Am I depressed? Before I make an appointment to see the doctor, I thought I would post on TL.Net to see what the brilliant people there have to say -certainly it must be better than webMD where, according to them, I have Schizophrenia.
I've lost motivation for everything, especially for school and social life, which is odd because I was very passionate about these two domains more than anything else that I had in my life. Maintaining a tight inner circle of friends who i used to hang out with two to three times a week, I no longer feel like contacting them or leaving the house but staying in my room eating endlessly and playing HoN. The 4.0 gpa that i had in the first semester, something which i was very proud about, means nothing to me now, and school has lost all its meaning. I try to get down to study but it's really hard to do something when you just dont give two shits about it.
Before I used to be a very 'caught up' person, I would be very emotional and quick to react and many of my friends have always told me to chill out before I made the next move. But now, I feel like I'm on the opposite ends of this spectrum, I no longer really care about anything, I no longer have any initiative to be excited or have something to overreact about.
I am exhausted all the time- normally I would be a morning person where i got up and felt refreshed with 5~6 hours of sleep, turn the TV on, browse teamliquid and gg.net while sipping on some coffee and eating cereal. But these days, 9-10 hours of sleep don't even cut it for me and I feel tired all the time.
But the most odd thing is, I'm not sad. I have no reason to be sad.I don't have beef with anybody or have failed at something I tried hard at, I look back at the situation I am in and I can say that i am more than blessed with everything i have.
So Teamliquid, what do you think? Am I depressed? Or am I just having a bitch syndrome where I just need to chill the fuck out for a bit,roll a j, and wait for it to pass on?
I have the same issue. I saw an analyst and he feels I have depression, I stopped seeing him after that appointment bla bla bla
You need to find why you feel the way you do before determining you label how you feel under an umbrella term like Depression. Naturally your lack of motivation and desire to achieve socially and within your education is an issue, but to know would be infinitely easier to understand yourself and save time seeing an analyst (instead of speaking several appointments trying to pinpoint the source).
Sounds like depression to me. I was depressed from age 4 onward to varying degrees, sometimes managing nothing but just laying on my hammock and other times almost completely normal. Also, I had trouble telling I was depressed, despite the fact I was, literally, doing nothing but laying on the hammock all day sometimes. Still, no matter what the team liquid posters say, you still need to see a doctor. Depression is a chemical abnormality in the brain and will kill you if you try to ignore it.
Ypu dont have Schizophrenia, this is a very complex condition. Dont trust internet doctors/sites, really. Just go to a psychiatrist. Maybe You have a burn out syndrom, maybe You are procrastinating or just lazy? Set up some new goals, change the day schedule, try to do something new. Find a girfriend, go to the cooking class. Make a fukin change, no excuses.
meet someone, get ur friends to do stuff with You, play soccer/baskerball, go to the gym, set up some new goals.
Something similar happened to me in college. Freshman year I was the go getter, I was in student government and some other campus organizations pretty much the campus revolutionary, working two+ jobs, kept up decent grades, would party and drink like crazy, always hanging out with friends, doing crazy things with the master set of campus keys I had because of my on-campus job. By my senior year I skipped about 50% of my classes, slept in, had quit all my extra curiculars, stopped drinking so crazily (though I still worked really hard at my job, I felt that was important).
I think it is just something that can naturally happen in an environment like college, a lot of people mellow out quite a bit.
That being said, you should not be consulting TL for mental health advice. Depression is a serious thing that left untreated can lead to people committing suicide. If you feel like you need help, go see a therapist. The worst thing that happens is you waste an hour of your life, best thing that can happen is treatment of a potentially serious condition.
On February 01 2012 05:38 Rickson wrote: Am I depressed? Before I make an appointment to see the doctor, I thought I would post on TL.Net to see what the brilliant people there have to say -certainly it must be better than webMD where, according to them, I have Schizophrenia.
I've lost motivation for everything, especially for school and social life, which is odd because I was very passionate about these two domains more than anything else that I had in my life. Maintaining a tight inner circle of friends who i used to hang out with two to three times a week, I no longer feel like contacting them or leaving the house but staying in my room eating endlessly and playing HoN. The 4.0 gpa that i had in the first semester, something which i was very proud about, means nothing to me now, and school has lost all its meaning. I try to get down to study but it's really hard to do something when you just dont give two shits about it.
Before I used to be a very 'caught up' person, I would be very emotional and quick to react and many of my friends have always told me to chill out before I made the next move. But now, I feel like I'm on the opposite ends of this spectrum, I no longer really care about anything, I no longer have any initiative to be excited or have something to overreact about.
I am exhausted all the time- normally I would be a morning person where i got up and felt refreshed with 5~6 hours of sleep, turn the TV on, browse teamliquid and gg.net while sipping on some coffee and eating cereal. But these days, 9-10 hours of sleep don't even cut it for me and I feel tired all the time.
But the most odd thing is, I'm not sad. I have no reason to be sad.I don't have beef with anybody or have failed at something I tried hard at, I look back at the situation I am in and I can say that i am more than blessed with everything i have.
So Teamliquid, what do you think? Am I depressed? Or am I just having a bitch syndrome where I just need to chill the fuck out for a bit,roll a j, and wait for it to pass on?
do you smoke weed? ohh lol, just as i was writing this, i see that you indeed said you smoke weed.
how much you smoke? i have the same problems as you and am thinking it's the weed's fault. so i stopped a month ago.
ps: if you go to a doctor and tell him what you said here, they'll prescribe you antidepressants, which i strongly disadvise to take, cause imho you should make sure it's not the weed's fault.
On February 01 2012 05:38 Rickson wrote: Am I depressed? Before I make an appointment to see the doctor, I thought I would post on TL.Net to see what the brilliant people there have to say -certainly it must be better than webMD where, according to them, I have Schizophrenia.
I've lost motivation for everything, especially for school and social life, which is odd because I was very passionate about these two domains more than anything else that I had in my life. Maintaining a tight inner circle of friends who i used to hang out with two to three times a week, I no longer feel like contacting them or leaving the house but staying in my room eating endlessly and playing HoN. The 4.0 gpa that i had in the first semester, something which i was very proud about, means nothing to me now, and school has lost all its meaning. I try to get down to study but it's really hard to do something when you just dont give two shits about it.
