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I think if you're writing for an audience that's unfamiliar with starcraft, you need to dumb it down more and really explain the difference between macro/winning.
This paragraph would be good somewhere in the middle of the essay. For your introduction, start off on a tangent and gradually reel the audience in with VERY SIMPLE analogies.
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I'd write and/or, rather than or/and. I suppose neither is correct or incorrect, and/or just sounds alot better. Actually i'd probably just write "and". It should be "foreign players" too.
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On December 04 2011 11:00 Sadistx wrote:
I think if you're writing for an audience that's unfamiliar with starcraft, you need to dumb it down more and really explain the difference between macro/winning.
This paragraph would be good somewhere in the middle of the essay. For your introduction, start off on a tangent and gradually reel the audience in with VERY SIMPLE analogies.
This.
Starting off the essay with large amount of information about Starcraft will probably turn off most people because they have no clue what you're talking about. Assuming most of the people know little to nothing about Starcraft, I would start off the essay with an introduction of what exactly it is and how it would apply to people.You have to explain what it is first then you can proceed to blurb about the meta game and how it's always changing and whatnot. I would expect this paragraph to be after the first paragraph which explains the concepts and general gameplay behind Starcraft first.
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To add to what sadistx wrote...I think you should define what exactly "meta game" means. To be honest I think a lot of people throw it around without really understanding what it means. Just browsing the definition of "meta" on wikipedia they use the example meta data as describing the data about how data is collected...so for meta game it might be the "abstract game" that's played about things that in turn affect how you play the actual strategy game - such as affecting a player's mental state with "BM" that will in turn cause that player to make mistakes in his/her angry mood, thus giving you an advantage in the actual game.
With that in mind I'm not sure how the increase in macro games slows down the growth of the "meta game". You'd have to explain that a bit more. Perhaps it would be best to just remove meta game and discuss "the game" period
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On December 04 2011 10:47 NB wrote:
The need of North American and or foreign players overall going for 'macro games' instead of 'winning games' is slowing down the development of the Starcraft 2 meta game in general, therefore affecting balance changes in a negative manner.
The main reason for this phenomen is that most non-korean players do not think highly of themselves when compared to korean players, which result in a mentality of playing games 'to learn, to improve' instead of 'to win'.
Macro games also reduce the need for creativity, consequently reducing the ability of foreign pro-players to compete at the very top level where mechanical gaps are really small. Less creativity cause less abusive gameplay, which gives Blizzard less input towards game balance, which then result inaccurate balance patches.
Is better I think. If you are actually going to turn it into an essay.
Either way, I think you are wrong in your conclusion.
The reason why foreigners are worse than koreans, is that koreans play to learn and foreigners play to win. And foreigners don't consider a lot of things 'worth learning' - like cheesing properly, defending cheeses, etc. They want to play the 'real' game, whereas koreans, want to play the actual game, and if that involves the sickest cheeses or exploits, that is what they will be focusing on learning.
If Blizzard balanced the game exclusively based on what was going on in Korea, I think the game would be better balanced. I'd agree with that. But I disagree completely with your idea about the mentality of the players ... I think it's really the other way around - koreans play to improve, not foreigners playing to improve. In general.
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Hey NB! I'm a TA in the humanities, so hopefully I can help here! Sadistx is absolutely right--as an opening paragraph, you need to provide some sort of background for these general concepts.
Further suggestions:
(1) "North American Starcraft 2 players, known as 'foreigners' within the community, focus on overall 'macro games' instead of 'winning games'. This inhibits the growth of the general 'meta game', and in turn, adversely affects balance changes". maybe something like that? To help the and/or problem? I think this is what you mean here (though I am actually quite new to the game and I could be making no sense here with these changes!!)
(2) You mean "phenomenon"
(3) Your second sentence is quite unclear. What do you mean they do not think so highly of themselves? Are you claiming that they are more humble? Or that they have different mentalities: playing to get better VS playing to win? I think the latter is not necessarily the same thing as the former.
(4) When you refer to "pro-gamers" in the third sentence, are you still speaking of "foreign pro-gamers"? If so, include "foreign".
(5) "A lack of creativity leaves players open to more abuse"? Or do you mean, "A lack of creativity means players cannot effectively abuse/harass the opponent"? Your meaning is unclear here.
