EPTExtremely inspired by the blog Hello Dad by Arctic Muse , I want to ask what is your story? No one I have met so far has had that picture perfect life of a household of a mother and father that had eternal love and no one ever died ect.
I was born into the world with an older sister of 6 years, I barely remember anything up until maybe 8-9. I was a very big kid (90 kg at 11) but I lost 35kg over the year and leaving for year 8 I was 65kg. My father was an alcoholic (I don’t remember this part) never violent but very moody and grumpy. When he was younger he had left school and basically become somewhat of a criminal, breaking into train stations with friends and robbing bottle shops (which blew my mind when I found out because he was never like this). He then left for the army and was stationed in Malaysia when it was a warzone. Serving his time there he had mentioned being fired upon and shooting back, but when asked if he had killed the people or anything about what occurred later he would say he didn't want to talk about it.
He returned from the army and basically decided he didn’t want to go back causing him to be arrested and held in military prison or whatever you would call it. He spent some months in there and then the judge decided to release him on a honourable discharge.
Fast forward working odd jobs meeting my mum and eventually going onto study at night school and become a purchasing clerk at a university. My mother left him around the age of 8 for me ( I still have no memory of my parents being together). Nothing changed for them really, they ever legally separated and they were basically best friends and neither of them dated anyone else ever again. He would come over to fix all the problems around the house and play legos with me and sister ect.
He came to every basketball game I ever had with my mother and in general provided us with anything we needed. He even came to my school football events like on a Friday afternoon and we would hang out afterwards. My sister got massive depression and being much like my father held onto things he had done in the past as a drunk (nothing physical or sexual) just things that she proclaims scared her for life such as waking up to him being so drunk he though he was peeing in the toilet but actually was in the corner of her room. The funny things is they are exactly alike and she says we never had the same father(although once my mum left him and he had stopped drinking he became a totally different person.
My sister tried to kill herself many different times (mostly honestly I guess for attention, she would take like 10 panadol then tell my mum and they would go to the hospital). Fast forwarding through that she kind of just slowly grew outdo it or got over it or whatever (though I'm completely sure it was a mental condition and not something cause by anyone else.) my outside family barely gave a crap about us at all my aunty even said to my sister that she was selfish for wanting to kill herself because of kids in Africa dyeing.
My mum you may have wondered why I haven’t mentioned at all so far. She is the nicest and most insanely hard working lady I have ever met (most people will say that about their mums though). She was a single mother who raised 2 children and sent one through private school. Every event that we had she was there, never went hungry, never felt "poor". We always had whatever we needed.
Once my dad’s health started declining he was told you either take 6 months to die peacefully or you get this surgery and hope it works and if it doesn’t you will spend the rest of what’s left of your life in hospital. He originally planned to sell everything he had and take us all to Disney land and all sorts of places but he ended up for whatever reason deciding to fight it (he hated hospitals with a passion).
He lived! Another year or so and then was told he had cancer again which meant more chemo and it basically wasn’t going away and this is where I get teary eyed. It slowly got worse, his stomach swelled up like a massive balloon, he couldn’t eat he had cancer all through out his body and my mother took 6 months off from work and spent every single day with him.
I came many days but still attended school, my sister still ignored him. A defining memory that I will probably never forget is waking up to that dad that you saw could never be hurt calling out your mums name because he could no longer get up on his own and had soiled himself.
He looked so utterly depressed than it had woken me and apologised if any of this had scared me. Later and later he got very sick and basically thinking about this for to long still makes me burst into tears even after 5 years. But I basically got told that my mum had gotten really scared one day because my father’s health had gotten horrible bad. She called the ambulance and he was taking to the hospital (this freaked him out because he hated it as said but had never wanted to stay in the hospital) he died a day later and honestly I was relieved to see him out of pain and that part of me made my guilty as fuck.
