Well it's me again, this time with another girlfriend, beautiful - and this time steered clear of the christian ones ;P.
Okay so pretty simple problem, my girlfriend is too secretive. We are both 17 and in grade 12, we are in my English class, and she is leaving early to buy some drugs so she asks me to leave class with her for a bit just to say "bye". I walk her to her locker and on our way there we talk about random stuff, eventually somehow we end up at the discussion on what she did this "monday."
So on sunday she told me she's doing stuff and she can't hangout, so I'm like sure all good. Well guess what this fucking stuff is; it is watching a movie with another (friend) guy at her house, and watching a movie at her house involves laying on a bed that is maybe 50cm thick. Pretty much this pisses me off, this is the second time where I found out that her, "doing stuff" involves hanging out with a guy alone. Next of all, why the fuck does she not tell me that?! Like at least be honest with me so my mind doesn't have to be haunted by the possibility of getting cheated on.
I asked her to be more open about these things, and she replies "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail about my life," and that was that. Sure she says that she didn't cheat, and what not, but how can I trust her when she can't even tell me something like that when I asked her to tell me before (plus words are just words), like I wont get mad if she doesn't tell me. She's a beautiful girl, but like we haven't had sex for a week or two due to time constraints, and I know her horny personality... And we all know how manipulative some guys can be, so I think I have every reason to be worried.
Anyways, I'm asking teamliquid for advice, please refrain from posting if you haven't experienced similar situations, or at least make an attempt to sound experienced if you wish to help. Don't mean to be bitchy but I'm just not in a good mood after today, but "Fuck her then dump her", is not the kind of advice I'm looking for. Thank you (:
Talk to her, dump her. Probably in that order. If you talk to her about it, it'll probably end up with one of you dumping the other, so you should do it first.
On November 18 2011 09:06 FiWiFaKi wrote: Well it's me again, this time with another girlfriend, beautiful - and this time steered clear of the christian ones ;P.
Okay so pretty simple problem, my girlfriend is too secretive. We are both 17 and in grade 12, we are in my English class, and she is leaving early to buy some drugs so she asks me to leave class with her for a bit just to say "bye". I walk her to her locker and on our way there we talk about random stuff, eventually somehow we end up at the discussion on what she did this "monday."
So on sunday she told me she's doing stuff and she can't hangout, so I'm like sure all good. Well guess what this fucking stuff is; it is watching a movie with another guy at her house, and watching a movie at her house involves laying on a bed that is maybe 50cm thick. Pretty much this pisses me off, this is the second time where I found out that her, "doing stuff" involves hanging out with a guy alone. Next of all, why the fuck does she not tell me that?! Like at least be honest with me so my mind doesn't have to be haunted by the possibility of getting cheated on.
I asked her to be more open about these things, and she replies "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail about my life," and that was that. Sure she says that she didn't cheat, and what not, but how can I trust her when she can't even tell me something like that when I asked her to tell me before (plus words are just words), like I wont get mad if she doesn't tell me. She's a beautiful girl, but like we haven't had sex for a week or two, and I know her horny personality... And we all know how manipulative some guys can be, so I think I have every reason to be worried.
Anyways, I'm asking teamliquid for advice, please refrain from posting if you haven't experienced similar situations, or at least make an attempt to sound experienced if you wish to help. Don't mean to be bitchy but I'm just not in a good mood after today, but "Fuck her then dump her", is not the kind of advice I'm looking for. Thank you (:
Unfortunately the best advice I can give is just this, minus the fuck her part. You don't want to fuck her since you might get an STD, so just dump her.
Edit: hanging out alone with another guy in bed (movie or no movie) would not be acceptable in my relationship. Controlling or not I don't care.
I think you're picking poor girls man, this sounds like a relation that is entirely based on how attractive you find her. This isn't what you want to hear, but I think you need to dump her and develop a relationship with a more solid foundation... But I warn you, this may take a while, so if sex is what you're looking for, you should probably just keep doing what you're doing.
She is pretty and attract me she does, but I think what's important to realize is we do have an emotion connection, and we care about each other; to what extent I'm unsure about.
She is clean, I want a normal relationship, I have a firm belief that sex is natural and only benefits a relationship, it shouldn't be a foundation of it, but a part of the relationship nonetheless. We have been together for only 6 weeks, and the times that are good, they are good...
Have you tried explaining to her why she has to tell you about things like these. As in, tell her how much you value her trust and your trust in her. Ask her nicely how she would feel if you were being secretive and not telling her about girls you hang out alone with in bed. Explain your concern calmly without making it sound like you're smothering her. Tell her you don't want to feel paranoid if she goes out, so building trust is essential. Make sure to emphasize that it goes both ways, and you wouldn't ask her of anything you wouldn't do yourself. If you raised your voice at her, say sorry for that, and you were just feeling emotional and frustrated. Stay firm with the main issue in that you need to build trust for the relationship to work.
If she doesn't get it, she is probably too immature to, or she really doesn't care about you. I wouldn't be surprised since it's high school.
if shes hanging out "watching movies" alone with other boys she doesnt care about you very much. Just end it, "watching movies" is just code word for having sex any ways.
