• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 00:40
CEST 06:40
KST 13:40
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
TL.net Map Contest #21: Voting3[ASL20] Ro4 Preview: Descent7Team TLMC #5: Winners Announced!3[ASL20] Ro8 Preview Pt2: Holding On9Maestros of the Game: Live Finals Preview (RO4)5
Community News
Weekly Cups (Oct 6-12): Four star herO65.0.15 Patch Balance Hotfix (2025-10-8)71Weekly Cups (Sept 29-Oct 5): MaxPax triples up3PartinG joins SteamerZone, returns to SC2 competition325.0.15 Balance Patch Notes (Live version)119
StarCraft 2
General
Ladder Impersonation (only maybe) 5.0.15 Patch Balance Hotfix (2025-10-8) The New Patch Killed Mech! TL.net Map Contest #21: Voting Weekly Cups (Oct 6-12): Four star herO
Tourneys
Master Swan Open (Global Bronze-Master 2) Tenacious Turtle Tussle WardiTV Mondays SC2's Safe House 2 - October 18 & 19 Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament
Strategy
Custom Maps
External Content
Mutation # 495 Rest In Peace Mutation # 494 Unstable Environment Mutation # 493 Quick Killers Mutation # 492 Get Out More
Brood War
General
BW General Discussion [ASL20] Ro4 Preview: Descent BSL Season 21 BW caster Sayle ASL20 General Discussion
Tourneys
[ASL20] Semifinal B [ASL20] Semifinal A [Megathread] Daily Proleagues [ASL20] Ro8 Day 4
Strategy
Current Meta BW - ajfirecracker Strategy & Training Siegecraft - a new perspective TvZ Theorycraft - Improving on State of the Art
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread ZeroSpace Megathread Dawn of War IV Path of Exile
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion LiquidDota to reintegrate into TL.net
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
SPIRED by.ASL Mafia {211640} TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Men's Fashion Thread Sex and weight loss
Fan Clubs
The herO Fan Club! The Happy Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion!
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion MLB/Baseball 2023 NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
SC2 Client Relocalization [Change SC2 Language] Linksys AE2500 USB WIFI keeps disconnecting Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List Recent Gifted Posts
Blogs
Inbreeding: Why Do We Do It…
Peanutsc
From Tilt to Ragequit:The Ps…
TrAiDoS
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 969 users

Fear

Blogs > popzags
Post a Reply
popzags
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Poland604 Posts
February 24 2012 08:14 GMT
#1
Long, winded blog, here it goes.

I used to be a quiet, nerdy kid who, at some point, turned out to be a bit of a chess talent. I wasn't a prodigy; I wasn't a Flash-type child labor chessmachine, raping adults at the age of 8 - but I was just a little ahead of all my classmates. I started out by beating the guy who used to be considered the strongest player in my class, and a girl that used to be one of the best at entire school; damn, it made me want more and more. As a typical newbie, I got sucked into chess really hard, despite the fact that I grew up without Internet connection and my father (who taught me how the pieces move) wasn't into playing anymore after I started to beat him. In view of relative lack of practice, I devoted more time to analysis and later, chess composition, both I enjoyed despite not being the real over-the-board chess.

This all turned out oddly. When most of youngsters around me loved to play agressive, open chess, I drifted towards closed, strategical play. My ability to calculate lines was godawful, but hey - I had some openings and ideas to avoid this weakness, and steer the game for quiet waters, where I could slowly build up my plans and ultimately paralyze my opponent. Of course my games weren't particularily sound, but the style itself was often good enough to overcome various shortcomings.

I earned some reputation in my hood, and later started to try my luck in simulatenous exhibitions against really tough adults. Each summer, a simul was played in nearby city, so I drove there, always full of preparations and high hopes. The first time, I was terrified. I played Pirc defense and somehow I drew a tense game, in which I was down a pawn but had a terrific compensation. At home, I cursed myself for offering a draw, since I found a simple way to improve my position even further, possibly to the point where a win was just a matter of time. But - I was just a kid, and that guy was some boss. I stepped back.

