• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 11:20
CEST 17:20
KST 00:20
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
TL.net Map Contest #21: Voting10[ASL20] Ro4 Preview: Descent11Team TLMC #5: Winners Announced!3[ASL20] Ro8 Preview Pt2: Holding On9Maestros of the Game: Live Finals Preview (RO4)5
Community News
Weekly Cups (Oct 13-19): Clem Goes for Four0BSL Team A vs Koreans - Sat-Sun 16:00 CET6Weekly Cups (Oct 6-12): Four star herO85.0.15 Patch Balance Hotfix (2025-10-8)80Weekly Cups (Sept 29-Oct 5): MaxPax triples up3
StarCraft 2
General
The New Patch Killed Mech! Team Liquid Map Contest #21 - Presented by Monster Energy herO joins T1 Weekly Cups (Oct 13-19): Clem Goes for Four TL.net Map Contest #21: Voting
Tourneys
SC2's Safe House 2 - October 18 & 19 INu's Battles #13 - ByuN vs Zoun Tenacious Turtle Tussle Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament $1,200 WardiTV October (Oct 21st-31st)
Strategy
Custom Maps
Map Editor closed ?
External Content
Mutation # 496 Endless Infection Mutation # 495 Rest In Peace Mutation # 494 Unstable Environment Mutation # 493 Quick Killers
Brood War
General
BSL Season 21 BW General Discussion BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ BW caster Sayle BSL Team A vs Koreans - Sat-Sun 16:00 CET
Tourneys
[ASL20] Semifinal B Azhi's Colosseum - Anonymous Tournament [Megathread] Daily Proleagues SC4ALL $1,500 Open Bracket LAN
Strategy
Current Meta BW - ajfirecracker Strategy & Training Relatively freeroll strategies Siegecraft - a new perspective
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread Path of Exile Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Dawn of War IV ZeroSpace Megathread
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion LiquidDota to reintegrate into TL.net
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread SPIRED by.ASL Mafia {211640}
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Men's Fashion Thread Sex and weight loss
Fan Clubs
The herO Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Series you have seen recently... Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion!
Sports
Formula 1 Discussion 2024 - 2026 Football Thread MLB/Baseball 2023 NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
SC2 Client Relocalization [Change SC2 Language] Linksys AE2500 USB WIFI keeps disconnecting Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List Recent Gifted Posts
Blogs
The Heroism of Pepe the Fro…
Peanutsc
Rocket League: Traits, Abili…
TrAiDoS
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1705 users

How to Swim with an Umbrella

Blogs > ohsea.toc
Post a Reply
ohsea.toc
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Australia344 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-18 16:53:34
March 18 2012 11:21 GMT
#1
Another chilled-out Sunday. Cleaned my room, put a wash on, arranged my books in alphabetical order, debated playing Scrabble against myself (didn’t, I’m not to be trusted). I’ve got a ton of reading to do for uni, but otherwise the mind is free and clear and glad to oblige the body; such a deferential chap he is. I didn’t intend the opening of this blog to be so lucid. Time for a change of pace.

What is the best driving music? The roar of the engine? The highway howling through the open window? The rising rush of conversation, talk of grease and upholstery and other sweetly reasonable things? No, I think it’s Kraut Rock. Only Kraut Rock delivers. The motorik beat, 4/4 till road’s end. Eight high-hats per bar; the kick follows but makes way for the snare on the 2nd and 4th beat. In case you’re unfamiliar (it's a slow starter):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAXYMOgHQI4&feature=related


I saw Michael Rother from Neu! (a seminal Kraut Rock band from the 70s) last night in Sydney. He played with two musicians from other old groups. Death’s Head was on drums, rocking away among the bamboo projected behind him. Sickly Child was on synths, taking care not to play too loudly, lest he distract Rother from his famous E Major chord. The Kraut Crowd was pretty old: benign gents in Hawaiian shirts and ladies (you must call them ladies) in fur coats and blood red lipstick. They played for about an hour and a half, thankfully no longer, for I feared that Death’s Head was going to keel over and resign himself to the oblivion of his electric tom-toms.

At one point I stepped outside for some fresh air. A strange man hailed me, asking for a cigarette lighter. I gave him one. Something was obviously on his mind, for he kept looking around anxiously. I asked him if he was alright. He said:

“When the guitar speaks man, you gotta sit down and listen. What is the G-string telling you? What riddles the D? Be wary of the high E, she’s a shrill Siren. She’ll lure you onto the rocks, your aural boat rolling and pitching in the heavy waters, then CRASH: flotsam everywhere, the savage island beasts clawing at the hull, their knickers in a reef knot.”

