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Well it's me again, this time with another girlfriend, beautiful - and this time steered clear of the christian ones ;P.
Okay so pretty simple problem, my girlfriend is too secretive. We are both 17 and in grade 12, we are in my English class, and she is leaving early to buy some drugs so she asks me to leave class with her for a bit just to say "bye". I walk her to her locker and on our way there we talk about random stuff, eventually somehow we end up at the discussion on what she did this "monday."
So on sunday she told me she's doing stuff and she can't hangout, so I'm like sure all good. Well guess what this fucking stuff is; it is watching a movie with another (friend) guy at her house, and watching a movie at her house involves laying on a bed that is maybe 50cm thick. Pretty much this pisses me off, this is the second time where I found out that her, "doing stuff" involves hanging out with a guy alone. Next of all, why the fuck does she not tell me that?! Like at least be honest with me so my mind doesn't have to be haunted by the possibility of getting cheated on.
I asked her to be more open about these things, and she replies "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail about my life," and that was that. Sure she says that she didn't cheat, and what not, but how can I trust her when she can't even tell me something like that when I asked her to tell me before (plus words are just words), like I wont get mad if she doesn't tell me. She's a beautiful girl, but like we haven't had sex for a week or two due to time constraints, and I know her horny personality... And we all know how manipulative some guys can be, so I think I have every reason to be worried.
Anyways, I'm asking teamliquid for advice, please refrain from posting if you haven't experienced similar situations, or at least make an attempt to sound experienced if you wish to help. Don't mean to be bitchy but I'm just not in a good mood after today, but "Fuck her then dump her", is not the kind of advice I'm looking for. Thank you (:
  
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Talk to her, dump her. Probably in that order. If you talk to her about it, it'll probably end up with one of you dumping the other, so you should do it first.
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On November 18 2011 09:06 FiWiFaKi wrote:
Well it's me again, this time with another girlfriend, beautiful - and this time steered clear of the christian ones ;P.
Okay so pretty simple problem, my girlfriend is too secretive. We are both 17 and in grade 12, we are in my English class, and she is leaving early to buy some drugs so she asks me to leave class with her for a bit just to say "bye". I walk her to her locker and on our way there we talk about random stuff, eventually somehow we end up at the discussion on what she did this "monday."
So on sunday she told me she's doing stuff and she can't hangout, so I'm like sure all good. Well guess what this fucking stuff is; it is watching a movie with another guy at her house, and watching a movie at her house involves laying on a bed that is maybe 50cm thick. Pretty much this pisses me off, this is the second time where I found out that her, "doing stuff" involves hanging out with a guy alone. Next of all, why the fuck does she not tell me that?! Like at least be honest with me so my mind doesn't have to be haunted by the possibility of getting cheated on.
I asked her to be more open about these things, and she replies "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail about my life," and that was that. Sure she says that she didn't cheat, and what not, but how can I trust her when she can't even tell me something like that when I asked her to tell me before (plus words are just words), like I wont get mad if she doesn't tell me. She's a beautiful girl, but like we haven't had sex for a week or two, and I know her horny personality... And we all know how manipulative some guys can be, so I think I have every reason to be worried.
Anyways, I'm asking teamliquid for advice, please refrain from posting if you haven't experienced similar situations, or at least make an attempt to sound experienced if you wish to help. Don't mean to be bitchy but I'm just not in a good mood after today, but "Fuck her then dump her", is not the kind of advice I'm looking for. Thank you (:
Unfortunately the best advice I can give is just this, minus the fuck her part. You don't want to fuck her since you might get an STD, so just dump her.
Edit: hanging out alone with another guy in bed (movie or no movie) would not be acceptable in my relationship. Controlling or not I don't care.
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I think you're picking poor girls man, this sounds like a relation that is entirely based on how attractive you find her.
This isn't what you want to hear, but I think you need to dump her and develop a relationship with a more solid foundation...
But I warn you, this may take a while, so if sex is what you're looking for, you should probably just keep doing what you're doing.
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She is pretty and attract me she does, but I think what's important to realize is we do have an emotion connection, and we care about each other; to what extent I'm unsure about.
She is clean, I want a normal relationship, I have a firm belief that sex is natural and only benefits a relationship, it shouldn't be a foundation of it, but a part of the relationship nonetheless. We have been together for only 6 weeks, and the times that are good, they are good...
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Life is too short to waste time in a relationship with someone you don't trust.
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Kentor
United States5784 Posts
she don't care bout yo feelings mang. she no keeper
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So the only reasonable thing to do si the one thing you refuse to do?