The other day, I faced even stronger player. I remember that game better; in Caro-Kann, I got off easy from the opening, then made a horrible blunder and lost the exchange by discovered attack on my Queen. I was desperate; few moves later, I saw that he can box in my Queen in a corner after which I would be forced to resign. But then, he came up with some other plan that turned out bad. I fought back, coordinating my Queen and Knight in a sacrificial attack on his King, that eventually snatched three pawns. Exchange after exchange, I ended up in an interesting endgame with a Bishop and two extra pawns against his Rook. For some reason, the simul guy refused to activate his Rook and somehow, my Bishop sneaked to a spot, where he controlled all squares his Rook needed to stop my pawn from queening. The guy congratulated me mannerly, as I was the only one to beat him in a field of about 70 competitors.

Enough bragging, time to move to my point.

When I look back at all those successful endavors, I feel that I was a lucky sucker. I wasn't good. To be honest, my strategies were all based on fear. I feared tactics, because I could overlook something that might cost me a game straight away. I feared my opponents, so I tried to comfort myself by putting maximum effort into immobilising their pieces, so they couldn't catch me off-guard. I constantly aimed for dull positions, just to make sure that I'll have some time for couple subtle, maneuvering moves that could bring me the slightest of advantages. But hell, chess is a game centered around analysis and calculation. How a kid without much of those two abilities could get even the slightest success? How a boy who was making nearly all moves basing on general concepts and principles could be considered 'pretty good for his age?'.

Many years later, I accidentally stumbled upon the answer to these questions. It was the day I picked up a book by Gavin De Becker, a private detective who excelled at protecting celebrities from freaks, stalkers and other insane people who called themselves 'rabid fans'. He had even some childhood experience with his toxic parents, so he had deep understanding of humans' psychic and emotion. He gave me a hell of a read.

De Becker gave an example of a girl, who went through big trauma. One day, some psycho who was secretly following her for a while, broke into her apartament. He had a gun, punched the girl couple of times and then started talking while she lied on bed in terror. Couple of times during the monologue, the guy mentioned that he won't hurt her. Then he went to a bathroom, leaving her alone for a while. Despite the overwhelming fear, the girl used those few split seconds to calm down, get up and run away from her stalker.

The author talked to the girl, and asked how she was able to make this descision while being in such shock and fear. The girl answered: 'I have no idea'. Then, De Becker said that she made the best thing possible, because it later turned out that the guy was a serial killer who never left his victims alive once he got to the point that chick was. After this, the girl suddenly said that that murderer gave her a subtle clue: he closed the window before going to bathroom. With the window open, the shot would be very loud and that was something the guy wanted to avoid. But the catch is, that the girl had no idea that this was the real reason why she tried to run. Still, somehow, she evaluated her situation correctly and tried what was her last hope. It was pure instinct.

De Becker concluded: 'Fear is your best friend. Fear indicates something is going wrong; but more importantly, it indicates that the worst hasn't happened yet, because you can't fear things that already happened. And once fear tells you something is wrong, you can take measures to prevent it. When you're fighting for your life, fear guides you: all you need to do is to trust your instinct and do whatever it orders.'

I wasn't aware of that.

Remember, during my chess fever, I was a kid. I had little guide how to proceed; little experience, no teacher, no programs, no internet resources; just a passion for the game. I knew that my knowledge was almost nonexistent, so I was kinda scared whenever I played a serious tournament game. But in the middle of the game, some move suddenly popped into my mind and then, I started to wonder whether this was right thing to do at that point. Most often, it was. The thing is: I trusted my instinct and did something basing on a hidden motivation. I was completely oblivious to the source of that motivation; my consciousness could point out a thing or two about the requirements of the position, but they hardly came together to draw a conclusion. My intuition did that crucial thing, and I trusted it. That's not all; many times, I refrained from trusting it again, made some 'rational' moves and lost.

The problem is that our culture condemns fear. We built the civilisation around rational thinking and safety, more or less neglecting the intuition that used to lead us for thousands of years. But our instinct has one big advantage over rational thinking: it get us from A to B without doubts, second guesses, and all that time-consuming bullshit that may cost us a game, or even a life. And, judging from my experience, the super-powerful fuel that stimulates our intuition to run such a phenomenal process - that, ladies and gentleman, is nothing else, but the fear itself.

Fear - is on your side.

