EPTI was always very social, and because of that, the beginning of my senior year of high school was really the best time of my life. Until then, high school was no different for me than for most people - I wasn't exceptionally popular and I didn't have a huge number of friends. Although I liked being around people, I wasn't particularly good at it. But that year, I really became very charismatic. I knew everyone at the school and everyone knew me. On weekends I was the life of the party. I could pick up girls with very little effort. I even took trips to visit friends in the city during which I had some amazing conversations on the way there with other travelers who were complete strangers.
The reason for this drastic change basically came from my having lost all inhibition. I drank with my friends almost every weekend, which loosened me up quite a bit more than the average person. Everyone had an attitude of "this is the last year before we go off to college, let's make the most of it." I saw a lot more of the world around that time and became very contrary to the frigid culture of the town I live in. And to top that off, I was diagnosed with a pretty scary disease that made me look at mortality a lot differently (and drinking as well - I can't do that anymore).
Fast forward to present day. Now, I've lost the outgoing nature I used to have. I don't enjoy talking to people anymore and I never go out of my way to do it. I would consider myself a shut-in, and honestly I'm not unhappy with that. But I'm not happy with it, either - for the most part I just feel nothing. For the purposes of this story, it's not important to know why I changed so much between last year and today, only that I did.
The last time I remember being truly happy, and also the last time I remember being as social as I used to be, was one unassuming autumn day when I managed to make it to a few of my classes. It was a day when everything seemed to fall into place - every moment seemed perfect and couldn't have gone better if I'd planned it. Because of my illness (mostly just doctor's appointments to learn more about it), I had been missing a lot of school. I arrived about halfway through the day when I had lunch, and it felt like I was walking on water as soon as I got there. My two best friends were talking in the quad almost as if they'd been waiting for me, and it seemed like they were happier to see me than they'd ever been. We talked about our plans for the future and were so sure about everything. From there I used the rest of my free time before physics to walk around and catch up with friends.
Everyone wanted to know where I had been, and everywhere I went I was getting mobbed by people with questions - some friends, some acquaintances, and some people I barely knew. But the day got really interesting when I got to physics. I had missed so much class that I had no idea what the teacher was talking about, but I didn't mind seeing everyone and participating as much as I could. For whatever reason, in hindsight, I was the center of attention most of the time. Girls were laughing at my jokes, my teacher (who was great) was happy to see me, and two moments in particular stick out in my memory. I was wearing 3D glasses from some movie (don't ask me why) and halfway through the class I realized the weird nature of the lenses let me see behind me. When I briefly mentioned it, everyone turned away from their work to test what I could see with them and what I couldn't. Later, our teacher had us play a Pyramid type of game using physics terms. Since I had no idea what any of them were, I just rattled off words that rhymed with each term, and my partner and I finished first. I even surprised myself with how easily the rhyming words came to me. These moments may seem mundane, but they really capture how that day was for me - everything I did seemed to be successful, and everyone around me enjoyed my company.
One last moment of awesomeness came as school was ending. I was talking to a few of my friends near the quad, and a girl walked by who happened to be looking more attractive than usual - which is saying something, because this was the type of girl who everyone at the school thought of as a standard for hotness. For whatever reason, I just asked her for her number. I wasn't expecting to get it (I didn't), but she was clearly flattered and I'm sure I could've gotten it later if I tried. I have no idea why I did it, but it felt good to have done it.
I hope none of this comes off as a subtle brag - today was just not such a great day and I felt like writing this would help me relive some of what I've lost. Maybe another day I'll write about how I changed so much from being gregarious to completely antisocial. Thanks for taking the time to read what turned into a wall of text.