You can try talking about it, but as other people have said there isn't really much a point, both of you are pretty young and she doesn't really sound too interested, and it might come off worse a breakup than not. Just depends how you put it but in the end seems like it'll just end up with a dump or break up, but if you try to keep sticking with her you're probably just gonna get burnt in the end. Relationships like that should be mutual, and it doesn't look like it's gonna go that way at all.
Take my word for it, you do not want another man hanging out with your girl, especially when she's denying you sex for seemingly no reason. Dear God...
If you want this to stop, the most effective way is to find the guy and drive him into the lockers at school and tell him that if he hangs out with your girl again he's going to have a real problem on his hands. And you make him fucking KNOW he is going to be sorry. Then, tell your girlfriend and for the love of God have sex with her right away.
Honestly, she's done with you and thinks she is being nice by not telling you so she doesn't hurt your feelings. Yes, female logic regarding break-ups is that bad. In all likelihood she's probably having sex with that guy. Ask her about it, and tell her to not hang out with that guy again. Tell her she's entitled to her own activities but that does not include spending time alone with other men. She breaks that agreement? GET RID OF HER. I can already tell she's not worth your time.
Look, regardless of whether she fucked him, has fucked him, or will fuck him, you should be able to trust her if you two are going to be together. Since you obviously don't trust her, just break it off because the relationship is already over.
You say you care about each other's emotions. The truth is when you care about the other's emotions, you try to understand their needs and not just dismiss them, like, right now you need her to be a bit more open. I'm sure you're not "asking her to tell you every little detail in her life", but laying in bed with a dude alone is NOT a little detail.
It's a bit harsh, but this probably means breaking up. The thing here is that cheating or no cheating (imo most likely cheating, but I don't know her so it's not so easy to tell), she really doesn't seem interested, it looks like she really doesn't know how to end it, in the best case scenario.
I'd talk to her about it, but don't focus that much in the "bed with dude" part, you already know this, what you need to know is whether she's invested in your relationship or not. After that, you should break up with her, it's only logical. There's a lack of trust in that relationship, and when that happens, it's over, don't drag it off. I made that mistake once and it was truly horrible. Pull the plug would be my advice.
This is coming from a rather trusting guy. I would allow my girl spending time with some dude (not in bed though, that's just bad), if she told me about it and I got to know the guy and there was basically a trustworthy construct around their friendship (close friendships DO exist), but this is DEFINITELY not the case.
I would agree suspicion is the right course of action.
How would she feel if you were watching a movie home alone with a girl on your bed.
Hate to say it OP, but if this continues, you need to dump her.
Take it from someone who was too trusting and was cheated on.
In the same breath though, trust is an important aspect of the relationship, if you cant trust her, something is wrong.
But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
dude get out ASAP, she is definately going to hurt you if you dont, hell she is already fucking with you if you can get a pretty (and independent) girl like that already then you can do it again say "im not interested anymore" . she might come running back to you after a while but any girl will if you break up with her like in this situation so dont think its anything special. she just sounds outright poor quality this is a very poor quality analysis by me but you're asking for something and thats what i had
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: I would agree suspicion is the right course of action.
How would she feel if you were watching a movie home alone with a girl on your bed.
Hate to say it OP, but if this continues, you need to dump her.
Take it from someone who was too trusting and was cheated on.
In the same breath though, trust is an important aspect of the relationship, if you cant trust her, something is wrong.
But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
See that's the thing, she tells me those little details all the time. She waits for me at my class if she gets out of class early, wraps her arms around me kisses me, etc. Idk it's so complicated, there's so many examples of both cases in our relationship.
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: I would agree suspicion is the right course of action.
How would she feel if you were watching a movie home alone with a girl on your bed.
Hate to say it OP, but if this continues, you need to dump her.
Take it from someone who was too trusting and was cheated on.
In the same breath though, trust is an important aspect of the relationship, if you cant trust her, something is wrong.
But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
See that's the thing, she tells me those little details all the time. She waits for me at my class if she gets out of class early, wraps her arms around me kisses me, etc. Idk it's so complicated, there's so many examples of both cases in our relationship.
I mean maybe just go tell the guy off? Like, that might be the easiest scenario if it's just one guy. If he's a wimp you could probably just yell at him. What kind of school do you go to / what is your social position relative to him? Could you tell him to stop macking on your gf, or else you'll beat him up? It might be more effective to do that than to have some serious bad newses happening b/t you and the gf.
On November 18 2011 09:46 micronesia wrote: Sleep with the guy that she's watching movies with. That will teach her.
oh god rofl i laughed so hard at this.
on topic, dump her. you guys are still young and like many other people have said this is a huge red flag. i know it's hard to just break up with someone but imo she's not worth it. she should understand that you might feel jealous and shit of that type of thing and try to avoid it but if her response is that and she doesn't tell you things then... yeah. sorry about your troubles though.
but before then of course, you need to have a serious talk with her. tell her that it hurts you that she doesn't tell you that stuff or that it makes you really jealous. if she's not willing to change then you know what you should do.
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: I would agree suspicion is the right course of action.
How would she feel if you were watching a movie home alone with a girl on your bed.
Hate to say it OP, but if this continues, you need to dump her.
Take it from someone who was too trusting and was cheated on.