Before I used to be a very 'caught up' person, I would be very emotional and quick to react and many of my friends have always told me to chill out before I made the next move. But now, I feel like I'm on the opposite ends of this spectrum, I no longer really care about anything, I no longer have any initiative to be excited or have something to overreact about.
I am exhausted all the time- normally I would be a morning person where i got up and felt refreshed with 5~6 hours of sleep, turn the TV on, browse teamliquid and gg.net while sipping on some coffee and eating cereal. But these days, 9-10 hours of sleep don't even cut it for me and I feel tired all the time.
But the most odd thing is, I'm not sad. I have no reason to be sad.I don't have beef with anybody or have failed at something I tried hard at, I look back at the situation I am in and I can say that i am more than blessed with everything i have.
So Teamliquid, what do you think? Am I depressed? Or am I just having a bitch syndrome where I just need to chill the fuck out for a bit,roll a j, and wait for it to pass on?
This is pretty much how i feel, but i have a doctors appointment tomorrow to see what i can do about it. (except you dont seem to be sad for some reason) Ive been depressed the last five or years, but i've managed to cope with it. But this numbness of the soul, this unwillingness to do anything, this rampant cynicism about anything is really taxing in the long run. Ive been like that for a year now, but i cant take it anymore. Seek professional help is the best answer i guess. And i agree with Torte, first see the "know your brain better than yourself"-people (aka psychologists) before you meet their evil twin that loves to prescribe drugs.
Edit: Don't think that it'll pass! Everyday ive told myself "When i finally find out what i wanna do in life - im gonna work super hard at it. blah blah blah. Waiting for life to sort itself out doesnt work. Ive been open for opportunities the last five years. You need to grab that bitch by the hair and demand answers (unconditionally work to find your own spot under the sun).
For reference, i also smoke one week straight every two months or so. Its just a pleasant escape mechanism, nothing more.
I would recommend a CBT-therapist due to better evidence of it working. Or at least a well-educated and licensed therapist that doesn't have a long-term psychodynamic approach. An assessment can be made about what it is and what you want (I guess to be more active and engaged) and hopefully a good treatment plan can be set up.
There are meds of course as well. Not a bad choice especially if things go really bad but therapy has proven equally or possibly more effective for many problems.
I'm no doctor, and so anything I say has no evidence whatsoever to back it up.
That being said, I'm sure it is depression, but that doesn't mean you need medication or a therapist. If you're fine living the way you are now, you can just wait it out and/or get used to it. Having attitude changes like this is part of growing up.
Go to a doctor before taking advice, we all have slightly different brain chemistries for a start so not all advice will be universally applicable.
Sounds like you are depressed man, as a sufferer speaking but get professional opinion on this first. The tip about exercising was pretty good but bar that I don't see fit to advise a stranger.
I've had long periods that I would describe as depression and my habits very closely resembled those that you describe in your post. I'm not going to jump to any conclusions, that's just an observation based upon my life experiences.
The only person who can properly evaluate if you are depressed is yourself.
A psychologist can help you explore your own mind and why you are feeling and acting the way you are right now but the diagnosis will ultimately come down to you. What I mean is you can go to a psychologist and he/she can say "yes this sounds very familiar, you are probably depressed," or whatever and he'll try to help you but you need to properly evaluate yourself. Problem is this is really difficult to do sometimes when you are in such a state.
Are you happy? Aren't you? What the fuck is happiness anyways?
Tough questions. Regardless, I hope you are feeling good about yourself and your habits soon, and lead a productive life that you can say you are proud of. Don't take any of our thoughts as gospel and don't think you are weak for going to talk with a professional to work through these things. GL man.
On February 01 2012 05:41 Bagration wrote: Roll a J? How often you are rolling Js? Pot does kill motivation like no other.
you sound like a cop in a bad movie
Its true though, when you smoke weed you feel great and content. Why do you need motivation if you already feel great? I'm dealing with some depression myself and in the past I have used MJ to cover for that. I don't think its as simple as you are depressed or you are not though. I think just take some time (not smoking) to think about what you want and the underlying causes of why you want them. Realize what in your life you think should change and do something about it! Good luck.
Edit: Also if you really are getting good sleep and not waking up rested I would see a doctor.
I've been like this since I was 15, 23 now. With both ups and downs, sometimes I even felt "normal". Everyone around me just keeps telling me to get a job or get educated, but I just don't care. I've no motivation, no reason, no nothing. 'Course, parents suggested I'd go see a psych but I just shot that down as them thinking I was insane (lolwut..) and never got around to it. Steadily I've watched my life just disappear, friends even stopped contacting me.
So yeah, I'd say you've got depression but I'm no doctor/psychologist.
I've also been thinking about going to a psychologist's but never got around to it. Mostly it's a question of finances and if I can be bothered to put proper clothes on and actually go outside into the fresh air.
I feel you man. :/ For the last 4 months or so I've lost motivation to do anything. I was very passionate musician now I don't even look at my drum sticks. I had a lot of friends at school and I just stopped going. I sit on bed all day and go to work when I have to. I've been feeling so down that I hardly ever shower and I over eat with no exercise which (I think) is what is causing recent physical pain even. :/ Now my best friend is moving away in two weeks which doesn't help. In the past when I got upset I would resort to physical means, like cutting or burning. Then when I was 16 that wasn't enough so I attempted suicide which didn't work obviously. I stayed in a psychiatric ward for a while then when i got out when to different psychiatrists none of the things have worked for me in the past. I usually just wait it out. I'll have times where I'm not feeling the best (like the last couple of months) then I'll have times where I'm feeling on top of the world. So I say wait, but I'm not a pro on dealing with emotions.
On February 01 2012 05:41 Bagration wrote: Roll a J? How often you are rolling Js? Pot does kill motivation like no other.
you sound like a cop in a bad movie
Its true though, when you smoke weed you feel great and content. Why do you need motivation if you already feel great? I'm dealing with some depression myself and in the past I have used MJ to cover for that. I don't think its as simple as you are depressed or you are not though. I think just take some time (not smoking) to think about what you want and the underlying causes of why you want them. Realize what in your life you think should change and do something about it! Good luck.
Edit: Also if you really are getting good sleep and not waking up rested I would see a doctor.
its all about negative descent vs positive ascent !
not talking about weed here
weed is as good as you make it out to be, just like life and any other thing that doesn't kill you right away
The internet is not the place to go for medical advice. Go to a doctor or psychologist and get some help. Relying on unscientific internet self-administered tests and diagnoses from internet denizens is not prudent.
