EPTJANUARY
This story begins in January. Early this year after discussion with my friends and some enthusiasm from my best friend Nessarose I decided to start contributing to a community that at the time I stood far removed from. I was just one man with a computer, a lot of worry, but also a lot of hope. When I would get off of work I'd arrive home, turn on my computer and immediately begin scouring the internet in search of guides on how to record games, how to stream, what it takes to commentate, what kind of hardware I'd need and all the other bits and pieces that form the infrastructure of a fledgling production. There was a clock ticking in my head. After following GSL's third season and reading about the MLG season I knew that something was brewing. No one knew at the time just how big that storm was, but all questioned how long it would last. There was a lot of interest, but media was hard to find. That's how I chose to get into doing player interviews. So many people wanted more and yet their appetites were not satisfied. I realized I could help.
FEBRUARY
In February something dramatic changed with me. For a long time I'd had a tremor in my right hand and it's activity had increased severely. At that time it also began to affect my left hand as well. This was disturbing and made me worry. Working two jobs during that time I'd regularly hold things so no one would see my hand shake. Nessarose eventually did see and frowned seeing it commenting that's the worse she's ever seen it. I couldn't shake the concern while I worked. Hoping it would go away I looked at buying a camcorder. While searching I had it narrowed down to two. One was the Canon Power Shot and the other was the Canon Vixia HF M30. The difference here was one shot in HD and the other did not. I had observed many people on streams complain about video quality despite how amazing the game being played was. It seemed people valued the graphics more than the content being presented and would watch a (in my opinion) worse stream just because it was in 1080p not 480p. While trying to choose I sent PMs on youtube to a few people who I'd seen produce content. Two were answered out of the many sent. They were from people I never expected to hear a reply from. Josh Suth (AskJoshy on youtube) replied explaining his microphone setup for the interviews he did that year at MLG. Dan Stemkoski (Artosis) replied telling me about his camcoder. He happened to own the same model that was on my potential purchase list. After reading that from him and knowing that a known producer used the same camcorder and was happy with it sealed the deal and I ordered it the same day.
MARCH
Mysteriously the hand tremors I had vanished, but along with them went the muscle cramps I'd had in my stomach for years. It was a bizarre moment for me. This explanation of my problems may be insignificant to many of you, but I feel it's inclusion is needed to accurately depict my state of mind during all these events. For as far back as I can remember I'd had abdominal pain and cramping. Magically it was all gone. For once I felt normal. There was no fear of getting ill while out with people. I could go anywhere and not worry about needing to leave early. This was strange and I expected it wouldn't last so I took advantage of it as much as I could. Leaving my house at any opportunity to be outside when for the longest time I'd be tethered close to my home by my stomach issues.
The camcorder arrived this month and I began playing with it. Something else important happened this month. MLG Dallas happened and I could not attend. It coincided with the final weekend of a seasonal job I take every year. All weekend I worked away from my computer the events of Dallas unknown to me until the Sunday evening it ended. While reviewing the media from that event I saw Joshy had gotten a lot of content. I hoped to someday be doing what he does. Admittedly I did shake my head and think to myself "I was going to do that." but I would later find there's plenty of content to go around. The sea of information is infinite it seems. Even personalities like Day[9] and Destiny reveal new things about themselves occasionally despite being such public figures. March ended on a very sad note. My friend Nessarose was leaving again. She travels for work and would be gone until December. Parting with her is always difficult. A little depressed I moved on into April.
APRIL
Things changed again with me in a dramatic way. I'm not quite sure when, but sometime in April I began to have dizzy spells. At times I would get short of breath. There was chest pain and these muscle twitches or spasms all over my chest, the back of my thighs, and under my arms. It was terrifying. Whether I was active and at work or idle and at home those symptoms were ever-present. I couldn't sleep. The question of what was wrong with me was a constant in my mind. Nervousness certainly didn't help. Regardless I dealt with it as best I could and forced myself onward through the days in the back of my mind hoping I wasn't a timebomb set to ignite at any moment. Forcing the fear away I researched and planned. Knowing the MLG schedule I started looking at flights, hotels, looking up player results, watching interviews, and diving deep into the information that there was. Then there was a post on Teamliquid. A LAN was happening in Phoenix, Arizona. I live in Arizona and jumped at the chance to go. Then I found out that this was the second LAN. IdrA and Skew had attended the first and I wondered who else may be hiding out in Arizona. It was unknown to me the player talent we had here.
That LAN changed things for me. I had exchanged PMs with the person running it. Offering to do video at the event for him he told me all about it and told me to come down. I showed up an hour early. This is where I introduce another person who's been nothing but amazing and a key contributor to my work. KimZ is Nessarose's sister. She has a fascination with games and when I mentioned I needed a ride there she was excited. Walking into Cyber Zone I quickly found Andrew "UpInSmoke" and talked to him about the LAN's format and how long it might take. He put on a stream from TL and we watched it as people slowly arrived. One player caused me to raise an eyebrow immediately. In the door walked Evil Geniuses' Machine. I knew IdrA lived here, but didn't know about Machine. I'm an inherently shy person and was quiet for much of the event. I introduced myself to everyone slowly and found everyone was very polite. There was a surprising amount of comfort that day. Here people like PhiliBiRD and Machine stood on common ground with people like myself. It was so strange being equal. Watching the games one stands out in my mind even today. Piro vs Vatillega on Tal'Darim Altar. It was an amazing PvT game that ended with High Templar holding against Banshees for what seemed like an eternity. Piro's Cybernetics Core was destoryed and his only AA was Feedback because storm was not done being researched. Intense micro of his Templar again the Banshees and Ravens slowly gave him time to rebuild his cyber core and make a couple rounds of stalkers. The game was razor thin and exciting.