In the same breath though, trust is an important aspect of the relationship, if you cant trust her, something is wrong.
But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
See that's the thing, she tells me those little details all the time. She waits for me at my class if she gets out of class early, wraps her arms around me kisses me, etc. Idk it's so complicated, there's so many examples of both cases in our relationship.
I mean maybe just go tell the guy off? Like, that might be the easiest scenario if it's just one guy. If he's a wimp you could probably just yell at him. What kind of school do you go to / what is your social position relative to him? Could you tell him to stop macking on your gf, or else you'll beat him up? It might be more effective to do that than to have some serious bad newses happening b/t you and the gf.
I'm tougher than most, and definitely quite a lot less "nerdy" than most nerds, but I don't like to think of myself as those brainless jocks. And I really don't think beating someone up would solve much, cause he'd tell my girlfriend, then she'd get pissed at me for abusing her friends, on and on.
On November 18 2011 09:46 micronesia wrote: Sleep with the guy that she's watching movies with. That will teach her.
hahaha this is great.
think of it this way would you watch a movie with another girl laying on your bed if you didn't have any intentions of hooking up with her? if you're sane then the answer is no.. dump this broad and move on.
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: I would agree suspicion is the right course of action.
How would she feel if you were watching a movie home alone with a girl on your bed.
Hate to say it OP, but if this continues, you need to dump her.
Take it from someone who was too trusting and was cheated on.
In the same breath though, trust is an important aspect of the relationship, if you cant trust her, something is wrong.
But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
See that's the thing, she tells me those little details all the time. She waits for me at my class if she gets out of class early, wraps her arms around me kisses me, etc. Idk it's so complicated, there's so many examples of both cases in our relationship.
I mean maybe just go tell the guy off? Like, that might be the easiest scenario if it's just one guy. If he's a wimp you could probably just yell at him. What kind of school do you go to / what is your social position relative to him? Could you tell him to stop macking on your gf, or else you'll beat him up? It might be more effective to do that than to have some serious bad newses happening b/t you and the gf.
I'm tougher than most, and definitely quite a lot less "nerdy" than most nerds, but I don't like to think of myself as those brainless jocks. And I really don't think beating someone up would solve much, cause he'd tell my girlfriend, then she'd get pissed at me for abusing her friends, on and on.
Well don't ACTUALLY beat him up. At first, ask nicely and be like "hey man could you not be all up on my gf like that" and if he doesn't respond properly, then just threaten to beat him up. Actually beating him up won't do you any good because you can't really threaten to beat him up any more once you've done it. See if you can catch him alone and bring a friend or two. Actually getting into a fight with him will surely do you no good. So, basically, ask him to stop getting all up on your gf, and if that doesn't work, put the fear of god in him. Feel free to amp up the volume by yelling and punching things that aren't him if you need to, but don't actually beat him up or you could get in trouble at school, with your gf, etc.
EDIT: the main point i'm trying to make here is you'll probably have more success addressing this problem at the root-- this bro getting up on your gf-- than you would trying to get into a fight with your girl.
EDIT EDIT: PS: if he's like a friend of yours or something, obviously don't be a dick to him-- if he's a good friend you can just tell him to lay off and he will.
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: I would agree suspicion is the right course of action.
How would she feel if you were watching a movie home alone with a girl on your bed.
Hate to say it OP, but if this continues, you need to dump her.
Take it from someone who was too trusting and was cheated on.
In the same breath though, trust is an important aspect of the relationship, if you cant trust her, something is wrong.
But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
See that's the thing, she tells me those little details all the time. She waits for me at my class if she gets out of class early, wraps her arms around me kisses me, etc. Idk it's so complicated, there's so many examples of both cases in our relationship.
I mean maybe just go tell the guy off? Like, that might be the easiest scenario if it's just one guy. If he's a wimp you could probably just yell at him. What kind of school do you go to / what is your social position relative to him? Could you tell him to stop macking on your gf, or else you'll beat him up? It might be more effective to do that than to have some serious bad newses happening b/t you and the gf.
I'm tougher than most, and definitely quite a lot less "nerdy" than most nerds, but I don't like to think of myself as those brainless jocks. And I really don't think beating someone up would solve much, cause he'd tell my girlfriend, then she'd get pissed at me for abusing her friends, on and on.
Well don't ACTUALLY beat him up. At first, ask nicely and be like "hey man could you not be all up on my gf like that" and if he doesn't respond properly, then just threaten to beat him up. Actually beating him up won't do you any good because you can't really threaten to beat him up any more once you've done it. See if you can catch him alone and bring a friend or two. Actually getting into a fight with him will surely do you no good. So, basically, ask him to stop getting all up on your gf, and if that doesn't work, put the fear of god in him. Feel free to amp up the volume by yelling and punching things that aren't him if you need to, but don't actually beat him up or you could get in trouble at school, with your gf, etc.
EDIT: the main point i'm trying to make here is you'll probably have more success addressing this problem at the root-- this bro getting up on your gf-- than you would trying to get into a fight with your girl.
Personally, I'd tell her that shit ain't working out.
however if you follow Blazinghand's advice (which I assume you are due to only replying to this sort of advice) ...just be ready to dump her anyways if she gets upset at you confronting the guy about it. Haha.