My mum still hates herself for taking him to the hospital even for that one day. But honestly she was amazing and she did all she could for a man she was no longer married to. After all of that I just grew up. From being a young high school kid aspiring to go wc3 pro to a older high school kid trying to bang girls and all that crap.
I guess I’m blessed because I never got messed up the way my sister did. I stayed pretty normal I just had a few scars then would re-open occasionally. My sister had to live with the fact she ignore my dad until a day before he had died which was a day before fathers day when she said she was going to make it up to him.
My Aunty even had the nerve to say to me I was the good child for not ignoring my father, even though I didn’t understand why my sister ignored him it was her business and her problems. My mum held everything together and is absolutely amazing. My sister got extremely obese and never has had a job, I don’t really know what’s going to happy with her.
But honestly as I grow up I don’t really like her as a person. She is my sister but a person she is one I don’t really like. I've got a girlfriend who I’m only somewhat happy with, lately I don’t really want to be with her. But I have amazing friends and an amazing job (for this year then I will study) and I am always happy and I don’t know why, my life is just incredible.
I lost my virginity at 16 to a girl I had dated (my first girlfriend) for a month. She was way out of my league (you will find out how I got such a babe with terrible confidence and an 4-5/10 face) I believed in the whole love crap and wanted to be in love so bad, I never was with her but I tried so hard to be the perfect man/gentlemen and do all movie bullshit.
Basically we broke up at the end of a month, was at a party she was there and my friends said she wanted to bang and told me to do it. I was a really nice dude back then and didn’t want to because I had lost interest in her relationship wise. But they convinced me and physically pushed me into a room they had moved everyone out of except for her
I was terrible! Nervous, barely got hard from the alcohol and mostly nerves I would say. Was pretty terrible and I didn’t jizz because her friend came in to actually make sure we were banging or something weird (?). I stopped and said fuck this and then there was a long line of us making out at many different parties, later on I had found out I was the 5th guy she had, had sex with no wonder a babe had liked me ! She was a hussy
!. I didn’t care much but I starting growing up and went through depressive streak of missing my father, rejecting her advances and getting drunk constantly at parties and just chilling out by myself or with the friend Ill mention below just looking at stars and chilling quietly. I made a few new friends (they joined what was our bigger circle, which I was lucky enough to have a group of friends I’ve known 10+ years) they had massive confidence which gave me massive confidence through time. I related to one who hadn’t lost his father but barely saw him because his mother had cheated on the dad and the dad had left and he had chose to follow his sister and live with them mum. Although he loved the dad more and hated his mum for tearing apart their family, he wanted to be with his older sister. He is the friend up top! ^
I didn’t sleep with any other girls, but I did have a few other sexual encounters and met my girlfriend of now 16 months. It was incredibly hard to get her to date me rather then just be a kiss, althought she was a virgin she was a kiss-slut. We had lots of trouble in the beginning of our relationships and throughout with her flirting with guys and it getting pretty extreme with one. That was a shit time in life where I was constantly angry and anxious. We sorted it all out and in time we became a pretty darn good relationship but many lies would appear every now and then.
Our relationship has been long but I have lost lust for her and feel bad because shes a good girlfriend but I have no feelings for her anymore (sometimes I do, its really confusing). She is insane about me, which is ironic because of all the effort I had to put in to get her to make us become a couple. That was mostly my fault because once I had her I broke up with her (stupid).
I was well liked at school because I was just a nice guy in general, I wasn’t out to impress anyone and knew most people through being in the larger group starting out at school and having older friends (that I knew for 10+ years) spreading my connections. School I didn’t like because I wasn’t studying anything I wanted to and I ended up completing and passing year 12 I didn’t have much desire to go to university as of yet. Now I work in an office making low cash but just chilling out.
Now I’m here a happy dude, writing this has given me a lot of clarity. It went for so long but it seems that I see things that I want and don’t want a lot clearer now. Hard to explain.. Please share your stories.
<3