Since that LAN I felt less stressed out about the quest I embarked on and went home to work with the video. That was the day I learned HD video was a hassle to deal with and I laughed to myself finally having a glimpse into the complaints I'd read on twitter from people like JP and R1CH about technical issues.
MAY
I was in the hospital. Seemingly at random while at work I became very dizzy. My heart started beating so fast and my chest hurt severely. Ignoring everyone I quickly sat down in the office. My boss called an ambulance. Later I would lie on a bed alone at four in the morning wondering what was wrong with me. Nervous is too light of a word to describe how I felt, but it's the only word that comes to mind right now. The doctor came in to tell me that according to the tests there was nothing wrong with my heart and the chest x-ray didn't show anything strange. He gave me a prescription for some Ibuprofen and sent me home. Nothing made sense anymore after that. The pain was crippling and I couldn't breathe. What happened to me? They had no answer and I began to worry more. If it was something serious surely it would show up right? I began to question if going to MLG Columbus was a good idea or not. I called Nessa on the phone barely able to keep myself together. She said she would meet me in Columbus and I felt a little better. Now I just hoped that nothing bad would happen before then.
There was another LAN this month just days after my hospital trip. Looking at the player list two names stood out as new and unusual. iNkA and ONEGatored were on the signup list and I looked them up on TL. Both of them had streams and I began watching them. iNkA's stalker micro was impressive, his music choice matched up with what I liked and his chat was always very lively. Gatored streamed less, but his play felt solid. iNkA was a player who's name I'd heard before and I found myself regularly watching his stream. His stalker micro regularly impressed and his mods made the chat entertaining. I was very excited to meet him, but also shy as typical for me. When the LAN came I felt at ease again despite the pains and dizziness I was still having intermittently throughout the days. Meeting iNkA was oddly nerve wracking for me, but later on when I interviewed him I was a lot more relaxed. During these interviews as I was encoding I noticed something in the playback. There were moments I'd blink and my hand would noticeably squeeze the mic. I wasn't aware that my reactions to the pain I was having were noticeable. No one seemed to care if they did notice. This was the first event some of my friends played in. Despite a lackluster showing on my clan's behalf it was a good time.
MLG almost didn't happen. In the days beforehand I was short on money and just narrowly was able to make all of the pieces fall into place. This endeavor wasn't accomplished alone. Arguyle who is a wizard of last-minute planning helped make it so. I was frightened. My thoughts clouded with worry over my physical safety I struggled to find sleep. Contstantly telling myself "The doctor said you were fine" wasn't any reassurance.
JUNE
Columbus, Ohio was my first MLG and a trip that will stand out in my memory for a very long time. After smiling uncontrollably meeting Nessa at the airport we spent a night at a hotel before embarking on the quest of MLG. Sadly we could only afford the one night. Money was in desperately short supply the whole trip and the remaining nights we slept in the car under the lights of a Wal Mart parking lot. The event went well and I met many people. I got to experience in person IdrA's gameplay live during the opening match against MC. The whole story of my MLG Columbus trip is told here http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=232079 but there's something I feel compelled to add in this writeup. At a tiny bar near the venue players congregated. Nessa and I were lucky to find this out. While there I got a chance to meet players and talk to people, but the most memorable conversation was with Joshy. There's three people I admire more than anyone else when it comes to eSports production, Joshy, SirScoots, and DjWheat. Don't think that I dislike the other amazing people we have. I clear my Tuesday night schedule to watch SOTG and tuned in to NASL nightly when I got home from work, but those three people are who I aspire to be like. Being able to talk at some length with Joshy about how he got into the work he does, the difficulties he's had, and the resources he uses really helped me gain a more advanced understanding of how I should perform and conduct myself. I came away from that conversation with a more clear focus on what to do. Thank you so much Joshy for helping set me on this path. Of this whole year being in that bar surrounded by the entertainers, players, and produces that had provided me with countless hours of entertainment I was so happy. It was a group of people with a common focus. That was the night when the word "community" really struck me and lodged itself in my head. eSports is an amazing thing.