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: I would agree suspicion is the right course of action.
How would she feel if you were watching a movie home alone with a girl on your bed.
Hate to say it OP, but if this continues, you need to dump her.
Take it from someone who was too trusting and was cheated on.
In the same breath though, trust is an important aspect of the relationship, if you cant trust her, something is wrong.
But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
See that's the thing, she tells me those little details all the time. She waits for me at my class if she gets out of class early, wraps her arms around me kisses me, etc. Idk it's so complicated, there's so many examples of both cases in our relationship.
I mean maybe just go tell the guy off? Like, that might be the easiest scenario if it's just one guy. If he's a wimp you could probably just yell at him. What kind of school do you go to / what is your social position relative to him? Could you tell him to stop macking on your gf, or else you'll beat him up? It might be more effective to do that than to have some serious bad newses happening b/t you and the gf.
I'm tougher than most, and definitely quite a lot less "nerdy" than most nerds, but I don't like to think of myself as those brainless jocks. And I really don't think beating someone up would solve much, cause he'd tell my girlfriend, then she'd get pissed at me for abusing her friends, on and on.
Well don't ACTUALLY beat him up. At first, ask nicely and be like "hey man could you not be all up on my gf like that" and if he doesn't respond properly, then just threaten to beat him up. Actually beating him up won't do you any good because you can't really threaten to beat him up any more once you've done it. See if you can catch him alone and bring a friend or two. Actually getting into a fight with him will surely do you no good. So, basically, ask him to stop getting all up on your gf, and if that doesn't work, put the fear of god in him. Feel free to amp up the volume by yelling and punching things that aren't him if you need to, but don't actually beat him up or you could get in trouble at school, with your gf, etc.
EDIT: the main point i'm trying to make here is you'll probably have more success addressing this problem at the root-- this bro getting up on your gf-- than you would trying to get into a fight with your girl.
Personally, I'd tell her that shit ain't working out.
however if you follow Blazinghand's advice (which I assume you are due to only replying to this sort of advice) ...just be ready to dump her anyways if she gets upset at you confronting the guy about it. Haha.
Well I find too much of the advice to "let it go" has a lot of unsupported evidence, because it's different eyes looking at it inside a relationship, and the ones looking at it from the outside. And obviously I'd prefer an alternative to breaking-up if there is any; not to say breaking up isn't something I'll do... I just want to see what other possible alternatives I have, you know?
Oh if I didn't specify anywhere. We've only been dating for 6 weeks.
On a couch, sure...in a bed, not just talking, haha.
also Hawk I love the reference but I have turned retarded and forgot where it was from T_T I know I've seen it before, too.
edit: right, to respond to you...of course people are going to give you advice when you post it here, and I understand that a lot of it is unsupported, but just because on the surface it is just a one-liner "dump her loilololl" doesn't mean it's necessarily wrong. Someone said it earlier, trust and communication are pretty crucial for a relationship to work out. You can trust her, and she can communicate better.
When she said "I'm not going to tell you everything about my life" or w/e, to me that's a huge red flag. She could have said "well I didn't think it was important" or something, but the fact that she's closing doors like that is a little iffy imo. My current GF has no issues with me asking what she's doing or where she is..as long as I'm not accusing her of anything stupid while doing it. Her ex-bf was one of those guys who needed to know where she was, what she was doing, and why 24/7. I trust that my gf isn't doing anything when she tells me she is hanging out with this or that guy because she tells me. I don't flip out when she tells me she's going over to a guys house either. I feel like if that trust between us wasn't there, we wouldn't be dating..
My ex-gf was very secretive in everything and that leads to just all around bad times. She was so secretive that I would be suspicious of everything because she hated talking about it. "Hey, got any plans today" "Yeah...busy with some stuff" ... and if I asked her what she meant, she'd just say "stuff" and end of convo. How can that not be a bad sign or cause alarm to someone?
Anyways, TLDR; you should talk to her. Let her know that you're uncomfortable when she's secretive about that sort of thing, and that things won't work out if the two of you don't get your shit together. You have to let her do her thing with her friends, though, and not assume every guy she does anything with is out to fuck her.
On November 18 2011 10:25 Torenhire wrote: On a couch, sure...in a bed, not just talking, haha.
also Hawk I love the reference but I have turned retarded and forgot where it was from T_T I know I've seen it before, too.
edit: right, to respond to you...of course people are going to give you advice when you post it here, and I understand that a lot of it is unsupported, but just because on the surface it is just a one-liner "dump her loilololl" doesn't mean it's necessarily wrong. Someone said it earlier, trust and communication are pretty crucial for a relationship to work out. You can trust her, and she can communicate better.
When she said "I'm not going to tell you everything about my life" or w/e, to me that's a huge red flag. She could have said "well I didn't think it was important" or something, but the fact that she's closing doors like that is a little iffy imo. My current GF has no issues with me asking what she's doing or where she is..as long as I'm not accusing her of anything stupid while doing it. Her ex-bf was one of those guys who needed to know where she was, what she was doing, and why 24/7. I trust that my gf isn't doing anything when she tells me she is hanging out with this or that guy because she tells me. I don't flip out when she tells me she's going over to a guys house either. I feel like if that trust between us wasn't there, we wouldn't be dating..
