EPT- I used to like this girl (let's call her A), tell her, she didn't like me back
- Get upset since A ignored me after I confessed my feelings, she tries and rebuild our friendship, ignore her back because I was too hurt and didn't like her like I did anymore
- Eventually give up ignoring her, have an heart-to-heart talk with her and all is well
- We get really close over the next 2 or 3 months, to the point where, one day, 5 more minutes alone with her and both of us would jump on top of each other
Ok, and this is where I left off last time, and a lot of stuff has happened since then. The following week, she tells me she likes some other guy (let's call him B) (one I hated because he always seemed like one of those assholes who take advantage of any girl who is into them), but I'm ok with it since we're only friends. Fast-forward a month, I'm going to this festival with her (me, A, another female friend and the guy she has a crush on are going to stay at her tent, which was fucking huge, had two sleeping rooms and a small room we could eat in if it rained). The guy who she has a crush on, who was going to sleep in the same room as me, however, finds this female friend of his, let's call her L (and some time after camping, he tells A he likes L and asks for advice), and move into her tent. Thank god. However, A's tent becomes somewhat of a common room, so I was kinda upset since people went there all the time for bullshit reasons (like smoking a bong).
Half the time, unfortunately, it's raining, and since it was really cold, all I did during daytime was chilling at her room with her, since she had brought a really warm blanket. And always, ALWAYS, the guy who she had a crush on turned up and left me on the verge of a fucking meltdown, not only because he really pisses me off (WHO THE FUCK FARTS ONCE EVERY FUCKING 10 MINUTES INSIDE A SMALL TENT BEDROOM, THEN LAUGHS LIKE IT'S NOTHING), but because I keep getting ignored by her in favor of an asshole I didn't really like and just plain annoyed everyone who wasn't A. L and the other friend who was in our tent also used to chillax there with us. Eventually, I get pissed at A, grab her by the arm, and call on her bullshit, she apologizes and the guy doesn't show up in the tent again (at least when I'm not around).
Fast-forward a month, and this is when it gets really fun (ugh). Me, A, her best friend (C) and two random girls from our class (who had already left) were doing a group assignment at my house and we decide to play truth-or-dare (my idea) after dinner. Funny thing about truth-or-dare with us, is that everyone always choose truth. And I had gotten even closer with A, to the point where everytime we were alone, with just her sister or with her best friend, she asks for a massage. No problem with that, since it's only friendly at this point. First couple of truths, I had no problem. But since we all trust each other, we start talking about more intimate stuff. Eventually, C asks A how much she liked B, with a scale from 0 to 20 (stupid question, I know). She says 17, I think. Now it's A's turn to spin the bottle. Yikes. My turn. And she asks me almost the same question... However, it's about how much I liked her the previous year. At this point, I got somewhat nervous, but answered a 18, one-upping her. I really did like her back then, all I wanted was to make her happy. But I tell her that's no longer the case.
Next day, we're once again doing work, this time at her best friend's house, just the 3 of us. And I don't know what came over me and A that day, we spend most of it hugging or holding hands. Well, either we did that while writing down stuff from the assignment, or I'd be giving her a backrub like usual, but this time, she seemed to be more into it. I must have been really fucking good. At night, we were all kinda tired, so we go to a bedroom to chillax. C goes to the bathroom while me and A are laying on the bed. And I slowly creep onto her until my hand is on her belly, and I'm with my hands on her legs, moving back and forth, talking with her about some subject that I don't quite remember just now. And she tells me something of the kind "You're so sweet, S..." and I reply with a "Yeah, I am, but I'm not coming on to you, don't worry." And then I noticed.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
I like her again. Shit.
At this point, I had stopped moving my hand and she asks me what was the matter. I reply it was nothing, and continue stroking her leg until C returns.
Shit.
I try so no one notices I like her. And it works, for a while. Shit goes on normally until the last week of May, I was down because of some retarded reason I didn't want to talk about, not even to her (I regarded her as my best friend at this point). And she relunctantly asked me if it was about her... If I liked her again.
My heart sunk. I couldn't tell her... She was my best friend, I didn't want to lose her. So I deny it. She tells me there was no problem or shame in admitting it, she wouldn't mind it, but I still deny, I couldn't do it... Especially since I would later turn out to be her only trusted friend. Why? Check out this soapbox story, and I'm going to keep it short. C hits on B, they make out and C tells B that A (the girl I now like again) likes him. Whoa, boy. But they shit on that, and resume making out, C tells A but has no regrets, and does it again. B asks A if it's true, and she confirms and he replies that doesn't like her that way and that he didn't want any relationship, just wanted to make out and fuck multiple girls. He tries and take advantage of her (kisses her, throws her onto a couch) in her own house. She responds she wants a serious relationship, not a quick fuck. He replies, saying that he's doing her a favor since she likes him, and A kicks him out of the house. Over the next 2 weeks or so, B texts her multiple times to try and convince her, but is met repeatedly with... I don't know, hate? She showed me texts of her telling him to fuck off. He eventually gave up, and they don't talk anymore. A is pretty fucking mad at C at this point (the week after he tried to fuck her), not only for telling B about her feelings, but also that she was making out with him almost everyday and that both were now developing feelings with each other. Ouch. So in the end, the only friends she had were me and my sister.
And then, school ended, some 3 weeks ago. We had national exams (for Portuguese and Maths) on the 18th and 21st of June, so we had about a week of free time, which me and A mostly spent either hanging out together or studying alone. We often met at night, sometimes her younger and only sister (she was 14, turned 15 a week ago) joined us as well. Right after the exams, we also met, sometimes joined by C (who wanted to apologize to A). Then we had nothing, all that was in front of us were 2 and a half months of summer vacation. Last week, we frequently met, although never alone because of C, who went to her sister's birthday and didn't leave me and A alone (I wanted to confess my feelings to her, because I shouldn't keep them to myself, not telling her was tearing me apart).
And then, there's last night. I was so depressed and needed to talk to someone that I turned to the worst person possible, one that had shown that she wasn't trustworthy. C. I told her about my feelings on A through texts. She replied with a really plain "Ok, I don't know what to say.". Half an hour later, she sends me another text, telling me she had told A.
I panicked. It's the worst thing that could've happened, I kept waiting for the right moment to pop up. And she fucking had to tell A, after I asked her not to tell anyone. FUCK. I ran to A's house, which is some 5 minutes away walking from my own. Her sister answered the door, looking surprised, and all I uttered was "Call A.". In 10 seconds, she was at the door, asking me what was the matter. I quickly calmed down and asked her to come with me. After she told her parents, she followed me to a park 10 minutes away, while we talked about unimportant matters.
I came clean, told her how I felt for her, how I wanted to make her happy, and that I didn't want to lose her as a friend. Many things were said, she didn't hurt me or nothing, but, basically, I felt like utter shit back then (going as much as crying while hugging her, thank god we were somewhere somewhat secluded)... Right now, I want to move on, but I don't want to lose her as a friend, I want my best friend next to me... But I really don't know what should I do, especially since she might be going somewhere else and doesn't know when will she return.