After another sad parting with Nessa I flew home and began encoding the video to upload. Days passed the same as they had been. My chest hurt, I would get dizzy, but i had to continue on. Bills sat on my desk unpaid. Being broke was an understatement. I existed solely on the generosity of my friends and family. Had I not such kind people around me I would be hopelessly lost and in very poor condition. This month there was another LAN and another excuse to bring my camcorder out to play. This LAN is where I began to see my life take a turn for the weird. From ordinary into a step up. Logging into TL one day I saw that I had a PM. I'd never gotten a PM before. After clicking it I started at my computer slightly puzzled. iNkA sent me a PM? It turns out with Machine and IdrA at Dreamhack he had no way to go to the event. A week later I'm sitting in the car as we're driving iNkA to the LAN wondering if I'd fallen into some weird alternate reality. When we got to NetLANS everything went as normal. The lineup this time included iNkA, Skew, Gatored, PhiliBiRD and many others. It was always surprising to me how eager the GMs were to come out and play. Having access to them in person to bounce questions off of was also a plus. Later on that evening iNkA called me over to his computer and told me to log into twitch. Suddenly I was a mod on iNkA's stream. A surprise to me entirely I thank him and take that position fairly seriously making sure to check out the stream whenever he's broadcasting. Though a minor thing I still felt a little more involved which made me happy. After driving him home we hung out at his place for a while and he asked me about my media work. I explained the setup and described some issues I had and how I planned to work them out. Then iNkA became a large contributor to my work. He had half a computer sitting idle. At one time he was building a custom one, but gave up on it. It was just a processor, motherboard, and graphics card. He gave them to me telling me to use them to make my work better. My increased production speed is wholly thanks to him. My more recent turn around times for video would not have been possible otherwise. Additionally I couldn't run something like FRAPS and SC2 at the same time, but now I can. Thank you so much iNkA. That hardware helps me still today and my work would be much more difficult and some ways impossible without it.
JULY
LAN was the acronym that described this month. In a world of mediocre and suffering this month's LAN was a spectacle. Reading the list of players I can barely believe it happened, but I was there. There were so many people there it was uncomfortably hot. Playing at this little tiny shop called NetLANS were iNcontroL, LzGaMeR, DeMusliM, Machine, iNkA, PhiliBiRD, Skew, LastShadow, and Gatored. I was awestruck and didn't have enough eyes to watch all the games I wanted to watch at once. Rapidly walking back and forth it was hard to find just one game to record. Overwhelmed I decided to relax and just enjoy this event. Watching LastShadow play on the Korean ladder was interesting, being able to talk to iNkA and Machine again was pleasant, DeMusliM being in platinum on NA was funny because of the ladder lock at end of season, LzGaMeR was visiting from another state, Gatored played almost inconspicuously. To this day I cannot describe in words the awesome that was that LAN. The games were so good. One of the highlights for me was being able to talk to SirScoots about his media work and production and leaning some things about his setup. After that LAN Arguyle, Bandito, PhiliBiRD, and I sat at our favorite bar and were met unexpectedly by Machine, iNkA, and DeMusliM. Sitting talking to them about Brood War history, some of the behind-the-scenes details about how teams work, talking about travel, and watching a waitress pass by us six times and DeMusliM with his accent only needing to say "Excuse me miss." to cause her to turn an abrupt 180 on her heels and stop made the night extremely memorable. Machine invited us to visit afterward. iNkA went to bed immediately, but Machine stayed up for a bit and talked. We crashed over there and woke up before anyone else did. My teammates and I had to work in a couple hours. Not wanting to wake anyone we headed out and messaged them to thank them for letting us stop by.
That LAN was followed up by MLG Anaheim. You can view the full writeup about it here http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=254952 No other event could have followed it so well. Being able to speak to TT1 and Sheth again was nice. Xeris was one of my favorite conversations that weekend. I'm a very big fan of the NASL. During that weekend I got to sit and talk to Xeris and the owner of the NASL for a little bit for an interview. Being able to come home from work and turn on NASL is the most awesome thing. Their finals weekends have been amazing twice in a row now. Hearing the details behind some of their technical issues was neat. For whatever strange reason I love audio issues. I'm a big fan of audio. I appreciate it when it's great and am excited when it's misbehaving. The car ride on the way down was all because of KimZ. That girl is a saint and I'm lucky to have her around. She drove myself, Kurt "Weaklink" and Phil "AlphaQUp" to Anaheim where we met up with Bandito and Arguyle. I remember just as we got off the freeway leaning out the window to yell at Ret. "Ret you are awesome!" I shouted leaning out the front passenger window and waved at him. Sometimes when I think about Ret I wonder what went through his mind right then. If it was "crazy fan", "wow that's the fourth time already", or maybe something else entirely. The world may never know. Afterward we didn't have the luck I had in Columbus for finding out where everyone hung out. That's the part that got me the most down about events after Columbus. There I was fortunate to be around everyone afterward. I do my best to not be an overbearing fan and be obnoxious. It's a weird world I'm in where I'm not quite a fan, but not quite a producer. This strange in-between is where I stand, but I like it. Big thanks to FXO's Raelcun for telling me to fix my audio issues. I have hearing trouble in my left year so I didn't catch the problem for a while. Raelcun's another person who's words I appreciate after having had a chance to talk to him at Colubus and Aneheim.
AUGUST
This month brought much to the table for me. MLG Raleigh was the next big event. However there was a LAN as well. Sometime during all of this mess my birthday occurred. My health wasn't improving, but I've started to just view it as something "normal" now and hope it's something I can live with safely. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, but it's all I've got. Vaguely I remember someone saying strategies based off hope and hope-based-play are not the key to winning. I think that was Day[9] who said it, but that idea sticks in my head regardless of source. This year my birthday was more than just a day I sat at home. I went out and was met by a couple friends. Strangely these were the friends I saw the least who were in attendance. The friends I saw most commonly did not attend. Partially due to scheduling conflicts I'm told. That excuse doesn't make me shake my head any less. It'd been a long time since I attempted to arrange something for my birthday and when I finally did it garnered little more than a nod.