My ex-gf was very secretive in everything and that leads to just all around bad times. She was so secretive that I would be suspicious of everything because she hated talking about it. "Hey, got any plans today" "Yeah...busy with some stuff" ... and if I asked her what she meant, she'd just say "stuff" and end of convo. How can that not be a bad sign or cause alarm to someone?
Anyways, TLDR; you should talk to her. Let her know that you're uncomfortable when she's secretive about that sort of thing, and that things won't work out if the two of you don't get your shit together. You have to let her do her thing with her friends, though, and not assume every guy she does anything with is out to fuck her.
This is actually really good advice I think O_o. I did start getting bitchy all of the sudden, which was a mistake on my part, but it wasn't what I was thinking about at the moment. It's hard deciding for me a lot of the time how "controlling" I want to be I guess. I mean I don't want to be at all, I'd hate to be one of those controlling boyfriends, but at the same time, I need to know what's going on.
So do you think I just need to work on being to open up to each other more? Because like we were discussing her pretty big family problem we were having together for example.
On November 18 2011 10:41 Selkie wrote: To semi-summarize:
A relationship without trust is like a phone without service: all you do is play games.
If there's no trust, dump her. (you will be much happier being the dumper than dumpee)
I trust her as in I lent her $500 the other week and got it back. I trust her with other stuff, but just lately idk, I don't feel comfortable with her being with other guys, maybe I'm paranoid...
And I can't believe I'm debating on whether I should end it or not now -.-
On November 18 2011 10:41 Djzapz wrote: You know what they say about guys who post about their multiple hot girlfriends on gaming forums do you?
What, djzapz? Could it be that a 17-year-old on the internet is lying about his relationship experience and the quality of the women he dates?
LIES AND SLANDER!
Also WHY OH WHY DIDN'T I DO THE DOOR TEST IN 2007!? Well, actually I did one better: I asked my girlfriend of 3 years to give me a treat and dress up in lingerie that I made sure she had for me. When she didn't I knew things were not OK. She also bought me expensive but thoughtless gifts; that's another sign you should watch out for. If a girl just buys you something without putting any thought into it while you're gluing mega-thoughtful craft cards together, ask yourself who is putting in more effort and why there is a discrepancy.
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
I cant stop laughing at this, because Ive heard almost that exact same thing at least 20 times in my life. Yeah OP there really isnt much else to be said. Talk to her, ask her to stop watching movies in bed with other guys (do you know if she hangs out with the same guy a lot?), and if she refuses its time to move on.
Just because she's frisky around you doesn't mean she's giving it out to other guys. That's the kind of trust you need, not "here's my car keys" kind of trust.
Keep in mind, she actually told you about the guy watching a movie over at her place, so she's not really being that secretive about it. I think you just need to not overthink it so much. I think you need to lighten up a bit, and I would personally say something to her along the lines of "yo this is making me a little uncomfortable" if it keeps going on. Your gf is allowed to have guy friends, just as you are allowed to have girl friends. :p
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
I cant stop laughing at this, because Ive heard almost that exact same thing at least 20 times in my life. Yeah OP there really isnt much else to be said. Talk to her, ask her to stop watching movies in bed with other guys (do you know if she hangs out with the same guy a lot?), and if she refuses its time to move on.
I have been spared this misery. My GF reads TL, I normally stay out of these threads because I'm scared I'll say something stupid, though. LOL.
On November 18 2011 09:43 BrassMonkey wrote: But I would be suspicious especially "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail of my life"
Have you ever met a girl that didnt want to share every tiny (read boring) detail of her life. eg "Omg today Becky said she wanted Doritos but the convenient store guy gave her Laysand we were so mad..."
I cant stop laughing at this, because Ive heard almost that exact same thing at least 20 times in my life. Yeah OP there really isnt much else to be said. Talk to her, ask her to stop watching movies in bed with other guys (do you know if she hangs out with the same guy a lot?), and if she refuses its time to move on.
I think I'm mentally retarded.
I asked her what her friend is called, and messaged him on facebook. Never met the guy before, never heard the name... Wtf was I thinking.
On November 18 2011 09:06 FiWiFaKi wrote: Like at least be honest with me so my mind doesn't have to be haunted by the possibility of getting cheated on.
Sure she says that she didn't cheat, and what not, but how can I trust her...
She's a beautiful girl, but like we haven't had sex for a week or two due to time constraints, and I know her horny personality...
And we all know how manipulative some guys can be, so I think I have every reason to be worried.
Normally I don't try and sound so pessimistic, but I'm going to tell it like it is: your relationship is doomed. You don't trust her and I see no scenario where you start. She's going to keep hanging out with other guys whether you like it or not and what you've written leads me to believe that you're not going to be cool with it every time. Next comes tension or apathy - neither makes a good relationship. Feel free to stay in it as long as you wish, but in the end it's doomed.
I'm surprised that she even told you what she was doing as most of the guys I know know including myself would probably just dump her on the spot if she said she wasn't going to stop seeing this guy.
When your girlfriend starts to be so secretive that she has trouble telling you what she is doing then it might be a good time to get out.
On November 18 2011 09:46 micronesia wrote: Sleep with the guy that she's watching movies with. That will teach her.
