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being direct doesn't mean you have to be pushy or brash or anything, just tell people how you feel
when youre honest with people they open up to you more and you get to learn quickly what they really think.
think how disappointing it is to hide your feelings from a girl for months and THEN get rejected, especially when she said "yeah why didnt u tell me earlier, i like someone else now" (something that happened to me a lot in highschool). when you hide it you build it up in your head that whole time, fantasizing about your relationship and you tend to get oneitis/obsessed. then you get rejected and you have to deal with the pain of losing something you've built up in your head for so long
when you are direct sooner and honest about your feelings you get to know right away if it might go somewhere or not. and even if it sucks at first, you will get over it MUCH easier and imo you are more likely to succeed by being honest with your feelings right away (showing confidence and interest which is attractive to women) than you are by hiding it for a long time and being the "friend" and trying to transition
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United States22883 Posts
Being direct and assertive, even if it doesn't come naturally to you, is a life long skill you should learn to develop. It prevents a lot of angst, resentment and passive aggressiveness throughout ALL parts of your life. The fact that, as an introvert, you went out of your way to grab her attention and potentially embarrass yourself in public, may actually make you more endearing to her.
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I checked my phone and apparently I have her phone number! Alright, I will ask her out tomorrow. Either I'll talk to her at school, or I'll give her a call afterwards.
I have to do this. I may succeed, or I may fail, but everyone is right―I just have to go for it.
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United States22883 Posts
A wise friend once told me it's better to be 0/1 than 0/0.
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On April 06 2012 07:52 meguca wrote:
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". [more text...]
People of Team Liquid, I beseech you―help.
- You had a conversation with her regarding prom.
- She basically revealed to you that she wants to go with someone and she doesn't have a date yet.
- Did the thought of "asking her right there" ever cross your mind?
Don't fall behind in this game any longer. Do you honestly think asking the internet and waiting for like 20 responses then taking the average of those then doing something that's overly well thought out but poorly executed will increase your chances? Let me tell you (if you haven't figured it out yet) that nobody here is going to write out an entire movie script just so you can ask her out at the perfect moment. Hell, a lot of shy guys find it difficult to even bring up the topic of prom with a girl, but you had a conversation with her regarding that topic already.
Here's what you should do. Next time you have a private conversation with her (make it happen even if she's all elusive or whatever), tell her straight up that you want her to be your prom date. Well, then again, I'm assuming that the small conversation you mentioned happened face-to-face and not via Facebook chat... Make sure to ask her in person. It gives her a fair chance of saying yes or no and whatever the outcome, you'll know you did the right thing and not regret it later.
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it's better to go for it than to just think about it... remember, pain lasts for just a moment, but glory lives forever!
ask her to prom!!! do it for me, tell her endymion sent you! you have our backing, go for it =]
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well it seems like you are strapped on time so you would need to ask soon.
but I made my suggestions since from the post, it almost sounded like the guy barely encountered her face to face: if this were true, I would think that he needs to at least interact with her a few times in real life before he asks her out. i am not sure what planet you guys come from, but interacting with a girl in real life few times while trying to initiate some physical contact (as I suggested) does not "90%" lead to friendzone. This is particularly true since they are, by admission, introverted Asians. I agree, of course, after few meaningful encounters, he needs to go for it and make his intentions crystal clear.
there is a clear distinction between having reckless/"nothing-to-lose" mentality and maximizing your chances and then going for it. The former makes sense if you don't have any other choice, but in this case, ideally he needs to at least establish a semblance of connection in real life before he "goes for it." Once again, this is more true because of his background and context.
My suggestion is not to attempt to establish some kind of friendly, platonic relationship, because that is clearly going to lead to friendzone. But at the same time, making his intentions 100 percent clear as soon as they start interacting IRL is less than ideal (it could work, but it is a shot in the dark) because all the mystique is gone and the guy is bequeathing all the playing cards to the girl -- right from the beginning. In the ideal world, he needs to meet her a few times and try his best to create some romantic tension (without making his intents 100 percent clear) and, perhaps in the 4-5th meeting, do the right thing and ask her out.