August's LAN was an event that generated an intense amount of spite and I feel no regret in expressing my vicious distaste for the venue that the LAN was now being held at. The LAN was held at a new place and I was told expressly that there could be no video or photographs which contained any portion of the building's interior or any logos of any kind that could be associated with the venue. I only refer to it as the venue and not by it's name because I feel their stance is acidic to promoting their brand. Do they have good computers and are they accommodating? You'll have to gamble on going to one on your own to find out since we can't enlighten you any. We want to promote an event that may bring them business. Forget small it's fucking money. Why do I keep getting into arguments with companies that seem to be allergic to press and money? My goal is to show people the good things that go on at these events to gain more attention and higher attendance which brings more fucking money into their businesses. At NETlans the owner said he doesn't remember the last time he's seen his store so packed. Then here's the new venue trying to slam the iron curtain on our necks. I would be more disparaging towards them, but I am told that after time and talk they are considering letting me take pictures inside under strict guidelines. This is a step in direction and it's new made me smile. Perhaps they're just shy and needed to know we were out to help them. Hopefully they'll come around. In the mean time I'll just interview Axslav and Machine outside in front of a nondescript wall. We had a bit of low attendance this month. Thank you Axslav for saving the reps from the finals. Those games of you vs Machine were damn awesome. I'm glad I got to see those.
MLG Raleigh was one hell of a trip. You can read the full story here http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=260956 but here's the highlights. We couldn't get a flight into Charlotte or Raleigh-Durham so instead we flew to Atlanta and drove up with our friend tehc0rnbread who we met on and play League of Legends with. He wanted to check out the LoL stuff going on with MLG. My clan is invested in LoL as well so it sounded like a great idea. We got there a day late, the hotel fucked me, and I hardly got any content out of it, but it was a good time I suppose. Being able to meet tehc0rnbread and being back in Charlotte however brief we were in Charlotte were the two highlights of my trip. tehc0rnbread was a guy who I met through friends totally online through League of Legends. I've made a lot of online friends gaming, but this was the first opportunity I had to fly out and meet one. He's an awesome dude and it was so cool being able to be at a live event with people I know watching the games we all play, live and in-person with a huge crowd and the players right there.
I must close August with this though. Tremendous thank-you to It's Gosu's Gatored. He's a protoss player I met at a LAN in Arizona months ago. Every time I see him he's a really nice guy and he's an extremely talented player. During this year he knocked out several Korean players at events. At Raleigh I had a hard time getting content. Many of the people I'd talked to at other events didn't know I was there because I arrived late and am not very well networked with the eSports world. My only interview was from Gatored and every time I interview him he's always so good on camera. When originally trying to make up my mind whether to go to MLG Columbus and start this crazy endeavor of mine he supported the idea. Him along with Machine, PhiliBiRD, Piro, SuitGuy and others thought it would be so cool if I did that. Thanks for the interview Gatored. I didn't leave Raleigh MLG empty-handed because of that.
SEPTEMBER
Misbehaving is all I did this month. When the LAN rolled around again I shrugged and rolled my eyes at the thought. I was still prohibited from filming or photographing anything. There's no excuse for showing up late, less of an excuse for me leaving before the finals, and worst of all I dragged KimZ out for basically no reason. I felt like a jerk and probably looked like one too. Gatored and Machine played against each other in the finals, but I was too disillusioned with the venue to care. My goal is to bring events, games, and people to others who did not have the ability to attend in person. This venue has been shutting that down. I love recording 3rd person over a player's shoulder and giving quiet commentary. The interviews are what I pride myself on and they have steadily improved since I began doing them. Most of all I loved the candid video of me walking around through the LAN seeing everyone playing, people talking, and showing off the community aspect of the event. Without those I feel so limited in being able to expose this awesome group of people here in Arizona.
OCTOBER
A couple weeks into this month I felt a sharp pain in my thigh. It was brief and startling as they usually are, but this hadn't happened in some time. Mentally I recounted the two trips to the doctor I'd had so far. The first time I went the doctor said they could find nothing wrong, prescribed me some medication for the pain, and then sent me home. That medicine didn't help at all and was money sunk on hope. A few weeks after that another doctor said it could be due to chemicals at work being used improperly, but they'd need a tissue sample or to look inside my lungs to know for sure. They also informed me I didn't fit all the symptoms for something chemical, but that if it was work related to seek legal council. After some talking that possibility is still up in the air. The next evaluation wouldn't come for some time.
Devastation was supposed to happen this month, but it did not run either of the games VATOCLAN covers. Predominantly we're focused on Starcraft 2 and League of Legends. Devastation ran Heroes of Newerth. It was scheduled alongside IPL 3 which with the weekend already having been requested off I watched from home. Of the events that transpired over that weekend one sticks out to me. During an impromptu panel with iNcontroL, Stephano, and MC the question was asked which race each player thought was the strongest. Stephano taking the netural answer suggested they'd all choose their own. After which MC responded with an outbust about there being a lot of terrans in the GSL and him being out of the tournament. It was the clearest English I'd ever heard from MC and it was amazing. I'm a big fan of MC and hope he continues to show up in media with such charisma.