That made me physically laugh out loud.
In regards to the topic, seems to me that the only reason you are staying with her when shes treating you like this is because shes hot. Dont bother with it man. For every hot girl out there, there is a guy tired of humping her. Eventually, and probably sooner rather than later the cons will severely outweigh the pros (hotness). Kick her to the curb, find a nice girl that maybe isnt as good looking. Lots of pretty girls out there who arent gonna fuck you around like that. You will be waaay happier.
On November 18 2011 09:06 FiWiFaKi wrote: Well it's me again, this time with another girlfriend, beautiful - and this time steered clear of the christian ones ;P.
Okay so pretty simple problem, my girlfriend is too secretive. We are both 17 and in grade 12, we are in my English class, and she is leaving early to buy some drugs so she asks me to leave class with her for a bit just to say "bye". I walk her to her locker and on our way there we talk about random stuff, eventually somehow we end up at the discussion on what she did this "monday."
So on sunday she told me she's doing stuff and she can't hangout, so I'm like sure all good. Well guess what this fucking stuff is; it is watching a movie with another guy at her house, and watching a movie at her house involves laying on a bed that is maybe 50cm thick. Pretty much this pisses me off, this is the second time where I found out that her, "doing stuff" involves hanging out with a guy alone. Next of all, why the fuck does she not tell me that?! Like at least be honest with me so my mind doesn't have to be haunted by the possibility of getting cheated on.
I asked her to be more open about these things, and she replies "I'm not gonna tell you every little detail about my life," and that was that. Sure she says that she didn't cheat, and what not, but how can I trust her when she can't even tell me something like that when I asked her to tell me before (plus words are just words), like I wont get mad if she doesn't tell me. She's a beautiful girl, but like we haven't had sex for a week or two, and I know her horny personality... And we all know how manipulative some guys can be, so I think I have every reason to be worried.
Anyways, I'm asking teamliquid for advice, please refrain from posting if you haven't experienced similar situations, or at least make an attempt to sound experienced if you wish to help. Don't mean to be bitchy but I'm just not in a good mood after today, but "Fuck her then dump her", is not the kind of advice I'm looking for. Thank you (:
Unfortunately the best advice I can give is just this, minus the fuck her part. You don't want to fuck her since you might get an STD, so just dump her.
Edit: hanging out alone with another guy in bed (movie or no movie) would not be acceptable in my relationship. Controlling or not I don't care.
What's the purpose of quoting the entire original post? We can pretty much gather that you're referring to the original post without seeing it all over again
Lying in bed watching a movie with a girl is borderline foreplay. My last 3 gf's started that way and if she remotely cared about you she wouldnt ditch you to hang out with some other guy... The only possible excuse she has is if this other guy is a closet gay and is feeling suicidal or something and she's helping him through it as a friend (in that case she'd be not wanting to talk about it to protect him).
My advice: talk to her and explain how you feel, trust only goes so far and being on a bed with another guy is not on. Avoid going down on her for a while if you do stick it out
no need to dump her, just ask the guy what's going on. Be like "Yo dawg what's the deal with you and my girl, if you wanna play a BO3 for her that's totally cool cuz I've been working on my macro, but dont think you can cheese me bro I scout super early" and also tell him you gave her herpes so she pretty much is yours alone.
On November 18 2011 11:20 Geosensation wrote: no need to dump her, just ask the guy what's going on. Be like "Yo dawg what's the deal with you and my girl, if you wanna play a BO3 for her that's totally cool cuz I've been working on my macro, but dont think you can cheese me bro I scout super early" and also tell him you gave her herpes so she pretty much is yours alone.
fuck that, just tell him this: " Every time you kiss her just remember...my dick has been there."
On November 18 2011 10:41 Djzapz wrote: You know what they say about guys who post about their multiple hot girlfriends on gaming forums do you?
What, djzapz? Could it be that a 17-year-old on the internet is lying about his relationship experience and the quality of the women he dates?
I'd bet on it in this particular case.
It reminds me of this guy that made multiple blogs about his hot asian gf, I called him out on his BS (not directly, but I said the whole story was suspicious and not very believable). I got a little bit of hate for it, but a few people agreed with me even though we couldn't prove it. Eventually, he screwed up and said something like "I'm posting from her computer at her house now, I just spent the night, etc.". Someone asked Chill to look up if that post came from the same IP as the other ones. Turns out everything was posted from the same location.
Also, he posted his own picture and another picture of "himself" with the "girl". The guys on the pictures were obviously not the same person and some even suggested that the girl was "fake" (a realistic doll or something). Regardless, people will make stuff up for a rise and write to get some attention... Maybe this isn't one of them, but meh, I'm skeptical.
Seen and heard it a thousands times. Shes cheating on you dude. Tell her whats up. Say I don't like the way you treat our relationship so I don't think we should have one anymore. No trust = no relationship.
BM way to deal with this bang her like no tomorrow then tell when your both going to leave your house, let her go first then just stand in your doorway, and break it to her, "this isnt going to work out". then close the door, hope her friends cant top yours, and your laughing.
GM way to deal with this be nice and dont stoop to that level and just break up like a manner human being.
