EPTand that was only 4 years ago; you're already having a new introspective on life. if you live a life of being unsatisfied by your actions, you'll only find yourself down a path of constant dissapointment.
I Failed My Parents - Page 3
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megapants
United States1314 Posts
and that was only 4 years ago; you're already having a new introspective on life. if you live a life of being unsatisfied by your actions, you'll only find yourself down a path of constant dissapointment. | ||
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Newbistic
China2912 Posts
On February 26 2012 16:37 DyEnasTy wrote: So when almost everyone tries to be the biggest "badass" and "different" your just like everyone else right? Why is striving to meet parental expectations such an awful thing if (in itself) is a good thing? When you are a parent who wants the best for your child, and sacrifice everything to make a better future for your child possible, maybe you will understand. There aren't many parents who want the best for their child 100% of the time, sacrifices or not. You think it's difficult being a parent but it can be just as difficult to be a son. I've experienced nothing worse than that sinking feeling when you realize your parents are simply treating you like a malfunctioning robot without emotions because you can't do exactly what they ask you to do and follow some absurdly grandiose plan they have in their head. Asian parents live to instill terrible guilt trips in their children, and it's shitty parenting. Don't live to impress your parents. Do yourself proud first. Be confident in your abilities. Your parents will come around later. | ||
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Hidden_MotiveS
Canada2562 Posts
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Benga
Korea (South)471 Posts
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THE_DOMINATOR
United States309 Posts
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Cortza
South Africa328 Posts
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
On February 26 2012 14:14 matiK23 wrote: You're 18. Do stupid things. the right phrasing is "take outrageous risks and learn from failures" | ||
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Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
you need to confront your parents and tell them to grow up because: 1) Not everyone can go to Ivy, if most people can go to Ivy then Ivy would be worthless. It's by definition hard to get in, even if you work hard. 2) And not all investments pay off, they made an investment in you, and it didn't turn out how they expected. When investments fail, investors should only blame themselves, if they blame you, then its basically like a trader blaming a stock for not making them any $, instead of blaming themselves for having made the wrong investment strategy in the first place. and I would also go as so far as to argue that the investment they made was a STUPID one, think about it from an objective stand point: if you were an investor, and someone came to you telling you that you should give up 10+ years of your income [eg your mom not working for 17 years] and invest all that cash in some kid so they might chance to get into an Ivy League school, and then get a "good job" and pay your investment back, would you ever take this investment?!!? this is basically betting money on horse racing. 3) Just because your parents have made some mistakes doesn't mean you are doing any good. I am speculating, it seems like that you don't care whether if you go to Ivy or have a good job [but you may have changed your mind, in which case you can ignore this point]. You need to ask yourself some questions: do I want a good job? do I want MONEY and POWER? if the answer is no, then you need ask yourself: why not? if you have a way to get MONEY and POWER and yet you actively choose not to take it, then I would contend that you are also ST***PID [unless you have some serious spiritual/religious reasons]. | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
If getting into an ivy league college is the pinnacle of your parents goals for you, then do it out of your love and appreciation for them. Make it your own goal. But I think your parents goal wasn't the ivy league college, but more the indication you're a person of value and, therefore, wealth & success. Only you know their standards for "success" but I think this is clear enough for me to say. Getting into an ivy league college is AN indicator of that, but say you start your own business and become wildly wealthy and successful -- you pay them back all the investment they put into you through pride in yourself, material freedom, give them vacations, show them your VIP status and actively try to forge a stronger connection between parents & child, its the same thing. They can still brag to their friends or w/e they want to do. Your goal is making your parents proud and proving their love and effort wasn't wasted. You've felt the sting of failure. The game is not over, this defeat is only temporary. Take the lessons it gives you and let go of the guilt. Keep looking forward, keep fighting. You are so close to having the moment, the snap in perception, the total 100% commitment. I've got two quotes written about this: "I had learned, from years of experience with men, that when a man really DESIRES a thing so deeply that he is willing to stake his entire future on a single turn of the wheel in order to get it, he is sure to win." -- Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich p. 19-20 "When you want something more than you want to breathe, that's when you'll be successful." -- Some awesome youtube video. Get away from everybody and everything. Sit, meditate, think, reflect. Take this failure and bask in it, let it intensify your desire and resolve. Then define your goal and make everything else in your life subservient to this single obsession. You've already indicated you know the habits and reasons for your failure, so you already have the checklist to become better. That's your path. My first goal was happiness and freedom from depression and addiction. I had the moment I described, and time is a formality. I'm still working on defining my life-purpose oriented goal, so let me know what you figure out yours and how it came to you haha :D | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