(6) "...exploits in the game which does not allow for Blizzard, the company who develops the Starcraft games, to implement accurate balance patches". Or something along these lines?
Again, I am not exactly sure if I'm capturing your sentiment here (since again, I am very new to the game!!), but it might help you to clarify some of your ideas. I apologize if this isn't helpful--but I'm always happy to try!
Good luck!
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On December 04 2011 10:47 NB wrote:English is not my first language and i have been working on improving my writing skill recently. I have some good topics and ideas but the lack of writing skill is a huge issue for me to express them in general. Actually, its not even English, my writing in my native language back in high school also sucks ass. As a math major i have never care such thing until recently when i actually have some free time. Please help  .... Show nested quote +
The need of North American players or/and foreigner players overall for 'macro games' instead of 'winning games' is slowing down the growth of Starcraft 2 meta game in general therefore affect balance changes in a negative effect. The main reason for this phenomenal is most non-Korean players do not think so highly of themselves when compare to korean which result a mentality of playing games 'to learn, to improve' instead of 'to win'. Macro games also reduce the need for creativity therefore reduce the ability of pro-players to compete at the very top level where mechanic gaps is really small. Less creativity cause less abusive, exploits in game which gives Blizzard less input for balance approach which than result inaccurate balance patches.
ok on second thought, this paragraph sucks... but ima post it anyway, feel free to discuss about the paragraph topic: " 'Macro is better' mentality is overrated and need to be removed".
Yikes!
Ok, so "need" is used incorrectly, replace with something like "trend". I would replace "North American or/and (it should be and/or btw) foreigner" with "foreigner" or something of the like (if it's a SC knowledgeable audience).
-The main reason for this ("this" cannot refer to an entire idea, you have to be more specific) phenomenon (not phenomenal) is most non-Korean players do not think so (could put in "very" if you want) highly of themselves when compared to their korean counterparts (suggested wording) which can result in a mentality of playing games 'to learn' or 'to improve' instead of 'to win'.
This is a long, awkward sentence
- Macro games also reduce the need for creativity thereby (not therefore) reducing (not reduce) the ability of pro-players to compete at the very top level where the mechanics gap is really (really is a boring, undescriptive word-- pick something better) small.
-Less creativity cause results in less abusive (no comma) exploits in game, (comma) which this gives Blizzard less input for balance approach, (comma) which then (not than) results (results not result) in inaccurate balance patches.
It seems like you don't have a strong grasp of... how words fit together in English. I think the best way to improve this would be by reading more. Go pick up some good books and read the shit out of them. Also, you need to work on pluralism (more than one) and verb tense (past, present, future).
There is tons of stuff here, the parts I fixed were done pretty quickly, and to be honest I would scrap them completely and rework your sentences from scratch. My goal was to point out a few of the errors you made. As a final point, I'm an engineer, so not the greatest writer :p
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On December 04 2011 11:19 radscorpion9 wrote:
With that in mind I'm not sure how the increase in macro games slows down the growth of the "meta game". You'd have to explain that a bit more. Perhaps it would be best to just remove meta game and discuss "the game" period
Metagaming result in making in game choices based off things you don't see in game, but what is currently popular. If 7/10 zergs 15 hatch 16 pool, proxy 2 gateway is a lot more viable than if 7 / 10 zergs 11 overpool.
I feel that it makes sense in the way it was used because the claim is that foreigners not playing in the most effective manner in order to win, but rather play 'to get to the mid late game so we can practice the real game' slows down the actual balance patches because the meta game on foreigner servers is more based on wanting to play a specific style in game in order to learn mid and late game strategies and practice them, rather than playing in the most efficient winning style.
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why would you write about stuff like this? No one will know wtf your talking about. You should change focus to the developement of the esports scene... or why starcraft is such a great rts game... or something like that.