A devoted girlfriend would not put you in that situation where she knows it will entice you to get jealous or upset. Unless her guy friend is a homosexual than you shouldnt worry. Should just talk to her and let her know straight up that you dont like her doing that or better yet try it on her...go hang out with a girl and let her find out the way you found out.
Is there a reason why she's watching the movie with this other guy and not you? Just curious. Perhaps she has a need you aren't fulfilling and this other guy is. For example, perhaps it's some chick flick she wanted to watch and knows you wouldn't watch it so she found someone else to watch it with. Doesn't mean she's cheating on you but you definitely want to be mindful of her filling in gaps in her desires with other guys.
Also, have you asked her to invite you to watch the movie next time? It doesn't have to exclude the other guy, make that clear. The three of you can watch the movie. If she declines and wants to watch the movie alone with the other guy, then you might have reason for more concern.
On November 18 2011 12:57 Phyre wrote: Is there a reason why she's watching the movie with this other guy and not you? Just curious. Perhaps she has a need you aren't fulfilling and this other guy is. For example, perhaps it's some chick flick she wanted to watch and knows you wouldn't watch it so she found someone else to watch it with. Doesn't mean she's cheating on you but you definitely want to be mindful of her filling in gaps in her desires with other guys.
Also, have you asked her to invite you to watch the movie next time? It doesn't have to exclude the other guy, make that clear. The three of you can watch the movie. If she declines and wants to watch the movie alone with the other guy, then you might have reason for more concern.
Well I mean I'm in Grade 12 (quite a bit of school work), assistant manager at my local pizzeria, gym 3x a week, plus I have a few other close friends I like to spend time with. I haven't been able to touch starcraft in 3 months, and I've generally just been reading teamliquid.net while travelling to a destination or a few minutes here and there at home.
I mean my schedule is completely packed, me and my girlfriend hang out about twice a week outside of school, we spend every lunch period together, and about once a week we meet up one hour before school to hang out. And lastly we sit together in English class (bad idea lol).
Her schedule is less packed, I mean outside of school she mainly has dance, and a little brother to take care of, so I imagine she'd want to hang out more, but in the time we have, I think we spend it well, and I think the amount of time we spend together is good. We watch movies together, we go to places, have serious conversations, get emotionally attached you know.
I think when people feel the need to ask questions about their relationship, they kinda already know what they feel and want to do, but it's often to try and see if other people can persuade them to do something else.
The brain is a truth seeking mechanism, and will reward you in the long run if you don't try and decieve it. Not saying it's not being awesome being with her, but you know what needs to be done and what doesn't. You know all the subtle nuiances, you know her, not we.
Love is a verb, not a reactionary feeling like most noobs who think they are in love run with. Like fruit, you can give her affection, care, give yourself and go be awesome, or you can call it quits and find someone you feel is more right for you.
I see it as one of 3 things. Either she's cheating on you and telling you to leave it be because she doesn't want you to find out, or she's not screwing around and she's just playing one of these strange mind games girls sometimes love to play. It could also be that it really is perfectly innocent and she genuinely feels that this doesn't warrant any suspicion from you. That would mean she's a llittle out of touch with how normal relationships work, but it's possible. Do you have any other indications that her views are a little different?
What do you know about this guy anyway? Is he her best friend or something? I would think you would be aquainted with him if he was. If he isn't really that close with her, I can't for the life of me see why she would think it's ok to spend private time with him without telling her boyfriend or being upfront and honest when asked.
My advice is to just remind her that you need to be able to trust her. Ask her how she would feel if he was spending time alone with another girl? If she actually thinks that's ok, then maybe you guys have different definitions on what a relationship should be, and need to part ways. If she reconsiders her stance and admits you're right to ask about it, then I guess you guys can go on.
Unless it's a long time childhood friend who was in the picture long before you came along it would be silly. Second, we don't know if its the same guy every weekend that she is "watching movies".
Well, for one, why doesn't she ask you? Granted you might be busy with all the stuff you have in your life, but being your girlfriend, she should have at least ask you at the top of her "list" of people she would want to spend time with (given that you say that you have a limited time together).
Anyway, don't know the details except what you are telling us but from the vagueness of the whole thing, I think you should not invest further in the relationship as she may just be after companionship on her "vacant" times. Not being rude, but hey, if there is someone else she'd rather spend her "alone" time with that isn't you or family, I don't know what you are to her.
shes eithier cheating or playing some serious games, first off if you know the guy try and check out if hes gay if not.. you could always start flirting or messing about with another girl to show this girl what it feels like and invnite her to your house. see how she likes it, if she really likes you, she wouldnt be watching a movie in her room on her bed anyyway.
Difference if she has been long term friends with him and they are watching in the lounge, but in bed... noooooooooo...
It's clear she's either A. cheating on you or B. thinking about it/planning to do it. Become emotionally detached now (I know that's somewhat difficult for some kids your age) and keep banging her out till you find someone else to stick your stinger in.