On February 27 2012 05:38 Kalingingsong wrote: sorry, but I have to be harsh about this [ and not in the way you might think] you need to confront your parents and tell them to grow up because: 1) Not everyone can go to Ivy, if most people can go to Ivy then Ivy would be worthless. It's by definition hard to get in, even if you work hard. @ op: bullshit. erase this limitation from your perception. if your goal becomes ivy, you will make it even if it means you have to apply every year, every semester, for the rest of your life. there is a way in and you will find it. 2) And not all investments pay off, they made an investment in you, and it didn't turn out how they expected. When investments fail, investors should only blame themselves, if they blame you, then its basically like a trader blaming a stock for not making them any $, instead of blaming themselves for having made the wrong investment strategy in the first place. don't rationalize failure. accept, learn, try again. and I would also go as so far as to argue that the investment they made was a STUPID one, think about it from an objective stand point: if you were an investor, and someone came to you telling you that you should give up 10+ years of your income [eg your mom not working for 17 years] and invest all that cash in some kid so they might chance to get into an Ivy League school, and then get a "good job" and pay your investment back, would you ever take this investment?!!? this is basically betting money on horse racing. Again, no. There is wisdom in every wound, the deeper the wound, the more wisdom. It's good this happened. It's good you feel the way you do. Use it, fucking do it. Don't rationalize or accept less. this is a moment in your life where more than any other you can step it up 3) Just because your parents have made some mistakes doesn't mean you are doing any good. I am speculating, it seems like that you don't care whether if you go to Ivy or have a good job [but you may have changed your mind, in which case you can ignore this point]. You need to ask yourself some questions: do I want a good job? do I want MONEY and POWER? if the answer is no, then you need ask yourself: why not? if you have a way to get MONEY and POWER and yet you actively choose not to take it, then I would contend that you are also ST***PID [unless you have some serious spiritual/religious reasons]. acknowledge your current level of success and appreciate it and what you did that got you there. then figure out the differences between your current level and the level you want to be at and work on those. your emphasis I feel is making your parents proud. you can internalize their goal and make it yours, or you can say fuck it and do it your way until they accept and understand. getting caught up in money, power & status is a tricky thing; they're an indication of your own personal value and character. money indicates value, but value is not money. same with power. money and power are a means | ||
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Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
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jjun212
Canada2208 Posts
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Recognizable
Netherlands1552 Posts
That seems like a good college? Or is that just me? | ||
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Bigtony
United States1606 Posts
On February 27 2012 08:18 Recognizable wrote: http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/rutgers-6964 That seems like a good college? Or is that just me? It seems like you're implying that it is not? Rutgers is a public university and very large. So while they have many very strong programs, they also have some weaker ones. While they have many exceptional students, they also accept a large number of average/below average students. The numbers will only tell you so much about this kind of school. If you are dedicated and work hard you will get an exceptional education and have lots of opportunity. If you are a toolbag you can get drunk all day and take stupid classes if you want too. As a graduate I can tell you there are good and bad aspects to it. However they have many resources, tons of options in terms of areas of study, and the fact that it is so affordable (remember that university in the USA is proportionally much more expensive than other areas; I assume in the Netherlands it's pretty cheap) makes it a great option. | ||
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Takezou
United States320 Posts
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Primadog
United States4411 Posts
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evanthebouncy!
United States12796 Posts
enjoy life | ||
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DyEnasTy
United States3720 Posts
On February 26 2012 18:05 Newbistic wrote: There aren't many parents who want the best for their child 100% of the time, sacrifices or not. You think it's difficult being a parent but it can be just as difficult to be a son. I've experienced nothing worse than that sinking feeling when you realize your parents are simply treating you like a malfunctioning robot without emotions because you can't do exactly what they ask you to do and follow some absurdly grandiose plan they have in their head. Asian parents live to instill terrible guilt trips in their children, and it's shitty parenting. Don't live to impress your parents. Do yourself proud first. Be confident in your abilities. Your parents will come around later. Sorry, its difficult being a son, but its twice as hard being a parent (now that ive seen the flip side of the coin). Im not saying to live life to impress your parents at all. You can still be an individual without being a rebel. | ||
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Venus.exe
United States285 Posts
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 26 2012 14:08 thedeadhaji wrote: The United States is a country where we're given second, third, etc chances, even after small failures, in order to climb back and fight for what you want in life. You can't say the same in many Asian countries, where you "fall off the train" once, and you're essentially never going to get back on the proverbial railroad to success. If you're now convinced of the things you want, the next four years will allow you to seize it with your two hands. But at the same time, the country is unforgiving to those without the drive and commitment to succeed. If you waste the next four years, then you should expect to be ever further setback from where you want to be 20 years from now. Godspeed. +1 except for the the fact, even if you fuck up the next 4 years, it doesn't matter, it only matters when you decide to be as great as you want to be. Earlier is usually better, but not always if you decide to be focused when you really know what you truly want. | ||
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