relevant information there for you.
|
I also used to be shy because of this girl I was attracted to, and I'd be extremely worried about how I seemed as a guy to her, so I would have this constant screening/filtering of every single thing I did to make sure that I looked as appealing as possible... which was actually a very bad idea because I ended up being a very introverted guy that couldn't talk to anyone but 4 or 5 guys. Even when a random girl went up to me to ask me about math homework or something, I'd shy away, or mumble some incomprehensible bullshit.
Those times were really hard, I'd get angry at myself for being "myself" instead of just being. My awkwardness became a sort of depression.
Then, the day that girl left, I was really sad at first, because I never shared my feelings with her. I felt crushed. But then when school resumed (she had left right before the summer vacations) I felt liberated. I felt reborn. No more pressure on being something appealing to this one person, so no more screening/filtering of actions and thoughts. I felt relieved.
Now I'd say I'm a decently happy person, but the change that occurred for my mood to swing was not orchestrated by my will power or anything, but more through a happy alignment of circumstances. Life is interesting sometimes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
