EPT
Feeling like the odd one out. - Page 2
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Subversive
Australia2229 Posts
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Probe1
United States17920 Posts
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Kerotan
England2111 Posts
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Scarecrow
Korea (South)9172 Posts
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Applecakes
Australia319 Posts
Forget all this bullshit advice in here about "man up", or worse, people giving you some kind of psychological help. Start small, work your way up, let your circle of friends grow. I got no fucking idea how shit works in Korea, but I'm sure it's pretty universal that if you start going out to dinner with people, grabbing lunch, spontaneous opportunities snowball. Everyone loves genuine friends. And being one is fucking easy. Help other people out, give them complements, watch their back when they're getting poleaxed. 90% of people love making new friends. Shit, you can even just start off with smiling. Everyone loves having random people smile at them. | ||
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Zex.317
United States9 Posts
The hardest part is getting back up when things take a turn for the worse but I think you'll be able to do it with a little bit of time. Time heals all wound is a bad cliche but the worst things in my life that make me feel like a bastard for months go away a little bit at a time so that they're now only faded scars that only I remember. Sometimes you just have to give it some time, and maybe some alcohal. Preferably something that doesn't burn on the way down. | ||
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Marou
Germany1371 Posts
One mussn't feel like that | ||
lilsusie
3861 Posts
 I've hung out with you before, you're fun! You're a bit weird and crazy but so am I  and we both make some pretty terrible decisions too (ahem, pizza hut, ahem). But honestly, you're not as unlikable as you make yourself out to be!<3 | ||
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zul
Germany5427 Posts
" thats not true. I`m 32 and still meet new people who I like to spend my time with. Don`t stop being open and the rest will come naturally. | ||
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Thrill
2599 Posts
For you, the answer seems quite apparent if i'm honest - the foreign eSports scene is growing bigger than ever, the photo threads are always appreciated. Cover some foreign events, meet some of the new people that have joined the scene. Or don't. But then i'd suggest leaving Korea and getting a job somewhere with colleagues that speak your language and are about your age. If that's teaching or something else, doesn't matter so much. The friend i was talking about has an impressive alma mater yet was more happy at a job that required more or less no qualifications but still attracted people who were a lot smarter than in Uni. Meh, i dunno. You're good at writing, you're good at photography, you're established in Korea. Every foreign organization should be drooling over the opportunity of having you do coverage. No offense to CSN but professional is not the word i'd use to describe their content and they still get by. If you wanted to i'm sure you'd be able to as well. | ||
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TheLOLas
United States646 Posts
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xY
Canada19 Posts
tl;dr Just do what you love and be proud of it. | ||
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StarStruck
25339 Posts
Sounds like you didn't use it and just procrastinated about it instead. ._. Anyway, I'll be sure to give you a ring when my travel plans to Korea get sorted out. This whole you against the world mentality has got to stop eventually. Everyone has their own quirks and you are no different me lady. On November 28 2011 00:57 lilsusie wrote: Stop automatically thinking that they will hate you, maybe those looks of "disgust and confusion" were actually not that. Decent advice, Improv can be a great tool in these scenarios. Stop yourself from self-criticism; stop projecting images onto others. Instead try telling yourself, "Yes, let's!" You'll soon find yourself having more opportunities. | ||
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ironchef
Canada1350 Posts
1. A lot of it is over-thinking/paranoia, people don't really spend that much attention and time effort judging you. 2. Some awkwardness is natural. Even among good friends, there are weird quirks and clashing personalities. At the start, there is nothing else but initial judgements and awkwardness, but as you push through and build on the positives they become proportionally less significant. You obviously have a lot to offer, based off how much you've connected on and impacted TL. Not all relations will work, but don't doubt yourself | ||
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megapants
United States1314 Posts
you say you lost contact with your old friends, but have you tried contacting them at all recently? they might not approach you first, but does that mean that they don't want to hear from you? i mean, if you don't contact them, and they don't contact you, who's to say that you're both not in the same boat? what i'm basically saying is to break out of your comfort zone, even if its a teeny tiny bit. i'm sure you will often be surprised how different the outcome will be compared to the way you imagined it. confidence isn't something that you are or aren't born with. all you have to do is be aware that you're struggling with it and take the appropriate steps toward change. i'm in a similar boat, so i know where you're coming from. this is all stuff that i've forced myself to think about in the past and as of late, because i also feel out of place most of the time. | ||
NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
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Rekrul
Korea (South)17174 Posts
On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote: Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit. What you happened to you during your speech is two things combined. First is It's partially in your head. Due to having lacking self-esteem as you stated you automatically only see/assume the worst. This is the biggest perpetually defeating quality of people severely lacking confidence in my opinion. Due to it it's very hard for them ever to end up being in a situation or them doing something that really gives them a sense of accomplishment, a job well done, or progress made. Much like you gathering the courage to step up in front of a bunch of people and speak about a passion of yours that is unknown to most despite you being anti-social. It should have been a positive day but your mind made it negative. If anything the looks could have possibly been true, for reasons I'll state in the next reason, but they were at least mostly in your head. Due to this instead of building positive re-enforcement for doing something that was somewhat brave for you, you end up feeling down and end up here on TL blogs. That's why it takes a major influential person/people to dig someone like this out of the rut of lacking confidence, because they simply can't do it on their own (hopefully TL.netters are helping you though). Now I'm assuming here because you gave limited information on what you said, but I'll assume you mentioned or implied that you struggle socializing etc. and that e-sports has helped you try to bridge the gap of not being able to connect to people in your speech. It's people's natural reaction to simply not give a fuck when they see someone socially awkward. Now if your speech talked about some illness you conquered, or injury, or fucked up past with emotional trauma and how e-sports got you back in the groove then people might have respected it. But when it's just blandish "I have trouble connecting and this helped me," you really can't expect good reactions. The super nice people will think "awww poor thing," the assholes will think "oh god what a loser," and most people will just think "zzzz boring..." So while I think it was in your head somewhat, at the same time it was probably partially true (if my assumptions about your speech are true that is). All the replies so far in this thread are 100% true and you know them all to be true. Sometimes for some people it's just really hard to dig yourself out of a hole even if you know exactly how. The best things you can do is exercise to feel better about yourself and your looks, and continually put yourself in situations where you are forced to socialize with people. Try to take a different approach though. Fight your needy habits and never attempt to prove or legitimize yourself to people. Just keep conversations simple, be happy, attempt to relate to people but don't force it, and try to never let people brushing you off bother you because they simply do not matter. Remember, all it takes is finding and becoming active friends with one person that understands you and will actually make time for you (talking about someone IRL, online friends can help but you need them IRL). Once you have that one person it will be so much easier to meet more and more people and grow your social confidence. For now you have to do the annoying part of digging yourself out of the bottom of the hole, and that is forcing yourself into these social situations and bracing yourself for all the negative things your subconscious is going to throw your way during these situations. It's hard to get confidence going but when you do it will grow exponentially. | ||
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Ilikestarcraft
Korea (South)17741 Posts
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HawaiianPig
Canada5155 Posts
Honestly, hun, for as long as I've been a part of this site (relatively not that long, to be fair), I've seen you contribute great things and show everyone how much of a genuinely good person you are. The problem rests in your ability to share that with others in person. And that, quite frankly, is rooted in your self-esteem problems. I honestly don't know what hasn't been said on the matter over the years. Everyone's offered all sorts of advice on the issue. I can't imagine what else there is to say in terms of helping you feel better about yourself, but at some point it has to come from within. You need to feel that you're damned worth knowing. If so many people on the internet can see it from just a glimpse of what you provide us, what makes you think you personally can't? If that means meeting more people from TL or of like-mind from the internet to help you realize that, then so be it. Going to Barcraft is a great idea, but I urge you to go into it with the most positive mindset you can. I genuinely can't wait for the day where TL gets to see a more self-assured NeverGG. She deserves it. | ||
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Zidane
United States1689 Posts
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