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About a week ago, one of my friends posted an event thing on facebook for his upcoming birthday celebration. He invited a group of friends, myself included. We're the same group that always gets together whenever one of us has a birthday or decides to arrange a get-together. And we've all been friends since our high school years (we graduated high school in 2008).
The date for this birthday celebration was supposed to be Nov 26, and it would take place at Dave & Busters. We all posted on his event page on facebook: "yeah that sounds good!" "I'll be there" "what's a dave and busters?"
Everything was going as planned. Well, until I logged on facebook last night. Turns out, it actually took place yesterday, a day before it was scheduled to. How did I find out? I saw the pictures that one of my friends uploaded. They were all there.. except me.
Turn back the time to Friday, November 25. I was at the mall, since my mom and sister wanted me to take them for Black Friday shopping. I wasn't there the whole day, it was only from about 11 am to 4 pm. During that whole time, and the rest of the day, I didn't receive a single text or phone call from any of my friends to tell me that they were meeting up this night instead of Saturday.
Did they genuinely forget to tell me? How does that even happen? There haven't been any conflicts or issues between me and any of them. Hell, one of the people in my group is my own cousin and we talk about a lot of things.
I just don't know how I should feel about this situation.
 
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^_^ you should call them up and ask what happened. And Clears away all misunderstandings right away asap.
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Yeah this sounds painful. However, I doubt they were expressly trying to exclude you by not informinf you of the change, because you WERE invited in the first place. If you weren't wanted there to begin with, you probably wouldn't have been invited at all. That said, you should bring this up with one of them who you trust to give you a straight answer, and ask what's up. I feel like it's too early to jump to any conclusions, but this shouldn't be entirely ignored either.
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You can look at it as they ditched you, but if you step back and look at it from their view; maybe they genuinely thought you knew, and just didnt show up.. Therefor, instead of texting/calling to bug you, they might be thinking "Oh he ditched us, why should we bother bugging him" - so don't jump to conclusions until talking to them.
It sucks but eh it happens. im sure it was a misunderstanding
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there was a blog about this earlier... that awkward moment on facebook or something.
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Maybe you should, you know, talk to your friends....
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Well, to put it simply, since it's the first time, don't make a big deal about it. It happened, it's over, don't dwell on it and let it go.
I think it would also be kind of weird to ask them upfront why none of them even bothered to look for you or ask where you were.
If it happens repeatedly then maybe you are on to something. Right now, when you are making it an issue (internally) you may just end up viewing whatever reason they tell you as an excuse anyway so it won't really matter/amount to anything.
Just my 2 cents.
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Call them up and "ask them if they're still going tonight." Then you won't have to directly ask why it was yesterday
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Netherlands4987 Posts
I can imagine you feel pwned, Pwned.
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On November 27 2011 01:20 awu25 wrote:
Call them up and "ask them if they're still going tonight." Then you won't have to directly ask why it was yesterday
I feel like this is a worse approach than just asking directly. Maybe they <insert excuse here>. No reason to assume anything. It sucks that you missed out, but don't be sneaky about it.
...imo.
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On November 27 2011 01:10 0123456789 wrote:
^_^ you should call them up and ask what happened. And Clears away all misunderstandings right away asap.
On November 27 2011 01:13 Imperium11 wrote:
Yeah this sounds painful. However, I doubt they were expressly trying to exclude you by not informinf you of the change, because you WERE invited in the first place. If you weren't wanted there to begin with, you probably wouldn't have been invited at all. That said, you should bring this up with one of them who you trust to give you a straight answer, and ask what's up. I feel like it's too early to jump to any conclusions, but this shouldn't be entirely ignored either.
On November 27 2011 01:16 sob3k wrote:
Maybe you should, you know, talk to your friends....
Yeah I plan to. I'll ask my cousin since I know he'll tell me the truth.
On November 27 2011 01:13 Snowen wrote:
You can look at it as they ditched you, but if you step back and look at it from their view; maybe they genuinely thought you knew, and just didnt show up.. Therefor, instead of texting/calling to bug you, they might be thinking "Oh he ditched us, why should we bother bugging him" - so don't jump to conclusions until talking to them.
It sucks but eh it happens. im sure it was a misunderstanding
I'm also under the impression that it was just a misunderstanding. We've been friends for about 5 or 6 years and this is the first time something like this has happened.
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i think your OP title/question is interesting though,..it brings some sort of questioning into things, but nothing more than a 'what actually happened?' sort of thing, since you are actually so tight with your friend.
i guess..if they really wanted you there, people would make sure that you got there---though it's different for every group of friends.
so the bottom line is... no worries man, make up for all of it on your own birthday ^ ^
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Let us know what happened bro!