Thanks for all the replies, but because this is the first time that something like this has happened and has only been going on for about a couple weeks now...I'll wait a bit longer until i see a professional.
Seeing all the love and care from TL.net makes me happier and motivated already!
On February 01 2012 07:31 itsjustatank wrote: The internet is not the place to go for medical advice. Go to a doctor or psychologist and get some help. Relying on unscientific internet self-administered tests and diagnoses from internet denizens is not prudent.
I am also depressed. I have diabetes type II and I didnt even know it, my parents at that time thought it was better to live in denial that I could have diabetes. I flunk not 1 or 2 or 3 carreers due to the fact I would drink cola the day before having a big exam with diabetes. Now I can see why it took me so much effort just to fail.
I have a carreer with no job because this carreer was the only thing life allowed me to have. DId I mention no job?.
Not good now because I'm too old for videogames, the only real passion I've ever had. No Health, no money, no job.
On February 01 2012 07:45 Rickson wrote: Thanks for all the replies, but because this is the first time that something like this has happened and has only been going on for about a couple weeks now...I'll wait a bit longer until i see a professional.
Seeing all the love and care from TL.net makes me happier and motivated already!
No you dont want to wait longer. I'm talking from personal experience here, just go have a talk with a doctor. He/she would know if there is anything wrong with you and if anything needs to be done.
On February 01 2012 05:47 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote: Sounds like depression to me. I was depressed from age 4 onward to varying degrees, sometimes managing nothing but just laying on my hammock and other times almost completely normal. Also, I had trouble telling I was depressed, despite the fact I was, literally, doing nothing but laying on the hammock all day sometimes. Still, no matter what the team liquid posters say, you still need to see a doctor. Depression is a chemical abnormality in the brain and will kill you if you try to ignore it.
what do you mean? it obviously won't kill you.
also, the serotonine theory is pretty shitty and most likely wrong, imho. look at this substance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tianeptine ..it's a selective serotonin reuptake enhancer (SSRE), which does the opposite of an SSRI . yet it works.
the only reason why people made up the theory about serotonine, is because increasing serotonine levels was proven to decrease the symptoms.
On February 01 2012 07:45 Rickson wrote: Thanks for all the replies, but because this is the first time that something like this has happened and has only been going on for about a couple weeks now...I'll wait a bit longer until i see a professional.
Seeing all the love and care from TL.net makes me happier and motivated already!
No you dont want to wait longer. I'm talking from personal experience here, just go have a talk with a doctor. He/she would know if there is anything wrong with you and if anything needs to be done.
so? what will the doctor do?
imho, they will check his thyroid gland and if it's healthy, they'll tell him to see a psychologist who will immediately diagnose him as depressed. some doctors immediately prescribe antidepressants too.
was your experience different? were my doctors shitty?
anyway, yea, see a doctor to get your thyroid gland checked. good first step.
despite you not being able to find the cause of whats making you feel the way you do, there is something in your life(/past) that isn't being addressed. Unless its a chemical imbalance (very unlikely, you would have a number of symptoms that you have not expressed), this is most likely a subconscious response to unaddressed issue(s). 'There's nothing it could be..' we tell ourselves, because it's easier to sweep dirt under the rug than deal with uncomfortable things in life. These issues don't have to be 'i was molested as a child' issues, but rather simple things like the direction our life is going, the question of whether your friends are 'truly' your friends, and etc.
See a psychologist, talk about life and try to see what the real problem is, as this is not a phsyical one
On February 01 2012 09:03 run.at.me wrote: despite you not being able to find the cause of whats making you feel the way you do, there is something in your life(/past) that isn't being addressed. Unless its a chemical imbalance (very unlikely, you would have a number of symptoms that you have not expressed), this is most likely a subconscious response to unaddressed issue(s). 'There's nothing it could be..' we tell ourselves, because it's easier to sweep dirt under the rug than deal with uncomfortable things in life. These issues don't have to be 'i was molested as a child' issues, but rather simple things like the direction our life is going, the question of whether your friends are 'truly' your friends, and etc.
See a psychologist, talk about life and try to see what the real problem is, as this is not a phsyical one
are you a psychologist? or studying psychology?
i literally have the same symptoms as OP, except that i smoked a lot of weed, which might be the real reason for me. but a psychologist diagnosed me as depressive, even though i told her about everything :/ ...
to say it with dragon's words... "what dose mean?"
I think you probably just need to change your habits and force yourself to start participating in life again. Do you have any drug dependancies (Caffiene, alcohol, weed, etc)? Those heavily effect our moods and can sometimes be the source of many more problems than you think.
IMO you just sound like you're in a rut and need to pick yourself up. Could you be prescribed drugs that would change how you feel about it? Yeah. But actually see your friends, stop playing HoN all day, get in habits and start doing things you want to do. If you still feel bored with friends, unhappy going out, aren't getting any fulfillment out of accomplishing goals, then maybe you should consider help. But right now you're describing something that I'm pretty sure everyone feels when they stop doing things.
I don't really believe in a magic doctor who will solve all problems. The truth is that sometimes doctors make things worse, especially if there wasn't anything really wrong with you to begin with, or if you get misdiagnosed and they start treating something you didn't have. People are very quick to recommend it without question, but you SHOULD be aware of the risks, even if you decide to go ahead with it. I think the state of our society, the saturation of news about world problems in our daily lives, and the simple grind of what it takes to live in the western world are all more likely causes of demotivation or sadness or frustration than a genetic fact of your existence. What that means is that you have to find meaning in your life that can overcome these things.
tl;dr: It is up to you if you want to see a doctor, but it's my advice that you see if you can help yourself first. Don't play victim if you don't have to.
On February 01 2012 09:03 run.at.me wrote: despite you not being able to find the cause of whats making you feel the way you do, there is something in your life(/past) that isn't being addressed. Unless its a chemical imbalance (very unlikely, you would have a number of symptoms that you have not expressed), this is most likely a subconscious response to unaddressed issue(s). 'There's nothing it could be..' we tell ourselves, because it's easier to sweep dirt under the rug than deal with uncomfortable things in life. These issues don't have to be 'i was molested as a child' issues, but rather simple things like the direction our life is going, the question of whether your friends are 'truly' your friends, and etc.