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dont make the mistake the guy in the other blog made of popping the prom question in a confronting moment (when shes with her friends or whatever). Do make sure that it's in a comfortable situation.
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On April 06 2012 07:52 meguca wrote:
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". However, she did mention that she was anticipating that someone from our grade who she rather dislikes might try to ask her, and if he indeed does do so, she has prepared a way to 'escape' from the situation. Moreover, she expressed a desire to attend the event with someone, remarking that since she doubted anyone from our grade would ask her, she would have to ask someone not from our grade (as, apparently, senior girls should only ask people who are underclassmen or high school graduates). She went on to say that she "chose the underclass guy [she] might ask solely for his ability to make everything less awkward and more fun", particularly stating that she did not wish me to make "assumptions" regarding this person―in particular, she did not want me to "assume" that she "liked" this person. Regardless, is this a point of concern? I am unsure how I should approach this situation. Moreover, to complicate matters, she said that she "might not ask him if [she] decides to ask [her] college friend instead"―a person about whom she has divulged almost no information save for this tantalizing yet mysterious statement.
People of Team Liquid, I beseech you―help.
You have nothing to worry about regarding that. I'm convinced of it.
That being said you need to make your move! Ask her to hangout like everyone has already stated and get comfortable interacting but don't let that stall you from asking her. I personally wouldn't just ask her to the prom with nothing in hand but there's absolutely no need to complicate it far beyond something like a card or a flower. If you must you could do something silly like a piano sheet with a "Will you go to prom with me?" or something. Put in in a folder. Done, and then just go hey can you play something for me?
The point I want to make here though is that it really doesn't matter how you ask her. If she says yes its because she wants to go with you and not due to how you ask her. Don't over think things and just get in the way of yourself. Don't close the door on a relationship either. Just ask her, hangout, go to prom, and take things from there.
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Ah i can still remember the crippling wreck of nerves i became when it comes to asking women out (to prom (ball in aus) or a coffee). Nowadays its barely a big deal, funny how things change. Reading this whole thread i just kept yelling 'JUST ASK HER', preferably in person since she's in the same school.
Now that you have her phone number, get her out or meet her sometime, have some fun then ask her to prom. Easy. If she's really that busy that she can't come out, just ask her over the phone. If she rejects you no big deal, go back to normal or completely cut her out of your life.
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Good Luck. I like your chances!
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Prom is much easier than actually asking a girl out. If you do take her, remember to make a list of things to talk about while you're there. Just have a good time.
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On April 06 2012 23:35 Doovad wrote:
Prom is much easier than actually asking a girl out. If you do take her, remember to make a list of things to talk about while you're there. Just have a good time.
Surely you jest?
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United States22883 Posts
I think he just means keep a back up list of things in your head in case there's awkward silence. Then again, finding out that you're comfortable in the silence with someone else is important as well.
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On April 06 2012 07:52 meguca wrote:
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". However, she did mention that she was anticipating that someone from our grade who she rather dislikes might try to ask her, and if he indeed does do so, she has prepared a way to 'escape' from the situation. Moreover, she expressed a desire to attend the event with someone, remarking that since she doubted anyone from our grade would ask her, she would have to ask someone not from our grade (as, apparently, senior girls should only ask people who are underclassmen or high school graduates). She went on to say that she "chose the underclass guy [she] might ask solely for his ability to make everything less awkward and more fun", particularly stating that she did not wish me to make "assumptions" regarding this person―in particular, she did not want me to "assume" that she "liked" this person. Regardless, is this a point of concern? I am unsure how I should approach this situation. Moreover, to complicate matters, she said that she "might not ask him if [she] decides to ask [her] college friend instead"―a person about whom she has divulged almost no information save for this tantalizing yet mysterious statement..
Hold on there, killer! Unfortunately you display the all-too-familiar symptoms of "sold feet". I've also noticed that the smarter the person, the more they can over-think the situation.
Therefore, consider accepting this truth: You will NEVER "figure someone out". You will spend so much time analyzing and over-analyzing that you'll work yourself into passivity.
You're not asking this girl on a date - you're asking her to a high school dance. I know it feels like everyone goes with a romantic interest, but if you ever attended a dance you would see plenty of "couples" who just went as friends.