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Sounds like a misunderstanding to me. If you talk to them I'm sure they'll say something along the lines of "oh shit sorry ;_;". Still a bit strange that no one called you when you didn't show up though.
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You're overthinking it. They forgot/were preoccupied partying/thought you were coming.
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Pretty sure they all assumed you knew/forgot they didnt tell you if youre as close as you say you guys are.
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If they really wanted you there, they'd have noticed you were there and called you. Not sure what to make of it. Since it was the 25th maybe they thought you were spending time with your family.
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Well my honest opinion is that none of them care about you too much. I'm sure it wasn't done on purpose but someone (at least) should have realized you weren't there and sent you a text or whatever. It's not like they are trying to ditch you, it's more like none of them thinks of you as their "top friend". Or maybe they were up to something you don't approve? Orrrr maybe they just got completely smashed super fast which makes guys only think about tits ^_^
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Well as your username states, pwned!  (((
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Norway28659 Posts
if you've been friends with them for 5-6 years, this has never happened before, and no recent events have made you think that they somehow like you less than before, then you should basically just stop thinking about it and trying to read something into this whole thing.
here is my impression of what most likely happened: 1 guy took responsibility for telling you. he forgot. they were drinking. at some point someone realized that you weren't there. upon realizing this, the person asks out, "hey bros, wheres Paul Weend"? (this is your name). the main jerkface responsible for contacting you, goes "oh FUCK GOD damn IT FUCK I forgot" and the crowd laughs a merry laugh because they're slightly intocixated and even if stuff isn't actually funny, it is to them. by then, the party is well underway and in a five second period of not too coherent thinking, they conclude that it's slightly too late to contact you now, because you don't live right next to dave and buster's and it'd take you so long to get there, that they'd be pretty out there and your sober face would feel misplaced. perhaps someone started texting you, but was distracted by a funny anecdote about how this one time, your other friend Nicholas sharted himself in class, and how his facial expression post-shart was forever engraved in each and every mind of each and every classmate. after this, your friends did turns trying to mimic the face - Brian did the best job, because he has a well known talent for facial mimicry. the person who started texting then did not check his phone again for another two hours - and then concluded that, oh fuck guess it's too late to even text him now.
collectively and without having to discuss it, your friends essentially decided to postpone dealing with the problem of you finding out that you were forgotten, until it was deemed a natural course of action, and not something anyone would have to consciously "do". e.g., the next time you meet your friends, one of them will say "yo bro paul, sorry about the mixup man I forgot to tell you the birthday was moved forward one day and then when I remembered it was just too late." and then others will chime in to say "yea man sucks you weren't there but it was a blast anyway haha" and that will be the extent of your future conversation on this topic. Unless, of course, you're not content with this, but not letting go after this happens, would honestly be kinda whiny.
good luck in all your future endeavours and god speed.
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They did not forget to call you. They communicated to everyone except you.
You were not invited on purpose.
You can ask all day long and they will tell you that they forgot or that all their phones got caught in an EMP because nobody in the world wants to be rude and tell you the truth. They didn't want you there.
I once decided not to invite a "friend" to my birthday because i actually find him annoying as fuck. Whenever he is around i try to be nice but i really hate his fucking guts. He asked me why he wasn't on the email list.
I said oops, my bad and sent him an invite. I invited a person i didn't like to my birthday just so i wouldn't have to feel like i was being a dick. I have known the guy for about 5 years now. I still hate him and i still pretend to be friendly around him.
You might just be the friend that nobody likes. Whether that is the case or not, remember that they didn't invite you and they did so on purpose. They didn't forget, their phones are still working.
When it comes to these kind of things it's pretty similar to when a girl doesn't answer your calls anymore. The universe did not conspire against you. They simply didn't want you there.
How should you feel about it? Branch out.
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Edit:lawl i thought the post above me was OP...xD
If he annoys you why don't you just tell him to stop being an annoying cunt. Seriously the most annyoying this ever is, for example, seeing someone make a post on facebook about how they went somewhere, then seeing "omg no invite?" in the comments. No bitch you weren't invited for a reason so stfu. Same should go for your friend,
Also he if he really annoys you and you don't like him he isn't your "friend" is he?
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On November 27 2011 04:40 Megaliskuu wrote:
Edit:lawl i thought the post above me was OP...xD
If he annoys you why don't you just tell him to stop being an annoying cunt. Seriously the most annyoying this ever is, for example, seeing someone make a post on facebook about how they went somewhere, then seeing "omg no invite?" in the comments. No bitch you weren't invited for a reason so stfu. Same should go for your friend,
Also he if he really annoys you and you don't like him he isn't your "friend" is he?
It's a friend i hate. That is closer to the facts then just saying i hate the guy.