Orlando was my next destination. I had looked forward to a lot of work this month with a local LAN, Devastation, and MLG Orlando, but in the end my workload was a lot lighter than anticipated. MLG Orlando was enjoyed for many reasons. I finally got to meet FTact.)Sony who runs the azsc2.com website in person and talk to him in detail about sc2, his experience with brood war, and plans for future SC involvement. He's a really fun guy and between him and Cyrax there was a lot of fun conversation.
Here at MLG I felt at home. Sitting semi-outside under that huge glass dome I looked up at the sky. Several tables away sat Joshy and TLo, Machine walked past with a wave, I greeted Xeris with a fistpump in a hallway, there was an actual alligator, and I was at ease. Although I was here to work and accomplish something I felt as if I was among old friends. Words flowed freely from my mouth and the shyness that typically marks me was largely absent. Speaking to Nessarose on the phone Friday morning in that calm atmosphere made me forget all the ills in my life. This was the place I was meant to be. The full story of my MLG Orlando can be found here http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=278042 but some events stick out in my mind. Firstly the inherent calm was overwhelming. It was actually hard to focus because of how relaxed I felt. After three events had passed by I finally got to interview TLO. I was so nervous I fucked up the intro twice before I got my head together. It was cool being able to get him on camera finally, but what made that interview more special to me was afterward shaking his hand and turning to put my camcorder away. Standing by the whole time was the rest of Liquid just off to the side watching. Nazgul and Jinro's faces stuck out the most to me. Abruptly it dawned on my something critically important that I hadn't considered before. I smiled at them as I put things away. The player's comfort should be one of my primary concerns. By taking them out of the venue, standing them still, and putting a camera on them it's like a beacon to fans. Suddenly I understood that time and location are important so that it's simple and easy for them to do an interview. It made me sad to think that maybe they would agree to a quick interview before lunch then get stopped by a line of fans and miss lunch before having to play again. Immediately I decided to keep that in mind any time I interview anyone again. The next two highlights blew my mind. While walking around the venue I saw a Quantic shirt I didn't recognize until I read the name. It was Cinergy the owner who i hadn't met before. Hoping to catch him I quickly ran over to introduce myself and he already knew who I was. He knew I'd interviewed iNkA at local LANS and followed the team. That was one of the happiest conversations I'd ever held talking about Quantic's involvement in multiple games, their plans for SC2, their outlook on gaming and media, it was amazing. We parted ways so he could watch their CoD game. Also that weekend I talked to Aaron and Brian from It's Gosu. Being recognized was strange. My experience with It's GoSu originated with Gatored back when he played for All4One Gaming. Metting ONEFireFlash during Columbus, then talking to him and Aaron in Orlando was the neatest thing. Having followed that team through it's merger and acquisition of new players then being there to talk about it and hear about Gatored's current standing defeating Korean players at IEM New York... I would redo MLG Orlando any time. Just give me the button to press. It's Gosu, Quantic, Liquid, Evil Geniuses, Fnatic.MSI and the teams have just been so nice to me. Here I am just a random guy with a camera and no one's dismissive or judgmental. Well, except Slasher who was a little cynical when I spoke to him in Columbus, but I appreciate and understand the points he made to me and am a big fan of him and his work. MLG Orlando ended with a lot of video and a skull-shattering headache that lasted for days.
This LAN was nice. Nessa was finally home. I felt safe again knowing that if something bad did happen to me someone had my back. That's a difficult feeling to find in the world and I'm privileged to have it. She and I sat watching games and talking throughout the day. We arrived a little bit late, but I am still not a fan of the venue yet so it mattered little to me. Being able to talk to Machine post MLG was cool since he's so busy at the bigger events. The October interview with him is one of my favorite Machine interviews so far. October was a good month.
NOVEMBER
Failure is something I expected, but I didn't expect it to be so outrageously out of my control. This month I accomplished nothing and was angry. There was no LAN this month and worse I missed MLG Providence. In pain and upset something made me smile, Naniwa. I tried everything I could to get to Prov, but I couldn't do it without a roomate and I was unable to find one. Then I decided to just go for a day, fly in, fly out, g.g. but that was not to be. It was far too close to thanksgiving to get a flight. I only fly for free if the plane fails to sell all it's seats and so close to the holiday there was no chance of making it. If you bolded the word angry that's how I felt. It's like I let everyone down. Only a couple dozen people follow my youtube, my blogs combined only have maybe 2k hits, and there's only a few twitter followers, but they are all important to me. The views on my videos show me that people watch and are interested. I failed those people. At MLG Providence a couple people expected me and I was not to show. The final event would pass by with me as a spectator. Most of all I just wanted to say hello to everyone and thank them in person for how kind they've been to me this year. Everyone had encouraging things to say and anyone who turned down an interview did so politely. It's a good sign when the worst words you got from a person were "Sorry, but I'm just not feeling like it right now. Maybe another time." and never stone silence or mockery. I just wanted to pay those thanks in person. With no LAN and no MLG I had nothing to do, well, except for one thing.