See a psychologist, talk about life and try to see what the real problem is, as this is not a phsyical one
are you a psychologist? or studying psychology?
i literally have the same symptoms as OP, except that i smoked a lot of weed, which might be the real reason for me. but a psychologist diagnosed me as depressive, even though i told her about everything :/ ...
to say it with dragon's words... "what dose mean?"
nah neither a psychologist or psych major, I've just lived through enough of my parents problems, and then with my own shit, having seen a psychologist (an average one...) i've smoked plenty of weed too, can't anymore coz my mind goes crazy (i went through bad anxiety phase and cant smoke anymore... sad story), but it's not a 'cause' for depression... Heres the thing with psych's - they like to 'diagnose' and people get labelled. All depression is, is a frame of mind - and you are labelled 'depressed' when you are in this frame of mind without there being a necessary or apparent cause. People feel like shit all the time, but it comes and goes, but 'depression' is when this shit feeling lingers more than it should and without reason.
Depression can also just be learned behaviour, like from your parent. Lets say your mum has bouts of depression throughout your childhood and onwards, this emotional response to whatever will likely be passed on to you, without you ever actually being aware of it. This is just an example of how simple depression can occur, and why people who have feelings of depression never actually understand why. It's just excessive negative thinking... and it is habitual and learned and can be turned around with the right 'training' you could say - pinpointing irrational conclusions, not allowing yourslelf to sit in self-pity, etc etc all that psychology crap.
Its funny to see how people think depression is like getting the cold. 'Stop whining everyone gets depressed'... these people lack so much intelligence im surprised that have the capacity to function on day to day basis.
On February 01 2012 09:03 run.at.me wrote: despite you not being able to find the cause of whats making you feel the way you do, there is something in your life(/past) that isn't being addressed. Unless its a chemical imbalance (very unlikely, you would have a number of symptoms that you have not expressed), this is most likely a subconscious response to unaddressed issue(s). 'There's nothing it could be..' we tell ourselves, because it's easier to sweep dirt under the rug than deal with uncomfortable things in life. These issues don't have to be 'i was molested as a child' issues, but rather simple things like the direction our life is going, the question of whether your friends are 'truly' your friends, and etc.
See a psychologist, talk about life and try to see what the real problem is, as this is not a phsyical one
are you a psychologist? or studying psychology?
i literally have the same symptoms as OP, except that i smoked a lot of weed, which might be the real reason for me. but a psychologist diagnosed me as depressive, even though i told her about everything :/ ...
to say it with dragon's words... "what dose mean?"
nah neither a psychologist or psych major, I've just lived through enough of my parents problems, and then with my own shit, having seen a psychologist (an average one...) i've smoked plenty of weed too, can't anymore coz my mind goes crazy (i went through bad anxiety phase and cant smoke anymore... sad story), but it's not a 'cause' for depression... Heres the thing with psych's - they like to 'diagnose' and people get labelled. All depression is, is a frame of mind - and you are labelled 'depressed' when you are in this frame of mind without there being a necessary or apparent cause. People feel like shit all the time, but it comes and goes, but 'depression' is when this shit feeling lingers more than it should and without reason.
Depression can also just be learned behaviour, like from your parent. Lets say your mum has bouts of depression throughout your childhood and onwards, this emotional response to whatever will likely be passed on to you, without you ever actually being aware of it. This is just an example of how simple depression can occur, and why people who have feelings of depression never actually understand why. It's just excessive negative thinking... and it is habitual and learned and can be turned around with the right 'training' you could say - pinpointing irrational conclusions, not allowing yourslelf to sit in self-pity, etc etc all that psychology crap.
Its funny to see how people think depression is like getting the cold. 'Stop whining everyone gets depressed'... these people lack so much intelligence im surprised that have the capacity to function on day to day basis.
most people here talk about losing all motivation. maybe you are right with your statement about unadressed issues, but on the other hand losing all your drive isn't a "frame of mind", is it?
On February 01 2012 05:38 Rickson wrote: Am I depressed? Before I make an appointment to see the doctor, I thought I would post on TL.Net to see what the brilliant people there have to say -certainly it must be better than webMD where, according to them, I have Schizophrenia.
I've lost motivation for everything, especially for school and social life, which is odd because I was very passionate about these two domains more than anything else that I had in my life. Maintaining a tight inner circle of friends who i used to hang out with two to three times a week, I no longer feel like contacting them or leaving the house but staying in my room eating endlessly and playing HoN. The 4.0 gpa that i had in the first semester, something which i was very proud about, means nothing to me now, and school has lost all its meaning. I try to get down to study but it's really hard to do something when you just dont give two shits about it.
Before I used to be a very 'caught up' person, I would be very emotional and quick to react and many of my friends have always told me to chill out before I made the next move. But now, I feel like I'm on the opposite ends of this spectrum, I no longer really care about anything, I no longer have any initiative to be excited or have something to overreact about.
I am exhausted all the time- normally I would be a morning person where i got up and felt refreshed with 5~6 hours of sleep, turn the TV on, browse teamliquid and gg.net while sipping on some coffee and eating cereal. But these days, 9-10 hours of sleep don't even cut it for me and I feel tired all the time.
But the most odd thing is, I'm not sad. I have no reason to be sad.I don't have beef with anybody or have failed at something I tried hard at, I look back at the situation I am in and I can say that i am more than blessed with everything i have.
So Teamliquid, what do you think? Am I depressed? Or am I just having a bitch syndrome where I just need to chill the fuck out for a bit,roll a j, and wait for it to pass on?
Let me start off by stating that I'm an MD, but it's pretty hard to make the diagnosis of a depression without a complete mental examination. Still, you gave a pretty interesting fact: The loss of motivation. That is called "apathy" and it is often confused with "anhedonia" (lack of REWARD); the later, by your description of your feelings, is what you seem to be having, and it is a key symptom of a depressive episode, if we're strict and follow the "rules" of ICD-10 and DSM-IV-TR diagnostic criteria, as is the "lack of energy" or "tiredness" that is another of the criteria needed to make the diagnosis.
My opinion is that you might indeed be suffering a depressive episode and that you should go see your doctor to be examined, as, like I said, it is extremely difficult to diagnose somebody with just a post, although your symptoms seem to fit the diagnostic criteria.
So, depression is an interesting topic in that there are different opinions on whether it's a chemical problem or an emotional one. In my experience depression is neither of these things. Depression is a state of mind in which you are no longer willing to pursue the things that you know will result in delayed gratification. It's a state of mind. That's all. You CAN get out of it without drugs, it just takes some work. You need to identify the deficiencies in your life that sap your motivation, and curb stomp them to the ground then incinerate their carcasses and never look back. Usually these deficiencies fall into one of two categories: physical or emotional.
