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I haven't posted a blog lately, so I decided now is a good time.
I've been doing really well in SC2 lately. I went on a really long losing streak, winning 1 for every 3 Iost. Now though, I just got off a 6 game winning streak and have won 14/20 of my games. I am rank 1 silver, and I have a 50% w/l against gold players. I recently lost to a gold terran after forcing a base race scenario. He just ran around the map and built supply depots everywhere while focusing on my 5 bases. I expect to be promoted to gold in season 6.
I don't usually talk about my life issues, because I just don't like people to know my business, but at this point, I really just don't care.
I've started pondering on why I've been feeling so stressful. I decided it is because while I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA, I am doing horribly in school. My GPA dropped from a 4.2, and it is really bothering me. I don't feel like I'll be successful because I want to be a lawyer, but there are atleast 4 people in my grade that want to be and are doing way better than me in school. I am rank 20th in my grade, so I don't particularly think of it as an accompishment.
Which brings me to my next, I don't feel like I am good at anything. I'm in the choir at my school, and whenever he tells us how good we have been doing I always think in my head "excluding me of course." I can't take credit for things no matter how hard I try. My teachers always talk about us advanced students and say we are so smart, but I always think "not me." I act really self conceited to kind of cover this out. I play on the varsity soccer team for my school, and during our districts game in October, my coach put me in goal with like 5 minutes left. I'm only a sophomore, so I was really nervous about it, because the score was 2-1. I made like 2 easy saves until the very end. With 10 seconds left the other team got a free kick. The clock was stopped due to a yellow card. They finally kicked it, and the goalie that was pulled up headed it at me. I knock it away from the net, which was horrible because it gave up a rebound instead of catching it. (it was an overhead save) We ended up winning 2-1, but I felt like I didn't do much, we all got congratulated and what not but of course I thought "except me."
It really bugs me that I don't think I will be successful in life, and I am so stressed as to how I will turn out in the next few years that I'm not enjoying life now. I'm having girl problems too, but I definitely don't want to talk about that.
Thanks for reading TL!
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Eagerly awaiting OpticalShot's insistence that you HAVE TO WRITE A GIRL BLOG. NOW.
Thanks for sharing. I wish I really knew the significance of GPA scores, but my understanding is that a GPA of 4.0 is quite....good? I guess I could wiki it.
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You seem like you're bad at fishing too.
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Its straight A's, so yes most people consider it good. The reason I feel like its shit is because I should be doing so much better. All of my friends have over 4.5 and stuff, which is what I should be getting.
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i already did this blog like 3 months ago..
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On February 10 2012 10:18 Nibbler89 wrote:
You seem like you're bad at fishing too.
How so?
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I think he means compliments.
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Stop comparing yourself. "Except me" says that's what you're doing. Be you. Work as hard as you can, work at the things you like to do. Do what makes you happy, but don't compare yourself to other people. Have your own way to measure your success, and don't measure it against what other people say is successful.
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Way too hard on yourself, high expectations are good, until you feel like an all round failure when you stop meeting some of them.
Your young and irrational, maybe people have put too high expectations of you as a kid, so not only do you feel like your failing yourself but also your (probably parents).
Get used to failing, we learn from it... By failing I mean not meeting every expectation that is.
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My parents actually think I am doing great. But, it doesn't really mean much to me because my brother set the bars so low, he gets horrible grades, and has been suspended to many times to count.
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On February 10 2012 10:28 ohsea.toc wrote:
I think he means compliments.
Yes, if you want to get some compliments but mostly motivation to help with your mental block / inferiority complex you seem to have go for it. When you just list things that you are relatively good at compared to most of the population(GPA) or where you were successful(soccer game) but end it with "but I still think I suck" I think you are just fishing for compliments. You see people do this all the time. Which makes me find it hard to believe when people say that's not their intent / they didn't realize they were doing that. This one I felt wasn't even subtle.
Ever see a cute girl with bunch of make up / hair done post a picture and then someone says " oh you're so cute" "noooooo im so uggly T.T" yeah....
