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Hmm, maybe I'll be starting another blog series (Nuzlocke Challenge), but perhaps in a more personal, yet hopefully still as entertaining manner.
In this series, WSoH, I will write about the ridiculous things that I find hilarious in life. What others may find disgusting, horrifying, stupid, pointless, I usually find funny.
I wrote a little narrative that I find to be rather comical and amusing. I hope you guys find it funny too :D
What do you think, Alden? Do you think you can throw it?” asked Bjorne, wide-eyed. The two schoolboys, Bjorne and Alden, were playing in the school-field during their recess when they stumbled upon a random brick on the ground.
Both of the boys were about thirteen years of age. They were rather large and stout for their age, with dingy and unwholesome skin. They barely got out of their houses, which made the fact that they were in the school-field playing remarkable. The boys gorged themselves habitually at their computer desks; left hand in a bag of chips or whatever kind of junk food, and right on the computer mouse. This made them bilious, have dim and bleared eyee, flabby cheeks, and heavy limbs and large extremities.
“Of course I can!” smirked Alden, “Just watch!” Alden then attempted to flex his muscles, but stopped himself from doing so after remembering that he had none to show.
Alden bent down to reach for the brick, but toppled over instead.
“I meant to do that.” he muttered.
As Alden got back up on his feet and regained equilibirum, he thrusted his pudgy hands forward, and with all the energy he could summon, picked up the brick. He appeared to be in a great deal of pain; with his pace of breathing accelerated and facial complextion turning a slight hue of violet.
“You… you… see?” panted Alden, chest heaving, “Easy.”
Bjorne tried to the best of his ability to contain his laughter, he still burst out chortling uncontrollably. Instead of having some pity on the poor bowling ball and let Alden put the brick back down on the ground, he decided to have a little fun.
“Go on! Throw it as far as you can!” laughed Bjorne.
“Huh… huh… okay…” Alden gasped, ready to collapse.
Alden gathered whatever energy he had left inside of him and lunged the brick as far as he possibly could.
“Oof!” went Alden as he fell to the ground. The fall made his body ripple.
“Woah! Look at that thing go!” exclaimed Bjorne, in utter amazement. He stared at the brick sailing through the sky in awe. The brick soared high above the school-field, gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight. Other students were watching the brick as well, transfixed. Soon enough, gravity started to work it’s magic, and the brick started to decend to Earth.
“Hey you! Watch out!” screamed Bjorne, at the top of his voice. This little outburst rendered him exhausted.
The flying brick was headed straight for their classmate, Charlie. Unfortunately, Charlie paid no attention to Bjorne and the brick came crashing down on his head. The upper portion of his skull had caved in and the brick was lodged in his head. It seemed that the brick had mashed a part of Charlie’s brain as well. A disgusting, and somewhat frothy mixture of blood and brain fluid was flowing out of his head profusely as he lay on the emerald grass field, twitching and foaming at the mouth.
Alden and Bjorne then broke into an uproarious laughter, clutching their tummies as well. However appalling it may be, they found the situation to be hilarious. The duo high-fived each other and headed back to their classes as the bell started to ring.
 
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On February 29 2012 20:16 taldarimAltar wrote:
lol?
Glad you found it funny ^^
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You write a fable as if you expect 80year old aristocrats to read it. The over-explanation of everything really killed the humor.
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Fat people struggling into people dying. I like your kind of humour. Can't say this was incredibly original or hilarious but a solid entry #1. I'll look forward to your next blogs.
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![[image loading]](http://troll.me/images/jackie-chan-whut/wtf-did-i-just-read.jpg)
It's weird .. indeed :D
User was warned for this post
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On February 29 2012 20:52 iTzSnypah wrote:
You write a fable as if you expect 80year old aristocrats to read it. The over-explanation of everything really killed the humor.
?
On February 29 2012 20:53 Steel wrote:
Fat people struggling into people dying. I like your kind of humour. Can't say this was incredibly original or hilarious but a solid entry #1. I'll look forward to your next blogs.
Haha thanks! But not original? =(
On February 29 2012 20:53 Kenny_oro wrote:It's weird .. indeed :D
Meme?
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Dafuq?