Physical: Some people are born with chemical imbalances, in which case staying motivated takes immense amounts of effort. They physically find it hard to wake up and stay awake throughout the day. They may experience physical discomfort throughout the day which saps their energy. Getting through the day is just harder for them. Yet, these people CAN avoid depression if they work really hard at staying fit (exercise and nutrition), surround themselves with positive, helpful people, and develop good habits (such as taking it easy on the L's). Basically, they work very hard to treat themselves well. Look at Liquid'Tyler for a perfect example. The guy's a fucking hero.
Emotional: Then there are people who do not have chemical imbalances, rather they have lots of emotional distress. This can be triggered by things such as witnessing death, participation in mother-fucking-war, extreme bullying etc. etc. However, this doesn't necessarily cause depression either. Even in these scenarios strong willed people can pull themselves together and remain relentlessly positive, thus avoiding the trap of depression. See some of Day[9]'s discussions for elaboration. God people in the SC community are so awesome.
You have to examine your life recently, specifically looking for emotional distress or physical lifestyle changes (playing metric shit tons of HoN, daily blunt rides, having a fucked up sleep schedule) and counter these bad activities with good activities. If you spend 11 hours a day behind your computer (Hon or forums or whatnot), try cutting that back to 7 hours and exercising an hour a day. Actually that's way too dramatic a change, just exercise 30 minutes every single day. If you're feeling isolated from your friends, don't attach any negativity to that, banish all that negative shit to the nether realm, and hit up your best friend asking him if he wants to get a hamburger, or go party with some hot bids. Find whatever is keeping you in the dumps, and replace is (or at least supplement it) with something enormously positive that combats the root of the problem.
My tips for staying out of depression:
1- Go to sleep at a normal hour. Really. If your sleep schedule is fucked, gradually bring it back to normal. Video games are just as good (they're better) when the sun's up.
2- Get some exercise. There are countless studies proving the positive effects of physical activity on escaping depression. It's true. Any activity will do really. It's much better if it's outside. Sun is good for you too.
3- Don't smoke so many drugs. That being said, I still smoke. Man, I love weed. Shit's beautiful. But we all know what goes up must come down, and with every high comes a low. Try and limit your smoking here and there. Personally, I try not to smoke in the mornings since it tends to fuck up my entire day (wake & bake = love & hate). Try to save weed for special occasions like parties or doing cool shit with friends like laser tag. Or Lord of The Rings marathons. It's the best way to enjoy the drug.
4- Keep your inboxes empty. Basically, this just means don't let shit pile up. Whether it's homework, or laundry, or your actual E-mail, it just feels good to have empty inboxes. You may be one of those people (I'm one too) who doesn't really get stressed out about shit piling up (it goes along with the pothead bit). Yet, even for us resilient folk, too much shit on you plate will start to wear you down, and there's actually a great feeling accompanied by clearing your inboxes.
$- Here I'm gonna let you in on a little secret that most people have no clue about, yet it's possibly the most beneficial activity any person could ever partake in. It will take you to heights previously unimaginable. Meditation. Holy fuckstockings let me say it again. Meditation. This shit will save your life, I kid you not. Sitting silently for 5 minutes a day, trying not to let any thoughts overcome your brain, trying to keep your mind empty and calm. It will be totally futile the first time you try it (especially for us hyperactive gamers) and you'll just end up daydreaming about tits or something. But take it seriously and work on it every day, 5 minutes a day for one week. On the seventh day you will open your eyes after the meditation and feel this incredible sensation of being calm. It is unbelievable, and it's addicting once you start. Please, please, please, I beg of you please try this out, 5 minutes a day for just one week. 35 minutes. It is the number one thing that has helped me stay positive, successful, and out of depression. Please try it. It's so wonderful.
I'm no postdoctoral-clinicopharmatherapist or anything, but I do have some experience with this stuff. All my life I've had seemingly random spurts of depression and lethargy, and often I would have to take a week or two off from school until I got myself back on track. It was never a serious problem until two years ago when my dad died of cancer (i'm 16 now). He was everything to me and his death tore me to bits. All that year I had zero in my life. There was nothing but sleep, and sudden bursts of severe sobbing from time to time. I refused to take antidepressants as I don't believe in being under the influence 24/7 on anything. I was totally lost, until I discovered the marvelous miracle of meditation. Or perhaps it found me. Anyway, I started meditating consistently, first for 5 minutes a day, increasing that number gradually. Thanks to the meditation, I soon had the motivation and energy to start exercising, doing my homework, sleeping on a schedule etc. Now I'm a totally functional person and I have huge dreams and aspirations. I'm telling you this stuff works from experience. Don't wait until you hit rock bottom though, take charge right now and sit on your fucking carpet for 5 goddamn minutes cross-legged or whatever your chicken-fucking-legs can handle. It will get your life in order for you. All you have to do is give it 5 minutes a day.
Your story sounds exactly like my first year of college. You might have a very mild depression right now. My advice would be to not smoke pot for a week. Run everyday and eat a moderate amount. Think where you want to end up in 2 years and set short term goals. You said you've never failed something you've tried hard at. Try this
I was depressed once, then i realized that to be successful i needed to be happy. Haven't looked back since.
I would definitely agree with the general health advice, 7 hours of sleep, eat well, hydrate well, exercise a lot (sitting all day can be very harmful, i personally have a standing desk for when i study, and only sit during leisure and class).
I don't think it's depression, I think it's more of a feeling where you are actually in a good place in your life, in a way.
By getting that 4.0 and all that, you may feel a bit depressed feeling there is nothing to do -- nothing to look forward to. This can make you tired and stuff if you can't think of something worth living for anymore.
This is why life can get boring if it's too easy. What's the satisfaction of accomplishing something if it takes 0 effort?
It's probably just a chillax phase in your life, just relax. I really don't think it's depression (well you could call it that actually, but it's not the stereotypical kind where some kind of tragedy has occurred).