****
What what the the fuck fuck? That blew my mind so much, I doubled every word in the phrase 'What the fuck' to get: 'What what the the fuck fuck my what the the fuck fucking what did the drop dropship medivac where in the what in the hell?' - Day[9]
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
February 24 2012 08:42 GMT
#2
This was great! Thanks 5/5
shikata ga nai
flamewheel
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
February 24 2012 08:44 GMT
#3
A nice, sobering read. Thanks mate.
Writerdamn, i was two days from retirement
CecilSunkure
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States2829 Posts
February 24 2012 08:55 GMT
#4
Pretty interesting idea on fear. I actually don't think fear helped me much when I started playing BW when I was like eight. I had a huge fear of the fog of war. I hated scouting out the terrain of the map, and always feared what my opponent might do at any time. I only wanted to stay in my base and have impenetrable defense, and then over time slowly move out with the perfect army to maraud around the map freely.

I remember playing the Protoss campaign in the expansion, the second level. You start with some probes and Zealots. I was so afraid of moving around the map in fear of losing my units, that I cheated to get resources and placed my Nexus right where you start.

Though Chess is different, there's no fog of war or resource management, or any of that sort of thing. Very cool blog, easy to read. Thanks.
Suc
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Australia1569 Posts
February 24 2012 09:09 GMT
#5
I see your points, but I somewhat disagree. I think it's arguable that your fear of your opponents potentially restricted your play and development. If you didn't have so much fear of your opponents and put yourselves on an equal footing in your mind, wouldn't your tactics have been less reactive (which isn't necessarily a good thing) and you would have been able to look at the situation better? I remember playing some crazy skilled guys at chess club at high school, and any chance that I could have had in that match usually went down the drain because my fear made me assume that my opponent was so much better than me and could dismantle my play with ease. This lead me to not taking chances or moves that I thought were good because my fear told me that there's no way that that opportunity could arise, they must have some crazy-ass trap that will get me if I do that.

Nevertheless, sometimes fear is good, e.g. that detective's story with the girl; her fear told her to get the frack out of there as quickly as possible because she was in danger. Or say you're walking down a street late at night, alone, and see a group of people hanging out in an alley or ahead of you, taking up the footpath, your fear would probably tell you to avoid them, and that is generally good and generic advice.

What if there was that girl that you always wanted to ask out, but fear told you not to because she might say no, you might get embarrassed or maybe it just doesn't want to see you fail. Now, I reckon most people would regret not seizing that opportunity or any other opportunities in life because fear held them back. Nothing is necessarily wrong because you're scared, your fear is probably just using the odds to determine a decently happy/unscathed outcome to ensure your survival.

So I don't think fear is always on your side, but when it is, it's important to listen to it (should you surf on top of your mate's car while he's going 60kph? should you swim in a drainpipe when it's storming? etc, etc). But other times it can be quite detrimental to your development, e.g. interviewing for a job you want, but you don't because you're scared you won't get it, not trying out for a team because you think you won't get it, not studying a certain degree/whatever because you're scared you'll fail.

I think fear is at its best when you are its master. When you can discern the motivations behind your fear and make a decision on whether it is reasonable or not to act on this fear is when fear is truly serving you.

Don't be enslaved by your instincts, but don't ignore them.
x2fst
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
1272 Posts
February 24 2012 09:14 GMT
#6
damn son you only live once
muda, is a crime for me to wear a shirt, cos I is so good lookin
Yanami
Profile Joined July 2011
Germany49 Posts
February 24 2012 09:57 GMT
#7
5/5 Awesome!
Buuuu
Profile Joined February 2011
Poland18 Posts
February 24 2012 10:19 GMT
#8
I would just like to add this here:

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]


Fear may be used to your benefit.
Newbistic
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
China2912 Posts
February 24 2012 10:36 GMT
#9
Nice read.

Frank Herbert, you bastard! You lied to me all these years.
Logic is Overrated
popzags
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Poland604 Posts
February 24 2012 10:49 GMT
#10
On February 24 2012 17:55 CecilSunkure wrote:
Pretty interesting idea on fear. I actually don't think fear helped me much when I started playing BW when I was like eight. I had a huge fear of the fog of war. I hated scouting out the terrain of the map, and always feared what my opponent might do at any time. I only wanted to stay in my base and have impenetrable defense, and then over time slowly move out with the perfect army to maraud around the map freely.

