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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
Now I've been rejected before, that's easy to handle. I've been disliked and even downright hated. No problem, whatever. What's now new to me is being completely disregarded as a person. For someone to have absolutely no interest in getting to know someone he has already chosen to dislike is simply bizarre in my mind. For reference see my first blog post. Share your thoughts and experiences, and don't be shy. I'll be more than happy to answer any questions as well.   | ||
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Froadac
United States6733 Posts
In my case I thought this of both my parents. THey totally restricted what I did, and didn't really treat me as a person, but as an entity incapable of making my own decisions. It was not until I realized that there was a key underlying issue that the problems resolved. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
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Froadac
United States6733 Posts
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17Sphynx17
580 Posts
It is actually possible for someone to act like that. But I don't think the person hated you per se but rather of what you are to his daughter. Given the fact that he doesn't want his daughter to have a boyfriend at present, then simply put any person who is placed as a possibility is immediately shut out. So it's something I consider as a "normal" reaction although the ideal approach would have been for him to know you better before even shutting you out. But that's the present reality. Just look forward to the future and keep your chin up. =) | ||
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FaZe
Canada472 Posts
There's an idea he hates, but you aren't it. | ||
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Froadac
United States6733 Posts
On November 27 2011 18:26 FaZe wrote: It's not you he hates. There's an idea he hates, but you aren't it. Much more eloquent way of what I meant to say XD I don't get the feeling he has anything against you. But he's very protective, hence you feel like he is shutting you down to shut you down, not to protect his daughter (as he sees it) | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 27 2011 18:21 17Sphynx17 wrote: Hi Fritos, It is actually possible for someone to act like that. But I don't think the person hated you per se but rather of what you are to his daughter. Given the fact that he doesn't want his daughter to have a boyfriend at present, then simply put any person who is placed as a possibility is immediately shut out. So it's something I consider as a "normal" reaction although the ideal approach would have been for him to know you better before even shutting you out. But that's the present reality. Just look forward to the future and keep your chin up. =) This makes a lot of sense. It had definitely occured to me that it wasn't at all a personal thing, in fact it only makes sense that it isn't personal. You're more than likely right that he would react this way to anyone of any age that wanted to date his daughter as well. That's definitely the impression he gave me over the phone. I'm not so sure I'd ever call this normal though.  | ||
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17Sphynx17
580 Posts
On November 27 2011 18:28 ABagOfFritos wrote: + Show Spoiler + On November 27 2011 18:21 17Sphynx17 wrote: Hi Fritos, It is actually possible for someone to act like that. But I don't think the person hated you per se but rather of what you are to his daughter. Given the fact that he doesn't want his daughter to have a boyfriend at present, then simply put any person who is placed as a possibility is immediately shut out. So it's something I consider as a "normal" reaction although the ideal approach would have been for him to know you better before even shutting you out. But that's the present reality. Just look forward to the future and keep your chin up. =) This makes a lot of sense. It had definitely occured to me that it wasn't at all a personal thing, in fact it only makes sense that it isn't personal. You're more than likely right that he would react this way to anyone of any age that wanted to date his daughter as well. That's definitely the impression he gave me over the phone. I'm not so sure I'd ever call this normal though. =)! True enough, just "normal" for his position or maybe character. =) | ||
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Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
To hate is to dismiss, to know is to understand. Only one takes the most ofyour time. | ||
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
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SleepTech
United States222 Posts
 As a 30 year old father of a 3 year old and 1 year old daughters, I'd absolutely side with the father in this case. When my daughters hit 16 they aren't going to be dating 20 year olds. And it's my hope that I raise them in such a way that they will see that. That's such a huge maturity difference. When I was in high school, I had a girlfriend 2 years younger then me. When I went off to college there was a huge gap in how we thought. My being 18 and her being 16 was a big difference in itself that after dating 2 and a half years, me 19, her 17, I had to put an end to it. There was a bunch of other things involved with the breakup in general but there was a different maturity level there. I didn't feel right being in that situation. I felt like I was taking advantage of her. She hadn't really 'known' anybody else but me and her world was narrow and pretty much what I gave to her she would accept. That isn't right. I feel that you need to know your own self before you can commit to a relationship. Once my daughters are out of high school and start making their own decisions then it becomes just that...their own decisions. When I first met my wife, we knew what we BOTH wanted in our own separate lives and they were almost identical to each other. It's an amazing feeling knowing that. That's something you can't (my own opinion) know at the age of 16. | ||
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FaZe
Canada472 Posts
and Grandpa was 21. Married 60 years. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
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Scarecrow
Korea (South)9174 Posts
On November 27 2011 18:05 ABagOfFritos wrote: For someone to have absolutely no interest in getting to know someone he has already chosen to dislike is simply bizarre in my mind. There's no way, as a father, I would meet with the 20 year old guy trying to date my 16 year old daughter. I'd write you off simpy based on your ages. 24 dating 20 is fine, but your desire to be in a relationship with a girl with the maturity and intelligence of someone who's at least 2 years from graduating high school makes it easy for him to discount you. | ||
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Thrill
2599 Posts
On November 27 2011 18:05 ABagOfFritos wrote: For someone to have absolutely no interest in getting to know someone he has already chosen to dislike is simply bizarre in my mind. I don't know if it's so bizarre. I can think of several situations where the person trying to force a relationship is in the wrong. Let's say X been drunk-driving and run over Y who's the wife of Z. X becomes depressed and obsessed with guilt and feels he has to make this up to Z by proving he's an improved man. Z doesn't want anything to do with X but X tries to force the friendship under the delusion that they have something in common that they need to overcome together. X thinks he deserves a chance to make it up to Z after years and years of hating himself. Your situation may be far less dramatic, but to me it seems apparent that you think you deserve to prove your worth to this guy, the father. I disagree with you, you represent an idea he's opposed to and he's entitled to the idea he currently holds. He doesn't seem unnaturally controlling, you've presented nothing to suggest he suffocates his daughter and 'keeps her under lock and key'. It's just as likely he simply wants her to live her own life and make these decisions once she's older and more experienced. Him accepting the relationship would be the same thing as condoning it. You're not entitled to his acceptance. It's up to you to decide whether you need it or not. | ||
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lIlIlIlIlIlI
Korea (South)3851 Posts
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