Also going from 5-6 to 9-10 hours of sleep in a short time can still make you tired simply cus ur body is not used to it. Your body has an internal clock and yadda yadda, yadda yadda, hopefully you get what I mean. It might take a while for you to get used to it. Maybe you're actually sleeping too much, and 8 is better, or at least for now. Maybe you are going to sleep earlier or later than you are used to, etc.
the key to depression is taking tests and going to the doctor, if this is a prolonged feeling for more than 2 weeks than yeah you should probably see a doctor. if its for more han 2 months than you definitely should.
On February 01 2012 09:03 run.at.me wrote: despite you not being able to find the cause of whats making you feel the way you do, there is something in your life(/past) that isn't being addressed. Unless its a chemical imbalance (very unlikely, you would have a number of symptoms that you have not expressed), this is most likely a subconscious response to unaddressed issue(s). 'There's nothing it could be..' we tell ourselves, because it's easier to sweep dirt under the rug than deal with uncomfortable things in life. These issues don't have to be 'i was molested as a child' issues, but rather simple things like the direction our life is going, the question of whether your friends are 'truly' your friends, and etc.
See a psychologist, talk about life and try to see what the real problem is, as this is not a phsyical one
are you a psychologist? or studying psychology?
i literally have the same symptoms as OP, except that i smoked a lot of weed, which might be the real reason for me. but a psychologist diagnosed me as depressive, even though i told her about everything :/ ...
to say it with dragon's words... "what dose mean?"
nah neither a psychologist or psych major, I've just lived through enough of my parents problems, and then with my own shit, having seen a psychologist (an average one...) i've smoked plenty of weed too, can't anymore coz my mind goes crazy (i went through bad anxiety phase and cant smoke anymore... sad story), but it's not a 'cause' for depression... Heres the thing with psych's - they like to 'diagnose' and people get labelled. All depression is, is a frame of mind - and you are labelled 'depressed' when you are in this frame of mind without there being a necessary or apparent cause. People feel like shit all the time, but it comes and goes, but 'depression' is when this shit feeling lingers more than it should and without reason.
Depression can also just be learned behaviour, like from your parent. Lets say your mum has bouts of depression throughout your childhood and onwards, this emotional response to whatever will likely be passed on to you, without you ever actually being aware of it. This is just an example of how simple depression can occur, and why people who have feelings of depression never actually understand why. It's just excessive negative thinking... and it is habitual and learned and can be turned around with the right 'training' you could say - pinpointing irrational conclusions, not allowing yourslelf to sit in self-pity, etc etc all that psychology crap.
Its funny to see how people think depression is like getting the cold. 'Stop whining everyone gets depressed'... these people lack so much intelligence im surprised that have the capacity to function on day to day basis.
most people here talk about losing all motivation. maybe you are right with your statement about unadressed issues, but on the other hand losing all your drive isn't a "frame of mind", is it?
People don't just wake up one day and want to do nothing for the rest of their lives. Losing drive is a symptom of depression, not a cause. And it effects people at different levels, especially those who are typically very driven and active. I don't have high drive, I never have, I don't like to study hard (or study at all), I want money but I don't work hard to make it, sometimes I stay up all night doing nothing and sleep all day. I can get depressed, but then I can feel better days later. This may have to do with the fact that I've experienced feeling like shit enough to know that it only takes a good day to make you feel better, and from there you start thinking more positively. Its important not to get caught up in feeling upset/depressed for a week, and turn it into a much bigger issue than it really is. If you feel bad for weeks on end, then yes things need to be addressed. But its essential that people are aware that everyone has shitty days/week, and that is OK, life goes on, you are not by definition 'depressed.'
As the OP said he's only been feeling this way for 2 weeks, it seems a bit exaggerated to label yourself depressed after feeling bad for 2 weeks, although its significance should not be ignored. There may be problems, ones that CAN be resolved, and move on from. This is life, get used to it
On February 01 2012 05:47 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote: Sounds like depression to me. I was depressed from age 4 onward to varying degrees, sometimes managing nothing but just laying on my hammock and other times almost completely normal. Also, I had trouble telling I was depressed, despite the fact I was, literally, doing nothing but laying on the hammock all day sometimes. Still, no matter what the team liquid posters say, you still need to see a doctor. Depression is a chemical abnormality in the brain and will kill you if you try to ignore it.
also, the serotonine theory is pretty shitty and most likely wrong, imho. look at this substance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tianeptine ..it's a selective serotonin reuptake enhancer (SSRE), which does the opposite of an SSRI . yet it works.
the only reason why people made up the theory about serotonine, is because increasing serotonine levels was proven to decrease the symptoms.
Yes, depression will kill you. Not directly of course, but that's only a technicality. If you try to ignore depression, you enter a downward spiral involving fun things like the loss of the ability to reason effectively and then you off yourself. Fairly straightfoward.
Your story is similar to mine -- in college I had trouble with motivation, became isolated, smoked a lot of dope, and generally felt worried. But I certainly would not say that I was "sad" in the traditional sense. More like numb. I made it through like I made it through everything -- just doing enough to get by. I never went to see anyone about my mental issues because I felt like doing so would make me weak. Eventually things got better; I went to law school in a different town and came out of my shell. I started to feel emotions and for the first time in my life I felt challenged in a good way. The first 2 years of law school I was in peak mental, physical and emotional shape.
Then the 3rd year was really boring. I did what it took to graduate, started working. After 3 years of work, (up to about 8 months ago) I was in a really bad place. No thoughts that weren't negative, inability to focus on work, no desire to be creative, constant physical problems, withdrawing from friends and family, hurting people I worked with and was in relationships with. Ugh. Two things happened. First my girlfriend at the time told me (in a nice way) that I should see a therapist. Then I told some friends about what was going on, and it turns out that a lot of my friends had been to therapy/were or are on meds.
At the time I was so low that I did not want to go to therapy, because I could not imagine telling someone else about the thoughts I was having (basically that there were constant voices in my head insulting me and second-guessing every choice I made or didn't make. I found a doctor and got on some drugs. It took a few months, but eventually a found a combo that works for me. Now it is like night and day. I don't feel "happy" in a euphoric way, I just feel normal. Sad things make me sad; happy things make me happy. Before, everything just made me feel shame.
When I first went to the Dr. all I wanted was to regain how I felt in law school (btw, most people hate law school). Now I realize that I had been clinically depressed since AT LEAST first year of college and likely before that.
TL;DR -- I worked through my depression issues in college without therapy or medication, but, doing so I missed out on what college could have been if I had been a bit more right in the head. If I was doing it all again, I would see somebody earlier rather than later.
btw: Learning to control your emotions and not being so "caught up" in things is good and is part of growing up. This is why kids have shitty poker faces. But not enjoying fun things at all is a symptom of depression.