I guess not something for me :s
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The brick soared high above the school-field, gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight.
Sometimes a sky is just blue.
It doesn't always have to be:
Azure, ice, cyan, baby.
No offense, but after reading "The shadows of the wind," I want to stab a fork into my neck every time I read some pointless, overt way of describing something very basic.
At other times you are just redundant. Emerald grass? Really? So essentially "green grass." The only time you should point out the grass colour is when you want the audience to focus on the grass or the grass isn't green.
I also don't see the joke, and I have a pretty dark sense of humor. Being weird and random isn't the same as being original.
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On February 29 2012 21:30 zalz wrote:Show nested quote +The brick soared high above the school-field, gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight. Sometimes a sky is just blue. It doesn't always have to be: Azure, ice, cyan, baby. No offense, but after reading "The shadows of the wind," I want to stab a fork into my neck every time I read some pointless, overt way of describing something very basic. At other times you are just redundant. Emerald grass? Really? So essentially "green grass." The only time you should point out the grass colour is when you want the audience to focus on the grass or the grass isn't green. I also don't see the joke, and I have a pretty dark sense of humor. Being weird and random isn't the same as being original.
Oh yeah, I think I meant to juxtapose the colour of the blood to the grass
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On February 29 2012 21:31 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On February 29 2012 21:30 zalz wrote:The brick soared high above the school-field, gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight. Sometimes a sky is just blue. It doesn't always have to be: Azure, ice, cyan, baby. No offense, but after reading "The shadows of the wind," I want to stab a fork into my neck every time I read some pointless, overt way of describing something very basic. At other times you are just redundant. Emerald grass? Really? So essentially "green grass." The only time you should point out the grass colour is when you want the audience to focus on the grass or the grass isn't green. I also don't see the joke, and I have a pretty dark sense of humor. Being weird and random isn't the same as being original. Oh yeah, I think I meant to juxtapose the colour of the blood to the grass
Then you should have written that the blood was dripping onto the grass, then point out the contrast.
Now you just suddenly reflect on the colour of the grass, in relation to "Charlie" who is on the grass.
And again, grass is green. Calling it emerald isn't particularily enriching to the prose.
If you call green 'emerald' or clouds 'floating cotton', then you are trying to be lyrical. There is a time for that, you shouldn't be doing it all the time.
A lot of writers tend to do it (unpublished authors). They discover shakespearean writing and they think that calling the sun a 'golden orb' is the height of ingenuity. It is like a film student that has just discovered the longshot and proceeds to film a 90 minute longshot.
Things have their place. In your case I would restrict writing like that to only 1 situation:
1) You keep refering to the same object and you don't want to come off as repetitive.
Other than that, there really is no need for it. Right now it is just intrusive. You aren't Shakespeare. That isn't an insult, that is just a fact.
That kind of writing is more suited for poetry, altough even there it is often abused. If you can come up with something more clever than calling grass Emerald, feel free. Like this it is just pseudo-intellectual.
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On February 29 2012 21:44 zalz wrote:Show nested quote +On February 29 2012 21:31 Azera wrote:On February 29 2012 21:30 zalz wrote:The brick soared high above the school-field, gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight. Sometimes a sky is just blue. It doesn't always have to be: Azure, ice, cyan, baby. No offense, but after reading "The shadows of the wind," I want to stab a fork into my neck every time I read some pointless, overt way of describing something very basic. At other times you are just redundant. Emerald grass? Really? So essentially "green grass." The only time you should point out the grass colour is when you want the audience to focus on the grass or the grass isn't green. I also don't see the joke, and I have a pretty dark sense of humor. Being weird and random isn't the same as being original. Oh yeah, I think I meant to juxtapose the colour of the blood to the grass Then you should have written that the blood was dripping onto the grass, then point out the contrast. Now you just suddenly reflect on the colour of the grass, in relation to "Charlie" who is on the grass. And again, grass is green. Calling it emerald isn't particularily enriching to the prose. If you call green 'emerald' or clouds 'floating cotton', then you are trying to be lyrical. There is a time for that, you shouldn't be doing it all the time. A lot of writers tend to do it (unpublished authors). They discover shakespearean writing and they think that calling the sun a 'golden orb' is the height of ingenuity. It is like a film student that has just discovered the longshot and proceeds to film a 90 minute longshot. Things have their place. In your case I would restrict writing like that to only 1 situation: 1) You keep refering to the same object and you don't want to come off as repetitive. Other than that, there really is no need for it. Right now it is just intrusive. You aren't Shakespeare. That isn't an insult, that is just a fact. That kind of writing is more suited for poetry, altough even there it is often abused. If you can come up with something more clever than calling grass Emerald, feel free. Like this it is just pseudo-intellectual.
