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So, I'm approaching what should be the end of the weirdest dilemma I've ever been in. A series of bizarre circumstances have made things snowball into this monstrosity. I'm kind of a proud guy and don't like to talk about personal stuff, which is why I'm going with the internet anonymity solution to the fact that this bugs me every so often. Being proud is actually one of the main reasons I'm in this situation in the first place, but hey, I've been like that for as long as I can remember; very good at holding grudges and not so good at forcing myself to let go of them even when I know it's the best thing for me to do.
In a nutshell the issue is that I lost all my good friends. This happened because I had to take high-dose corticosteroids for several months, which caused me to become incredibly egotistic, manic, aggressive, and borderline sociopathic. Basically I was a raging douchebag with a lot less control over my behavior than usual. It definitely didn't help that I had to leave school about three months into my senior year, since that made it much easier for everyone to cut me off and, now that I've been tolerable (at worst) since January, they have no reason to think I'd be anything other than the insufferable fuckwad I was while on prednisone.
I'd rather not get into the specifics of my douchebaggery, but suffice it to say my friends were more than justified in cutting me off. Even so, there are several reasons I think they should've forgiven me by now.
1: The roid rage really wasn't my fault. I hate saying that - people are responsible for their actions - but I had to take it, and as far as I can tell, everyone who takes prednisone is affected the same way as I was. Not to mention that I started treatment only a few weeks after being diagnosed with some very serious shit, and I had to process that.
2: Although most of the stuff I did was pretty bad, only one incident was significantly terrible that it couldn't have been fixed in the absence of my pride (and the girl the incident involves inexplicably did forgive me for it). If I'd had the presence of mind and willingness to communicate with everyone along the way, being cut off would've been avoidable.
3: It's been months now, and they'll all be going to college in the fall (while I have to finish my senior year), and if this issue doesn't get resolved by then, it never will.
4: Most of them actually have forgiven me, which actually leads me to...
WTF?
By now things have boiled down to the point that I actually have gone to a few parties with them. But when I say a few, I mean maybe three in the last seven months. It's become so hard to get in contact with them that I don't count on seeing them again for the rest of the summer. *Actually, I was gonna get into why I don't understand this, but...* Now that I type this all out, it really isn't such a mystery to me anymore...my world shrank a lot when I left school, and theirs didn't. They had the entire year to form a tighter group and I was only there for a few months. The only reason I still see them as friends is because I've had (relatively) a lot fewer social interactions than they have over the last year.
In a month and a half none of this will matter anyway, since they'll be gone and I'll be back at school. I guess I just had to write this to wrap my head around it. I definitely still want to hear input from readers, but I don't think there's really any good course of action other than the obvious "keep trying to get in contact with them until it either works or I run out of time."
Also, if people want a more in-depth account of my douchebaggery and how it affected my friends, I can provide it to make things easier to relate to from both their side and mine.
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Why did you HAVE to take Prednisone?
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I'd rather not talk about anything medical. It's a nonanswer, but - I just had to.
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So it was a medical reason.
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So your "weird situation" is you losing your friends due to various happenings, including Prednisone use?
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what did you do to make them all think that you're a douchebag.. why didn't you just explain this medical reason to them, it's not like they would think any less of you..
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On July 15 2012 15:57 JerKy wrote:
So your "weird situation" is you losing your friends due to various happenings, including Prednisone use?
That and the medical reasons that caused me to need prednisone, and the long period of time in which I've been mostly alone since I (in addition to having been cut off by my good friends) isolated myself from everyone else because of my behavior. I didn't mention that since I wanted to keep things short and simple, but yeah, now that you ask, that does make the title seem weird.
On July 15 2012 15:58 Endymion wrote:
what did you do to make them all think that you're a douchebag.. why didn't you just explain this medical reason to them, it's not like they would think any less of you..
Actually, I should've mentioned - they knew about the prednisone and why I was taking it. I probably would've done the same thing to someone inextricably linked to roid rage for what was an indefinite period of time (my doctor didn't know how long I'd need it).
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Is everything okay now? That condition's all cleared up and you're off the roids?
Maybe you could try taking some yoga classes you might meet some new nice people.
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Yeah, everything's fine, thanks for asking. Been off prednisone since the end of March. I've had job opportunities and other chances to get out and meet people, but I've been trying to keep the things I have to worry about to a minimum, especially since school's starting relatively soon.
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It's high school. You'll be fine. get your GED/finish school and move on to college, you'll get tons of friends if you look for them.
Trust me. i understand losing all the people close to you, been through it a couple times.
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On July 15 2012 16:23 PrinceXizor wrote:
It's high school. You'll be fine. get your GED/finish school and move on to college, you'll get tons of friends if you look for them.
Trust me. i understand losing all the people close to you, been through it a couple times.
Yeah definitely, I agree. It's really a temporary problem. Once I'm back in school I'll be fine.
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Russian Federation748 Posts
So if they don't trust you, how can you call them friends ?
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It seems you just want to clear your conscience and make sure everything's *really really okay* with everyone else, and that's a perfectly acceptable need considering what's happened thus far.
Feel free to try and make amends if you want to, but you don't need to spend any time with them apologizing. Just show them that you're back to "normal" (cool, calm, collected). In the long run, if you don't see them for a while, it won't even matter much anyway. If you bump into them a year from now, things will most likely be a lot more chill. (There was a douchebag in my high school who ended up going to my college; he ended up maturing and I randomly ran into him 2-3 years after we graduated from high school, and we had a really enjoyable conversation about new things and not the past. He was a brand new person.)
It seems like a huge deal now, but it won't be a big deal in a few years 
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EPT