4th girl blog this morning, I love it! Not my personal experience, but from one of my best friends, back when we were in grade 12:
He was going out with one of the most prized chick in our school. She wasn't exactly curvy, but she had a pretty face and later on we (the best friends group) found her to be pleasant and genuine. //*edit: for the sake of the story, let's call my best friend A, his gf B*// Of course we all supported their relationship, they were both happy. Sometimes A would complain B gets weird stalker-ish posts on her facebook from random guys, but she shrugged them off and deleted them out so he also dismissed them as minor annoyances and didn't mind them too much. On particular there was this one guy //*calling him C*// who lived near her and "went for coffee with her" often, but my friend had trust in his girlfriend and didn't question her activities. By that, I must emphasize he trusted her a lot because he's got one of the most suspicion-filled-brains I've ever seen (still today).
Well, you see where this is heading. B was one year younger than us, so when we moved on to first year of university, she remained back in high school. Schedule differences obviously kept my friend and his gf from being together as often as they used to be. He complained to me about how she hangs out with her "friends" more often, but he understood it as just a natural part of his relationship. We (his friends) did not doubt. One day, A was so excited to go out with B (probably was like once-a-week at most he was meeting her), I texted him at night something like "so hows the sex lol" and he replied something like "I need a drink."
I went out immediately and we sat down at a bar, and he handed me a note slip - as you may have guessed it - B's break-up memo. It was full of bullshit, but one thing stood out to me - B wrote something in the lines of "just in case you're wondering, this has nothing to do with C." I told him that the entire memo is bullshit including that line I just highlighted. He was too heartbroken to really absorb anything at that moment. Next day, A also let me know that B must have removed him from her facebook and blocked him from her messenger. Standard, nothing surprising there.
What B's mistake was that she didn't bother deleting us (A's friends) from her facebook... and voila, literally like 2 days after (what dumb girl leaves her ex-bf's friends on her facebook?), her facebook status changed back to "in a relationship" and her display picture featured a fairly intimate moment with C. What an idiot. We, A's faithful friends, went on to terrorize her wall before we all got blocked and our posts got removed. Too bad that our friend's friends and whatever (you can't escape the internet) still had access to her profile as friends, and I think B lasted with C for a couple months before B moved onto another guy (according to facebook, at least).
Lessons? Watch it. Deal with it now because the more you wait, the more damaged you'll be.
Love is BLIND, that's why FiWiFaKi. Talk to her, her having some sort of male friend isn't that bad but some things are ... not that acceptable. Dump or continue, decide after that.
OT: Am I the only idiot in the world that had a girl in bra and panties in his 60 cm wide bed, watching movies, for quite a few weeks, and did nothing?
On November 19 2011 00:31 dakalro wrote: Love is BLIND, that's why FiWiFaKi. Talk to her, her having some sort of male friend isn't that bad but some things are ... not that acceptable. Dump or continue, decide after that.
OT: Am I the only idiot in the world that had a girl in bra and panties in his 60 cm wide bed, watching movies, for quite a few weeks, and did nothing?
On November 18 2011 09:06 FiWiFaKi wrote: we are in my English class, and she is leaving early to buy some drugs
Whoah whoah whoah hold on, what?
You can do this in Canada?
Canada (Alberta/British Columbia specifically) probably has the cheapest and most accessible drugs out of any first would country. ($3 per 100mg mdma cap, $5/g of pot, $30/g of cocaine, $3/g tab of acid, $5 1/8oz mushrooms) ...
So apparently he's an old friend and they haven't hung out in over a year... Well idk that made me feel better when I heard it, but then she said, "he liked me before"... and then I'm like ehh. The kid is a twig, probably from a meth or heroin judging by his face. Idk what she could possibly see in him, but he does seem like one of those guys who is mental enough to stab you with a knife if you piss him off...
I mean I don't see what I am doing wrong in not pleasing my girlfriend, I mean I buy her things (not enough to spoil her or anything), we hang out, she is always having fun with me, I think she's happy with the way I look.
I mean I don't have a car which she keeps complaining about and maybe I'm not "crazy" enough for her liking sometimes... I don't know. I think she maybe just believes that hanging out with a guy alone like that is okay because nothing was going to happen, which is somewhat iffy to me; I don't like it. I asked her to be honest with me, and the tone I was yelling at her at, she could've just outright said... I'm cheating on you instead of putting up with me, but she didn't, so I think that's a good sign.
I definitely think I'm going to stay with her, because I do feel she cares for me, at least today that's how I felt - I doubt she'd be nice just to keep me so she could break my heart later.
On November 19 2011 00:31 dakalro wrote: Love is BLIND, that's why FiWiFaKi. Talk to her, her having some sort of male friend isn't that bad but some things are ... not that acceptable. Dump or continue, decide after that.
OT: Am I the only idiot in the world that had a girl in bra and panties in his 60 cm wide bed, watching movies, for quite a few weeks, and did nothing?
She's laying wrapped in your arms or something, so you could have used some hand motions, tickle her chest a little bit, maybe that gentle touch that lots of girls get turned on by on their back... I'm pretty sure she would be getting ideas too, bring up a more sexual conversation, just as a joke to see how she responds initially, but if you see she's interested - it's easy to go from there.
Talk to her; tell her it bothers you that she can't tell you these things because I'm sure she would possibly trip out if the roles were vice versa. If she's bugging out by you asking her, simply just leave her and find someone else worth your time.
Wait, what? She obviously doesn't care about your feelings since she is definitely flirting with that other guy, but she probably wants you as some kind of safenet or something.
EPT
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