League of Legends Dominion is a game and game mode I throroughly enjoy. It reminds me of my best days of PvP back in Arathi Basin during same-sever BGs in preBC WoW. Those were the best days of pvp for me. The Dominion game mode on LoL takes me back. It plays fast and is brutally unforgiving offensively and defensively. In that game mode even 1 player can easily make a decisive change in gameplay. Similar to how I found teamliquid.net I found dominatedominion.com by simply typing in a search and going to the first dominion focused forum I could find. There it was, a small forum in a sea of "Dominion sucks!" and I had dropped anchor on it. Logging into league, joining the chat channel and reading the site leads me to find new and exciting people.
However I was only level 24, but very close to 25. I knew that if I wanted to play I would have to catch up. Something in the deep buried confines of my brain that day popped open. I remember staring unfocused at my screen. Then I thought about Machine and how he told me about how much he's been practicing and important it is to simply just be in a game sometimes. Then I thought next of Froz from Day[9]'s daily #100 when he spoke about Froz's insane training style. Then I remembered myself and how good I used to be at video games. Once upon a time I didn't need savestates or even fair odds. I would just win, effortlessly and continuously until people couldn't keep up anymore. Then I would take a break. I found that ability again.
Katarina was the champ I bought and with her I would win against odds that made no sense. Was the game a 4v5? Sure it was, but we did win one of those. Did my team have a 400 point nexus health deficit at one point? Yes, but I solo'd windmill 1v3 while my team was dead and began turning it around by sniping off players near their speed shrine. I unseated an Alistar by myself from windmill and that just makes no fucking sense. My build was ninja tabi, warmogs, hextech sweeper, will of the ancients and I lived forever. I stacked CDR runes and ran back and forth through a yi with shunpo while his highlander was up and took him out. Versus an all AD team I built frozen heart and thornmail, levelled my killer instinct ability first and dove into fights, died, heavily damaged the other team with ult and thornmail proc then my team cleaned up easily. Other times I would build more pen than any sane person should have just hit and run towers so my teammates could dive a significantly weaker foe. Shunpo and kat's passive made for nifty teleport dodge moments. If there was a minion, ally, or nearly dead enemy I could escape. I picked up a quadra kill because an idiot jax got too close and let me jump on him, reset all my shit, then destroy his allies with a now-refreshed ultimate. From thursday evening until early tuesday morning I sat at home and played. I would wake up, play a couple hours, watch streams or MLG, play 4 hours, eat, play 4 hours, eat, then play a few more hours and go to sleep. I think I pulled 10-14 hours a day for thurs, fri, sat and sun nights. I won games like a fiend. No one knew how to deal with tank kat. I rode the WhoremoGGs Kat train to victory. Losing maybe 1 in 8 games my xp/ip skyrocketed. When I quit Tuesday morning at almost 3am I was level 30. I shut it down and went to bed. Fuck it, it was done. I won.
DECEMBER
Scared but happy describes me best. Early in the month both of my arms quit on me at the same time. I woke up one morning with both of them numb and useless then panicking. After getting that checked out it seems I compressed the nerves in both elbows which affects my cubital tunnels. It was a relief to actually know what the problem was and how to fix it for a change. The downside is it meant ten days off gaming. During that time I found a job to do. I would commentate a League of Legends Dominion tournament. That would be my first live broadcast and I slaved over getting all of my equipment and hardware setup. This included upgrading my hard drive with the money I would have used to go to Providence. With the new HD I could record VODs of all the games from the tournament. Before that day came something awesome happened.
Dec 11th was a typical day. It was a Sunday, I worked with a terrible piercing headache and occasional numbness in both pinky fingers. The day was marked by slow business at work and fright invoking chest pains. However there was something about this day that stuck in my mind. Once home I heard my brother and step mother arguing while my dad failed to be able to arbitrate. At my desk I began encoding video from a test stream of the DominateDominion Open Fight Night and was watching TT1's stream in the background. TT1 is one of my favorite players. This particular day he was streaming Brood War. It wasn't until two hours had passed that I realized I hadn't been doing anything except letting the encoder run and watching the stream. There was something peaceful about listening to the song "Lights (Bassnectar Remix)" by Ellie Goulding playing in the background of his stream. Payam is awesome, brood war is something dear to me as it is to many others, hearing the familiar sound of a corsair chirping as it fired, the sharp sound effects that don't exist in modern video games, and there was no pain. Since late January of 2011 my world has been nothing but pain. Sharp shooting pains in the back of my thighs, muscle spasms sprinkled across my left side, intense twitching of muscle in my left underarm, spikes of numbess in each elbow, stabbing pain in my temples, the occasional throbbing in the back of my skull, burning sensation in my wrists, and many other minor pains have plagued me all year. There's never been a moment of comfort. Each trip to MLG I worried something would happen to me while I was in the air. Every day was marked with fear and uncertainty that I wouldn't make my destination and I wouldn't be able to say hello to Nessa again.
