EPT“Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.”
Dear Marilyn - Page 2
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Friedrich Nietzsche
Germany171 Posts
“Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On April 13 2012 03:17 gogoplex wrote: Hey TheToast I have a question. Is that a serious fact that a normal relationship is like that? I had a gf too before but I was younger then. The difference is I cared enough before to actually have a nice mutual respectful breakup. This time I am just angry. I don'teven care if she cries or kills herself. I am angry mostly because I was so blind. It was all right before me and I realized it way later than I should have. But if what you are saying is true, the a normal relationship more or less is about the guy doing things out of the way and the girls just being demanding motherfucking bitches, then I am genuinely sad and not looking forward to the next one. Meh. That is a serious fact when you make the relationship become like that. There are two reason why you end up in this kind of relationship, like many young guys and myself included years back: -The girl has this attitude -You accept her attitude Next girl advice: -When you feel her demand is unreasonable say no (you are in a relationship, do things from time to time, but getting up at 2am to make food is a nono). -Ask things yourself, there is truth in the joke "Make me a sandwich". This is your equalizer. If the girl doesn't accept you saying no and want you to be her servant, ditch her and start with another. Well, don't ditch her instantaneously, she will cry or bitch around, threaten you with no sex or things like that. Just shrug it off pointing out its your right, and don't give up when she is being angry. This is like a child, if you give up the fight when it cries it starts becoming an habit for him/her to cry when it wants something. If things get more equal and respectful between each other it will be a huge win for the couple. If things starts getting worse and worse she doesn't respect you and your relationship should stop there. The thing is though... it's very very common in girls to have the attitude. It's either genetic or just the fact that they are used to get their way with guys; I don't know. You just have to accept it, that you will probably have fights over it. Just see it as normal and don't beat yourself over it. | ||
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OpticalShot
Canada6330 Posts
... now most people could leave it at that, but as TL's #1 GBH (Girl Blog Hunter) how can I make such a hasty exit? After all, you added that drama flavour in the last sentence and it was oh-so-delicious! Toast put it very bluntly for you, and rezoacken explained it in more detail above. I still don't recommend you throw the "make me a sammich" as an equalizer, I'm sure it was a joke in the post. I think the point was to get the concept of give-and-take, and not leading to a very one-sided relationship. No matter how much you appreciate the girl, and no matter how little it takes to satisfy you - you've got to keep your sanity in tact. Here's a line I used on some TL girl blog a couple weeks ago - if you want her to be your princess, you'd better be a prince yourself. Other than that, not much to say - you did get a big realization yourself, and it seems like you've got your action plan (or the plan for no action, rather). | ||
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TheToast
United States4808 Posts
On April 13 2012 03:17 gogoplex wrote: Hey TheToast I have a question. Is that a serious fact that a normal relationship is like that? I had a gf too before but I was younger then. The difference is I cared enough before to actually have a nice mutual respectful breakup. This time I am just angry. I don'teven care if she cries or kills herself. I am angry mostly because I was so blind. It was all right before me and I realized it way later than I should have. But if what you are saying is true, the a normal relationship more or less is about the guy doing things out of the way and the girls just being demanding motherfucking bitches, then I am genuinely sad and not looking forward to the next one. Meh. Everyone wants something, everyone is completely selfish some level. Men usually want regular predictable sex, and women usually want someone to do shit for them. Then after a while a number of chemicals in the brain cause each other to believe they "love" each other. Evolution at work. This does take other forms though, some people just don't want to be alone; others want someone to take care of to make themselves feel important and useful. Anyway you slice it, it comes back to the fact that people are entirely and completely selfish. We all are only interested in how much shit we can get out of something. Have you ever met an old couple who have been married for like 50 years? Usually the interaction consists of the wife commanding around their husband like a house servant and the man doddering along obliviously. Despite the sex being long gone, the man is still stuck doing shit for his wife because his brain's chemistry has been permanently altered. On April 13 2012 03:23 Drorctopus wrote: What TheToast described isn't a normal relationship. I don't know how he got such a view on that lol. Life, my friend. | ||
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Lebesgue
4542 Posts
I think almost everyone had an experience with a girl that has been totally unreasonable and not knowing how to handle that become a "victim" of a girl. Glad to hear that op finally realized that. Definitely time to move on and use this as a learning experience. | ||
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googolplex
United States280 Posts
