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So in about a week my gf and I will have been together for a year. The relationship has been amazing, we're crazy about each other, and see it as a serious thing.
By coincedence, her little sister, who is about 3 years younger than her, gets back from a solo jaunt around Europe on the same day (she was gone for a month, and it was her first time overseas).
Anyway, the other night I was at my gf's place and she mentions that our anniversary falls on the same day that her sister gets back, and that that means we won't get to do anything for our anniversary, on the actual day. I was a bit surprised, as I was already aware that my gf was going to the airport with her parents to pick her sister up before she went to work that day, and kind of assumed we'd go out that night. In the interests of full disclosure, I should also state that we are spending the following weekend away together interstate. I felt disappointed, maybe slightly annoyed, but not in a rage of jealousy.
To get to the point of this, I mentioned the above to my mates, and again to my mother at family dinner last night, and everyone was unanimous in their, well... surprise... at her apparent decision to cut me from that day. So, to those in, or those who have been in, serious relationships, would that bother you given the significance of your first year together? Or, given that we've made plans for the weekend, see each other often, and the circumstances of her sister's return, do you think it's no big deal if we don't celebrate on the day?
Personally, I'm not too bothered by her spending the night with her sister instead of me, but was a bit annoyed that she just made the choice without even discussing it with me. My friends/mother have a different view... Anyway, sound off below!
  
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Italy12248 Posts
I have been together with my gf for over one year and a half, and it would definitely piss me off. Besides, her sister has been gone for just a month, to me it's not that much. If she was coming back from an Erasmus or something similar it's fine, but just one month away is really not that big of a deal imo.
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Not a big deal. The day is only as special as you decide to make it, just celebrate it the day after or something. Who cares.
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United States3612 Posts
Some people are brought up to put their family over everyone else in most circumstances. Realistically relationships come and go, and while your anniversary is probably important to her she may want to make her sister/family feel special by prioritizing her/them. That being said, it's not something I or probably you would do, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
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I don't really see the big deal but I feel like if you bring it up at best you gain very little benefit(next anniversary that coincides with a relative returning she'll put you first?) and at worst it could possibly screw up your relationship(really?this bothers him?if something this rare and inconsequential gets under his skin what problems will come up in the future?)I don't know what personality your gf has so if shes really open / cool you could bring it up. But sometimes you can't always have your birthday party on your birthday...
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I think its just a date. Whats important is how you spend the time together not on what date it happens imo.
But people do as you say have different thoughts on the subject. But if her and her sister are close i would not be that surprised.
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Well, all you can do is tell her that this day is important to you. Obviously she doesn't think it is such a big deal, so you have to make her understand that it is in fact a big deal to you. If she still thinks her sister is more important, then you'll either have to accept or move on
My opinion? It's not worth wasting energy on someone you're not on one line with. I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like, but for me, life's much better single.
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It really is just another day. Think about what the year anniversary is: you're commemorating that the earth has rotated around the sun once since you started going out. Does it really matter?
Just have a nice time with her when you can and enjoy her company when you can. There are people in far worse positions.
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On January 17 2012 21:09 Rekrul wrote:
you should be thankful
Words of wisdom from what I assume to be a rugged and wizened man who has trekked the breadth of the world and tasted of a long and supple life.
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It's so unnecessary to get hooked up on things like this. I know its hard but just let it go man, theres no need to be upset. Just tell yourself that, genuinely tell your gf that its okay. The big changer in my relationship was when i stopped being upset over silly things. I feel so much better about myself and my relationship after that 
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It's like celebrating a birthday... although the date itself is important, when you celebrate isn't as significant. I'd rather have an awesome weekend away instead of a few hours with her at dinner before she wants to get home to see her sister/family.
My wife and I (together almost 5 years) try to travel every year for Valentine's day. Sometimes we manage to be somewhere new on the 14th, sometimes we get cheaper flights/hotels/etc by going a week early or late.
Another thing to learn from this is fights worth having...
How important is it to you that she talks things over with you first?
Where does she stand when it comes to you vs family?
These might not be things the two of you need worry about yet...
Last, do SOMETHING to "mark the day". Even if you can't celebrate in the way you want on the day you want, do something like send some flowers to her house (or a card, or hand deliver w/e). Just like if you had a birthday on a Wednesday and wanted to have the party/celebration on Saturday. You still want to get a few cards/money/gifts/congratulations ON the date.
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lol wut?
You're asking her to ditch people she grew up with and known her whole life to go out with you 1 more night when you already have plans to go away for the next weekend.
Also, you're neither married nor buying a house. She doesn't need to ask you to make calls about her own life.
EDIT:
Ask for people's opinion -> Get defensive when people disagree with you -> ban them from your blog -> ??? -> Profit.
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you sound like a girl
edit: lol i got banned from his blogs for this :p
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On January 17 2012 21:31 SnetteL wrote:
you sound like a girl
idd, this is like the ultimate roll reversal. the girl is saying as long as we do something its cool, and your the one getting anal about the specifics.
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On January 17 2012 21:31 Cr4zyH0r5e wrote:
lol wut?
You're asking her to ditch people she grew up with and known her whole life to go out with you 1 more night when you already have plans to go away for the next weekend.
Also, you're neither married nor buying a house. She doesn't need to ask you to make calls about her own life.
Thanks, but you should probably learn to read.
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Don't make a big deal over irrelevant bullshit, it's the key to having a good relationship.
You're making a big deal out of nothing
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The only reason to be upset would be if you actually had plans, for example if you planned a nice dinner with her etc. But if you only ASSUMED that this kind of stuff would be happening there's no reason at all to be upset!
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Cool, thanks guys, but l2read.
User was warned for this post
edit:
On January 17 2012 21:31 SnetteL wrote:
you sound like a girl
edit: lol i got banned from his blogs for this :p
Yeah, you added nothing. You were a smart ass. You made it clear you either didn't read, or just made ridiculous assumptions and decided to act like a 16 y.o. kb warrior. The above was directed to you primarily.
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Seriously, what's that big fuss around celebrating certain dates in life? It's just so sentimental... Well, it's good to remember the past, but ultimately, the past doesn't matter now, right? Or at least it shouldn't damage the future of your relationship.
Also, a family-by-blood will always be prioritized over family-by-love-affairs. That's just the way it is.
Good thing it doesn't bother you.
Just hang out together the next day or something, no big deal. I don't get why your parents have different opinion.
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EPT