On this particular day and this particular evening seeing Payam madly click gates to produce zealots. Hearing that song playing in the background I just stared on. The coarse voice of those archons was so familiar to me. It reminded me of a time when I didn't hurt and there was no fear. Back when my offline friends and family didn't look down on me, when the future was bright, and my family smiled when I was around. These days I'm wracked with silent agony while sitting in a hostile home. With all my friends out of reach I turned to online communities. Wearing as much of a smile as I could manage I stuck my head out and was welcomed. No one judged and everyone was friendly. eSports was kind to me. That was something I was not used to. Those hours I spent that day watching Payam play I felt no pain. It was drowned under a smile that wouldn't fade until the stream turned off. For a many hours I sat in my chair happy and comfortable just like the day when I sat watching the GSL Season 2 finals. My favorite player playing my favorite game with my favorite style of music playing in the background. It was a peaceful time during a time of my life warped with chaos and uncertainty. Thank you TT1. On that particular day at that particular time you were just the entertainer I needed.
Then on the 13th I sat at home watching State of the Game and played the drinking game along with many others. It felt like I was sitting in a room with friends just hanging out and having a good time. Hearing from Day[9]'s own mouth that he was Grandmaster in all three races had an impact. Here was a person who meant write off as a has-been who announced he's still capable. It reminded me of BoxeR's run at MLG Anaheim where The Emperor came to play and lived up to his name. Then I smiled knowing I'd done that to myself when I raced to 30 in League of Legends. Listening to iNconroL fail to speak a sentence after three tries and watching the way his comments on the "fuck, marry, kill" question made Day[9] almost suffocate laughing, it was a great night.
The 17th was a long day where I cast all day from 9am my time to roughly 6pm. During this time I gained a lot of respect for Artosis and Tasteless. Knowing the endurance you need to manage that and I thank them so much for being such amazing casters. From all the VODs, GSL games, and all the games at MLG I've heard them cast it taught me something tremendously important, repeat yourself. People would join and leave the stream and you'd need to plug sponsors again and describe the game upcoming and the games past. You also need to know how to fill in dead air for tech delays and other issues. Tastosis' casting taught me that and I am so grateful that they commentate. The games were exciting and I was nervous, but damn was it awesome. That was my first ever live commentary of gameplay and I feel I did really well. Hopefully I get another opportunity to cast.
The month ends though with storm clouds. I went to a doctor again and he said I have a sinus infection. This is no problem he gives me some medicine and I start taking it. It's five days later and the headache isn't any less neither are the other pains I've been having, but he says everything else shows ok except for the xray showing my sinus issue. The chest xray and electric heart scan thing show that I'm fine. I forget that those are called, ekg, ecg or something like that. Christmas was a good night. I sat with Nessa and her parents playing uno, eating lobster and just smiling a lot. Her family is so kind to me and I'm so thankful for it.
This final paragraph is being written on New Year's Eve. I'm about to post this and stream League of Legends for hours or until my arm dies on me again. With all these words I still can't phrase well enough how thankful I am to have been at these events, met these people, seen these games, and recorded the interviews. I'm armed with so much more knowledge than ever before about how media works, how teams work, events, casting, and tons of stuff I'm probably forgetting. The tiniest conversations had some of the biggest impact and it's just so amazing. Here I am closing the door on this year and enjoying my last couple stress-free days before I begin looking towards next year. I'm unsure if I want to try and attend all the MLG events from April-dec this year or instead try and go to an international event. My plans aren't set, they rarely are until arguyle puts his stamp of confirmation on things. I'll leave this section with mention of just what arguyle is capable of.
Who is VarAguTyOle? That name reads like some kind of pasta sauce, but in reality he's a wizard. Well, maybe his ego is. Somewhere there's a person buried under it, but all reports of it are speculative at best. Currently there's not scientific instruments precise enough to be able to sort through the ever-shifting mass. Maybe by 2145 we'll have conclusive evidence. His actual name is Nick, but his gaming handle is arguyle (the "a" is supposed to be lowercase, you'll get over it) and I met him seven years ago. When I met him it was in martial arts and I knew him as a name of someone skilled who people were afraid to be matched against. I don't think I've ever beaten him 1-on-1 before, but that's totally ok. When I fight normal people (aka, not arguyle people) I win effortlessly and it makes me concerned. arguyle plays a lot of games and does a lot of things. The list of things he doesn't win at is short and basically only includes Starcraft. He played World of Warcraft, and now plays Stracraft 2 and League of Legends. In League he can play pretty much any champ and be effective. Or he can play Tryndamere, spit in the face of death and physics and kill you, then manage to die to something so stupidly avoidable it makes you wonder if his failures are intentional. As if no one could fail that spectacularly and have it not be a planned occurrence, but he swears it's all an accident each time.
What arguyle has become in recent days is The Wizard. arguyle is the person with control over the skies. In a world where I cannot drive a car I have free airplanes because of him. I cannot drive to get a burger, but I can fly to Louisiana if I want to, whenever I want to, and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it. Only TSA and arguyle can stop me! *evil laugh* Columbus almost didn't happen, but then WIZARD and it was "k". Then we went to Anaheim and it was almost disateriffic until arguyle tanked the problem until it left the state. Let me reiterate that. He tanked the problem so hard IT LEFT THE STATE figure that one out. When Raleigh happened everything went ludicrously bad. Then he conjured 200 dollars out of thin air on the side of a fucking highway in North Carolina like it wasn't a big deal and happened all the time. Sometimes I'm not sure if arguyle is real life or some elaborate trick by which chance and probability manifests in a physical form just to mess with the world directly. With Orlando he threw the paperwork at me and said "go." and it was done. However in Providence he did nothing and Prov was the only event I didn't attend. It's based upon those events that I hypothesize arguyle is VATOCLAN's key to eSports. Without which we would be unable to unlock the infinite-awesome that is competitive gaming.