I was pretty cold the last few days, so I think she gets it as well, and knowing her, she won't even bother initiate anything and just wait for me to make the arrangement. Well I'm properly arranged now on my desk with my Starcraft b*tch, and you can go to hell. If you understand the degree of terribleness of this relationship, would you call me a jerk if I just let this day pass withtout a word, not answer her call, or any of her attempts to contact me. I plan to just text her on Monday "It's over." Is this a good idea? By the way, what does "make me a sandwich" mean? Is it some code? Or is it literally making her do things you want... | ||
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RedJustice
United States1004 Posts
I don't quite see why you plan to wait to tell her its over. But w/e no, it doesn't make you a jerk, maybe just a tad bit less mature. "make me a sandwich" is of similar caliber to "get back to the kitchen bitch", but it basically means "can you do something for me". I suggest you don't use language of that kind with anyone you want to to keep, but the principle is good-- give and take. | ||
Rekrul
Korea (South)17174 Posts
On April 13 2012 04:16 RedJustice wrote: Most people have at least one relationship like this: one person puts everything into it, and the other person takes advantage of them (in whatever way). Saying it's very very common for women to want you to 'be a servant' is like saying it's very very common for men to 'just want sex'. It comes from an element of truth, but it would be stupid to take it as truth. There are far too many places on the spectrum that people land, and it's not gender exclusive. Plenty of women want to be spoiled a little, and plenty of men want sex, and those things are fine. If you ever find yourself in a relationship where you are giving the other person what they want and not getting what you want, it's time to talk about it. If they aren't interested in changing things, it's time to leave. I don't quite see why you plan to wait to tell her its over. But w/e no, it doesn't make you a jerk, maybe just a tad bit less mature. "make me a sandwich" is of similar caliber to "get back to the kitchen bitch", but it basically means "can you do something for me". I suggest you don't use language of that kind with anyone you want to to keep, but the principle is good-- give and take. 'make me a sandwhich' is used often in any healthy relationship | ||
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Torenhire
United States11681 Posts
he's such a sweetheart. ^_^ | ||
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thoraxe
United States1449 Posts
On April 13 2012 04:03 gogoplex wrote: I realized it was really so horrible I don't even fucking care about the breakup sex anymore. Here she is ringing me to death. I was pretty cold the last few days, so I think she gets it as well, and knowing her, she won't even bother initiate anything and just wait for me to make the arrangement. Well I'm properly arranged now on my desk with my Starcraft b*tch, and you can go to hell. If you understand the degree of terribleness of this relationship, would you call me a jerk if I just let this day pass withtout a word, not answer her call, or any of her attempts to contact me. I plan to just text her on Monday "It's over." Is this a good idea? By the way, what does "make me a sandwich" mean? Is it some code? Or is it literally making her do things you want... Oh no! You are gonna break up by phone?! So sad to see this kind of attitude, do it like a man and tell her to her face, "This relationaship is over, you gold digging bitch, goodbye!" (Don't actually say that, just do it face to face instead of by phone). | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On April 13 2012 04:03 gogoplex wrote: I realized it was really so horrible I don't even fucking care about the breakup sex anymore. Here she is ringing me to death. I was pretty cold the last few days, so I think she gets it as well, and knowing her, she won't even bother initiate anything and just wait for me to make the arrangement. Well I'm properly arranged now on my desk with my Starcraft b*tch, and you can go to hell. If you understand the degree of terribleness of this relationship, would you call me a jerk if I just let this day pass withtout a word, not answer her call, or any of her attempts to contact me. I plan to just text her on Monday "It's over." Is this a good idea? By the way, what does "make me a sandwich" mean? Is it some code? Or is it literally making her do things you want... (This is a response to other posts as well) When I say "Make me a sandwish" you should in fact say "Please, can you make me a sandwich ?". If you want a sandwish and are somewhat busy. If you want a coffee just put coffee instead of sandwich. So just take "make a sandwich" as a metaphore for "make something for me", it's just that the "make me a sandwich" is some kind of internet joke so I liked putting it there. Sometimes she'll say yes, sometimes no, in a healthy relationship. You should accept both responses as acceptable. Exactly like you should make her a sandwich sometimes, but not always. And she should find both response acceptable. Accepting a no is Respect, saying yes sometimes is Love. Both element should show respect AND love to the other. Therefore it's also your right to expect him/her to do something for you here and there. Damn my girl get pissed sometimes because I have a tendency to say no too much, and I understand her frustration. Saying always yes is worshiping, saying always no is being selfish (and love is not selfish). Hmmm looks like I was in a poet mood today. Edit: An image is worth a thousand words ![[image loading]](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mL20htFifzQ/T3EVC6sg72I/AAAAAAAAADM/cy_vXrTShws/s1600/balance.jpg) | ||
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