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On February 10 2012 10:36 Nibbler89 wrote:Yes, if you want to get some compliments but mostly motivation to help with your mental block / inferiority complex you seem to have go for it. When you just list things that you are relatively good at compared to most of the population(GPA) or where you were successful(soccer game) but end it with "but I still think I suck" I think you are just fishing for compliments. You see people do this all the time. Which makes me find it hard to believe when people say that's not their intent / they didn't realize they were doing that. Ever see a cute girl with bunch of make up / hair done post a picture and then someone says " oh you're so cute" "noooooo im so uggly T.T" yeah....
I get what you are saying. I worry a lot, which is my biggest problem. But, when I point things out that I'm good at, its just that I am expected to do these things. I worry that I'm not going to get into the college I want, I worry that I'm gonna be benched for soccer, I worry about everything. I don't want compliments, you said its hard to believe me, so don't. But its just what I'm worried about right now.
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Sounds like you may be a bit depressed if you are constantly having a negative view of yourself even when you know rationally you are fine.
Try this test: write out all the things you do that are not good enough or that you don't like about yourself. Then imagine how you would feel if someone else had those attributes. A lot of times, depression manifests as a shame that you can't escape--even though you know you are being irrational. If this is a feeling you have had for months on end, you might consider telling a counselor or your doctor.
Also, just curious, why do you want to be a lawyer? I'm a lawyer, but that was not my plan in high school.
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I want to be a lawyer because I have always found it interesting to debate with people. When I was in like the 6th grade, my teacher said "you would make a good lawyer one day." So I did some research and found being a defense attorney would just be really fun for me. I just always found it interesting. And thanks, that sounds like a great test to do!
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I don't see this as a cry for attention, as other posters have expressed.
My ex had (has?) a very similar critical view of herself, despite always doing well. Afraid of failing, not getting into the post grad course she wanted to, also highly critical of her physical appearance (which she really didn't need to be)
Anyway, I learnt its silly to try and tell you your expecations are too high (even tho they are) and rather you need to accept that you won't meet all of them. This is life, and sometimes the alternative to the university you wanted to get into ends up being better for you in the long run. But again, you won't see this until it happens.
So, suck it up, keep working hard as you are, try not be depressed go outside do something you enjoy and keep on kickin on
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Instead of thinking "except me" Start thinking how you can fix that to "including me" it seems simple but its really quite difficult.
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congrats. you're still a low-league scrub though 
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a 4.2 is great first of all, second of all law school isn't as picky as med school so don't worry their. A doctor learns a lot and then puts it to use, a lawyer learns some, makes quick choices and calculated arguments and then puts it to use. Also you don't have to be one or the other, their are other well paying jobs and unless you are in college or uni right now, i'd suggest not worrying about that. The future will come and if you worry about it now, you won't be able to enjoy the present 
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First off congrats on making gold (hopefully), you are officially average at this game out of all people playing it. Second, you're what, 15? I hate to break to you kid but by the time you're actually applying to a law school no one will care what you did at this age. If you're getting straight A's, have extracurriculars, took a language, got good scores on standardized tests and are past useless at writing essays you'll get into just about any school anywhere. Heck, I know people who got into MIT with less than that, even though you might not be in the United States and the school I came from didn't give above a 4.0.
Really, it seems like you just don't feel like you're doing well when by everyone else's standards you're doing great. I understand that it can be kind of hard comparing yourself to your friends when they're doing marginally better than you, my best friend through elementary school all through high school consistently earned the smallest margin of a grade higher than me in everything except science classes, but you really don't need to look at it as a competition at this point in your life.
It's entirely understandable to feel a bit of angst at that age just as a matter of course, but if you look at the experiences posted in some of the other blogs around here a lot of us have it much worse than you do and turned out alright. If you just keep working as hard as you have been and try to feel a little more positive about your situation you'll be on a path towards something good. In short, you're in the master's league of college-bound high school students, keep up the good work.
Also, do write a girl blog, OpticalShot will thank you and I can give you 90% odds you'll be told to just go for it along with some interesting advice and perspective.
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EPT