[image loading]

This image should evoke the ocean.


When a crazed older gentlemen in starched overalls gives you advice, you should probably listen; or turn tail and flee. I went inside, committing these strange, portentous words to memory. The crowd was heaving; Death’s Head rollicking about and waving his towel above a lunatic grin. They played a couple more songs and I walked home to bed, thoughts of driftwood and boiling seas keeping me awake for some time.

I had been swimming that day at Coogee beach; I go sometimes when it’s overcast in order to avoid the crowds. In the shadows of the northern headland there’s a sheltered rock-pool where people swim and sit about, watching with impunity as the waves crash beyond the rocky wall.

[image loading]

No Sirens here, only the bleating of a thousand sun-drenched bathers.


That day, with the exception of two older Dutch tourists, I had the pool to myself. I found an old, discarded umbrella between the rocks and duly took it for a swim. Have you ever seen a man swimming with an umbrella? Oh, ok then.

[image loading]


This is not the way to go. If you have difficulty treading water while holding the umbrella then I’d recommend this to you:

[image loading]

It looks like an umbrella stand because it’s an umbrella stand.


With this your problem is solved (this might solve other, unrelated problems as well, though this would probably be incidental to the stand); simply place the umbrella in the slot and bingo: hands free, sheltered swimming. You can pick one of these things up pretty cheaply from one of your local high street umbrella stand shops. Alternatively, have a look online; this site may be of help to you: www.umbrellastands.com. If you know of any other reliable methods of sun-smart water recreation then please, share them with us here.

All solid blogs need a solid conclusion. I won’t bore you in the high-school way by re-iterating every trite point that I’ve made, rather the crazed gentlemen wearing overalls has inspired me to pedagogy. When the music’s playing, listen. When you want to swim, but fear a sunburn, take an umbrella with you. When a blog is ill-conceived and poorly written, go easy on the author, he’s probably drunk or at least a manic-depressive. And remember that, in the mild and unassuming sweat of life, only men and jellyfish need smile.



***
Clip, clop, Camelot.
Urth
Profile Blog Joined November 2007
United States1250 Posts
March 18 2012 12:20 GMT
#2
Nice images, but I feel like this blog is a bit too indie/hipster, and I usually like those blogs =/.
BY.HERO FIGHTING!!!!
ArcticMuse
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Australia93 Posts
March 18 2012 12:29 GMT
#3
Excuse me sir, would you please explain how you go so awesome? Additionnaly it would appear that the Ancient Mariner does exist, if only in kraut rocking, weed smoking, overall wearing form. Heed his tale wisely.
Espelz
Profile Joined October 2010
Germany819 Posts
March 18 2012 13:48 GMT
#4
On March 18 2012 21:20 Urth wrote:
Nice images, but I feel like this blog is a bit too indie/hipster, and I usually like those blogs =/.


There is indeed not such a thing as "too indie". Hipster, as much as I dislike the word, is in my opinion just a name that has been found for those who are idiots and try to be indie.

Anyway, it was a good read, I enjoyed it
Let me, just on topic, leave you with a little food for thought
+ Show Spoiler [not safe for anything, pretty much] +

[image loading]
"Its not over till Fantasy gg´s" - Sayle
ohsea.toc
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Australia344 Posts
March 18 2012 15:30 GMT
#5
On March 18 2012 21:20 Urth wrote:
Nice images, but I feel like this blog is a bit too indie/hipster, and I usually like those blogs =/.


I see...well, thanks for the reply anyway. To my mind "indie" is a good thing: independence = diversity, but I'm aware of what it means to some.

On March 18 2012 21:29 ArcticMuse wrote:
Excuse me sir, would you please explain how you go so awesome? Additionnaly it would appear that the Ancient Mariner does exist, if only in kraut rocking, weed smoking, overall wearing form. Heed his tale wisely.


Go so? I'm confused.

On March 18 2012 22:48 Espelz wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 18 2012 21:20 Urth wrote:
Nice images, but I feel like this blog is a bit too indie/hipster, and I usually like those blogs =/.


There is indeed not such a thing as "too indie". Hipster, as much as I dislike the word, is in my opinion just a name that has been found for those who are idiots and try to be indie.