I know what you mean, man. I, myself went 2 base mass Battlecruiser/Carrier/Devourer+Guardian every game to beat the campaign. Thus last Zerg mission (Omega) in BW became pain in the ass, because at the point I had my massive army, the opponents already amassed sick defenses and started seriously storming my bases. Had to redo it like 5 times before switching to mass Hydras and earlier agression.

On February 24 2012 18:09 Suc wrote:
I see your points, but I somewhat disagree. I think it's arguable that your fear of your opponents potentially restricted your play and development. If you didn't have so much fear of your opponents and put yourselves on an equal footing in your mind, wouldn't your tactics have been less reactive (which isn't necessarily a good thing) and you would have been able to look at the situation better? I remember playing some crazy skilled guys at chess club at high school, and any chance that I could have had in that match usually went down the drain because my fear made me assume that my opponent was so much better than me and could dismantle my play with ease. This lead me to not taking chances or moves that I thought were good because my fear told me that there's no way that that opportunity could arise, they must have some crazy-ass trap that will get me if I do that.

Oh, I'm sure I missed a lot of opprtunities back then, no doubt about that. That was surely a drawback of my play which actually remains to this day. But I didn't bothered me much, as my mentality was more towards avioding losing than getting wins. Somewheat turtle-style mindset "become defeat-proof first, then try to actually win" is what kept me running.

The point is that, chess-wise, I feel that it was quite beneficial considering the environment I grew in. I mean, so many kids tried double-edged play against me and failed, because unlike other kids, I was able to foresee what they had in their sleeves and react accordingly. While it's true, that my game lacked vitality when it was called for, I was often winning simply by refuting my opponents' wild desire to win in unsound way.

Curiously, when I play chess today, I feel that my reasonable degree of fear has lowered, and I came to the point, where I don't have enough regard to what my oponents are doing and what their pieces are capable of. So I guess my final point was that as long as fear isn't becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of defeat, it's actually pretty good thing to have on mind, even if it causes you additional stress torture during the game.

Not sure about BW, though. I think the emphasis on speed is so strong here, that fear - even the reasonable kind of it - really harms one's play. Broodwar, in general, despite all it's awesomeness is more kind of "I'll do my best and we'll see how it turns out" game; the overall soundness of play means much less, maybe with an exception of pro-gamer level play.
What what the the fuck fuck? That blew my mind so much, I doubled every word in the phrase 'What the fuck' to get: 'What what the the fuck fuck my what the the fuck fucking what did the drop dropship medivac where in the what in the hell?' - Day[9]
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 18h 21m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
RuFF_SC2 127
Nina 121
StarCraft: Brood War
Leta 779
Noble 33
Icarus 8
Dota 2
monkeys_forever408
League of Legends
Reynor59
Counter-Strike
Stewie2K301
Other Games
summit1g8534
C9.Mang0344
WinterStarcraft339
ViBE169
Tasteless17
Organizations
Counter-Strike
PGL11722
Other Games
gamesdonequick2901
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Berry_CruncH157
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Lourlo774
• Stunt576
• Jankos565
Other Games
• Scarra794
Upcoming Events
OSC
18h 21m
The PondCast
1d 5h
OSC
1d 7h
Wardi Open
2 days
CranKy Ducklings
3 days
Safe House 2
3 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
4 days
Safe House 2
4 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Acropolis #4 - TS2
WardiTV TLMC #15
HCC Europe

Ongoing

BSL 21 Points
ASL Season 20
CSL 2025 AUTUMN (S18)
C-Race Season 1
IPSL Winter 2025-26
EC S1
Thunderpick World Champ.
CS Asia Championships 2025
ESL Pro League S22
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025

Upcoming

SC4ALL: Brood War
BSL Season 21
BSL 21 Team A
RSL Offline Finals
RSL Revival: Season 3
Stellar Fest
SC4ALL: StarCraft II
eXTREMESLAND 2025
ESL Impact League Season 8
SL Budapest Major 2025
BLAST Rivals Fall 2025
IEM Chengdu 2025
PGL Masters Bucharest 2025
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.