If I were you, I'd ask her as quickly as possible. The question is really easy: "Will you go to prom with me?"
There, nothing more complicated than 7 words. It may seem like a huge hurdle now, but after you've done it you will probably feel bad for holding back so long. It's probably best you do it in person, but you have to move! As you suggested, invite her to lunch and then ask. Or if she's too busy than ask then and there online. Negotiable points are "We're just going as friends", "We don't have dates, so let's go together", and "I really want to go, you're one of my few good friends, and it would mean a lot if you came".
I expect a detailed report of your success :p
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United States10328 Posts
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On April 06 2012 23:35 Doovad wrote:
Prom is much easier than actually asking a girl out. If you do take her, remember to make a list of things to talk about while you're there. Just have a good time.
ok no, just bring your notebook of builds and go over some ZvT strat with her, no need to actually make a list..
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On April 07 2012 00:30 Servius_Fulvius wrote:Show nested quote +On April 06 2012 07:52 meguca wrote:
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". However, she did mention that she was anticipating that someone from our grade who she rather dislikes might try to ask her, and if he indeed does do so, she has prepared a way to 'escape' from the situation. Moreover, she expressed a desire to attend the event with someone, remarking that since she doubted anyone from our grade would ask her, she would have to ask someone not from our grade (as, apparently, senior girls should only ask people who are underclassmen or high school graduates). She went on to say that she "chose the underclass guy [she] might ask solely for his ability to make everything less awkward and more fun", particularly stating that she did not wish me to make "assumptions" regarding this person―in particular, she did not want me to "assume" that she "liked" this person. Regardless, is this a point of concern? I am unsure how I should approach this situation. Moreover, to complicate matters, she said that she "might not ask him if [she] decides to ask [her] college friend instead"―a person about whom she has divulged almost no information save for this tantalizing yet mysterious statement.. Hold on there, killer! Unfortunately you display the all-too-familiar symptoms of "sold feet". I've also noticed that the smarter the person, the more they can over-think the situation. Therefore, consider accepting this truth: You will NEVER "figure someone out". You will spend so much time analyzing and over-analyzing that you'll work yourself into passivity. You're not asking this girl on a date - you're asking her to a high school dance. I know it feels like everyone goes with a romantic interest, but if you ever attended a dance you would see plenty of "couples" who just went as friends. If I were you, I'd ask her as quickly as possible. The question is really easy: "Will you go to prom with me?" There, nothing more complicated than 7 words. It may seem like a huge hurdle now, but after you've done it you will probably feel bad for holding back so long. It's probably best you do it in person, but you have to move! As you suggested, invite her to lunch and then ask. Or if she's too busy than ask then and there online. Negotiable points are "We're just going as friends", "We don't have dates, so let's go together", and "I really want to go, you're one of my few good friends, and it would mean a lot if you came". I expect a detailed report of your success :p
If you call her a friend, make sure you prefix it somehow, don't let her think you're ordinary friends.
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I searched and searched, but could not physically locate her at school. Then, I texted her; however, after asking "so do you have any plans for the weekend?", I stopped receiving replies (I had initiated a conversation by mentioning how Maurizio Pollini might not actually have died, even though it is rumored that he has indeed passed away). It is almost 4 PM, what do I do? I have been awaiting a reply for over an hour. I do not know if it would seem peculiar if I called her.
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On April 07 2012 07:48 meguca wrote:
I searched and searched, but could not physically locate her at school. Then, I texted her; however, after asking "so do you have any plans for the weekend?", I stopped receiving replies (I had initiated a conversation by mentioning how Maurizio Pollini might not actually have died, even though it is rumored that he has indeed passed away). It is almost 4 PM, what do I do? I have been awaiting a reply for over an hour. I do not know if it would seem peculiar if I called her.
It's a big moment for her too, don't forget that. Be patient.
I would say send a follow-up text of some sort that makes the offer seem fleeting if you want her to choose faster, the call may or may not be better though. Not sure if anything like that's good advice or not. whatever happens, DO NOT GO ALL EMO, play it cool
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EPT