The reason i don't just tell him to get fucked is because whilst the majority of my friends find him annoying, he is an old friend of one of my best friends. That friend doesn't really like him much either but at the same time things get akward if you just blurt out the truth and tell someone that he isn't surrounded by friends but just people that tolerate him.
I just balance out the drama that it creates with the advantage. Right now he tags along maybe once a month and flips between being tolerable or a thorn in my side for one night out. If i tell him to fuck off i would still see him drifting in the same social circles and he would just ruin one day a month with all the drama he would drag along.
Keep in mind btw OP that this guy that i hate so greatly doesn't have a clue that i dislike him. He doesn't have a clue most people dislike him. Hell the whole reason people find him so annoying is because he is an arrogant person. You might not think a 25 year old without a job or education has much to boast about but you would be suprised how much he spins with so very little.
I ain't saying you as a person are flawed but you might just not click with your friends. They might just tolerate you rather then like you.
We had a similar blog earlier about a guy that didn't get asked to hang out with his "friends" when they went to the city. It didn't take long to realise he never actually bothered to do anything other then sit and wait for his friends to hand him "stuff to do".
These problems are difficult because you are probably the worst judge when it comes to yourself. How you view yourself and how others view you can be miles and miles apart. You might see laughing faces when in reality people are just smiling to be polite whilst thinking "when will this guy stfu".
Them not having invited you though, that is a clear sign they didn't want you there. I know how a night out goes and if me or any of my friends wants a person to be there then they call or text or whatever. People do actually make the effort because if your a fun person then having you along for the ride only makes things more fun. They didn't all suffer from amnesia, you have to be realistic in these things.
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Keep in mind btw OP that this guy that i hate so greatly doesn't have a clue that i dislike him. He doesn't have a clue most people dislike him. Hell the whole reason people find him so annoying is because he is an arrogant person. You might not think a 25 year old without a job or education has much to boast about but you would be suprised how much he spins with so very little.
It would probably help if you were willing to call him out.
I don't really consider anyone a friend if they can't tell me what they think, or if I can't tell them what I think. You are just really afraid of conflict and it's turning into a weird passive aggressive thing in which you punish the person and they don't understand that they're being punished or what they're doing wrong. That's a really unhealthy attitude to have. Of course there's people who just don't take the hint when you are sarcastic/try to let them down gently, but outright lying and telling them everything is fine and laughing when you hate them... is pretty messed up.
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hopefully its just a misunderstanding OP. Just talk to them... I don't know why people need to ask what to do in these situations. Stop being a social butterfly! Just call them up and ask 
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It would be funny if they were pranking you. That would be pretty ingenious actually.
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If you have been friends for a long time I doubt there is anything more to it than a misunderstanding. My gf does this sort of stuff all the time... over analyzing situations which involve judgement. I look at it as be yourself and people like you for who you are or are not.
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So it turns out that this was a mix of a misunderstanding and some technology fail.
I mentioned in the OP that my cousin and I are very tight with one another and we talk about a myriad of things together. Let's call him Steve. Well, earlier in the week he and I were having lunch on campus. While we ate, we discussed video games, TV, our classes, etc. I brought up the subject of our friend's birthday celebration, let's call him Bob, that I assumed was still going to happen on Saturday.
Steve mentioned that he might not be able to attend because of money issues, and I chimed in saying the same thing. I had heard from people that this Dave & Buster's place was not that cheap. I didn't necessarily take his statement as truth, since I considered it as sort of joking around. He said it in a tone that sounded more like, "I dunno if I'll have enough money for his birthday~" rather than "Hey man, I'm not going since I don't have money." And when I agreed with him, I thought he interpreted it the same way I did.
Well, it seems he didn't.
Anyways, yesterday I went to Steve's house to chat about this. I found out that he met up with Bob at the library in the middle of the week and the subject of the birthday celebration came up. Steve mentioned in passing to Bob, that I wouldn't be able to make it since I was low on the cash. So, when Bob sent out the texts to tell everyone of the change of date, it didn't come my way.
However, on that Friday evening, about an hour before everyone was supposed to meet up, Bob texted Steve and asked him to text me just in case. Perhaps I would have come up with the money by that time and would be able to join them. Steve indeed sent me a text, but it never reached me for some reason.
I know this because while I was at Steve's house, he showed me the text message on his phone. I looked at my phone just to be sure I didn't glance it over, but it wasn't there. Eh, unfortunate mishap.
It's all fine though. After leaving Steve's house, I hit up Bob's house to give him his bday gift. We hung out for the night, kicked back a few beers and played some games on the ole 360. I explained to him the situation in its entirety and we both just ended up laughing.
Oh well, water under the bridge.
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I'd be pissed. What kind of friends are they if they all forgot about you..
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glad to hear things were sorted out
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EPT