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thank you all for helps and suggestion ^_^... learning bit by bit day by day <3
gameguard: no i just wrote it for myself as english practicing as well as starcraft note taking. I tried to make it sounds controversial so it will generate more interest than just something plain out fact/100% correct. I remember my ENG4U teacher in high school used to told me that a good written essay dont need to be a correct essay :D. In fact he suggested us to make stuff up so it would be easier to focus on writing instead of fact gathering 
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On December 04 2011 14:11 NB wrote:thank you all for helps and suggestion ^_^... learning bit by bit day by day <3 gameguard: no i just wrote it for myself as english practicing as well as starcraft note taking. I tried to make it sounds controversial so it will generate more interest than just something plain out fact/100% correct. I remember my ENG4U teacher in high school used to told me that a good written essay dont need to be a correct essay :D. In fact he suggested us to make stuff up so it would be easier to focus on writing instead of fact gathering
LOL I've been plagued pretty hard with this problem throughout highschool and now even into second year of uni. Teachers/profs being like "ya guy pretty well written but wtf are you talking about? here, have an okay but not great mark of like 78"
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On December 04 2011 15:00 Bibbit wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2011 14:11 NB wrote:thank you all for helps and suggestion ^_^... learning bit by bit day by day <3 gameguard: no i just wrote it for myself as english practicing as well as starcraft note taking. I tried to make it sounds controversial so it will generate more interest than just something plain out fact/100% correct. I remember my ENG4U teacher in high school used to told me that a good written essay dont need to be a correct essay :D. In fact he suggested us to make stuff up so it would be easier to focus on writing instead of fact gathering LOL I've been plagued pretty hard with this problem throughout highschool and now even into second year of uni. Teachers/profs being like "ya guy pretty well written but wtf are you talking about? here, have an okay but not great mark of like 78"
I always wrote essays like this:
Controversial statement and or theme of the essay (1 paragraph).
More in depth about each side of the argument (2 paragraphs).
Argument (1 paragraph).
Counter-argument (1 paragraph).
Argument (1 paragraph).
Counter-argument (1 paragraph).
Argument (1 paragraph).
Counter-argument (1 paragraph).
Argument (1 paragraph).
Counter-argument (1 paragraph).
Argument (1 paragraph).
Counter-argument (1 paragraph).
Summary (2 paragraphs)
Conclusion (always ending up supporting the counter-argument).
It was such an easy way to just do it without thinking at all ...
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Hong Kong9162 Posts
On December 05 2011 01:05 aebriol wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2011 15:00 Bibbit wrote:On December 04 2011 14:11 NB wrote:thank you all for helps and suggestion ^_^... learning bit by bit day by day <3 gameguard: no i just wrote it for myself as english practicing as well as starcraft note taking. I tried to make it sounds controversial so it will generate more interest than just something plain out fact/100% correct. I remember my ENG4U teacher in high school used to told me that a good written essay dont need to be a correct essay :D. In fact he suggested us to make stuff up so it would be easier to focus on writing instead of fact gathering LOL I've been plagued pretty hard with this problem throughout highschool and now even into second year of uni. Teachers/profs being like "ya guy pretty well written but wtf are you talking about? here, have an okay but not great mark of like 78" I always wrote essays like this: Controversial statement and or theme of the essay (1 paragraph). More in depth about each side of the argument (2 paragraphs). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Summary (2 paragraphs) Conclusion (always ending up supporting the counter-argument). It was such an easy way to just do it without thinking at all ...
Successful essays do not rely on cookie-cutter builds. Structure your essay for the topic at hand. Write what you need to write, no more and no less.
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On December 05 2011 03:45 itsjustatank wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2011 01:05 aebriol wrote:On December 04 2011 15:00 Bibbit wrote:On December 04 2011 14:11 NB wrote:thank you all for helps and suggestion ^_^... learning bit by bit day by day <3 gameguard: no i just wrote it for myself as english practicing as well as starcraft note taking. I tried to make it sounds controversial so it will generate more interest than just something plain out fact/100% correct. I remember my ENG4U teacher in high school used to told me that a good written essay dont need to be a correct essay :D. In fact he suggested us to make stuff up so it would be easier to focus on writing instead of fact gathering LOL I've been plagued pretty hard with this problem throughout highschool and now even into second year of uni. Teachers/profs being like "ya guy pretty well written but wtf are you talking about? here, have an okay but not great mark of like 78" I always wrote essays like this: Controversial statement and or theme of the essay (1 paragraph). More in depth about each side of the argument (2 paragraphs). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Argument (1 paragraph). Counter-argument (1 paragraph). Summary (2 paragraphs) Conclusion (always ending up supporting the counter-argument). It was such an easy way to just do it without thinking at all ... Successful essays do not rely on cookie-cutter builds. Structure your essay for the topic at hand. Write what you need to write, no more and no less.
It's 15+ years since I had to write one, but it used to work very well. Fast easy and good grades.
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EPT