On February 01 2012 09:03 run.at.me wrote: despite you not being able to find the cause of whats making you feel the way you do, there is something in your life(/past) that isn't being addressed. Unless its a chemical imbalance (very unlikely, you would have a number of symptoms that you have not expressed), this is most likely a subconscious response to unaddressed issue(s). 'There's nothing it could be..' we tell ourselves, because it's easier to sweep dirt under the rug than deal with uncomfortable things in life. These issues don't have to be 'i was molested as a child' issues, but rather simple things like the direction our life is going, the question of whether your friends are 'truly' your friends, and etc.
See a psychologist, talk about life and try to see what the real problem is, as this is not a phsyical one
are you a psychologist? or studying psychology?
i literally have the same symptoms as OP, except that i smoked a lot of weed, which might be the real reason for me. but a psychologist diagnosed me as depressive, even though i told her about everything :/ ...
to say it with dragon's words... "what dose mean?"
nah neither a psychologist or psych major, I've just lived through enough of my parents problems, and then with my own shit, having seen a psychologist (an average one...) i've smoked plenty of weed too, can't anymore coz my mind goes crazy (i went through bad anxiety phase and cant smoke anymore... sad story), but it's not a 'cause' for depression... Heres the thing with psych's - they like to 'diagnose' and people get labelled. All depression is, is a frame of mind - and you are labelled 'depressed' when you are in this frame of mind without there being a necessary or apparent cause. People feel like shit all the time, but it comes and goes, but 'depression' is when this shit feeling lingers more than it should and without reason.
Depression can also just be learned behaviour, like from your parent. Lets say your mum has bouts of depression throughout your childhood and onwards, this emotional response to whatever will likely be passed on to you, without you ever actually being aware of it. This is just an example of how simple depression can occur, and why people who have feelings of depression never actually understand why. It's just excessive negative thinking... and it is habitual and learned and can be turned around with the right 'training' you could say - pinpointing irrational conclusions, not allowing yourslelf to sit in self-pity, etc etc all that psychology crap.
Its funny to see how people think depression is like getting the cold. 'Stop whining everyone gets depressed'... these people lack so much intelligence im surprised that have the capacity to function on day to day basis.
most people here talk about losing all motivation. maybe you are right with your statement about unadressed issues, but on the other hand losing all your drive isn't a "frame of mind", is it?
People don't just wake up one day and want to do nothing for the rest of their lives. Losing drive is a symptom of depression, not a cause. And it effects people at different levels, especially those who are typically very driven and active. I don't have high drive, I never have, I don't like to study hard (or study at all), I want money but I don't work hard to make it, sometimes I stay up all night doing nothing and sleep all day. I can get depressed, but then I can feel better days later. This may have to do with the fact that I've experienced feeling like shit enough to know that it only takes a good day to make you feel better, and from there you start thinking more positively. Its important not to get caught up in feeling upset/depressed for a week, and turn it into a much bigger issue than it really is. If you feel bad for weeks on end, then yes things need to be addressed. But its essential that people are aware that everyone has shitty days/week, and that is OK, life goes on, you are not by definition 'depressed.'
As the OP said he's only been feeling this way for 2 weeks, it seems a bit exaggerated to label yourself depressed after feeling bad for 2 weeks, although its significance should not be ignored. There may be problems, ones that CAN be resolved, and move on from. This is life, get used to it
Good point -- two weeks is a short time. I missed that part. I would say that a month of feeling the way that the OP describes and not understanding why would be a sign that it might be time to get some help.
Also, there really is no reason not to see a counselor if you are at college -- its usually free. Trust me, this shit gets expensive when you are out on your own. At worst, you go in, they tell you what they think, and then you are free to do what they say or not. Getting a perspective from someone not inside your own head can be helpful.
Thanks for all the replies guys, its wonderful how thoughtful and caring the TL community really is
To clarify a couple points - I'm not a heavy pot smoker, very very casual if that. -I think i will seek help and go to my university's counselor -I will cut down hon and I actually went to the gym at school today (something I havent done in months!)
I've been feeling pretty down too, so I feel you OP.
On February 01 2012 10:51 Ankh1221 wrote:
4- Keep your inboxes empty. Basically, this just means don't let shit pile up. Whether it's homework, or laundry, or your actual E-mail, it just feels good to have empty inboxes. You may be one of those people (I'm one too) who doesn't really get stressed out about shit piling up (it goes along with the pothead bit). Yet, even for us resilient folk, too much shit on you plate will start to wear you down, and there's actually a great feeling accompanied by clearing your inboxes.
$- Here I'm gonna let you in on a little secret that most people have no clue about, yet it's possibly the most beneficial activity any person could ever partake in. It will take you to heights previously unimaginable. Meditation. + Show Spoiler +
Holy fuckstockings let me say it again. Meditation. This shit will save your life, I kid you not. Sitting silently for 5 minutes a day, trying not to let any thoughts overcome your brain, trying to keep your mind empty and calm. It will be totally futile the first time you try it (especially for us hyperactive gamers) and you'll just end up daydreaming about tits or something. But take it seriously and work on it every day, 5 minutes a day for one week. On the seventh day you will open your eyes after the meditation and feel this incredible sensation of being calm. It is unbelievable, and it's addicting once you start. Please, please, please, I beg of you please try this out, 5 minutes a day for just one week. 35 minutes. It is the number one thing that has helped me stay positive, successful, and out of depression. Please try it. It's so wonderful.
I'm no postdoctoral-clinicopharmatherapist or anything, but I do have some experience with this stuff. All my life I've had seemingly random spurts of depression and lethargy, and often I would have to take a week or two off from school until I got myself back on track. It was never a serious problem until two years ago when my dad died of cancer (i'm 16 now). He was everything to me and his death tore me to bits. All that year I had zero in my life. There was nothing but sleep, and sudden bursts of severe sobbing from time to time. I refused to take antidepressants as I don't believe in being under the influence 24/7 on anything. I was totally lost, until I discovered the marvelous miracle of meditation. Or perhaps it found me. Anyway, I started meditating consistently, first for 5 minutes a day, increasing that number gradually. Thanks to the meditation, I soon had the motivation and energy to start exercising, doing my homework, sleeping on a schedule etc. Now I'm a totally functional person and I have huge dreams and aspirations. I'm telling you this stuff works from experience. Don't wait until you hit rock bottom though, take charge right now and sit on your fucking carpet for 5 goddamn minutes cross-legged or whatever your chicken-fucking-legs can handle. It will get your life in order for you. All you have to do is give it 5 minutes a day.