Anyway, it was a good read, I enjoyed it
Let me, just on topic, leave you with a little food for thought
+ Show Spoiler [not safe for anything, pretty much] +

[image loading]


My God man, babushka brollies! How did I not find this one? This puts on a whole new spin on things, umbrellievable (sorry).
Clip, clop, Camelot.
Suichoy
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada397 Posts
March 18 2012 16:47 GMT
#6
I like your style and creativity, keep writing!
lolmlg
Profile Joined November 2011
619 Posts
March 18 2012 17:50 GMT
#7
On March 18 2012 22:48 Espelz wrote:
There is indeed not such a thing as "too indie". Hipster, as much as I dislike the word, is in my opinion just a name that has been found for those who are idiots and try to be indie.

You can't "be indie" in the first place. If it's possible for you to identify indie as a state to be in then you're probably a hipster.
Miss_Cleo
Profile Joined March 2010
United States406 Posts
March 18 2012 20:38 GMT
#8
On March 19 2012 02:50 lolmlg wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 18 2012 22:48 Espelz wrote:
There is indeed not such a thing as "too indie". Hipster, as much as I dislike the word, is in my opinion just a name that has been found for those who are idiots and try to be indie.

You can't "be indie" in the first place. If it's possible for you to identify indie as a state to be in then you're probably a hipster.


Because you have a PhD in Indiology right?
ohsea.toc
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Australia344 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-19 02:39:41
March 19 2012 02:38 GMT
#9
On March 19 2012 01:47 Suichoy wrote:
I like your style and creativity, keep writing!


Thank you so much, this kind of support really helps! Writing, unlike criticism, does not come as naturally as breath. Cheers again.
Clip, clop, Camelot.
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
March 19 2012 04:10 GMT
#10
good work, now go write me another

love krautrock
shikata ga nai
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 40m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
LamboSC2 302
sas.Sziky 32
StarCraft: Brood War
Britney 46217
Calm 10576
Hyuk 5060
Bisu 2943
Horang2 2369
Sea 2303
GuemChi 2019
Flash 1445
Jaedong 1336
Larva 689
[ Show more ]
Soma 666
EffOrt 649
Mong 456
Light 416
Mini 324
Snow 278
actioN 250
Soulkey 215
Hyun 177
hero 145
Pusan 116
TY 96
JYJ73
Barracks 64
ggaemo 59
Sea.KH 49
Killer 47
Mind 46
sorry 37
Rush 33
Aegong 27
ToSsGirL 23
Terrorterran 22
Noble 20
scan(afreeca) 19
soO 18
SilentControl 14
Movie 14
Sacsri 13
Rock 11
Bale 10
yabsab 7
Shine 7
HiyA 7
Dota 2
Gorgc6926
qojqva4035
Dendi1297
420jenkins395
XaKoH 389
canceldota30
BananaSlamJamma24
Counter-Strike
byalli471
markeloff201
edward54
FunKaTv 23
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor195
Other Games
singsing2507
hiko1308
B2W.Neo954
Hui .416
Sick349
Lowko347
FrodaN221
Liquid`VortiX193
ceh9159
ArmadaUGS101
KnowMe77
XcaliburYe70
Mew2King64
Trikslyr28
trigger4
Organizations
Counter-Strike
PGL580
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 13 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• poizon28 26
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• C_a_k_e 2989
League of Legends
• Nemesis8690
Upcoming Events
Monday Night Weeklies
40m
Replay Cast
7h 40m
WardiTV Invitational
19h 40m
WardiTV Invitational
23h 10m
PiGosaur Monday
1d 8h
Replay Cast
1d 18h
Tenacious Turtle Tussle
2 days
The PondCast
2 days
OSC
2 days
WardiTV Invitational
3 days
[ Show More ]
Online Event
4 days
RSL Revival
4 days
RSL Revival
4 days
WardiTV Invitational
4 days
Afreeca Starleague
5 days
Snow vs Soma
Sparkling Tuna Cup
5 days
WardiTV Invitational
5 days
CrankTV Team League
5 days
RSL Revival
6 days
Wardi Open
6 days
CrankTV Team League
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Acropolis #4 - TS2
WardiTV TLMC #15
HCC Europe

Ongoing

BSL 21 Points
ASL Season 20
CSL 2025 AUTUMN (S18)
C-Race Season 1
IPSL Winter 2025-26
EC S1
Thunderpick World Champ.
CS Asia Championships 2025
ESL Pro League S22
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual

Upcoming

SC4ALL: Brood War
BSL Season 21
BSL 21 Team A
BSL 21 Non-Korean Championship
RSL Offline Finals
RSL Revival: Season 3
Stellar Fest
SC4ALL: StarCraft II
CranK Gathers Season 2: SC II Pro Teams
ESL Impact League Season 8
SL Budapest Major 2025
BLAST Rivals Fall 2025
IEM Chengdu 2025
PGL Masters Bucharest 2025
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.