EPTSo today we're going to talk about ladder fear, how absurd it is, and how I got over it. Incidentally, its absurdity was how I got over it.
I, like most people, suffered from ladder fear for a long time. It was only about a week ago that I had gotten over it. Now, to quote one of my favorite books, Touching Spirit Bear; people change in two different ways. Either through slow persistent pressure, or a single sudden traumatic experience.
Traumatic probably isn't the best word to use here, as it is just a game. However, for the sake of the quote, I should leave it in.
For me it was a little of both. Really, I forced myself to press that button and get into the game. After that, playing a few matches here and there wasn't a problem much anymore. However, after a week or so, it became a problem again.
I went online and I read little "clubs" of people who also had ladder fear, and I empathized with them and whatnot, since I had the same problem. I read all of the posts and all of the Liquipedia articles about it. I tried some of the methods, but never did any of the extreme ones, such as throwing a ton of games so your stats are too bad to care about.
This started to open my eyes a bit, I had always known that the ladder didn't matter, that it was just a game, but I always felt like it was a big deal. I'm almost positive this is because it was so competitive. I watched as all my friends got promoted and I didn't, and I felt very envious. Although I could still beat my friend with an almost perfect record, he was still a higher rank than me and still had the "highground" to say "lol your league sucks." So I always had the excuse to say "Well, it's just because I don't ladder much."
It wasn't until I started again looking from a different perspective, as an outsider, that I started to understand. I went at the forums, specifically the blogs, that I saw more people talking about their ladder fear and whatnot. This thread stuck out to me particularly: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=321671
I don't expect you to read the whole thread. The short and skinny is that he lives in Korea, has all day to ladder but he doesn't. He gets coaching from a foreigner pro and he competes in MLGs and even wants to try out for Code A.
The comment right under it totally made my day:
On March 18 2012 21:50 Snaiil wrote:
You seriously think about that "Find Match" button this much instead of actually pressing it? Just fucking do it, it's not that complicated.
You seriously think about that "Find Match" button this much instead of actually pressing it? Just fucking do it, it's not that complicated.
Another guy pointed to an IdrA quote as well.
On January 03 2011 13:14 IdrA wrote:
being high on the ladder doesnt get you any closer to your goal. Avoiding practice to protect your rating is absurd. If you want to be good go play 40 games a day and stop thinking about becoming a pro.
being high on the ladder doesnt get you any closer to your goal. Avoiding practice to protect your rating is absurd. If you want to be good go play 40 games a day and stop thinking about becoming a pro.
Seeing this from another perspective, as a person seeing the other guy vent about his ladder fear, really opened up my eyes. His blog, of course, was just a tiny bit more melodramatic than usual, but it got the point across and I finally understood how absurd ladder fear is. I said to myself "wow, this is just sad. Am I really like this?" I too, had received coaching and had plenty of neglected time to play.
However, remember when I said there's slow persistent pressure, and then a single traumatic experience? I said both happened to me, but I feel the latter caused the most change. While I had finally realized how absurd ladder fear was and I finally felt it too, it was time to go laddering again.
I got on the game, lost a ton of games in a row, but in my rage I would not quit until I won a game.
But the usual joy that I feel from winning a ladder game was drowned in my rage.
I kept playing and playing, losing games left and right. At the end of the session I had about a 4:1 ratio of wins and losses.
And that's when I realized that all the tips they give you on liquipedia, they work. They work sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fuggin well. People really don't give them a second thought. Most people, or at least I, looked at the "ladder anxiety" page and just felt better reading it and knowing that I actually had a problem and that there were people who want to help. For me, it was more of words of encouragement than actual tips.
Lost a ton of games, now my rating is too bad to care about. It was made even better than the liquipedia tip, which was to simply leave a bunch of games. No, I played out all of the games, felt the pain of losing some games I had won, which just made it so much better. I was too beaten down and my W/L ratio was so bad (my ranking didn't really fall but maybe 5 spots, since I was so ahead of my league anyways) that I really couldn't care anymore. IT WAS FANTASTIC!
With that all out of the way, I could start playing for fun. I did what Day9 said, experiment on the ladder. As some of you may know, I posted a thread about going banelings in ZvP, but I was always too afraid to try it on ladder. Well not anymore. I queued up a game, found a protoss on shattered temple, and I said "what the hell, why not" and threw down my baneling nest.
I went banelings in ZvP, dropped them all over his army, then transitioned to mass mutas and rolled over him. Not caring about ranking, only caring about improvement and fun really set me free.
They were right. IdrA was right, Snaiil was right, Day9 was right, whoever wrote the Liquipedia article on it was right too. I was just being silly, being afraid of the ladder. All it took was me losing a bunch of games to see that. I lost several games in a row, so what? The world didn't end, my family didn't die because of it, the roof didn't cave in, I didn't fail all of my courses.
It really put everything into perspective. It was just a game. It's for fun. And now, I finally get to have fun.
Ladder fear is absurd and silly. Don't be afraid to play a game, because as Destiny says, "it is just a game."
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. Well thanks for fixing it, it seems a little too easy that a person can just read a few quotes and have some fun games and the fear disappears. I've played a hundred games and tried to tell myself the same things...it still exists.