Thank you arguyle for making all of this possible. I may have made one and if lucky a second event this year. You however gave our team the power to be represented at four MLG events this year. On ego's mass we surfed from place to place with my camcorder creating something new. In League of Legends behind you blatant disregard for terrain, sound reasoning, game mechanics, or coordination you've been the catalyst of many hours of entertainment and video content. For now I may be front man, but arguyle is the coordinator. Last time I checked coordinators pilot Gundams and I know for damn sure who I want piloting Gundams in my army...
Xephan, because his aim is better. :D
<3 <3 <3 to arguyle, (#) (waffle) to bandito, (POMPOMS) to iNkA, <3 to Nessarose, <3 to KimZ, and c> (ice cream cone) to tehc0rnbread who's contributions made directly possible all of my trips and associated work.
Happy New Year, and thank you. I hope to see you all, or at least most of you next year.
THANK YOU
There is a long list of people to thank for this year and I must list all of them. All of my work and joy from this year would not have been possible alone. This post and all my associated writings and works are a combination of the generosity and faith of other people. I could never have done this alone. If anyone reading has connections with the people listed in the thanks please link it to them. I'd really appreciate it if it go to their ears. So thank you...
PhiliBiRD, Skew, Piro, Bobhlead, Weaklink, Praiise, everyone at the LANs for pushing me to go to Columbus
SuitGuy and UpInsmoke for organizing the LANS in Arizona
InsigmaTheory and Heeromaki for getting me into casting by really demonstrating how chill and relaxed streaming could be, should check out their streams sometime twitch.tv/heeromaki and twitch.tv/insigmatheory you can find them on the non featured list of TL they're awesome
SirScoots, Artosis- though the conversations we had were short I gained much from them and it's been a tremendous help
TT1, Sheth, Xeris, Gret0rp- for the interviews and idle conversation at events, and TT1 your stream rocks
Translator John for the speech that inspired this new journey of mine, Day[9] for his "don't ask when eSports will happen, make it happen", and iNcontroL for his "this is how you can get involved" speech. One loaded the bullet, one pulled the trigger, and one struck the round. Those speeches in that order got me going.
LastShadow- for giving me a little insight into korea
Team Liquid- for always being nice, and for this website. This website was where my road began with a simple websearch and it's taken me amazing places. Thanks for paving the road I now have the privledge of travelling on
TheFeedski and Trevorcop for getting me involved in that Dominion tournament.
rptorbandito, tehc0rnbread, Nessarose, Weaklink, and AlphaQUp for helping me with travel and lodging at events
FTact.)Sony for getting me involved with azsc2.com and the Arizona scene and for his help at MLG Orlando, and being endlessly entertaining
Machine for being encouraging, for being good on camera, all-round nice guy, and for explaining some about how sc2 teams work.
Gatored- for saving me in Raleigh with that interview, I would have had nothing to show for it if it wasn't for you man
iNkA- that processor is tied for greatest thing to happen to me this year, I'd have never been able to do all this video mess without it. I didn't find out until just a couple months ago just how vital that component has been. All the speed and work that I've done this month is on the shoulders of that chip. thank you iNkA
Joshy- our conversation at the bar in MLG Columbus really showed me the way to go forward, also the media on your youtube channel has been good research. I would be so lost without the insight you've given to me. I can't thank you enough. wish I coulda gone to prov and said that in person. Another event I suppose.
arguyle- is the wizard behind all my flights, without him I have nothing, without me, nothing changes for him, without your wings I would still be looking up at the sky instead of being in and being taken to new places, thank you
KimZ- in a world where I have no car you made LANs possible for me. All my early work is from your generosity. Thank you for emabling me to test myself before I began going to MLGs
Nessarose- for being my spine when I don't have one, my mind when mine is lost, and some other sappy shit you don't want to read, but is accurate anyway. Columbus would have gone dramatically differently without you. In an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar I'm glad something made sense. Thanks for telling me to just do it instead of worrying about the ifs. I love you a lot. :p
Overall
eSports is now something important to me unlike any other hobby I've had before. In a world of uncertainty and pain, coming from a life filled with rejection and discouragement, here I have found something so overwhelmingly good I almost can't bear it. The three things most important to me in life are that I have safety, a purpose, and are surrounded by people who do not yell at me and are kind. I can handle any disagreement or conflict as long as it's spoken of peacefully. Blame it on my family history I guess, but there's a lot of anger, violence, hate, and destruction there. I come from a place where anything I owned could be taken irrecoverably from me on the whim of unpredictable men. However here with all of you I feel safe. Here involved even as minimally as I am I feel comfortable. Where I live every day questioning my health something is a constant relief. Chaos all around me I lean on one thing.
eSports is here and sometimes that is all I need to know to be happy. Let's do this again.