Wow Zalz I never knew you were so educated on writing ;-P. I have the same thing though after reading name of the wind. Barely any writing impresses me anymore.
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On February 29 2012 21:44 zalz wrote:Show nested quote +On February 29 2012 21:31 Azera wrote:On February 29 2012 21:30 zalz wrote:The brick soared high above the school-field, gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight. Sometimes a sky is just blue. It doesn't always have to be: Azure, ice, cyan, baby. No offense, but after reading "The shadows of the wind," I want to stab a fork into my neck every time I read some pointless, overt way of describing something very basic. At other times you are just redundant. Emerald grass? Really? So essentially "green grass." The only time you should point out the grass colour is when you want the audience to focus on the grass or the grass isn't green. I also don't see the joke, and I have a pretty dark sense of humor. Being weird and random isn't the same as being original. Oh yeah, I think I meant to juxtapose the colour of the blood to the grass Then you should have written that the blood was dripping onto the grass, then point out the contrast. Now you just suddenly reflect on the colour of the grass, in relation to "Charlie" who is on the grass. And again, grass is green. Calling it emerald isn't particularily enriching to the prose. If you call green 'emerald' or clouds 'floating cotton', then you are trying to be lyrical. There is a time for that, you shouldn't be doing it all the time. A lot of writers tend to do it (unpublished authors). They discover shakespearean writing and they think that calling the sun a 'golden orb' is the height of ingenuity. It is like a film student that has just discovered the longshot and proceeds to film a 90 minute longshot. Things have their place. In your case I would restrict writing like that to only 1 situation: 1) You keep refering to the same object and you don't want to come off as repetitive. Other than that, there really is no need for it. Right now it is just intrusive. You aren't Shakespeare. That isn't an insult, that is just a fact. That kind of writing is more suited for poetry, altough even there it is often abused. If you can come up with something more clever than calling grass Emerald, feel free. Like this it is just pseudo-intellectual.
Thanks :D
But the focus is more on the event
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"This made them bilious, have dim and bleared eyee, flabby cheeks, and heavy limbs and large extremities."
You really could've used an edit.
"[brick] gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight"
Agreed with the above criticism and more. This sentence is a train wreck.
The 'story' itself was certainly surreal and macabre but failed to amuse. Was there anything I was meant to get from it?
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On March 01 2012 00:17 Scarecrow wrote:
"[brick] gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight"
Agreed with the above criticism and more. This sentence is a train wreck.
While I agree the sentence is not perfect, I don't think it's a train wreck. It just needs more fluidity, it stutters. First stutter is the "and" and the second is the "with". Over-descriptiveness is only a problem when done wrong. When done right it can be a great way to immerse and set tone.
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Ha I liked it sir!!!!! <3
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Oh I get it now, purple prose
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On March 01 2012 02:15 Osmoses wrote:Show nested quote +On March 01 2012 00:17 Scarecrow wrote:
"[brick] gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight"
Agreed with the above criticism and more. This sentence is a train wreck. While I agree the sentence is not perfect, I don't think it's a train wreck. It just needs more fluidity, it stutters. First stutter is the "and" and the second is the "with". Over-descriptiveness is only a problem when done wrong. When done right it can be a great way to immerse and set tone.
It needs more than fluidity. Why is the sky being described in such generic detail? The stutters come from the four redundant adjectives. 'In flight' can also be ditched cause we already know the brick's gliding/airborne. "Gliding through the air with the grace of an eagle" would be an improvement. Even then the eagle analogy for a brick in flight is pretty weak/jarring. Sure, a graceful, gliding brick might be a funny contrast but it's damn hard to visualize, especially like an eagle moving through clouds...
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EPT