But it's not like a magic pill where you go and then everything is all better.
You go, you talk.. it's a process. Sometimes you leave, feeling nothing.. but start to reflect and feel good a day later. Or you leave feeling great and then feel depressed again 3 days later.. It's just a process..
On February 01 2012 09:03 run.at.me wrote: despite you not being able to find the cause of whats making you feel the way you do, there is something in your life(/past) that isn't being addressed. Unless its a chemical imbalance (very unlikely, you would have a number of symptoms that you have not expressed), this is most likely a subconscious response to unaddressed issue(s). 'There's nothing it could be..' we tell ourselves, because it's easier to sweep dirt under the rug than deal with uncomfortable things in life. These issues don't have to be 'i was molested as a child' issues, but rather simple things like the direction our life is going, the question of whether your friends are 'truly' your friends, and etc.
See a psychologist, talk about life and try to see what the real problem is, as this is not a phsyical one
are you a psychologist? or studying psychology?
i literally have the same symptoms as OP, except that i smoked a lot of weed, which might be the real reason for me. but a psychologist diagnosed me as depressive, even though i told her about everything :/ ...
to say it with dragon's words... "what dose mean?"
nah neither a psychologist or psych major, I've just lived through enough of my parents problems, and then with my own shit, having seen a psychologist (an average one...) i've smoked plenty of weed too, can't anymore coz my mind goes crazy (i went through bad anxiety phase and cant smoke anymore... sad story), but it's not a 'cause' for depression... Heres the thing with psych's - they like to 'diagnose' and people get labelled. All depression is, is a frame of mind - and you are labelled 'depressed' when you are in this frame of mind without there being a necessary or apparent cause. People feel like shit all the time, but it comes and goes, but 'depression' is when this shit feeling lingers more than it should and without reason.
Depression can also just be learned behaviour, like from your parent. Lets say your mum has bouts of depression throughout your childhood and onwards, this emotional response to whatever will likely be passed on to you, without you ever actually being aware of it. This is just an example of how simple depression can occur, and why people who have feelings of depression never actually understand why. It's just excessive negative thinking... and it is habitual and learned and can be turned around with the right 'training' you could say - pinpointing irrational conclusions, not allowing yourslelf to sit in self-pity, etc etc all that psychology crap.
Its funny to see how people think depression is like getting the cold. 'Stop whining everyone gets depressed'... these people lack so much intelligence im surprised that have the capacity to function on day to day basis.
most people here talk about losing all motivation. maybe you are right with your statement about unadressed issues, but on the other hand losing all your drive isn't a "frame of mind", is it?
People don't just wake up one day and want to do nothing for the rest of their lives. Losing drive is a symptom of depression, not a cause. And it effects people at different levels, especially those who are typically very driven and active. I don't have high drive, I never have, I don't like to study hard (or study at all), I want money but I don't work hard to make it, sometimes I stay up all night doing nothing and sleep all day. I can get depressed, but then I can feel better days later. This may have to do with the fact that I've experienced feeling like shit enough to know that it only takes a good day to make you feel better, and from there you start thinking more positively. Its important not to get caught up in feeling upset/depressed for a week, and turn it into a much bigger issue than it really is. If you feel bad for weeks on end, then yes things need to be addressed. But its essential that people are aware that everyone has shitty days/week, and that is OK, life goes on, you are not by definition 'depressed.'
As the OP said he's only been feeling this way for 2 weeks, it seems a bit exaggerated to label yourself depressed after feeling bad for 2 weeks, although its significance should not be ignored. There may be problems, ones that CAN be resolved, and move on from. This is life, get used to it
i just realized "frame of mind" doesnt mean what i thought it means. so your post actually makes more sense now
dunno if you read all my posts, but i literally lost all my motivation for everything, even my most beloved hobbies. i really wish i knew why... tried to find a psychologist, but in germany you have to call hundreds of psychologists or be really lucky... and i just can't fkin do that.
anyone got some ideas? yea yea, excersise, meditate, eat good... i'm trying to do all these things, but i never was able to keep anything of it up for longer than a month maybe.
On February 01 2012 05:47 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote: Sounds like depression to me. I was depressed from age 4 onward to varying degrees, sometimes managing nothing but just laying on my hammock and other times almost completely normal. Also, I had trouble telling I was depressed, despite the fact I was, literally, doing nothing but laying on the hammock all day sometimes. Still, no matter what the team liquid posters say, you still need to see a doctor. Depression is a chemical abnormality in the brain and will kill you if you try to ignore it.
what do you mean? it obviously won't kill you.
also, the serotonine theory is pretty shitty and most likely wrong, imho. look at this substance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tianeptine ..it's a selective serotonin reuptake enhancer (SSRE), which does the opposite of an SSRI . yet it works.
the only reason why people made up the theory about serotonine, is because increasing serotonine levels was proven to decrease the symptoms.
Someone mentioned that depression was a state of mind earlier and that is most likely the best way to descripe it. The problem is that this state of mind is extremely hard to escape again. You get more depressed from being depressed. Therefore the decrease of symptoms from medicine (SREs, SSRIs, SNRIs) is extremely important. Relieving the burden of the depression by treating symptoms becomes a part of the cure.
Depending on how long you have had a depression and how serious your symptoms are you should seek out a doctor or a psychologist. In Denmark it is always the doctor you should seek out first, since he can prescribe a psychologist to make it cheaper for you. A psychologist is mostly longterm, while pills are mostly a shortterm help. Both has advantages but a combination is recommended if your depression is medium or above.
Apart from that a few general principles apply to treating depression: Plenty of exercise, getting your rocks off, exercise in relaxing your mind (meditation, relaxation and more) and eating/drinking healthy.
I think you may have a gaming addiction. I had the same thing. I played vanilla SC so much back in college (1997) that I actually failed a semester and had to withdraw all my classes. I also stopped talking to my friends.
You should try to ween yourself from HoN. I know it's tough but you have to. Know that you need to work hard and play hard. That's what I do now. I'm actually a Ph.D. working in a research lab now. But I still game, I just make sure my work is done first!