So are you coming onto TL Blogs to just garner sympathy and get people to tell you stuff you want to hear as opposed to what you SHOULD hear
The only thing to do is break up with her. No explanation needed
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Have you tried explaining to her why she has to tell you about things like these. As in, tell her how much you value her trust and your trust in her. Ask her nicely how she would feel if you were being secretive and not telling her about girls you hang out alone with in bed. Explain your concern calmly without making it sound like you're smothering her. Tell her you don't want to feel paranoid if she goes out, so building trust is essential. Make sure to emphasize that it goes both ways, and you wouldn't ask her of anything you wouldn't do yourself. If you raised your voice at her, say sorry for that, and you were just feeling emotional and frustrated. Stay firm with the main issue in that you need to build trust for the relationship to work.
If she doesn't get it, she is probably too immature to, or she really doesn't care about you. I wouldn't be surprised since it's high school.
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if shes hanging out "watching movies" alone with other boys she doesnt care about you very much. Just end it, "watching movies" is just code word for having sex any ways.
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You can try talking about it, but as other people have said there isn't really much a point, both of you are pretty young and she doesn't really sound too interested, and it might come off worse a breakup than not. Just depends how you put it but in the end seems like it'll just end up with a dump or break up, but if you try to keep sticking with her you're probably just gonna get burnt in the end. Relationships like that should be mutual, and it doesn't look like it's gonna go that way at all.
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Man, that's not even a red flag. That's a break up immediately flag.
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Unless these are like childhood friends of hers then I'm going to have to agree with the rest of the thread.
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Take my word for it, you do not want another man hanging out with your girl, especially when she's denying you sex for seemingly no reason. Dear God...
If you want this to stop, the most effective way is to find the guy and drive him into the lockers at school and tell him that if he hangs out with your girl again he's going to have a real problem on his hands. And you make him fucking KNOW he is going to be sorry. Then, tell your girlfriend and for the love of God have sex with her right away.
Honestly, she's done with you and thinks she is being nice by not telling you so she doesn't hurt your feelings. Yes, female logic regarding break-ups is that bad. In all likelihood she's probably having sex with that guy. Ask her about it, and tell her to not hang out with that guy again. Tell her she's entitled to her own activities but that does not include spending time alone with other men. She breaks that agreement? GET RID OF HER. I can already tell she's not worth your time.
Believe me man; believe me.
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Look, regardless of whether she fucked him, has fucked him, or will fuck him, you should be able to trust her if you two are going to be together. Since you obviously don't trust her, just break it off because the relationship is already over.
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You say you care about each other's emotions. The truth is when you care about the other's emotions, you try to understand their needs and not just dismiss them, like, right now you need her to be a bit more open. I'm sure you're not "asking her to tell you every little detail in her life", but laying in bed with a dude alone is NOT a little detail.
It's a bit harsh, but this probably means breaking up. The thing here is that cheating or no cheating (imo most likely cheating, but I don't know her so it's not so easy to tell), she really doesn't seem interested, it looks like she really doesn't know how to end it, in the best case scenario.
I'd talk to her about it, but don't focus that much in the "bed with dude" part, you already know this, what you need to know is whether she's invested in your relationship or not. After that, you should break up with her, it's only logical. There's a lack of trust in that relationship, and when that happens, it's over, don't drag it off. I made that mistake once and it was truly horrible. Pull the plug would be my advice.
This is coming from a rather trusting guy. I would allow my girl spending time with some dude (not in bed though, that's just bad), if she told me about it and I got to know the guy and there was basically a trustworthy construct around their friendship (close friendships DO exist), but this is DEFINITELY not the case.
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I would agree suspicion is the right course of action.
How would she feel if you were watching a movie home alone with a girl on your bed.
Hate to say it OP, but if this continues, you need to dump her.
Take it from someone who was too trusting and was cheated on.
In the same breath though, trust is an important aspect of the relationship, if you cant trust her, something is wrong.
But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
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dude get out ASAP, she is definately going to hurt you if you dont, hell she is already fucking with you
if you can get a pretty (and independent) girl like that already then you can do it again
say "im not interested anymore" . she might come running back to you after a while but any girl will if you break up with her like in this situation so dont think its anything special. she just sounds outright poor quality
this is a very poor quality analysis by me but you're asking for something and thats what i had
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United States24761 Posts
Sleep with the guy that she's watching movies with. That will teach her.
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Unfortunately, this not manipulating guys but a single manipulating girl. Dump her.
^ lololol
Or do the same as her
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EPT
