EPTThis really is the million dollar question. If someone could come up with an easy method for getting people in shape, getting people the love of their lives, and getting them a successful career they would stand to make a lot of money. There is no magic secret, pill you can take to make it all better. Even with hard work and effort, things take time. There is a really big mountain you need to climb that will take months or years.
I am saying this to set realistic expectations. If you are in a bad spot, the good news is you can dig yourself out. The bad news is that you have to want to. Not just kind of want it. I remember the day before I wrote out the list I titled "Things you need to do to save your life". It was a bad day. I had been alone in my apartment. I had been thinking about killing myself. I remember thinking how pathetic I was. I kept repeating in my mind "You are almost 30, and you are smoking pot playing video games". I said this to myself over and over. Like a broken record you just can't shut off in your head.
It was maddening. I felt so pathetic. No friends and this is how I was going to live my life? Did I want to be this way at 40? 50? Would I even make it there?
I had a weekly call with my parents that night. I have always been two faced with them. I never told them anything. From the short 10 minute conversations we had once a week, I always gave the impression that everything was going great! I didn't want them to know how bad things were. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself.
But that night, I broke down on the phone. I cried on the phone with them. Something I could never have imagined doing. It was like a sneeze you just couldn't hold in anymore. Add another pathetic thing to the list. "Your almost 30, and you smoke pot and play video games, and you are crying on the phone with your parents". Sounds pretty pathetic, doesn't it?
They offered to make the trip all the way up here. To stay and help me. But I refused, I couldn't let them see me in this state.
This was the tipping point for me. After that call I was determined to turn things around. I was ready to make the changes and sacrifices necessary to never, ever again have to have a phone call like that again.
If you are going to succeed in making a major life change, my best advice to you is to buy a calendar. Make a small list of 3 things you can do, and check off each day on your calendar that you do those three things. Focus on each day, one at a time. And always throughout the day be thinking of that list. Once you have a string of 3 or more days checked off. Never, EVER, FUCKING NEVER, break the chain. This is so important. One day off can lead to one day off a week, which can lead to two days off “because I’ll just go every day next week”. Do whatever you need to do to not break the chain. Workout at midnight. Log into work at 4:30 am. I don’t care what you do, just never break the chain.
This is my best advice because it is exactly what I did. Make sure the things you write down you can measure. You have to find a way of measuring otherwise it is too easy to make an easy judgment call. For example, if working out is on your list. Have an explicitly written out work out plan. "Well I went for a walk with my dog today, so that should count".
"Should count" is your enemy. It is the reason you need measurable things. "Should count" is lazy and won't get you where you want to be.
Also make sure the things you write down you can succeed at. If you go for too much at once, you will fail. I can't tell you how many times I got all worked up and motivated to work out, and then I downloaded Insanity. That program, although great, is just too much for someone who hasn't worked out in over a year.
1) Stop Smoking. Everything.
This was the first thing on my list. Easy and measurable. I didn't get a check for the day if I smoked. I stopped cold turkey. I just didn't buy a pack. It is not simple but that’s what I did. I definitely wanted one. After a big meal, that first one in the morning, or when all your coworkers are going downstairs for a smoke. But I wanted a check on the end of the day more. You have to be desperate to want that check on your calendar. You need it.
2) Work out
I did a little homework, and found an easy gym routine for beginners. I started going to the gym at 5 am. This was great for me for two reasons. First, it deterred me from having a smoke in the morning. I didn't want to be coughing at the gym. And secondly, it helped set the tone for the day. If the first thing I did was something that worked toward getting the check for the day, then it is all the more reason to follow through. I didn't want to waste it. Find a work out plan with 2 or three rest days during the week, those are a gimme.
3) Work, really work hard at work
To measure this, I would send myself an email of two things that I accomplished that day. These things could not be bullshit. It could not be "I worked on this project". No, it had to be something that I actually did or accomplished. A task completed in my queue. A stored proc that I wrote. A process that I automated. I focused on doing something in the morning. And another after lunch. Weekends and holidays were a gimme.
This idea ended up having a great side benefit. Come the end of the year, for yearly review I had my own documentation of everything that I did. One of the questions on our self-appraisal form was "What major accomplishments have you had this year?" All I had to do was scroll through my emails to myself and pick some of the better ones out. All the other smaller ones made it into the "Anything else you would like to mention" category.
My bosses were impressed.
Three things: Did I go to the gym? Yes or no? Did I have a smoke? Yes or no? Did I send an email with two things I accomplished at work? Yes or no?
This is what earned me a check.
I never had to worry about tomorrow. I just focused on the current day.
It took me about 3 months to really start to fall into a routine. And those three months were so fucking hard. I was tired each and every day. When the alarm went off in the morning I wanted to crawl back into bed. But I wanted a check more. Eventually you start to notice rewards. I had a clearer head and sinuses from quitting smoking. I had started to look less like the marshmallow man in the mirror, my jeans fit better. I started to be recognized at work. Shortly after, I began to crave more. I was excited for the gym. How much would I deadlift today? How far can I make it on my run?
I began to crave healthy habits. I wanted a better diet, better personal care, better hair, better skin, and better clothes. I wanted nicer paintings, fresh painted walls, a clean tub, a big ass grill, dry cleaned clothes, and perhaps expensive cognac.
I began to crave success at work. I wanted higher pay, more responsibility, a big office, people to work for me; I wanted to be an expert at what I did. I wanted to be the best.
The point is I didn’t start with wanting this stuff. I started with 3 things. And after a few months at succeeding in those three things, I wanted more. I had completely changed my outlook. You have to set yourself up for success, not failure.
Start small, do something one day at a time. Don’t break the chain.
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bet you never thought during your worst moments that you'd end up being able to share this kind of success story, but here you are and you're alive to talk about all those moments. Glad you're with us.
